Chapter 18
EIGHTEEN
Alex
Making Mona cry was nowhere on my list of things I need to do to win her back. I now stare at her, with my heart going a mile a minute, wondering what I could’ve done that would cause her to sob like this.
I wrap a hand around the nape of her head and pull her into my chest. She brings her arms around my waist, and when I run my free hand up and down her back, I come into contact with bare skin.
It reminds me that she is pretty much naked, crying her heart out against my chest while I stand fully dressed and with her juices still fresh on my lips.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper against her hair.
I’m not even sure what I am apologizing for, if it is for the very mixed signals I’ve been sending her for years now, or if I am apologizing for showing up at her apartment tonight.
She gives me a weak pat on the back before pushing away from me.
I let go of her since I don’t want to cause her even more grief.
As I stare at her mostly naked body, I feel myself twitch in my pants, and I seriously hate my life.
Gotta be honest, I was hoping for some relief, too, as I was licking her clean only a few moments ago.
I grunt in a bit of distress, trying to rearrange myself without making it too obvious. Mona, who knows me more than anyone else in my life, reads my discomfort correctly.
“I think you’ll live.”
Her voice sounds stuffy from crying, and I temporarily forget about my own physical ailments.
“Where are you going?” I ask when I see that she’s about to leave me alone in her kitchen.
She chuckles at the question. “Bathroom. I didn’t want to announce it.”
Rolling my eyes, I lean forward and press a hard kiss against her forehead.
“This is weird, Alex,” she mumbles. “Me with no clothes on in the kitchen, crying…” She clears her throat. “Give me a minute.”
Since I don’t see that I have a choice, I step back and let her pass, my eyes glued to her incredible ass as she walks away.
Her apartment is small, so I don’t get a lot of time to admire her backside before the door to the bathroom closes behind her.
I swallow hard as soon as she is out of sight, feeling at a loss, which is not anything that normally happens to me.
But I have no idea what just happened that would cause Mona to cry like that.
I am very confident that she came, so it can’t be that.
My mind is going into a million directions when my eyes drop to the food containers on the table. In a rush, I start picking everything up, making sure that I don’t leave a mess behind. I even take it one step further and wet a paper towel which I use to wipe the table off.
“Looks good.”
I give myself a pat on the back when I say the words out loud. Mona’s light giggle from behind me startles me, and I spin around to look at her.
“It does look good,” she agrees. “Thanks for doing that.”
I nod in acknowledgement. There are so many things that I want to tell her, to ask her, but the words refuse to come out. I feel like a complete moron as I stand like this in her apartment, with literally nothing to say.
“You changed,” I manage to spill out after a few moments of uncomfortable silence.
She has a thick robe on, and I remember always seeing it hanging on the back of her bathroom door.
“It would’ve been really weird if I came back still naked, don’t you think?”
The smirk she gives me is confident, like whatever episode she had before she went in is over. She is back to her old sarcastic self. And I love it.
“I’d rather save the chocolate cake for tomorrow.” She gets right to business. “I’m really tired, and I need to be up very early in the morning, so…”
Her eyes move from me to the door, like she’s trying to signal me that I need to leave.
“I want to spend the night,” I blurt out.
Mona’s eyebrows go up in surprise, and for good reason. I’ve never been into this kind of a domestic scene where I would spontaneously ask to spend the night at her place. Pre-planned overnight visits, yes.
“Why?”
It’s a fair question, which I’d rather not answer. But since I am on a mission to win her back, I shouldn’t lie or pretend like this is nothing.
“I don’t want to be alone,” I confess.
She doesn’t move from her spot or react in any way. Instead, she stares at me with a look on her face that I just can’t read. Years of high dollar business dealings did not prepare me for this moment. Bile rises in the back of my throat as I brace myself for her rejection.
“Come on, then.”
I don’t move, thinking that I misheard her. She spins on her heels like she is about to leave, presumably to go to her bedroom. At the last minute, she turns around and grabs me by the hand, pulling me behind her with very little effort since I’m not fighting it.
When we reach the bedroom, she walks over to the side of the bed that she normally sleeps on when I am here.
I watch as she undoes the robe and drops it to the floor.
Disappointment fills me when I see that she is not naked as I was hoping, but then, the breath gets knocked out of me when I see that she’s wearing an old T-shirt of mine.
One that I didn’t even know she was in possession of.
She looks at me with defiance, like she is expecting for me to say something about it, and she is prepared with a comeback. Instead, I walk over to my side and proceed to remove my clothes.
Just as I am about to take my pants off, I realize that I didn’t bring anything with me, like a toothbrush, or soap for when I shower.
“There’s stuff under the sink,” Mona tells me, reading my face correctly. “It’s for cases of emergency,” she explains.
I nod and continue with my pants, then socks, and soon, I am in nothing but a pair of tight boxer briefs.
“Nice,” Mona chuckles. When I look at her, I notice her eyeing the bulge in the front. By now, she is in bed, looking comfortable as she hugs the sheets to her chest.
The walk to her bathroom is painful, more so since I am so aware of the erection I am sporting.
I turn the shower on, and, as I wait for the water to warm up, I look under the sink as directed by her.
I find a brand new toothbrush still in the wrapper and a travel sized tube of toothpaste.
My hand freezes on it when I realize it’s the same kind that I use at home, which is different than what she likes.
It's such a small thing, but it further proves what a moron I’ve been when it came to this woman. I can’t blow this, I tell myself.
