24. James
JAMES
Iwatched Ryan disappear down the lawn, supposedly to check out the dock. But I suspected he just didn’t want to be alone with Donna.
Normally, I found it irritating when stars like Ryan talked about their childhood dreams and aspirations, as if they’d become famous solely by dreaming big enough, rather than winning the genetic lottery.
But when he said it was only after watching The Beautiful and seeing how unapologetically gay Will was that he’d felt safe auditioning, something softened in my chest.
I’d never thought of William Chapman as a pioneer before.
Yet, in a way, he was. There have always been gay actors in Hollywood, but there weren’t many who were out ten years ago, and almost none in their teens.
It was nice to find out I wasn’t the only one who thought Will was secretly kind of awesome.
I was worried about him, though. He barely said a word throughout dinner, and with each new drink, he retreated further into himself. Now, Derek was inside making things worse while I was stuck out here building a fire.
Donna switched her phone to her other ear.
“I know,” she said. “I watched what you sent me.” She slumped into her Adirondack chair, crossed her legs, and was silent for several minutes.
“Well, they’re both here now. I’ll run the idea by them, but they’re not going to like it.
” Another pause. “Okay, thanks, Michelle.” So she was talking to the director.
“I’ll call you back later tonight, and whatever you do, don’t breathe a word of this to Tony.
Leave Tony to me.” She hung up and only then seemed to realize I was standing there, listening.
I lit the crumpled newspaper and magazine pages, then stepped back. Green and blue flames licked their way up the logs until the ink burned away and the wood caught fire.
“There is something I want to make perfectly clear. Now that you’re dating my son”—she tripped over the word dating like it was a hole in the sand—“you’re bound to become privy to some, shall we say, sensitive information.
I just hope that, should you ever consider breaking your NDA, you’ll come to me first. I’m certain we can work something out. ”
“Ouch, yikes,” I said, picking at a bit of pine pitch on my palm. “Is that really something you have to worry about?”
Donna seemed transfixed by the orange flames, and when she spoke, she sounded almost hypnotized. “Every single minute of every single day. Just look at William. He lost his job, and all he did was attend his brother’s bachelor party.”
“He lost his job?” My stomach twisted. Will never mentioned losing his job. “But he didn’t do anything wrong.”
Donna sighed. “If only that were true.”
Donna Wells could sing, and she did so for close to forty minutes straight, covering everything from showtunes to contemporary pop. It would’ve been annoying if she weren’t so damn good. Theo was in heaven playing her accompaniment.
Back in the day, he strong-armed Travis and me into forming a family band, but we were amateur musicians at best, and it showed.
“I need to use the ladies’ room,” Donna eventually said, setting her wine glass on the arm of her chair. “William, why don’t you take over while I’m gone?”
“Fuck no,” Will slurred. I didn’t like seeing him so shit-faced and withdrawn, but at least he was standing up for himself.
“Come on, Will,” Derek said. “Sing that old Jewel song you used to sing to me. What was it called?”
“I’m not singing ‘Foolish Games.’”
The moment the words left Will’s lips, Theo started looking up the tabs. “I’m ready when you are,” he said thirty seconds later.
Ryan took it upon himself to top off Will’s glass, as if Will needed more wine. “I didn’t know you could sing.”
Will shrugged.
“Will’s a great singer. Isn’t that right?” Derek looked at me.
I hesitated. Was Will a good singer? I didn’t know. “The best,” I said, hoping I wasn’t wrong.
“Fine, but only through the first chorus.” Will set his glass down, and half its contents sloshed into the grass.
Donna had been amazing, a Broadway-caliber singer with a husky voice like Stevie Nicks and an engaging theatricality. Will was even better. His voice was textured and full, and it ached with emotion.
True to his word, he stopped after the first chorus, and I heard myself say, “Keep going.”
He scoffed but finished the song.
I’d been to my fair share of concerts, recitals, and drunken karaoke nights, but Will’s private performance was the best thing I’d ever heard. His voice could do anything, a delicate, airy falsetto one moment and a gravelly baritone the next. I could have listened to him all night.
