Chapter 32
Rome
Something is definitely bothering Billie, so it’s hard to listen to my teammates as they rehash the game and make plans for round two, which will be against Vegas.
That will be nice since it’s close, and I’m hoping Billie can travel with some of the girls.
It’s complicated because of school and work but these games are a big deal.
Bodi has his arm around an attractive brunette who made a beeline for him the moment he got into the bar so hopefully he’ll be busy all night.
Which means Billie and I can have a little time too.
My gut tells me she wasn’t referring to sex when she said she needed me, and I feel that familiar twinge of guilt, the same one that haunted me through both of my marriages.
I promised myself I would do better this time but it’s a lot more difficult in practice than in theory.
It takes longer than an hour to drink my beer and find a casual way to escape, so I know she’s probably annoyed with me even though I sent her a few texts to keep her updated. When I was married, this kind of thing always led to fights, so I brace myself as I walk into the townhouse.
Billie’s on the couch with her laptop, typing away, and I can’t help but smile at the picture she makes sitting there.
Long hair up in a makeshift bun held with a pencil.
One side of her sweatshirt falling over her arm and leaving the soft curve of a bare shoulder on display. Biting her lip in concentration.
God, she’s pretty.
“Hey.” I speak quietly so as not to startle her, and she looks up with a sweet smile.
“Hi.”
“Sorry. It took a while to get out of there.”
“No worries. I got a lot done on my paper.” She puts her computer to the side and stands up, reaching for me.
I pull her close and press a kiss on the top of her head. “I’ve missed you too,” I whisper.
“I’m sorry if I sounded needy or whiny before.” She’s firmly nestled against my chest. “I just don’t like all the secrecy. Not being able to touch you when I see you. Wake up with you. Eat ice cream standing at the kitchen counter…”
“I don’t like it either. And you weren’t whiny.”
“But definitely needy.” She glances up, a touch of mischief in her eyes.
“Needy is okay when it’s me you need.” I drop my mouth to hers, kissing her hungrily.
“Why does everything feel so complicated all of a sudden?” she asks, frowning as we pull apart. “It was so easy to be together in the beginning.”
I guess the honeymoon is over. At least I’ve learned enough from two divorces not to say that out loud.
“Life is hard,” I reply. “And relationships are harder. Take it from a man who’s been divorced twice.”
“I’m not them ,” she responds, her eyes narrowing in irritation. “And you’re not who you were when you were with them either.”
I smile.
This is one of many reasons I’m crazy about her and why it’s so hard to think about the future objectively when we’re together.
“Let’s run away tomorrow,” she whispers after a moment.
“To where?” I ask curiously.
“I don’t know. Vegas? San Diego? Santa Barbara? Somewhere no one knows us and we can sit at a restaurant holding hands or walk around without being afraid of being seen. I don’t know—I just need for us to be together. I know my timing sucks but?—”
“The timing is actually perfect,” I interrupt. “I’m off tomorrow, and everyone I talked to plans to do exactly that—spend quality time with the people they love. And there’s no one I’d rather spend my day off with.”
She lifts to her tiptoes and presses her lips to mine.
“Should we get a hotel room somewhere?” I ask.
“Absolutely.” Her eyes glitter with a different kind of need and I cover her mouth with mine, taking deep pulls of her tongue until we’re both breathing hard.
“Will that hold you over until tomorrow?”
“Absolutely.”
We leave early, though at different times.
Then we meet at my mom’s house since that’s a safe place to leave her car while we’re gone.
I send my mom a quick text, letting her know that the Mercedes is in the garage and that Billie will pick it up later, and then we head to San Diego.
I booked a room at a Marriott that’s right downtown, and we go there first. Because… well, because Billie wants to.
The moment we’re alone we’re all over each other, kissing, licking, touching, and fucking like it’s been five years instead of less than two weeks.
I can’t get enough of her and it’s the same for her.
We’re somewhat insatiable, which is also new for me, because in the past sex has been more like a fun interlude that’s over the minute I get off.
That’s not the case with Billie. It’s like being sixteen again, where my dick is hard again five minutes after we’re done. But we didn’t come all the way to San Diego to spend the day in bed—we could have done that in L.A. I understand what she wants and that’s to feel like we’re really a couple.
