Chapter 17
Everly
“We make a great team, you know that?” Julian plants a loud kiss on my lips, his hand possessively on my ass, drawing me to him.
I let him pull me in because I want his arms around me.
I don’t want to let him go or say goodbye.
More content filming and branding meetings down south with Ashley this weekend for him and I’ve got too much homework to join him.
I’m pouting on the inside and trying to hide it from him on the outside.
I hate when he’s gone. I know that logically we can’t be together all the time, and that healthy relationships need space to survive, but still, I feel untethered when we’re not together.
I’m sure there’s some therapy term for it, like codependency or separation anxiety or both.
But I’m not ready to admit there’s something wrong with the way I feel about him or us. We’re just better together.
“We do make a good team, which is why you should stay here with your teammate.” I say it without conviction because I know he has to go.
And I know it’s important for the future he’s building.
I’m proud of him and proud to be with him.
“Kidding,” I add, dragging the word out so he doesn’t think I’m guilt-tripping him.
I’m really not. I love what this opportunity Ashley’s giving him means—for him, for us, if we stay . . . a team. I squash that last thought.
“Miss me.” He says it like an order and plants another fat kiss on my lips, lifts his bag off the ground and turns toward his Jeep.
“Always.” I watch him from the doorway and wave as he backs out.
Just before he drives off, he looks back and winks at me with those stunning blue eyes.
My stomach flips, and I wonder for the umpteenth time if it will always be this way.
Will he always make my stomach flip? I close the door and already feel restless without him.
Even though I have plenty of homework, I entertain the idea of diving into a new book while he’s gone—a fictional world to lose myself in.
Lately though, picking a book is like picking a movie to watch—more time spent browsing than watching.
I browse and browse and in the end decide on nothing.
I fear my deliciously handsome teammate has ruined my love of romance books and book boyfriends.
And the next thought that occurs is the usual—I need to swap my love for romance to another genre.
Suspense, maybe? Thrillers? Something sans swoony male main characters.
None of them holds a candle to the one I’ve got in real life.
Flopping onto our bed, I open the app to peruse new book releases. Homework be damned. Before I can spiral down that rabbit hole, Lilly’s face takes over my phone screen. I tap to answer her FaceTime call.
“Oh my God, Lilly. I miss your face so much.”
“Yeah? Well, you’re about to see a whole lot more of it. Open your door.”
“What?” I bound off the bed and race down the stairs, then throw open the front door.
There in the place of Julian’s Jeep is Lilly’s old Ford Bronco, with her standing beside it tucking her phone into her jeans.
I leap off the three steps in one hop and throw my arms around her. “What the hell are you doing here?”
“Long weekend. Came home to see the fam. And you, of course.”
“No Noah?”
“No, his fraternity has some bro shit to do so . . . here I am.” She throws her arms out wide.
“Oh my God, this is so perfect. Julian just left to go down south for work.”
“I know, I passed him turning onto your street. We stopped in the road and chatted for two seconds. He told me you were gonna freak out. He looked way too happy I was gonna surprise you. Could you guys be any more sickening? I mean cute.” She rolls her eyes on the last part.
“Get in here. What are we doing first? Wanna go for coffee? Want me to make you some breakfast?”
“Is Pete around? I’m dying for one of his breakfast burritos. College food sucks.”
“Yep, he’s already shut down on the weekdays but still does Friday through Sunday breakfast for a few more weeks. Wanna drive or walk?”
“Let’s walk. I miss home.”
***
“So, when are you moving back?” I loudly slurp the last of my iced coffee through the straw.
“When are you coming with me?” Lilly tosses a napkin on her empty plate and stretches her arms over her head as she leans back in her chair.
“Well played.” I smirk. I miss her so much.
While her retort was a joke, it sobers me a bit.
The tug of war in my head between feeling like I’m missing out by not having gone away to college and not wanting to be away from Julian is strong.
More so when it hits me in the face, like now, seeing Lilly talking about her life on campus—especially when her life in San Luis Obispo sounds perfect and similar to life here.