When he was done, I reached over and took his hand. I squeezed, and when he looked up at me, I watched the firelight flicker in his black eyes. “My boyfriend’s the world’s best-kept secret.”
Will’s face turned as red as the wine in his glass, and I wished Ryan and Derek would leave already so we could be alone.
Donna returned with more wine and decided it was time to put Theo on the spot. “Why don’t you play us one of your original songs?” She set her hand on Ryan’s arm, and the poor guy practically turned to stone. “Theo, here, is a very talented songwriter.” She was wasted, though not as wasted as Will.
Theo shifted awkwardly in his chair. “I can play guitar, but that’s about it. I’m not really a singer.”
Ryan leaned so close to Theo that their shoulders practically touched. “Come on. If you sing one of yours, I’ll sing one of mine.”
Shit. Was Ryan flirting?
Theo’s eyes went wide, and his jaw slackened. Sure, Ryan had been nice to him all night, but only in response to Theo’s constant pestering. This time, Ryan had spoken first, and he’d asked Theo to sing one of his songs, no less. Things were getting out of hand.
“Okay.” Theo swallowed hard, and I knew what was coming. Please, not that song. “I wrote this one with my dad.”
Everyone turned to me, including Will. “I didn’t know you wrote songs.”
I didn’t. Theo had written this song with his real father.
I arched an eyebrow at Will. “What can I say? I’ve got hidden talents.” The words came out smoothly, but beneath my chest, my heart hammered. God, what I wouldn’t give for five minutes with my bowl right now.
Will’s face broke into a wicked grin. “Please tell me there are harmonies.”
“Definitely.” Theo clipped a capo onto the second fret, and I snatched the glass of wine from Will’s hand. Damn harmonies.
“It’s called ‘Cursed Name.’” Theo strummed the first chord, and cold sweat broke out on my skin. I downed the rest of Will’s wine and handed the glass back.
The song, a fairly standard country ballad, told the story of a family of fathers and sons who shared everything from their brown hair and blue eyes to their quick tempers and stubborn hearts.
With each successive verse, though, the song grew more tragic until the inevitable end, when each son watched his father die before his time, knowing he was next.
I hated the song. Hated it even before Travis killed himself. But I did my best to sing the harmonies, even though I wasn’t my brother.
When we sang the final refrain, I felt Will’s hand settle tentatively on my back. It was the first time he’d initiated any physical contact, and I let myself lean into it.
I’ll take my life behind closed doors
And give you an end that’s only yours
Let me be the one to take the blame
For giving you this cursed name
The final chord rang out in harmony with the peepers and the hum of the pool filter. After several beats of depressing silence, Ryan spoke. “You wrote that? That was incredible.”
Derek slapped Theo on the back. “You’re going to be a famous songwriter one day. I hope you realize that.”
Donna beamed, proud enough to cry. “That was beautiful. Didn’t I tell you he was a gifted songwriter?”
I cleared my throat. “Maybe now would be a good time for that apple pie.” I needed to get as far away from that song as humanly possible.
“But Ryan hasn’t sung yet,” Theo said, holding out his guitar.
“I’m not going after that. No fucking way.”
“But you promised.”
Ryan crossed his arms and stuck out his lower lip in a childish pout. “How about next time, okay?”
Theo’s eyebrows shot up. “Next time?”
I watched this “next time” take shape in Theo’s head and wished Travis were here to see this, his son making plans with the guy whose poster hung above his bed.
“William, Derek”—Donna picked up a log from the pile I’d cut earlier—“hold back a sec. I need to speak to you both in private.”
Will glanced at his mother, then at me. His hand slid off my back, and, without warning or explanation, he ran toward the boathouse.
“Where the fuck is he going?” Donna asked, tossing the log onto the fire so carelessly that I had to jump back to avoid the spray of embers.
I found Will ten minutes later, sitting on the edge of the dock. His socks and shoes were scattered about, and his bare feet dangled over the side.