With shaky hands, I squeeze the paste on the toothbrush, then hop in the shower, brushing with one hand while sopping up with the other. Once my teeth feel clean, I spit out the paste and continue scrubbing at my body.
I moan when my fingers brush against my very hard cock. I close my eyes, and all I see is Mona on that kitchen counter, with her legs spread out, waiting for me to lick her clean and make her feel good.
The more I think of it, the more intense the pain in my cock becomes. I need relief, and there is no way that I can get in that bed with her unless I do something about this.
My teeth clench around the toothbrush when I rest a hand against the small shower stall. There’s barely any room in here to do anything, and that’s never been more obvious than when I hit my elbow hard against the door when I try to jerk myself off.
Fortunately, it is not on the funny bone, and not enough of a distraction for me to stop.
Instead, I keep my eyes closed, focused on the image behind my eyelids.
In my fantasy, I lick Mona’s pink folds, bringing her closer to the brink of an orgasm but stopping each time I think she’s about to fall into the abyss.
“Alex, this is too much,” she whimpers as she tries to push my face more into her pussy. “I want more!”
Her had falls back and her breasts bounce up and down as her hips move, trying to come off the counter.
“No!” She raises her voice at me when I stand up, but then her eyes light up when she sees me undoing my pants and dropping them to the floor. I yank the sweater I have on, pulling it off together with the cotton T-shirt I am wearing underneath.
Once I am completely naked, I slide my hands under Mona’s thighs and yank her closer to me until her buttocks are on the edge of the counter. My cock is perfectly lined up with her entrance, and it only takes one firm push for me to slide right in.
Mona’s head falls back again, eyes closed, a blissful smile on her face.
“Yes,” she moans. “You’re so good, Alex. Like no one else…”
Her words spur me on, but for all the wrong reasons. I am suspicious of what she says, and I am jealous at the thought of her being with someone else while also being with me.
I grab her by the hair and stick her face closer to mine, not allowing for her to move an inch. My hips continue pumping into her with so much force, I don’t know how I am not hurting her. I want to hurt her like she’s hurting me. Like I think that she’s hurting me.
I devour her lips, taking everything from her with my tongue and my teeth, hoping that she won’t have anything left for anyone else.
The pressure in my balls reaches an extreme. I don’t think I’ve ever been this ready to let go while being scared that if I do, I will lose her forever.
“Tell me,” I growl against her mouth. “Tell me there’s no one else… You’re only with me.” I pump harder into her. “You’re… Only… fucking… Me!” I punctuate each word with a hard thrust, hoping that I leave bruises not only on the outside but the inside as well.
“Only you,” she promises in between open mouthed kisses. She wraps her arms around my shoulders and lifts herself up from the counter. Her hips are moving faster and faster, each time her engorged clit making contact with the base of my cock.
I feel completely disconnected from reality and I continue pumping into her, unaware of where reality begins and fantasy ends. I feel so much in this moment, it scares me. I don’t know if I can survive it.
Words of love and affection want to spill from my lips, but I am terrified that everything would be ruined the moment they came out.
With a loud groan that is ripped from my very soul, I finally let go. Ropes of cum erupt from my cock, landing inside the warmth of Mona’s womb. It feels too good, and like we are about to make a baby.
The thought is terrifying, and my eyes snap open. I suddenly realize that I am still inside of Mona’s shower, alone. I am not coming inside of her but rather on her shower door, with now cold water splashing down on me.
I try to calm down, but my hips are still moving, and my heart is back in the kitchen, with Mona spread naked in front of me.
“It wasn’t real,” I whisper to myself. “I was fantasizing to make myself come. We didn’t have sex without protection.”
That last thought is the scariest of them all. It feels like a trap to even think of it, like I am inviting the gods to set up a trap for me.
With shaking hands, I turn the water off and get out. I rush as I towel myself dry, and by the time I am done, I am freezing.
I am on autopilot when I open the door and step back into the hallway that separates the bathroom from the bedroom. I walk over to the bed only to find Mona sleeping. She looks peaceful, like an angel. She is a sexy angel, and she could be my downfall.
But maybe falling for her is not the worst thing, I think to myself as I raise the covers and slide into the bed. On instinct, I turn onto my side and pull her into me. The way she settles right into me with a sigh of contentment makes me rethink my entire life. Again.
That’s all I’ve been doing ever since she’s blocked me. I understand where I am wrong, but I have a hard time letting go that easily. It took years of programming to be where I am today. Expecting to let it go cold turkey is too much to ask.
Isn’t it?
“I love you,” Mona sighs.
All the blood drains from my body, and it pulls around my heart. I might actually die right here, right now.
I pull back a little so I can see her face, not ready to return her words and unsure of how I should respond without ruining everything once again.
That’s when I notice that Mona is still sleeping, and the words were mouthed while unconscious. And now I wonder if they were meant for me, or if she was just dreaming about another man while lying next to me in her bed.
Doubt and anger flow through me, to the point where I almost want to wake her up and ask her about it. I want to throw a fit, put my fist through the drywall as I demand answers.
But then, a small voice in the back of my head reminds me how crazy this all sounds. There is no logic to my erratic thoughts, and my need for constant assurance that she’s not cheating is not normal, or healthy.
I pull her back into my body and rest her head on my shoulder while she continues sleeping, completely unaware of the chaos in my head.
I take a deep breath in and try to focus on everything I love about her. And there is so much of that. I love everything about her. I love her.
I just can’t say the words out loud.