Chapter Twenty-nine Rowan #2
He hesitates, because yeah…that would be a lot of booze to chug.
“You said you want to party,” I remind him.
He pales but then brings the flask to his mouth. Slowly he tips it back and drinks and drinks and then…lets it drop and looks at me, confusion etched into his features.
“What the fuck is this?” he asks.
Vaughn and I share a laugh.
“You’re good friends,” I tell them. “Thanks for showing up.”
Austin takes a seat on the other side of me. “Fuck. I thought I was getting carried out of here tonight.”
He lets out another sigh of relief.
“Are Claire and Lacey really at the movies?” I ask.
“Yes, but we were tracking you down tonight either way,” Austin says.
“We figured a week of sulking and drinking yourself stupid was long enough,” Vaughn adds.
“I’m sorry,” I say to Austin, since I already apologized to Vaughn. “I said a lot of shit I didn’t mean.”
Austin holds up both hands. “We’re good, man. I get it. It’s been a tough week.”
“I don’t think high school relationships are bullshit. Or at least not yours.” I look from him to Vaughn. “Now…can we talk about something else?”
“Sure,” Vaughn says.
Austin nods.
We sit in silence for several long seconds. Time ticks by and no one says anything.
“Okay, but can I just ask one thing about Summer?” Austin asks.
I groan.
Vaughn shoots him a wide-eyed “We had a plan” sort of glare.
“One thing.”
“Were you really with her just to make Amanda jealous?”
“Of course he wasn’t,” Vaughn answers for me. “You saw them together.”
“My sister says I have a tendency to ignore everything else when Claire is around, so it’s possible I wasn’t paying close enough attention,” Austin says, giving me a sheepish look.
“Your sister is correct, but in this case, I don’t think we can blame Claire or the love bubble the two of you live in.”
“Love bubble.” Vaughn snorts.
“Oh, please, don’t get me started on you and Lacey.” I shake my head. It feels good to joke around and give them shit.
They laugh softly and then let me take my time, figuring out how to answer Austin’s question. But before I do, Amanda steps into the living room.
My heart leaps, and I look behind her for a flash of red, curly hair. Stupid. I don’t know why she’d be with Amanda anyway, but if Amanda’s here, then that means the girls’ soccer team has made it back from their game.
Amanda approaches slowly, like she expects I might yell or tell her to fuck off.
“Can I talk to you for a minute?” she asks.
“Sure.” I dip my chin, feeling Vaughn and Austin staring at me.
The two of them get to their feet.
“We’ll be outside,” Vaughn says before they leave me with Amanda and the couple who is now making out. Ah, making out. I’ve missed that this week too. Kissing Summer was fun. I can almost feel her giggling as she lay next to me or smell her shampoo.
Amanda takes a seat next to me, and I blink to stop the barrage of memories.
“How are you?” she asks. Now that she’s closer, I can see that something is off with her. Her jaw is swollen and she’s holding her mouth funny.
“I’m fine. What happened to you?”
“Your girlfriend let me have it.”
“She did what?” My brows shoot up.
Amanda laughs quietly, still holding her mouth awkwardly so the sound comes out stilted. “I’m kidding. Some chick on the other team elbowed me during the game. You should have seen your face though.”
“Fuck.” I chuckle softly but the more I think about Summer, the harder it is to breathe.
“We’re good, actually. Me and Summer. Or…” She glances up at the ceiling as she considers her words. “We will be, I think. She won the game for us today.”
A shot of pride zips through me, followed by sadness that I’m not hearing it from her.
“I’m glad you two worked things out. If you’re going to be pissed at someone, then I’m your guy. I shouldn’t have dragged her into my bullshit.” Summer didn’t deserve any of this. None of it was her fault. Not being forced to switch schools or fake dating me.
“I’m not mad.”
I bob my head.
“Confused, but not mad.”
“That makes two of us.” I chuckle softly.
“So… you’re fine?” she asks in a way that suggests otherwise. “Really?”
“I’ve had better weeks.”
Her lips pull into a knowing smile that morphs into one of understanding.
“I should have already said it, but I’m sorry. It was a dumb plan, and I shouldn’t have tried to manipulate your feelings like that.”
“Thanks for saying that.”
One more apology down.
“I was jealous and hurt. Not that it’s an excuse.
We’ve always fallen back to each other. I think I started to expect it’d always be that way.
When it seemed like that wasn’t going to happen, I felt like it had to be my fault.
And I think I wanted to prove that I could be the guy good enough to be in a relationship and not whatever casual bullshit we had going on. ”
“Me too. I think everyone thought that. All summer, every time I wasn’t with Ronnie, people would ask me where you were.” Her smile is a little wider now, like she’s adjusted to the injury and it doesn’t hurt as much. “I should probably apologize too.”
