Chapter 48
With everything going on with my dad, I’ve completely put plans for my thirtieth birthday on the back burner. Jameson knows it’s approaching. We’ve talked about it. And I’ve mentioned more than once how I don’t want to do anything crazy, even before all of his happened.
So, before I call Jameson and do the very hard task of opening up to him about everything that’s going on, I text Layla to tell her that I’m really not feeling up for a party this weekend. I know she was planning something, and I feel bad, but I also know that she’ll understand.
After that conversation, I shut myself in my room and dial Jameson’s number. Jess is already in bed for the night, but it feels right to call him from the safety of my room. He answers on the first ring.
“Hey.”
“Hey.”
“What’s wrong?”
“I’m not very good at hiding it, huh?”
“No. Not at all.”
I release a long breath. “I just…” I shake my head. Everything is piling up, and I feel like I’m on the verge of a breakdown. I just want to hide under the blankets for three days and avoid life.
“Carly? You can tell me anything, you know?”
I shake my head, knowing he can’t see me but staying silent anyway.
“Can you just…come over? I know it’s late, but…” Maybe he’ll hide in bed with me for those three days.
I can’t actually do that, though. I have a daughter to be strong for and to take care of. There are no true days off as a parent. But maybe just for the night I can pretend to disappear…
“Be right there.”
“Okay.” Of course I can depend on him. I never really doubted it.
It takes less than twenty minutes from the time I hang up the phone for him to show up at my front door. He texts first, of course, because he always thinks ahead and probably assumed my daughter was asleep already.
When I open the door and lay eyes on him, I feel so stupid for ever shutting him out, even for a few days. As soon as our gazes lock, I feel safe and at home. All I want is to be wrapped in the safety of his arms.
As if he read my mind, he steps inside without a word and wraps his strong arms around me. He smells like comfort. He smells like Jameson.
And just like that, everything heavy on my shoulders releases in the form of tears—not the body-shaking, ugly kind, just silent ones that fall down my face and into his soft black shirt. He might not even realize I’m crying. Well, he might once he notices his shirt is damp.
He scoops me up in one fluid, easy motion, holding my legs with one arm and my back with the other as I rest my head against his wet chest. I don’t resist. I don’t say anything.
He carries me to my room, props me up against the pillows, then disappears for a second and returns with tissues and a bottle of water.
My knight in shining armor. He flicks on the TV, finds my favorite comfort show—yes, he knows what my comfort show is—then gently pushes my back forward so he can squeeze in behind me.
I get chills as his strong hands begin rubbing my shoulders, brushing my hair back out of my face.
It feels so nice I could cry all over again. It hits me that I haven’t had someone take care of me like this in a long, long time. I’m always the one taking care of someone else.
“I don’t know what’s been going on with you,” he says in a calm, gentle tone, “but I’m here to listen whenever you want to talk about it.”
I stay quiet for a moment. I close my eyes and indulge in the warmth of his chest against my back, his strong hands rubbing my shoulders.
“I’m sorry I’ve been short with you. It’s just…I felt like my whole world was shifting. My life and routine have been the same for years, and now…we’re in unknown territory.”
“It’s okay,” he whispers.
“My dad has lung cancer,” I begin. “He and Ella…they’re my whole village.
And now he’s sick, and they have to travel really far for treatment, and I don’t even know how much that’s going to cost them.
Obviously, what’s most important is that he gets the treatment and gets healthy again, but I don’t want them to stress about the rest on top of that.
” I take a deep breath. “And then there’s Jess I have to be strong for and take care of.
She loves her grandpa, and I hate to see her go through this.
I’ve been trying to process it all while also being strong for everyone, and I’m tired.
And then I just had a really bad day today.
I had to call my mom and tell her, and her reaction was about what I expected.
And I want to talk to my brother, but he’s in the middle of the ocean somewhere, so I can’t do that. ”
I feel his chest rise as he takes in a deep breath.
“I’m sorry I unloaded all that on you. I just…it’s nice having you here. I missed you.”
“I missed you too,” he says softly into my hair, combing it back with his fingers. His lips touch my temple so gently, it sends tingles through me. “Don’t be sorry. I wish you could have told me sooner, but I get it. I’m glad you finally called. And I’m so sorry about your dad. How is Jess doing?”
“Surprisingly strong. They told her that his chances of beating it are very high, and she’s optimistic. She’s been having me help her research for a few days.”
“Are they actually though? Or…”
“No, they are. They caught it very early, thankfully.”
“That’s good. Why do they have to go so far? Reno is only, what, forty-five minutes away?”
“Yes. But…you know how insurance can be. He’s going where they tell him he can.”
“You’re going to be okay, you know. You’re the strongest woman I know.”
A sad smile touches my face. I know he’s right that I’m going to be okay. I have to be. It’s just going to take me a little while to get over the initial shock and bounce into our new normal.
“Thank you.”
“I’m here for you. Whatever you need. I’m not going anywhere.”
“No?”
“No. Why would I leave the woman I love in her time of need.”
My heart flips. I can physically feel it doing acrobatics in my chest. I know I want to say it back. Sitting here pressed against his warm, strong body is the only place in the world I want to be right now, hearing his soft voice in my ear telling me it’s going to be okay.
But the words aren’t coming out. I’m emotionally numb from the week I’ve had, and I can’t form them. It’s always been Jess and me, and now this…it’s more to process than I can handle right now.
Jameson doesn’t shy away, though. He wraps his arms around me and releases a deep breath. “Shh. Get some rest, baby. I’ll be here.”
I zone out to my favorite show, because I can finally breathe, knowing he’s behind me. I forget about everything for a little while and just exist. It doesn’t take me long to drift off.