Trade the lake for the beach and you’re there.
Cal Poly was one of my top school choices.
But just like Pepperdine, I never applied.
Maybe if I’d applied before all the shit went down, I’d be away at school right now.
But that would mean I may have never met Lilly.
Or Julian. My stomach drops on that sobering thought—makes me tuck that longing and sadness away.
I wouldn’t go back and redo it. I wouldn’t.
Sometimes I just need to take a walk down What If Lane to remind myself of that.
“What’d you have planned while your man’s away?” Lilly pulls me out of my pity spiral.
“Homework. Boring.” I shrug and stand to clear our plates and take them to the kitchen.
“Okay, I mean I have some too. Can I sleep over and we’ll do it together?”
“For sure! I’d love that.”
We say our goodbyes to Pete and take the trail back to Allie’s—home. My home. With Julian. Lilly entertains me the whole way back with stories of campus life and Noah’s fraternity adventures. She says she’s not the sorority type.
“Same,” I agree. After the mean girl nightmare I went through in OV, you wouldn’t catch me willingly signing up for that shit.
“Okay, I gotta jet to Southy and see the fam. Might stay for dinner. Wanna come?” she asks as she stands next to the open door of her Bronco, ready to hop in.
I shake my head. “Nah, I’ll get a head start on my assignments while you’re gone. Are you sure they’ll let you leave once you get there?” I laugh, knowing how close they all are.
“I gotta spread the Lilly love around while I’m here. They’ll have to deal.” She holds her hands out to her sides in a cocky stance.
“Oh, okay.” I toss my chin at her. “Well, I’ll see you when you get done signing autographs.
” I hear her giggle as she closes the door and starts her engine.
Ambling up the steps and into the entryway, I can’t stop smiling.
God, it’s so good to have Lilly home. Home.
Will I ever get used to calling it that?
***
“Girl, I can’t believe I missed the Chase drama.” Sitting in the cool air on the deck, layered in hoodies, sweats and blankets, we recline on the loungers in the dark. The full moon casts a glow on the night.
“To be fair, it was more anti-drama. Felt kinda bad for the guy, if I’m being real.”
“Yeah, I guess. But sometimes you’re too nice, Davis.”
I smile without answering and hug the throw pillow to my chest. Agreeable Everly.
That’s been my identity since I can remember.
Never rocking the boat. It’s clear to me why I lost myself in books ever since I could read.
The characters, especially the female ones, were always strong and outspoken and fierce.
I always wanted to be more like those girls.
Sometimes now I feel like I am like them.
I feel bolder than I ever have, and I think a lot of that has to do with Julian.
I feel brave and safe around him. Like I can just be me and he’s not going anywhere.
The weird thing about people leaving you when you’re young is that even though you’re repeatedly told it’s not you, it feels like it’s you.
Like if you’d done something different .
. . been different . . . they would’ve stayed.
After years of therapy and simply getting older and .
. . wiser, I know logically that’s not true.
Emotionally, though, that default setting can still fuck with my head.
“Love looks good on you, Ev.” Lilly pulls me out of my head.
“It feels good.” When my response causes her to grimace at me, I add, “Eww, not like that. But . . . well . . . okay, like that.” I giggle and push the pillow to my face.
“I mean, I figured. You can’t have a body like that and suck in bed.” She giggles.
“Right?” I don’t recognize the forward girl talking boldly about sex, but I love her. And I love that I have someone like Lilly I can be that girl with. “And, like, we do it all the time. Like all the time. Do you and Noah?”
“I think we did at first. Maybe. But now . . . I don’t know. Maybe we’re in a rut. Or just busy with school. I don’t know.”
“Hmmm. That’s two I-don’t-knows in the same breath. What’s up, Lill?”
Lilly bursts into tears. “I think we’re breaking up.” She presses the pillow to her face now.
“Oh my God, Lilly. Holy shit, why didn’t you say something? Or tell me to shut the fuck up about Julian and all the sex.”