Chapter Twenty-Six
Sam
Sam edged down the stairs quietly and slowly, his ears peeled. Clara had gone down earlier while he was in the shower, but he couldn’t hear her voice. Or anyone’s, for that matter.
The old patio doors were slid half open, and Sam guessed everyone must be outside. The overnight rain had cleared, but the sky still looked a little overcast. As he filled the kettle, he saw his mum and Clara walking by the open window, looking at the plants.
‘Did you sleep well?’ Clara’s voice drifted inside. ‘I don’t always sleep well in strange places.’
‘Yes, I did, sweetheart, thank you,’ his mum replied. ‘Though I haven’t properly slept well since I lost Jimmy. He was taken from us when he was far too young.’
‘I’m so sorry,’ Clara said softly. ‘What happened?’
‘He’d had a very bad flu, and he went off to work, though he really shouldn’t have.
But he was a postal worker, and it was getting close to Christmas, so he felt like he had to.
He never came back – during the day he’d developed sepsis.
He pulled into a layby, presumably not feeling well… and died.’
‘Oh no.’
The mention of his dad and that day sent a pang through Sam’s chest. He’d never forget it. The way they’d all sat around wondering where he was and when he’d be back.
Sometimes it felt like he might still walk through the door, laughing and chatting as though nothing had happened.
‘It gets a little easier as time goes on,’ Moira said.
‘But I think about him every day. He was a good man. Always so kind and gentle, but strong. Oh, I don’t mean he was a weightlifter or anything like that.
He had a strong personality and always did what he thought was best. Never wanted to let anyone down. Sam’s a lot like him, you know.’
Sam’s hand paused mid-reach for the coffee jar.
‘He’s a good lad, my Sam. Was a bit rebellious as a teenager.
As they all are, but he’s a lovely son. I just wish he’d be happy again.
Properly happy. I know he is mostly, but with the constant threat of upheaval, it’s a lonely life for him sometimes.
I know he wants to do everything for the boys, but I hate that it means he’s sacrificing himself. ’
Clara murmured something Sam couldn’t quite make out, and his mum sighed.
‘He’s been through so much. That split with Olive…
I know it was the right thing in the end, but it hurt him terribly.
She wasn’t… well, let’s just say she didn’t treat him as he deserved.
And he was so good to her. It was painful to see the way he beat himself up about their relationship, but really, it wasn’t him.
I think it’s scarred him to the point where he’s afraid to enter into relationships. ’
Sam’s grip tightened on the tin. Was that true?
She maybe had a point. Even if he hadn’t consciously thought that, there was a possibility the fear was ingrained in him.
He knew the difficulties of having a relationship when his future was uncertain, but what if there was more to it? Was he so afraid?
Was that why he’d waited until Clara was asleep before saying the three little words that had been on his mind for some time now?
I love you.
His heart filled as he thought of them. Yes.
He loved her. This wasn’t a friend’s thing anymore.
And even if Olive ended up moving somewhere else, Sam needed to face these fears and find a way to make something work for him and Clara – if that was what she wanted, of course.
As soon as his mum, Claire, Alisha and Mina were safely on their way, he would talk first to the boys, then ask her.
‘I’m glad he trusts you,’ Moira said. ‘He doesn’t open up easily, not these days. He’s so charming and lovely with people, but he keeps his private business close. His relationship with his boys is a blessing, even if it’s not always been easy.’
‘He’s amazing with them,’ Clara said.
‘He is, isn’t he?’ His mum sounded proud. ‘He’s a wonderful father.’
Sam swallowed a lump in his throat.
‘I know he wanted his own kids,’ his mum went on. ‘Not because Kaleb and Jacob aren’t enough, but because he loves being a father.’
Clara didn’t respond right away, and Sam wondered what she was thinking.
He assumed from things he’d overheard and snippets that she told him that she couldn’t have kids.
Was that preying on her mind? She’d never told him exactly what the issue was.
Maybe it was too painful to talk about. He needed to let her know she could talk to him, and whatever the issues were they wouldn’t make him love her any less.
‘I’m glad he has you as a friend,’ his mum said. ‘And I’m very happy to have met you, Clara. You’re such a good fit for all of us.’
‘Thank you,’ Clara said, though her voice was muffled, and Sam guessed they were hugging.
