Chapter 41
Rome
Sweeping Colorado in the western conference finals means we’re going to the championship, and the excitement in the locker room is wild.
There’s champagne and cameras and interviews going on, but all I can think about is Billie.
Athena promised she would do everything in her power to get her to come tonight.
But when I get to the lounge, frustration fills me. I know right away that she’s not here, and I approach my sister trying not to be irritated.
“I’m sorry,” Athena says. “I couldn’t convince her. You really broke her heart.”
“Dammit.”
“Go get her,” Athena whispers firmly. “She’s at the restaurant.
And if she leaves before you get there, I’ll text you Nita’s address.
Don’t let this go on. Every day you don’t go back to her, she puts another brick in the wall she’s building around her heart.
If you wait much longer, you’ll never be able to get through. ”
I know she’s right, but if I’m honest, this might be the scariest thing I’ve ever had to do because nothing has ever been this important.
Nothing has been sorted out professionally, but being without her has shown me what my priority has to be.
Hockey doesn’t mean nearly as much as she does, and even the fact that we’re going to the finals doesn’t soothe the emptiness inside me.
I’ve been putting it off, hoping against hope she’d show up at one of the games, but she hasn’t and Bodi said she isn’t interested. He also told me he wouldn’t stand in our way if we wanted to be together, but it feels like the only thing I can handle right now is hockey.
Billie seems determined to keep her distance but Athena’s right that the longer I let it go on, the harder it’s going to be. So even though I gave Ms. Barrowman my word I’d let this go until the off-season, I can’t.
I love her.
I’m in love with her.
I have to tell her. Show her.
Without a word to anyone, I slip out and head for the diner. It’s just after ten so unless she was cut early, Billie will still be there. It should also be quieter at this time of night. The place stays busy, but there most likely won’t be a line this late.
I find a parking spot in the lot and take a minute to compose myself. Dad’s Mercedes is parked nearby, so she’s here, which means I have to man all the way up and figure out what to say.
How to apologize.
How to make this right.
How to tell her I’ve never loved anyone the way I love her.
I pull an envelope out of the glove box, stick it in the pocket of my jacket, and walk inside. As I predicted, it’s pretty slow and the guy behind the bar looks like he’s cleaning up. There’s no hostess at the front so I walk to the bar and order a beer.
Then I wait.
There are only a handful of tables with people eating, and one busboy picking up dirty dishes and silverware. The jukebox is playing a sad song about how she can cry because it’s her party, which pretty much fits my current situation. Not that I’m going to cry.
“She’s in the back,” the bartender says without looking up.
“She’s been moping around here for two weeks, so you two really need to work this out.
Just don’t break her heart again, okay? I’m not a pro hockey player but I do take care of my friends.
And she’s a nice girl.” He holds up his left hand.
“And before you get upset, I’m a happily married man. We’re just friends.”
Jesus. Does everyone but me know what’s going on with the woman I love?
“Thanks,” I say, laying a twenty on the bar and then walking toward the back.
I see her right away, leaning against the wall with her eyes closed, completely lost in thought.
“Hey, baby.” My voice sounds a little funny to my ears but she recognizes it because her eyes pop open and she gapes at me.
“What are you doing back here?” she hisses.
“Came to give you your graduation present.”
She juts out her jaw a little. “I don’t want anything from you.”
“Tough. It’s already done.” I hold out the envelope. “You might as well open it.”
She snatches it out of my hand and rips it open. It takes her a few seconds to recognize what it is and her hand shakes a little.
“Dammit, Rome—I don’t want it. I was going to return it to you as soon as I found something else.”
“I know. Bodi told me.”
She looks annoyed. “Oh, so you guys are buddies now?”
“Baby, the title is in your name. Happy graduation. I wish it could have been a new car.”
Her eyes widen. “You know damn well I don’t care about that.”
I take a step closer. “Can we talk for a minute? Please? Just… I have to tell you something.”
Carefully folding the title, she slowly stuffs it in the pocket of her apron, avoiding my eyes.
“I have to check on my tables, so make it quick.”
I thought I was going to apologize and try to explain myself, but somehow, I don’t think that’s going to work. So I keep it simple. It’s all I’ve got at this point.
“I love you,” I say in the most sincere voice I can. “Since that first night at Blue Thunder. It was so fucking hard to walk away.”
“You had no trouble doing it a few weeks ago.”
Ouch.
“You have no idea how hard that was.” I take another step closer.
“It almost killed me. But baby, I couldn’t make you choose.
Don’t you understand? Forcing you to choose between me and Bodi, that wasn’t going to end well for anyone.
You might not think so now, but someday, you were going to resent me for it.
And you were upset at both of us, which meant I had to be the bigger man. ”
Her eyes puddle with tears but she doesn’t say anything, just stands there looking at me with the world’s prettiest blue eyes.
“Don’t cry, baby.” I slowly reach out and brush away her tears. “I never, ever want to make you cry again. I’m sorry. About everything. I thought I was making the hard decision so you wouldn’t have to. He’s your brother. I’m just some schmuck with no?—”
“Stop saying that!” she cries, shoving me a little.
But she doesn’t mean it.
Her push is half-hearted, even as her eyes blaze with intensity.
“You can’t talk about the man I love that way!”
Fuck, I love this woman.
“Aw, hell, baby, come here.” I hold out my arms and she throws herself into them.
It’s the first—and hopefully the last—time I’ll ever see her cry because of me. But she’s letting me hold her and that’s a good start.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper against her hair. “So, so sorry. I’ll never hurt you again, Billie. Never. It will be my mission in life to make you happy.”
“You already do!” She blinks up at me, her eyes watery and her face a little blotchy.
“I told you Bodi would come around. I wish you would have trusted me instead of making decisions for me. I understand what you did now, and I love you for it, but you have to promise me you’ll never do something like this again.
If we’re going to be together, we have to make decisions together.
All of them. Big ones, small ones, whatever they are. ”
“I promise.” I dip my head and brush my lips across hers. “I never want to see you cry again.”
“You better not be the reason I cry!”
“Billie, table fourteen is looking for you.” The busboy comes around the corner, takes one look at Billie’s face, and quickly ducks away.
“I’m at work,” she says, pulling away.
“I’ll be sitting at the bar until you’re done and then you’re either coming home with me or I’m going home with you.”
She hesitates and then gives me a soft smile. “You can come home with me. Nita’s out of town at a conference.”
“Okay.” I watch her go and relief washes over me.
She’s forgiven me.
We still have to make some difficult decisions, but at least now we’re on the same page.
And just like that my life is no longer black and white.