Chapter 28
TWENTY-EIGHT
Alex
“You pretty much have to start from scratch,” Kyle informs me, a dead serious expression on his face. “You’re fucked.”
“Thanks for the very insightful feedback, asshole.”
I came to his house for some advice, and, deep down, I was really hoping he’d tell me that everything will be okay. Instead, he gives me this.
Sighing, I lean back against the couch, with both hands resting behind my head. I stare at the ceiling for a few moments as I try to think. The problem is that I am all out of ideas. I am at a complete loss as far as what else I can do to win Mona back.
“I told you that fake account shit was a bad idea,” Kyle mutters. “And it’s really a miracle that she didn’t recognize you in that picture,” he continues. “I don’t get how she actually agreed to meet with you under false pretenses.”
“She didn’t meet with me under false pretenses, dumbass,” I counter. “I met with her under false pretenses.”
He stares at me for the longest time. “Same thing.”
I throw my arms out. “How is it the same thing? I tricked her, not the other way around.”
“Yeah, but still,” he huffs. “Does she not have working eyeballs in her head? You made some changes to that picture, but it was obvious that it was you.”
He’s really hung up on that picture, and I’m not sure what he’s trying to imply here, but any attack on Mona, I will take it personally.
“It doesn’t fucking matter,” I say. “The only thing that matters is that I had her back, and now I lost her again.”
“Well…” Kyle blows a long puff of air. “Not to be a dick, but at least you know for sure that she’s not pregnant. So you don’t have to lose your mind over that.”
My mind automatically goes back to the night we spent together at Ray’s house. We had sex all night, and I did not use protection once. It’s almost like I was trying to ruin my life.
I swallow hard, wondering how bad it would be if I had a baby with Mona. That would bring her back into my life forever, that’s for sure. It would be an unbreakable bond.
“Dude, you’re scaring me right now,” Kyle interrupts my thoughts. “I thought that was always your biggest fear, and now you’re not saying anything at all. What the hell!”
I shrug. “I’ve been thinking about… things. I wouldn’t mind have a kid with Mona. Nobody else but her.”
When Kyle doesn’t say anything, I turn my head to look at him. He is gawking back, his mouth agape, unable to formulate words.
“Are we in a parallel universe?” he asks. “How did I miss us crossing over?”
“I guess you should pay attention from now on,” I deadpan.
He’s right, though. It is weird that I am not freaking out at the mere thought of a pregnancy. Having Mona forever would be the perfect missing piece in my life.
“Are you on drugs?”
I don’t have time to answer that when Kyle’s front door opens, and in walks Zara, the girl whose romance with my best friend I almost ruined.
“Hey, Alex.” She smiles at me, taking me by surprise, then walks over to Kyle and kisses him on the lips. The move is natural and everything I want with Mona.
“I’m sorry for intruding into your time together,” I tell them. “I just…” I run my hands through my hair. “I couldn’t stand being alone in my apartment in the city.”
Zara comes and sits in the chair across from me. “I go into the city about once a month,” she says. “I don’t know if I could live there. But I do love to visit.”
I nod in understanding but otherwise remain quiet. Making small talk with Zara was not on my to-do list for the day. When I don’t say anything, she just stares at me in expectation.
“It’s a busy place,” I finally say. “It takes some time to get used to.”
Zara clears her throat a few times. “I got a new client at work who plays for the Sliders. I told Kyle we should spend the night in the city once and go to one of their games.”
I nod again, but seriously, I don’t know why she’s telling me all this. The New York Sliders are our home state professional hockey team. I don’t follow them much, so I can’t discuss anything related to them.
“Anyway.” She starts playing with the hem of the button-down shirt she is wearing. “I texted Mona.”
The lead to that is so abrupt, it almost gives me whiplash.
“I’ve been meaning to tell you,” Kyle chimes in.
“Meaning to tell me?” I can’t believe what I’m hearing. “How about leading with that?”
Zara jumps in. “It’s my fault. I asked Kyle not to tell you, just in case.”
“Just in case what?” I sputter.
She clears her throat again, then takes her time pushing her glasses up her nose. It all seems to take a ridiculous amount of time.
“Just in case it turned out not being a positive experience.”
I have no idea what to make of that. “How did you get her number?”
She looks away in embarrassment, then glances toward Kyle, almost as if she’s begging him to save her.
“I looked through your phone and got her number.” He says it like it’s no big deal. “You had to go to the bathroom.”
I stare at him with wide eyes. “And you know my passcode?”
“Like it was hard to crack.” He rolls his eyes toward Zara, making her laugh. “He always thinks he’s so smart,” he tells her. “But he forgets that his friends are not stupid either.”
Zara’s tender gaze on him makes me miss Mona more than ever. I never cared whether she ever looked at me like this or not. And now, I hate that I don’t know.
Truth is, I took her for granted in all the ways. Now, everything is blowing up in my face, and I don’t know if there’s a way to fix it.
“I tried calling her, too.” I almost miss Zara when she speaks in her always soft tone.
I feel a bit lightheaded as I wait for her to continue.
“She wasn’t really interested in talking to me.”
I hate the pity I see on Zara’s face.
“Why did you even try?” I ask.
She shrugs her shoulders self-consciously. “I wanted to apologize to her. I’m apologizing to you, too.”
