34. Collins
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
COLLINS
“You’re the best thing to ever happen to me.
” He smiles, and it takes everything in me to stand tall and not have my knees buckle.
“The two of you, you’ll forever be the best thing to happen to me.
” He turns, and I watch his back as he moves away from me, feeling like my heart just shattered in my chest when he closes the door behind him.
One hand is on my stomach, and the other is on the wall beside me to keep me up. I’m in love with you.
I close my eyes as I make my way to the bedroom, sitting on the bed as more of his words come back to me.
My head feels like it’s on a merry-go-round, with me trying to stand in the middle of it, not moving.
If you think your parents will stop with me, how do you think they’ll use our child against you?
It’s not that I haven’t thought the same thing.
It’s just hearing him say it . . . it reminds me of the worry.
If I can’t protect myself from them, or Theo, how can I protect our child?
My hand moves to my mouth to stop the sob that rips through me.
I lie down, my head on the bed, the tears running over my nose to the mattress, my hand cupping my stomach.
“You will never be their pawn,” I assure our baby. “I will never let them make you their pawn. Somehow I’ll protect you, until my last breath.” My chest feels like someone has gripped my heart and is squeezing it with everything they have, making it so hard to breathe.
I don’t know how long I lie on the bed, staring into space, blinking and wondering if this is a dream. Am I dreaming this? How is this my reality right now?
I peel myself up off the bed and head into the closet. My bag in the corner is empty. Theo unpacked for me one night and put my stuff away. I reach for the folded clothes in the drawer and place them in the bag.
My stomach lurches with every passing minute, knowing that I won’t be slipping into bed with him tonight. He won’t kiss me and wish me sweet dreams. He won’t be beside me in the morning with his beautiful smile.
We’ve been together such a short time, but he’s taken better care of me in that time than my parents have throughout my whole life.
Everything he’s done since he found out I was pregnant has been what I’ve wanted forever.
It’s what dreams are made of. It might be little things like cutting my fruit or packing an extra pack of cheese because he knows I love it.
He keeps fresh water on the table on my side of the bed because he knows I wake up at night and always go grab a glass.
It’s the little things I’ve been doing for myself over the years that no one has ever even attempted to do for me.
The tears fall onto my gray pants, staining them a darker gray.
I hear noise coming from the kitchen. My feet move without me having to consciously think about it. He’s there, taking out a pan and placing it on the stove. He moves to the fridge and must sense me there because he looks over.
“I know you’re leaving.” His eyes make me think his heart is broken. “But I wanted to cook for you before you go. I don’t know if you have any food at home, so I was going to fill you up.”
I put my hand to my mouth and take a deep breath. “I don’t want to leave,” I confess. “I want to stay.”
“I want you to stay.” He doesn’t move, knowing I have more to say.
“I’m not my parents.”
“You are not them,” he confirms.
“I’ll never be them.”
“You will never be them,” he agrees. “You could have been them. You could have been just like them, but you aren’t.” He takes a step toward me. “Would you ever use our child the way they used you?”
“Never. I would never in my life do that to our child.” I put the back of my hand to my mouth to stop the sob as he closes the distance between us.
“I know. Everyone who knows you knows that.” His hands come up to cradle my face.
“Do you know how much you are loved?” It’s a question that I’ve never thought about.
“Brock threatened to kick my ass. All the guys at the station glare at me when I come to see you. Your captain gave me the third degree when I dropped off my keys the other day. Burke said he would shoot me in the leg, right above my knee, if I hurt you.” The laugh escapes me.
“Then he said he’d shoot my other leg after the first one heals. ”
“He did not.” I shake my head, shocked by all this information.
“He did, and he has to be nice to me since I’m building the apartment at his house.” His thumbs catch my tears that are now leaking for a whole different reason. “Roman said he would inject insulin between my toes while I slept, so no one would find out how I died.”
“That’s so diabolical.” I put my hands on his chest, my finger rubbing back and forth nervously.
“I haven’t had a lot of experience with what love is.
But I know I love our child more than anything already and, well, I think I love you just as much.
” His heartbeat thumps under my hand, and it’s everything.
I tap my finger, forcing mine to beat at the same rhythm.
He smiles as his lips touch mine. “I’ve never wanted anything in my life the way I want you.” He kisses my lips again. “You going to move in with me?”
“Theo, I have a house.”
“No, you have a death trap.” That makes me giggle for the first time in what feels like forever. “I’m not kidding, Collins, that place is probably not even up to code.”
I roll my eyes, moving my hands to his sides and gripping his shirt in my fists, making sure he doesn’t leave me. “It’s fine.”
“Your wiring is all fucking shot. I went to check, and there are some breakers that look like they don’t even work. And don’t get me started on the plumbing.”
“I live in it just fine.” I mean, I know there are technically lots of things wrong with it, but it’s mine, so it’s been perfect in my eyes.
“Well, how about this?” His hands drop from my face, and he pulls me to him. My arms go around his waist. “I’ll go with you to your house, and we’ll check everything, and if it passes code, then I won’t say anything to you.”
