Chapter 20
BOOKER
My heart threatened to burst as I watched Miles wake.
First, he tilted his face so the single ray of sunlight breaking through the blinds fell on it, turning his eyelashes to gold and his freckles to bronze, highlighting the perfect line of his adorable nose.
His eyes blinked open, icy blue in the morning sun, brow furrowing against the light until he noticed me watching, eyes widening again with a moment of surprise before he covered a yawn and rolled over to face me.
He was beautiful. I’d known that, distantly, but now it was awe-inspiring. I could’ve looked at him for days at a time and never gotten tired of it.
I was turning into a sap in my old age.
“Morning,” I murmured, soft as I could, not wanting to break the peace just yet.
Miles broke into a smile. “Morning,” he said. “I didn’t mean to sleep here all night.”
“Not the first time,” I reminded him.
“Won’t be the last,” he said, reaching out between us and taking my hand. “If you’re wondering how I feel now that I’ve slept on it.”
I looked down at Miles’s fingers wrapped around mine and felt another swell of awe.
“You said you were sensitive about rejection,” he added after a heartbeat. “I want you to be really positive that I’m not doing that.”
I swallowed past a lump in my throat, managing a nod but not trusting myself to speak.
“I don’t, umm. I don’t really know how to do this,” Miles said, meeting my eyes with his lip drawn between his teeth. “But I want to be good at it. I know you’ve been doing all the work. I’m not completely oblivious. I want to give you what you need. What you want.”
“I wouldn’t call it work,” I said, reaching out to touch him, running the pad of my thumb along his cheekbone, smiling as he leaned into it.
“You’re not work. You’re not difficult, and there’s still nothing wrong with you.
You can’t base your entire self-worth on someone else’s misjudgment,” I said, remembering Seth saying something similar to me.
Maybe he’d been right, after all.
“No?” Miles asked. He sounded like he was joking, but there was a note of uncertainty under it.
I wasn’t the only one who needed a little reassurance.
“From my perspective,” I said. “You’re perfect. Everything about you. From the tip of your nose to the ends of your toes,” I added, leaning over to kiss the tip of his nose.
Miles caught me then, as I went to back off, brushing his lips against mine.
“Sorry,” he murmured against my chin. “Too much?”
I blinked at him. “No?”
“Not too much?” Miles asked, hopeful. “If I wanted… to do what we did, umm. Last night. Again?”
My heart hurt for him. He’d just discovered that he could enjoy sex—and I was so glad he had, so happy I’d been able to give that to him—and now he was afraid he wanted it too much.
I could’ve told him that it was fine, that he was allowed to want things, that I’d say no if I really wasn’t up to it.
“C’mere,” I said instead, tugging him over to me, both of us laughing as I hauled him on top of me and settled him there.
He was wearing an old pair of sweats that hung low on his hips, left behind from a fundraiser years ago that said Faith across the butt.
They were a good look on him. Especially the way they rode just low enough for a glimpse of red hair to peek out over the waistband.
I couldn’t say I’d always had a thing for redheads. I could say was that I’d made a mistake not always having a thing for them.
“I didn’t mean now,” Miles said, but he was laughing, he was smiling, and he was so beautiful when he was happy that I could hardly draw breath.
“You didn’t?” I asked, watching the flush creeping up his neck and pooling on his cheeks, making his eyes look even brighter. He bit his lip as I slid a hand down his side, dipping my fingers past the waistband of the sweatpants, grinning up at him.
“Well…” he glanced down at me, following the line of my body.
“See something you like?” I teased.
“I like all of it,” he said, so sincere it made my breath catch again. “I love that you’re so big.”
I laughed again, stroking his side with my thumb. “You know how to flatter a man.”
“I didn’t mean… I’m not sure what my feelings are about, umm… Although I did like the way you felt in my hand, but I don’t… I mean. It wouldn’t matter. It doesn’t. Matter. To me. But I do like you. All of you. I like your body.”
I couldn’t stop chuckling the whole time Miles was talking, affection blooming in the pit of my stomach for him. He was trying so hard and I…
I felt a way about it. About him. A way that might have been terrifying if it hadn’t felt so damned good right now.
“Feeling’s mutual,” I said. “That I like your body, I mean. I just live in mine.”
“You always look so comfortable in your own skin,” Miles said. “I thought that when I first met you. I envied it.”
“Comes with age,” I said. “You’ll get there.”