It was her idea to keep this from Bodi until the season is over, but I think it’s been harder on her than on me because I’m the kind of guy who keeps things buried anyway. Thoughts, feelings, everything but hockey. So this is just par for the course.
Except I’m trying to do better. Be better. Make friends and create a life that means something. So even though spending the entire day—and maybe the night—in bed with Billie sounds wonderful, I know it’s not the right thing to do.
“Okay, shower time,” I say, rolling out of bed.
She purses her lips into a pout. “But I like being in bed with you.”
“I like being in bed with you too, but we have dinner reservations.”
“We do?” She sits up, clearly surprised.
“Yup. And I thought you’d like to wander. You said you’ve never been here before. There are great shops and restaurants.”
“Okay.” She gets up good-naturedly and follows me into the bathroom.
We step into the shower, and she wraps her arms around me from behind.
“I like your ass,” she murmurs. “It’s really firm.”
“Thirty years of skating,” I reply. “And thank you. I like yours too.” I reach back to cup it.
“You think it’ll get as firm as yours if I skate eight hours a day?”
“I don’t want it to be as firm as mine,” I whisper, turning to face her. “I like how soft and curvy your ass is.” I slide my hands up to her breasts. “And these.” I bend my head to kiss her. “And your lips are pretty perfect too.”
She sighs against me and we’re off and running. Again.
“I’m doing my best to be a gentleman,” I pant when we’re done. “But you make it really hard.”
She chuckles. “Sorry?”
“Liar.”
“Are you complaining?”
“Fuck no.”
We quickly wash up and get dressed, heading downstairs and onto the street. It’s a short walk to Gaslamp Quarter and Billie is immediately charmed. It’s one of San Diego’s oldest neighborhoods, and there are lots of streets and alleys to explore, as well as bars, restaurants, and boutiques.
“So, what did you want to talk to me about?” I ask as we stroll down the street hand-in-hand.
“Did I say I wanted to talk to you about something?” she asks.
“Maybe not in so many words, but the fact that you asked for time alone together tells me there’s something on your mind.”
“There are so many things on my mind,” she admits.
“Try me.”
“Are you going to retire to your cabin in New York if no one picks up your contract this summer?”
Okay, that’s a fair question. Uncomfortable for me, but fair.
“I don’t know,” I say. “I guess that depends on a few things.”
“Like?”
“Can we get real, Billie?”
“Of course.”
“What does our future look like?”
“Is this a trick question?”
“Nope. I’m serious. Where do we go from here?”
“I feel like telling you the truth, which is that I have no idea, is going to go against me in this conversation.”
“It’s not a test. My point is that you’re ready to spread your wings while I’m trying to set down roots.”
“Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why do you have to set down roots? Why can’t you fly with me?
Your flight plan may be different but that doesn’t mean we can’t enjoy the journey together.
We have our entire lives ahead of us. I’m not minimizing your love of hockey, but most guys don’t last much longer than thirty-five, and they don’t just lay down and die—they find new passions.
So in a way, we’re in the exact same place in life. ”
I stare down into her beautiful face and it’s like a weight is lifted from my shoulders, one I didn’t realize I was carrying. The fear of not being able to play anymore has been crippling in a way, and it took Billie to remind me that life doesn’t have to end when my hockey career does.
“You have a college degree, right?” she continues after a moment.
I nod.
“So you can do any fucking thing you want. Yes, we have to work to pay the bills, but you don’t have zero money. Come on… how much is in your bank account right now?”
“I don’t know. Around six grand.”
“And in your savings?”
I shrug. “Twenty grand.”
She giggles. “You know how much is in my savings account? A big fat zero. You know how much is in my checking account?”
“Babe, come on, it’s not?—”
“No, seriously. Guess. It’s not zero. I’ve always had a job. Actually… guess how much was in it when we met, and how much is in it now.”
I have no idea, but it seems important to her for me to guess. “Uh, two hundred?”
She laughs. “Close. A hundred and fifty. And now?”
I give it some thought because she’s been working really hard, and though she buys groceries and gas for the car, I know Bodi won’t take money from her and he paid for six months of car insurance.
“Fifteen hundred.”
“Close. Sixteen hundred. And there’s two hundred in my purse. You know why?”
I shake my head.
“Because I will always land on my feet, and together, nothing will keep us down.”