He ran a hand through his tousled hair, then made his way to the patio doors. He paused for a moment, watching his mother and Clara still embracing by the bistro table, then he strode out, his bare feet cool against the smooth stones. ‘Morning,’ he said.
His mum and Clara turned, both smiling. Sam’s eyes met Clara’s, and for a brief moment, he saw a flicker of something there before her face broke into a warm smile.
‘Sam, darling.’ His mum’s eyes crinkled with joy. ‘Come join us, sweetheart.’
He wrapped his arms around both of them, enveloping them in a bear hug. ‘You two are great.’
Moira patted his cheek affectionately. ‘As are you, darling.’
Skye scrabbled around, clearly trying to get in on the action, and Sam bent down to scratch her ears.
‘She needs a walk.’ Clara checked her phone. ‘Have I got time to take her before you go?’
‘Yes.’ Moira nodded. ‘Claire’s still getting the girls ready.’
‘And Kaleb and Jacob are still in bed.’ Sam checked the time. ‘Though I suspect they’re awake. I’ll get them up in a minute.’
‘I’ll go now then,’ Clara said. ‘And I’ll be back in about half an hour.’
‘We’ll see you then.’ Moira gave her another hug.
Skye ran to Clara, circling her feet as she lifted the lead. ‘I’ll be as quick as I can.’ Her eyes met Sam’s.
He nodded, trying to ignore the pang in his chest at her departure. ‘Be safe,’ he said.
‘I will.’ She waved goodbye and headed off.
Sam took a deep breath, feeling oddly at sea and a little bereft. He glanced up to find his mum watching him. She opened her arms, and he leaned into her embrace, suddenly feeling like a small boy again.
‘I love you, Mum,’ he murmured into her hair.
‘I love you too, my darling boy.’ She patted his back. ‘You know—’ Her voice faltered. ‘Your father would be so proud of the man you’ve become.’
Sam swallowed hard, a lump forming in his throat. ‘I hope so.’
‘Oh, he would.’ She pulled back and gripped his upper arms. ‘You’re so much like him. The way you care for others, your strength, your kindness. And as you’ve got older, you look more and more like him. It’s like seeing him again sometimes.’
He nodded, almost able to hear his father’s laugh, feel the warmth of his bear hugs.
‘I remember him so well.’ A smile tugged at his lips. ‘Sometimes it seems like yesterday he was here, and other days, it feels like an age ago.’
‘I feel exactly the same.’
They stood quietly for a moment, the gentle breeze rustling through the nearby trees. The sun had climbed higher in the sky, but clouds lingered. Perhaps last night’s rain had only let up temporarily.
‘You know, Sam,’ his mum said. ‘I was just saying how I’d love to see you happy again. Properly happy.’
Sam’s heart clenched. He stared down at his feet. ‘I am happy, Mum. I’ve got the boys, I’ve got you and Claire, the girls…’
‘But that’s not quite the same, is it?’ She took his hand. ‘I want you to find someone who’ll truly love you as you deserve. Someone to share your life with.’
The lump in Sam’s throat grew, threatening to choke him. He blinked rapidly, took a deep breath, then slowly released it. ‘Mum, I…’ His voice cracked. ‘I think I might have found that person.’
His mother’s eyes widened. ‘Clara?’
‘Of course. Who else?’ Sam nodded, then exhaled again, trying to maintain his composure.
‘Oh, my darling boy.’ His mum squeezed his hand.
‘But it’s not simple,’ Sam continued. ‘It’s not like we can just up and start a relationship. She’s loved someone else for a long time. I’m just… I’m just helping her get through that. The situation with Olive has made everything so difficult. I haven’t dared to think about relationships.’
‘I know, son.’ Moira raised an eyebrow. ‘But she likes you an awful lot. Don’t let go of that.’
‘So, do you think I should consider staying here – even if Olive moves away?’
‘There’s no right or wrong option but talk to the boys.
They might be ok with the idea of you staying here.
This is a good house after all, and they’re both getting older.
In a few years, they might get part-time jobs or have other things on at weekends.
You might end up not seeing them as frequently anyway.
But during holidays you can spend longer periods with them, just like you do with us. ’
She was right, as always. And he would do what she said. He didn’t want to leave the boys or Clara, but this wasn’t just about them. It was about himself. And that was where he had to start this time.