Chapter 3
THREE
Mona
“This place is kinda lame, right? I can show you a good time later.”
My date eyes me up and down from across the table. He looks like a creep, and I can’t believe I agreed to meet with him tonight.
After I ran into Alex’s friend, I promised myself that I would put more effort into finding someone who I genuinely like. This person would be my plus one to the party I apparently promised to go and it’s a sin against children to pull out from.
I’m not sure what good it’ll be for me to show up anyway.
I’m broke, and I can’t afford to donate or bid on anything they will have up for auctioning.
It’s going to be embarrassing as far as that goes.
But I would love to show up with a date on my arm if only to show Alex that there is life after him.
“I’d ask you to come to my place, but my roommates are throwing an orgy tonight. Unless you’re into that…” The way this guy smirks at me makes me want to throw up, preferably all over him. “You do give out that vibe,” he continues.
I simply stare at him, picturing in my head what it would look like if I flipped this table on his head. I am not beneath doing it, but I don’t want to deal with the aftermath. I’m tired.
With that last thought in mind, I pull out some cash from my purse, just enough to cover the one drink I had, thanking God that it was the cheapest one on the menu. I drop the money on the table and stand up.
“Wow, ready to go right away.” He stands up, too. “I love it.”
Completely out of instinct and with my brain shut off, I reach for my glass, which is still half full. I pick it up and throw it in the asshole’s face.
“That’s a no, thank you.” My voice is steady when I speak. “Don’t follow me, don’t call me or message me. If you do, I will call the police…”
“The fuck you will!”
I yank my coat off the back of the chair and put a finger up. “I will send them to your fuck pad, just to check that everyone participating in your orgies is there of their own free will.”
His eyes widen in shock at hearing that. I honestly don’t think that whatever they’re doing there is illegal, but it is a good way to make him understand that I want no contact between us once I walk out of here.
I don’t wait to hear if he has anything else to say. Turning on my heels, I ignore the other patrons of the restaurant who are staring at me, and walk all the way out. Only once I step foot onto the sidewalk, I can breathe again.
My arms are crossed over the coat that I am hugging to my chest, and I start power walking toward the subway station. Despite me thinking this guy was fairly harmless, I still worry that he might follow me. The crime in the city is bad enough that no one would care if he attacked me in plain sight.
I glance around before going down the steps to the train.
People rush past me, almost knocking me over when I don’t move fast enough.
I make it underground and scan my card just in time as a train is pulling up in that moment.
With my coat and purse still tight to my chest, I step inside and sit down when I spot an empty bench.
All the way home, I feel numb. There is no reason for me to do all this. It’s just out of spite because I want Alex to know that I am finally done with him for good. I want him to be jealous and hate that he let me go for that last time.
I have so many contradictory emotions swirling in my head that the ride to my stop feels short instead of the forty long minutes I usually suffer through.
I get off the train, and with my purse on my shoulder, I throw my coat over, realizing with a start that I am actually freezing.
It must’ve been the adrenaline causing me not to feel the cold until now.
The purse under the coat is uncomfortable as it digs into my ribs, but there’s less of a chance to get mugged so there’s that.
With my head down, I walk fast until I make it to my apartment building.
The elevator ride is slow and annoying while it crawls and creeks, but I finally make it to my floor.
“Freakin’ finally,” I whisper to myself when I unlock the door and step inside. As soon as I close the door behind me, I turn the three locks and put the chain on.
My body feels tense and stressed, and I am suddenly tired. I drop on the couch in my small living area, unable to bother with my coat or the annoying purse underneath.
“Ugh, I hate this life,” I mumble to myself as I throw myself against the back of the couch.
The phone in my purse vibrates with a notification. I try to slide it out, but it’s an awkward angle with the coat over the purse, and I feel like I’m about to pull a rib.
“Oh, for the love of God!”
I stand up, then, with very abrupt moves, I yank on the coat until it’s finally off. Throwing it on the couch next to where I was sitting, I whip the purse off my shoulder and unzip it, finally getting to the phone.
“Oh my God, all that for a damn spam call!”
I throw the phone on top of the coat before marching to the smaller than small kitchenette. Since my apartment is about the size of a post stamp, I don’t have to walk far.
Opening the fridge, I stare at the inside, hoping for something better than plain water. I grin from ear to ear when I spot in the door a glass bottle of Coca-Cola. I snatch it and get the cap off fast so that I don’t have time to think about all the sugar in it
Once I gulp half of it down, I slam the bottle on the counter. I still feel the fizz going down, and I love every second of it. I would go as far as saying this is better than sex. In fact, every time I get the itch to reach out to Alex, I’ll just have a bottle of Coke. Problem solved.
I push the hair out of my face and walk back to the living area where all my things are in a heap on the old couch.
I sit next to it, taking a moment to regroup as I rest my elbows on my knees and hold my head in my hands.
These dates are draining the life out of me.
I want to quit all the apps because I can’t deal with the stress anymore.
Finding a decent human being who wants to know me better should not be this hard.
Of course, it doesn’t help that every time I close my eyes, I see Alex Connors walking toward me, ready to kiss me with all the passion that I crave.
I think I should look into seeing a therapist. That is the only way I can get him out of my head and my life. But I don’t have the money for therapy, so that’s a problem.
“Ugh!” I clench my fingers in my hair, ready to pull it all out.
I can’t live like this. I have to let it all out. I just can’t. I have too much pride to let Alex Connors think that he won. I don’t even know what he would win, satisfaction maybe. And I want that. I want to feel the satisfaction that he saw me with a man on my arm.
I sit up and grab my phone. With more determination than ever, I tap on the app store, then type in the search bar.