I wanted to watch him get there. More than anything, in the moment. He was like the curled up bud of a spring flower just waiting to burst into full bloom. I saw more and more of it, the edges of the person he was going to be one day sticking out, full of life and charisma and confidence.
All he needed was a little time, a little care, and a little… love.
I thought maybe I could give that to him. If he’d let me.
“You like my body?” Miles asked, looking up at me under pale lashes.
“Fishing for compliments?” I teased. I knew he wasn’t, not really. He’d never had anyone to tell him how gorgeous he was, to appreciate every line and curve and freckle. At least, not so he believed them.
Miles twirled a tuft of my chest hair between his fingers, looking down again.
“I do like your body,” I said, running the hand that’d been threatening to dip into his sweatpants up his back, sweeping over his shoulders and then to his chest. “I like the freckles on your collarbones,” I added, tracing the lines of them. “And you’ve got the prettiest nipples I’ve ever seen.”
Miles gasped as I traced them each in turn, taking my time.
“Stronger arms than I expected,” I continued, running my hands over the lean, compact muscles there. All the moving books around, I supposed.
“The most beautiful hands.” I brought one to my lips, brushing a kiss over the knuckles. “Which are allowed to touch me wherever they want.”
Miles laughed as I let his hand go so I could go back to exploring the rest of him. “This is very cute,” I said, trailing a finger around his belly button and then the adorable strawberry blond treasure trail disappearing into his sweats, a shade darker than the hair on his head.
“Great butt,” I continued, my hand diving down past his waistband now and splaying over naked skin—I’d promised to launder his underwear for him—before giving it a firm squeeze.
Miles’s throat worked as he swallowed.
“Love the way your thighs feel around me,” I said, easing my hand back out of his sweats, taking a moment to appreciate the way he was starting to tent them as I ran my hands along his thighs, tucking my thumb in where they were pressed up against me.
“Book,” Miles sighed, rocking into my hands. I grinned up at him, thrilled I could make him feel like this, that he wanted me.
“Yeah?” I asked, toying with the fabric of his sweats.
“I don’t know what to ask for,” Miles said, his gaze flicking up to meet mine, pleading in his eyes.
I couldn’t help being a little turned on by him coming to me for answers. Trusting me to help him figure it all out.
“Do you like being kissed?” I asked. I got the feeling I knew the answer, since Miles had barely let me have my mouth to myself all night last night, but I wanted him to think about it for himself.
He nodded, shifting shyly on top of me, eyes widening a little as he felt my cock hard under him. “Oh.”
“Oh,” I repeated, reaching up to curl a hand around the back of his neck. “Did I not mention that every inch of you does it for me?”
The shy smile that spread over Miles’s lips was too delicious to let him keep for himself, so I pulled him down to taste it, rocking my hips as his moved so he could feel just how much I meant it.
“Is it weird that knowing you’re hard is maybe the best part of this for me?” Miles asked, rolling his hips.
“No weirder than anything else about you,” I teased, grinning against his mouth as I kissed him again. “Think we can maybe find some other things you’ll like just as much,” I added, tightening my grip on his ass, pulling him closer.
“Know what I like?” I murmured in his ear, smiling at the way he squirmed against me, looking for friction.
“What?”
“I like making you come,” I said, grinding slow and deliberate up against him, drawing the stroke out so he felt it against the entire length of his cock.
“Even if it takes ten seconds?” Miles asked wryly.
I laughed, turning my head to steal another kiss, rocking against him again. “Even then,” I said, lips brushing his. “All you need is a little practice.”
“I like the way practice feels,” Miles said, burying his face against my neck. I could feel his cheeks burning, but he was smiling against my skin, too, and that was all I needed to know. As long as he was happy.
“Then don’t worry about it,” I said, building up to a rhythm, adjusting my grip on his butt to pull him closer, get him a better angle. “Just enjoy it.”
Miles made a low, happy sound against my neck, thighs tightening around me as I rocked us both together, letting myself bask in the way he felt against me. He fitted like he’d been carved just for this, just for me to hold close, so perfect it was hard to believe he was real.
I bit my lip as he joined in with the rhythm, angling his hips to take what he needed. Pride swelled in my chest at knowing he was gaining confidence, getting to know himself, and that he felt safe enough with me to explore.