“For what?”
There’s a moment of hesitation before she says, “I knew you were jealous. I liked it even.”
That is not what I expected. I wonder if it changes anything, then decide it doesn’t. Everything is still fucked.
“She thinks you still want me back.”
I know exactly who she means even though she doesn’t say Summer’s name.
“Yeah. She told me.”
“Do you?” Amanda asks.
I don’t want to hurt her more than I have, but I shake my head. “No. I don’t think so.”
All week I could have talked to Amanda if I wanted or made some sort of plan to get her back now that she and Ronnie are over, but the truth is that I barely thought about her.
“Good.”
“I guess that tells me how you feel.” A short puff of laughter leaves my lips.
“Do you remember what we were like together?” Amanda asks, brows arching together.
“Vaguely.” I think back. We weren’t the perfect couple, but we had some good times together.
“When we were hanging out, you were always so chill about things. I knew you liked me, but I never felt like you really wanted to be with me. I can’t explain it. It was like I wasn’t quite good enough to be more than a hookup. It almost felt like I was convenient.”
My stomach drops. That’s an awful way to make someone feel. “I am so sorry. I wish you had said something. I did like you. A lot.”
Though admittedly maybe not as much as I thought I did. I liked her more than I’d ever liked anyone before, but that isn’t true anymore.
She shakes her head. “I didn’t say anything because I was afraid.
You seemed to like that I wasn’t into having a serious, traditional relationship like everyone else, and I didn’t want to lose you.
So instead, I hit on other guys and did things to try to make you jealous. ” Her face flushes with embarrassment.
“Fuck, that’s…” I rub the back of my neck, wishing I could go back in time and kick my own ass. “I’m really sorry.”
“I think deep down I knew you didn’t feel the same way about me as I did about you, so I sabotaged things and secretly hoped it would force you to see how great I am.
” She lifts one shoulder and plays it off like it’s no big deal, but I can see the hurt on her face.
“Then I met Ronnie. At first, I thought he was going to be another detour before you and I got back together and then…I really started to fall for him.”
“For the record, you are great.”
“I know.” She gives me a coy smile. “You are too, just maybe not great at seeing when a girl is super into you but too nervous to speak up.”
“I guess not.”
I’m going to have to filter through everything that’s ever happened between us with this new information, but I can already see it’s true. The flirting with other guys in front of me. Her and Ronnie. All of it.
“What are you going to do about Summer?” Amanda asks while I’m still reeling.
“Nothing. She doesn’t want anything to do with me.”
“Are you sure about that?”
I open my mouth to say yes, then reconsider. Maybe I don’t know shit about anything.
“I don’t know how you really feel about her, but I know that if I had spoken up a year ago, things might have been very different.”
“In other words?” I need her to spell it out for me because I don’t trust my own judgment anymore.
“If you want to be with Summer, and I think you do, try telling her that.” She laughs like it’s so obvious it’s silly. Maybe it is, but there’s one problem.
“I already did.”
“No.”
“What do you mean, no? I was there. You weren’t.” I think back to last weekend in my bedroom.
“I don’t need to have been there to know you left some room for doubt, because if you hadn’t, then she wouldn’t believe you still want me back.”
* * *
After Amanda leaves me, I stumble outside to find Austin and Vaughn.
“Hey. Everything okay?” Austin asks.
“Yeah,” I say slowly.
Vaughn’s brows lift.
“Sorry. The world just tilted on its axis. Everything I thought I knew was wrong.”
“Are you sure that’s root beer?” Austin asks, staring at me like he thinks I took a dozen shots in the past fifteen minutes.
“He’s not drunk,” Vaughn says, eyeing me carefully.
“He isn’t making any sense either,” Austin grumbles. “This isn’t the ‘I’m getting back with Amanda’ face, is it?”
“No, we’re done.”
“Thank fuck,” Vaughn says. “Nothing against Amanda, but you two were a disaster.”
“Yeah, so I’ve heard.” I shake my head and then a laugh bubbles up in my chest.
My friends look rightly confused at my sudden change in emotion.
“I need your help,” I say.
“Anything,” Vaughn says and Austin nods.
“Sleepover at the Kellers’ house?” I ask hopefully. “Pancakes for breakfast?”
“Sure.”
“Great. And between now and then, you two can tell me all about your relationships.”
That gets an eyebrow lift from Vaughn.
“I figure I should learn from the best,” I say, grinning. “Then you can help me figure out how to tell Summer I want her back.”