I watch her carefully, noticing how nervous but strong she seems. “You have nothing to apologize for, Zara. You did nothing wrong.”
She worries her hands. “I misread the situation. I thought she knew about the Holidates profile…”
I wave her off. “She was probably going to find out at some point anyway. You just sped up the process.”
I wish I had a bit more time with Mona before she found out the truth, but in all honesty, I’d completely forgotten about all that. She’d stopped responding to my messages on the app anyway, so, in my mind, we were both done with it. It looked like we were on track to get back together.
“She told me the same thing.” Zara chuckles. “She also thanked me, she said that I saved her from falling for your shit again.”
She blushes to the roots of her hair when she says it, but her eyes never waver from mine.
I let out a long sigh. “Can we be even now?”
Zara’s eyes widen in surprise. “Even? What are you talking about?”
I once again bring my hands to rest on the back of my head as I lean against the couch.
“I was an asshole to you when we first met. I tried everything in my power to break you and Kyle up.”
She squints her eyes at me while Kyle wraps a protective arm around her shoulders.
“And now, you provided information to my girlfriend that made sure we’d break up.”
I put a hand up to stop her when she looks like she wants to argue what I just said.
“Unlike me, not on purpose,” I admit. “But I would like to call a truce.”
Zara crosses her arms over her chest, taking her time to assess me through the thick lenses of her glasses that are always sliding down her nose.
“I still don’t like you much,” she informs me. “But this was not revenge. I don’t want to be your friend, but I don’t want to ruin your life either.”
“Appreciate it.” I nod in thanks.
We both remain quiet, just staring at each other, with Kyle moving his head back and forth like he’s watching a tennis match.
“I expected this to be a little more intense,” he finally says. “I was all ready to defend my woman, be her hero.”
Zara chuckles softly. “You’ll always be my hero, Kyle.”
I stand up from my spot on the couch, needing to be away from all this mushy stuff they got going on. In fact, I should probably go home and wallow in my own misery. Except that I don’t want to be alone. That’s what brought me here to begin with.
“We should try calling Mona again,” I hear Zara saying. “I think it was all too fresh in her mind the other day, and she might listen to me now…”
“Don’t do it.” My tone is rough when I speak. “Last thing I’d want is for her to believe I put you up to it. I’ll reach out to her when I get home.”
I grab my coat, taking my time putting it on. Zara and Kyle watch me with obvious curiosity. I’d normally have some smartass remarks, but I don’t have the energy right now.
“Alex,” Zara calls out to me just as I reach the front door. “She did tell me that she plans on being at the Christmas party with her Holidates date.” She gives me a tentative smile. “I’m assuming that’s you.”
Hope flutters in my chest. That is really good news, great in fact. I feel lighter as I open the door and walk out to my car. The drive to the city is long, making me wish that I’d taken the train, but it gives me time to think.
By the time I take the exit to where I live, I don’t have much of a plan where Mona is concerned other than making sure I clear up the air when we see each other again at the party.
For a brief moment, I wonder if I should pick her up, but then I veto that idea.
With the way things ended between us, I have a feeling that she wouldn’t be happy about me showing up at her apartment.
I pull into the underground parking of my building, and once I am in my spot, I turn the engine off, then reach in the back for the laptop bag I have back there.
Something pokes my fingers, and I pull back in a rush.
That’s when I realize that the one red rose I’d given Mona before taking her to my friends’ party is still there.
It's the rose I didn’t even pay for. A complete stranger felt sorry for me and thought I shouldn’t show up empty handed. The smile on Mona’s face when I gave it to her proved that the stranger was right.
Now, as I pick up the rose, I realize that it looks a bit wilted, much like my relationship with Mona. An idea forms in my head of how I could save it. Life would be so much easier if I could save what I have with Mona just as easily.
Getting out of the car, I carry the rose up to my apartment like it’s made of spun gold, worried that it would fall apart if I moved any faster. As soon as I make it inside, I place it carefully on the kitchen counter.
With the laptop in my other hand, I sit down on one of the barstools, and get to work.
First, I have to do some research. The idea I have requires some supplies, but according to the website where I found them, they should be here in time for me to put it all together before the Christmas party where I am supposed to see Mona again.
I am her date for the night. She confirmed it to me in front of everyone while we were at Ray’s house, and she also confirmed it to Zara when they spoke. That has to mean something, right? Why else would she agree to still go out with me to this event if she didn’t want to be with me?
The thought is on a loop in my head, to the point where I am driving myself crazy with it.
On a whim, I open the Holidates app and log in.
Disappointment hits me in an instant when notice that I don’t have any new messages from Mona in my inbox.
I start reading the few messages we exchanged before I stopped responding, smiling at the firm tone.
I go to my profile on the Holidates and click edit. First thing I do is to change my name from Julian Lewis.
“Alexander Julian Connors.”
The words sound foreign to my own ears. I don’t type my full name very often, not unless it’s on any official business related documents.
Next thing, I change my profile picture to a more recent one. It is now clear that the person on the account is me and not just someone who very much looks like me.
I push my hands through my hear, a long breath of air escaping my lungs while my eyes go over all the details in my profile. I want everything to look perfect and true, no manufactured stories. Once I am happy with everything, I hit save.
Finally, I click to open a new message, then enter Mona’s name in the field for a recipient.
And then… I pour my heart out to her.