I couldn’t stop myself kissing him again. Filthier than I had before, sucking on his tongue to see how he liked that, sharing a groan as he ground down against me, gasping into my mouth. His fingers curled around my arm, biting deep into it as he whimpered, strokes speeding up. Taking charge.
I loved that. I didn’t normally care one way or another, but knowing that Miles felt like he could take charge with me, that felt good. I’d worried about him not feeling safe if he knew how I wanted him, but if anything he seemed to feel safer now.
That blooming I’d been hoping for might’ve been closer than I thought.
“Book,” he panted into my mouth, sweats sliding down so that the tip of his cock smeared precome all over my belly, sending a shiver down my spine.
He wasn’t even doing it on purpose, he was just effortlessly the sexiest person I’d ever been with and I wasn’t sure I’d ever get enough of him.
I didn’t want to get enough of him. I wanted to want him, and want him, and want him.
“I got you,” I promised him. “Come for me, it’s okay.”
The sound Miles made when his hips stuttered a few thrusts later was going to stay with me forever. That I could make him sound like that, relieved and overjoyed and a tiny bit overwhelmed but still so happy was the best thing that’d ever happened to me.
I eased him through the peak of it with a firm hand on his butt, guiding his strokes, slowing him down to draw it out so he got the most out of it. I loved getting to show him all of this, to teach him how much he could enjoy his own body. And mine, if he wanted.
My heart lit up at the final satisfied grunt that escaped him before he collapsed on my chest.
“Good?” I asked, running a soothing hand up and down his back.
Miles nodded, still worn out, and then made an effort to look up at me. “Did you…?”
I shook my head. No, I hadn’t come, and I was still rock hard. It was worse now I’d watched Miles come. Now I knew I’d made him.
“Doesn’t matter,” I said.
“Does matter,” Miles murmured, raising himself up and sliding back a few inches, making me hiss as half his weight ground down on my cock.
He looked down at me like I was a puzzle he was trying to solve, adorably post-orgasm hazy, brows knitted together as he stared at my cock.
I took pity on him, shoving my hand into my underwear to jerk myself off, pushing it out of the way so he could see.
I glanced up just in time to see his tongue dart out to wet his lips and almost came at the sight of it. How did I get so lucky? How was this beautiful man sitting on my hips while I jerked off, watching me with undisguised hunger in his eyes?
If I’d imagined putting on a show for him, I’d already forgotten about it. All I could do was watch his face, eyes dark, lips parted, staring down at me like he’d never seen anything so exciting in his life.
“Book,” he breathed, meeting my eyes, and that was all it took for me to come, the sudden rush of it making my back arch, which made Miles’s thighs tighten around me to hold on, which only made me come harder.
Spots danced in front of my eyes as I peaked, only fading when I started to catch my breath, Miles still staring at me with his mouth hanging open.
I watched as he reached out, ran his thumb through the mess on my stomach, and then sucked it into his mouth.
If I hadn’t just come, that might’ve been enough to set me off all over again. The sound I made would have been embarrassing if I wasn’t sure Miles wouldn’t judge me.
“Should I… not do that?” Miles asked hesitantly.
“No, no. It’s fine. It’s, I mean… It’s safe. You’re fine.”
“It’s just that you gave me this look…” he said, licking an escaped drop off his lips, as though he was trying to hide what he was doing.
“That’s just the way my face looks when my brain is actually melting from arousal,” I said. “You’re also allowed to lick anything you want.”
Miles’s gaze dropped straight to my spent cock.
Again, if I hadn’t just come…
He was going to kill me, but I’d die happy.
“Book?” he asked, looking me in the eyes again. “Are we really gonna save the library?”
“Thought you weren’t cut out for the job,” I teased, smiling up at him.
“Well, I’m not,” he said. “I’m still not. But Otter Bay needs a library. Everyone needs a library. They’re important.”
I reached out to brush my fingers against his cheek, affection rising up in my chest.
“We’re gonna save it,” I promised. “You trust me?”
“More than anyone,” Miles said. He meant it. He meant that he trusted me, and I knew what that meant to him. What it’d take for him to trust again after the betrayal he’d been through.
“We’re gonna save it,” I repeated. “That’s a promise. Okay?”
“Okay.” Miles smiled one of those pretty, shy smiles I loved. Then he bent down, and caught my mouth, and kissed me with all the new skills he’d learned in the past twelve hours.
He kept kissing me all the way through his alarm, and didn’t even pause to switch it off.