Chapter 33 #2
“With all that said, I’m falling behind on my life plan, and I don’t know what to do.
I came here to clear my head, but I haven’t submitted a single application since being here.
I just can’t find the motivation. I should’ve never turned down that job offer with JR Construction.
” I finish my long-winded story with a sigh, grateful to finally get that off my chest.
My parents share a look. I’m not sure what passes between them, but when they turn back to me, my father asks me one question. “What exactly do you gain from accomplishing this life plan?”
“Everything. The whole point of the plan is to finally live my dream life. I’ll be able to travel the world and buy clothes off the new racks instead of the sales racks.
I’ll be able to afford my dream wedding, have as many kids as I want, and take them on extravagant vacations.
” I take a breath. “I won’t be able to do any of that if I don’t climb the corporate ladder first, which I can’t do if I don’t get a job and start building experience now.
My career has to be my number-one focus right now. ”
“Does it?” my father asks.
“Yes, it does. If I don’t put everything I have into building my career and I let distractions get in the way, I’ll never be successful. I’ll never be a top-earning architect.”
“Hmm…” My father continues after a moment. “You know, I had a plan very similar to yours.”
“You did?” He’s never told me this before.
“I did.” He places a hand over my mom’s. “I was going to be the CEO of my own accounting firm. I wanted to help small businesses hit the ground running. I wanted to travel and make the Forbes thirty under thirty list.”
“What happened?” My dad has become a successful accountant, but he’s nowhere close to being the CEO.
“I met your mother.” He turns to look at her then, and she smiles, a glint of reminiscing in her eyes as she looks at my father. “And we had you.” He turns to me then.
Is he blaming the two of us for not being successful right now?
The confusion and anger must be written on my face because my father chuckles. “Let me be clear, Sienna, there is no amount of money or success that could replace the life I have built with the two of you.”
When I relax a little, he continues, “What I’m trying to say is that plans change. Meeting your mom was the best thing that ever happened to me. I had plans to build my accounting firm from the ground up, but when your mother came to me and told me she was pregnant with you, everything changed.”
I think about the stories they’ve told me before, trying to fit this new information in.
My parents met shortly after my father graduated from college.
My mother was a barista at a local coffee shop, and she had accidentally spilled his coffee all over him.
He’s always described it as the moment he felt his life click into place.
They were married within a year of dating. Then seven months later, my mom gave birth to me. So I’m having a hard time connecting the dots with what he’s telling me now.
“The plan needed to change to account for you and your mother. I wanted the plan to change to account for you and your mother,” he continues.
“Stability was not something I grew up with, Sienna. So it was nonnegotiable when I found out we were going to have you. I found a job with an accounting firm and worked hard to earn a steady paycheck that would pay the bills and provide a stable, happy life for all three of us.”
“And what an amazing job you did providing a wonderful life for us both.” My mom interlaces her fingers with my dad’s.
“But didn’t you two always wish we had more?” I ask, confused.
“What more is there to ask for in life than a beautiful family, a roof over our heads, and dinner on the table every night?” My father’s statement makes me think.
“Sienna,” my mother says when I don’t respond, “you’ve always been ambitious. It’s one of the many traits we love about you. But you shouldn’t let that ambition get in the way of your happiness.”
“But the success I’ll achieve as a result of my ambition is what will make me happy.”
“That’s what I always thought, until I met your mother.” My father speaks again. “Besides, success can take many forms, Sienna. It isn’t always presented by the physical things we own or what people on social media portray they have.”
“I know that, but I feel like there has to be more to life than just this.” I gesture around to the small backyard where we sit.
Both my parents level me with a look that has me immediately apologizing.
“I’m sorry. I don’t mean it like that. I’m very grateful for the life you’ve both provided me.
I just mean…I want to travel and see the world, and I want to own a car straight off the lot that’s less than ten years old.
I want nice things, and while I appreciate the life you’ve given me, I don’t think it’s unreasonable for me to ask for these things from the life I’m going to give myself. ”
“That’s fair,” my father responds, “but you do realize there is more than one way to spend one’s money, right?” My brows furrow when he says that.
“Maybe this is on us, darling. We really haven’t talked to her much about finances,” my mother says to my father. She turns to me. “I’m sorry, Sienna. We should’ve explained.”
“Explained what?”
My father starts, “True success is usually quieter than you would suspect. Yes, we do have outdated cars, but you also don’t have a single student loan.
We may have a smaller house, but we are only three years away from paying off the mortgage.
Our retirement accounts have been so successful that I’m only five years away from retiring.
The early retirement allows me more freedom than buying a car right off the lot would. ”
“I guess I never thought about it that way. So this whole time, you’ve been—”
“Living way below our means?” My mother finishes my sentence. “Yes, and now in only five years or so, we will have the freedom to spend our days together, something we always dreamed of.”
“The true purpose of my specific plan was to allow myself that kind of freedom,” my father explains.
“I may have gotten there a little differently than I originally thought I would, but the result was better than I planned because I now have you and your mother. After all, success means nothing if you have no one to share it with.”
“And it sounds like this Theo might be someone who is making you second-guess your plan?” my mother asks with a mischievous smile.
I put a hand over my face. “Ugh, Beth told you, didn’t she?”
“Well, she knew you certainly wouldn’t tell us.” My mother laughs.
“Theo was just a friend. I don’t feel that way about him,” I lie. “Besides, my plan doesn’t allow for dating until three years in anyway, so this whole summer was a waste.”
My mother sighs. “Oh, sweetie, that’s not true.
” She moves to brush a curl behind my ear and places a soft hand on the side of my face.
“You don’t always get to decide when you fall in love, Sienna, or who you fall in love with.
It’s not something that can be planned, only something that can be felt when the time comes. ”
Her words stick with me through our dinner. I couldn’t possibly love Theo. I’ve only known him for a few months.
My brain continues to battle my heart as I toss and turn all night in my childhood bedroom. The restless night has become my new normal since leaving the lake house weeks ago.