“Holidates,” I mumble to myself.
There are a few results that pop up, but only one is a perfect match for the name.
“Freakin’ Cal.” I hate Alex’s friends. “I can’t believe that I’m about to do this.”
My eyes go over the description of the app, which is basic and straight to the point.
Need a date for a holiday event?
I roll my eyes at the ceiling. “Do I ever!”
A family dinner with nosy relatives pestering you about settling down?
“No family. Just an asshole I need to get off my ass.”
I pause as I say that. He’s not really pestering me, which I am actually mad about. At the same time, I am relieved that he’s leaving me alone.
“Ah, shit, I blocked him!” I slap a hand against my forehead.
Whatever, I still want to show up at this Christmas party with my head held high and a date on my arm. Hopefully, he’ll be a decent person and bid on something there.
Now that I have a plan, I continue reading the description of the app.
The Holidates app is the perfect answer to your busy lifestyle needs. With this dating app, find the perfect rental date; both parties set the terms and conditions, absolutely no strings attached.
“I like the sound of that.”
Without giving it more thought, I tap on the screen and start entering my information. My fingers fly over the screen as I fill everything out. When I get to where I have to add a picture, I get into the album I saved with all the sexy selfies I’ve been taking. I choose one, then upload it.
I hit save, and my account is finally active. I start poking around, making sure that all the settings are correct. I need someone who lives in the city because there is no way I will travel to God knows where to meet this person.
Once I am done setting everything up, I don’t know what to do. It feels anticlimactic somehow, like I was expecting to have my pick of a date as soon as I created the account. I hate that I have to look around and find someone.
My entire body is tight with all the tension that I’m feeling.
I am wound up, and I have no idea how to undo it.
I miss my best friend. She and I used to talk about everything before she moved out to Texas.
Now she has a steady boyfriend, who just so happens to be a professional hockey player, and is happy.
I don’t feel comfortable calling her with my problems.
On that note, I realize that I haven’t heard from Elizabeth in a long time. I look up her number and hit Dial.
“Hey, bestie,” she greets me when she answers.
“I miss you,” I blurt out without warning. “I hate that you moved away.”
She chuckles softly. “It was you who talked me into following Logan here, goofball.”
“Yeah, well…” I mess with a thin spot in the material of my couch. “I changed my mind. I want you back here.”
“Oh no, what’s going on?”
I huff. “How much time do you have?”
“For you, all the time you need me to listen.”
That is all I need to hear as I launch myself into the story of my current life.
“All these dates are so bad, Elizabeth!” My voice trembles when I speak.
“They absolutely suck. This one guy kept on going on and on about these plants and his mother’s basement.
And you know what?” I don’t give her time to answer.
“They all seem to live in their mother’s basement.
How is that possible? No one is independent anymore?
I live by myself, Elizabeth. I can’t be dating a guy who has to ask his mom if it’s okay to be out past eleven o’clock at night! ”
I get up from the couch and walk back to where I left my Coke. Taking a long sip of it, I sigh again at how good it tastes on my tongue. It’s also one of the worst things I could put into my body, and I should know since I took a class and got certified in nutrition.
Then again, I put a lot worse things into my body. Alex’s dick would be at the top of the bad things that entered me.
“Are you still there?” I snap at my friend when she doesn’t comment at all after I poured my heart out to her.
She takes a long time to answer. “Yeah, I’m here.”
I don’t believe her for a second. “So what do you think about what I just told you?”
“Uhhh… You said something about dating! Who are you going out with?”
“Okay, so at least you half listened.”
I roll my eyes at the phone, annoyed that she’s too distracted by whatever she’s doing over there to pay attention to me.
“I’m looking into online dating because I have an event in December that I want to attend. I refuse to go alone.” I sound bitter and angry by the time I finish saying that. “Alex is going to be there, and there is no way I will give him the satisfaction of seeing me there without a date.”
She lets out a faint sound of sympathy, but that’s about it. I want her to be angry with me, feel all my anxiety and assure me that it will be okay.
“Online dating is scary,” she finally says just as I throw a handful of peanuts in my mouth.
I don’t see it as scary as I do annoying. “How so?” “That’s how people meet nowadays. It’s normal.”
“That’s not how everyone meets, Mona. That’s not how I met Logan.”
I laugh at that and take my time chewing on the peanuts, rolling my eyes again. The girl sounds way too na?ve in general. She’s lived a sheltered life, and it’s obvious.
“Yeah, and look how well it’s working for you.” The sarcasm is thick in my tone, but I don’t care. The perfect relationship she was hoping for is not working out like she was expecting. I guess that’s what happens when you have everything handed to you for your entire life.
“What do you mean?” She sounds as offended as I was expecting her to be.
I take a deep breath in and prepare to give her a reality check.
“Well, I don’t know how to tell you, sweetie, but how is your relationship with Logan normal?
He didn’t want you to tell anyone you’re dating.
But now he does, and you don’t. The whole thing is messed up,” I say, referring to everything that she’s shared with me since she moved to Texas to be with this guy.
It’s been one thing after another with them.
“Not as messed up as you hooking up with Alex every time he glances your way.”
I am not prepared for the deep pain her words are causing me.
I am always the tough chick who is ready to kick ass for us both.
Now, I realize with a start that I have no right to judge her relationship when I was never able to claim Alex as being my anything.
It’s always been just wild, crazy sex and nothing else.
“I’m so sorry. That was uncalled for,” Elizabeth murmurs into the phone.
I swallow hard and regroup, grateful that she is not here with me to see the pain etched onto my face.
My life is such a mess.