“I just took the most glorious pee of my life,” he said, not turning around. “There were literally two skies, one above me and one below me, and I peed right inside the moon. You should have seen it.”
“Wish I had,” I said, coming to sit beside him. I wasn’t flexible enough to sit cross-legged, so I hugged my knees to my chest.
It was a beautiful night, and other than the small waves Will was kicking up, the water lay perfectly still, a mirror of the sky above.
“Are you sure Derek’s straight?” I asked. All night, Derek had behaved like a jealous ex, staring at me like his kids called me dad on weekdays.
“Pretty sure, yeah.”
“I don’t know. I think he might be in love with you.”
Will let out a bitter laugh. “I can assure you, he’s not. He tolerates me. I’m like his annoying little cousin, which is fine. I know I’m not the most lovable person.”
“That’s not true.”
He pulled his feet from the lake, and fat drops of water dimpled the surface. “Yeah, I suppose my kids love me. In fact, sometimes I think they love me too much. I bet they wouldn’t fight all the time if they weren’t always competing for my attention.”
My stomach tightened. “I’m sorry you lost your job. You must really miss your students.”
Will shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess.”
There was no need to guess, not with tears welling in his eyes. I put my arm around his shoulder and pulled him close. Then I asked the question I’d been wondering all night. “Do you love him?”
He wiped the snot from his nose and shrugged. “I don’t know. I used to.”
It wasn’t the answer I’d been hoping for, but at least it was honest. “Come on, let’s go see what your mom wants.”
He kicked at the water again, shattering the moonlit reflection. “You go. I just want to be alone. She can come down here if she wants to talk to me so badly. Besides, I’m too drunk to be around other people. It’s not safe.”
“You’re ridiculous. You’re, like, the gentlest person I’ve ever met.”
“Yeah, well, tell that to Derek’s skull.”
“Fine, I’ll wait with you, then.”
“Don’t do that. Then I won’t be alone.”
I didn’t want to leave him on his own, not this drunk. What if he fell in? I strode over to the boathouse and grabbed a life vest. “I’ll go, but only if you put this on.”
Before he could object, I forced the jacket on him and zipped it up the front.
Instead of being upset, he sighed and hugged the vest to his chest. “Just think how differently things would’ve turned out for Ophelia if you’d been Hamlet.”
I was standing in the side yard, wondering if I should pack a second bowl, when Derek’s raised voice reached my ears.
“I’m not going to do that to Will,” he shouted.
Will wasn’t actually my boyfriend or my responsibility, but that didn’t mean I was about to let Derek fuck with him.
I quickly cashed the bowl and shoved it in my pocket.
Then, making sure to stay hidden in the shadows of the cypress trees hemming the yard, I stepped around the house and stopped just outside the halo of torchlight.
Derek and Donna stood ten yards away, silhouetted by the fire.
“Tony won’t stand for this,” Derek said, his deep voice booming.
“This is my movie, not Tony’s,” Donna replied coolly.
“I’m not asking for your permission, Derek.
I’m telling you what’s happening.” She took a step forward and set her hand on Derek’s arm.
“May I remind you, you need this movie to succeed far more than Robert. You knew what you were signing up for. He can barely stand being in the same room with you, and we need him to do his best work. You need him to do his best work.”
“And what about Will? Are you just going to use him? This was Robert’s plan all along, wasn’t it?”
Fuck, maybe it was Donna I needed to protect Will from.
“William is none of your concern,” she said. “He’s my son.”
“Yeah, when it’s convenient for you,” Derek shot back.
He really is in love with Will.
Donna took a deep breath, and instead of yelling or screaming, she smiled.
“Be that as it may, this is what’s happening.
You can vilify me all you want, but I’m doing this for you just as much as Robert.
” Donna stepped closer until they were separated by mere inches.
“And if you still care about William at all, you’ll leave him the fuck alone. ”
Derek took a step back. “Fuck this. I’m going home.”
I waited until Donna left, too, before stepping out of my hiding spot. The tabloids had always portrayed Will as the aggressor, the love-sick puppy lusting after Derek. But that wasn’t true, was it?