I bite my lower lip. “What happens if it doesn’t pass code?”
“Then you move in here. We get your house up to code, and you rent it out.”
The doorbell rings, and my body goes tight. My mother must be back. He lets me go and stomps to the door. I hear voices and then . . . his parents walk into the room.
The smile on his mother’s face fades when she sees me. “Why is she crying?” Her voice rises when she turns to Theo. “What did you do to make her cry? Blake, she’s crying.”
“I’m okay,” I say quickly, my hand on my stomach, “or I’ll be okay. I swear, it’s just—”
“What did you say to her?” Samantha asks Theo, coming to me and wrapping one arm around my waist. “You said something insensitive, didn’t you?” She looks at me. “You can tell me what he said.”
“He actually didn’t say anything,” I say, defending him. “It’s just a couple of things that happened.” I feel her tighten her grip on me. “It’s a long story, but you might as well hear it from me first.”
“Before you do that,” Blake cuts in, “how about we sit down and get you some water?” His smile fills my heart even bigger. “Maybe a snack.”
“I’ll get her some juice.” Samantha ushers me to the couch, basically pushing me into it.
“Maybe we can get you some fruit?” I can see her own tears in her eyes.
“Or do you want pizza? Maybe fried chicken or a burger? Whatever you want to eat, we’ll get it for you.
” She looks at Theo. “Have you fed her recently?” She folds her arms over her chest, and her eyes go into slits.
“I thought I raised you better than this.”
“Mom, you’re freaking my girl out.”
“She’s not freaking me out.” I glare at him, then turn to Samantha. “You are not freaking me out.”
“I’m not freaking her out.” Samantha puts her hand to her chest.
“I think we need a time-out.” Blake puts one hand up and then the other hand on top in a T. “We’ll get her something to drink.” He grabs Samantha’s hands. “You tell her it’s going to be okay,” he tells Theo, “and we’ll be back.”
I watch Blake drag Samantha to the kitchen. “You don’t have to tell them anything,” Theo says as he sits next to me. “No one has to know.”
“But then if they find out, it’ll be like I was hiding it from them, and I’m not going to be that person who lies.”
“It has nothing to do with you.” He’s just trying to make me feel better.
“It has everything to do with me.” I don’t say another word because they come back with a glass of water for me. “Thank you.” I smile at her, accepting the glass. Theo wraps an arm around my back, pulling me to him.
“We’re going to have to get this moving,” Theo whispers to me. “I want everyone out since we just got back together.”
“Got back together?” Samantha gasps. “You broke up with her?” He ignores her and looks at me, waiting for me to take the lead.
“I sort of broke up with him.” I don’t want them to be mad at him at all.
Samantha sits down, and Blake follows to sit beside her.
His arm goes around her shoulders, holding on to her arm.
“It’s—” I start nervously. Theo’s reassuring look calms me.
“It’s my parents. They’re not the nicest people.
They are definitely not good parents, and I’m going to be nothing like them.
” He reaches over with his free hand to grab mine and brings it to his lips.
“They’ve done horrible things, but someone told me recently that what they did has nothing to do with me. ”
I fill them in on everything my parents have done. I know if they are in town long enough, they are going to hear the whole thing anyway. Might as well get it over with now, and hope for the best.
When I finish, I take in a deep breath, surprised that I’m not a blubbering mess.
“You aren’t responsible for what other people do or don’t do,” Samantha states.
“You are responsible for what you do and only for what you do. I’ve learned that the hard way.
But someone held my hand while I did it.
” She puts her hand on Blake’s knee. “I know that it’s not the same thing, but we’re here for anything that you need.
We are going to love you and our grandchild no matter what.
” I think I’ve stopped breathing. “Now, how about we go into town and have lunch?”
“Um,” I start, “I really shouldn’t. I called into work sick today, and I don’t want them to think I was faking.”
“Of course you wouldn’t be faking,” Samantha comforts.
“I suggested that I’d go pick up lunch and we could eat here,” Theo interjects.
“Perfect, and then we can go through all the things we bought for the baby,” she says with glee.
“All the things you bought for the baby?” I ask, not sure what she means.
“I know it’s still early and all that, but I couldn’t help it. It’s just a couple of things. Some pj’s, socks, and a blanket. I got everything in neutral colors like white, yellow, green, and some beige.”
“A couple of things?” Blake says. “The whole trunk is full.”
I gasp at the same time as Samantha, but for different reasons. “It’s a surprise!” she scolds Blake, who shrugs. She turns to me. “We’re leaving before he tells you more. We’ll go get some food.”
“That’s perfect,” Theo replies. “You do that and take your time.”
“Theo,” I hiss as I stand up. All he does is smile and kiss me.
“We’ll be back,” Blake replies, “and we’ll take our time.”
“You don’t have to,” I shout after them.
“All the time you can,” Theo calls over me. “Go visit Sierra and Caleb.”
The sound of them laughing trails off until the front door closes.
“Theo—” I don’t say anything else because his lips are on mine, and I forget about everything except him.