15 All the pieces of the puzzle
15
All the pieces of the puzzle
Benjamin
He didn’t know how to resist. Phillip was lost. He had resisted all that time only to lose his composure in a mere exchange of glances.
In a gaze that now led him to complete doom, with no chance of return.
Surrendering, he licked her, tasted her, plunged into her intimacy with all the impetus he had in him. He would make her scream his name; she was as doomed as he was. With every moan Primrose uttered, his member responded, rigid. Eager to enter her, to feel that sweet wetness squeeze him.
In the bathtub, I swallow as I look away from the pages and at my stiff member.
I was expecting something indecent from Lord Phillip, but this… well, I have to confess that it exceeded my expectations a little. Not that I can’t handle indecency. For God’s sake, of course, I can. The problem is that I’m trying not to be indecent. In my intention to be honourable to Bella, I’ve stifled every little bit of desire she arouses in me.
We’ve taken the situation with surprising humour. We’ve flirted, as we always have – she knows it, I know it – and we’ve just exchanged mischievous glances. It’s not easy, I have to admit. It’s even painful. Physically painful, my erection that’s staring me in the face at the moment says so.
But I can fix it.
I sniff, putting the book aside, safe from the water in the bath. The door is closed; there’s no noise outside – Bella has gone to the market, and Duke is asleep. I slide my body further into the water, finding a comfortable position. I wrap my right hand around my cock, crack my neck, and close my eyes.
The sight of Isabella staring at me with wickedness is immediate.
Like Lord Phillip and his lady, I also want to taste her. So I do. In my mind, I lay Isabella down in front of me, spread her legs, and lick her. I really do. My hand starts moving from top to bottom. Isabella moans my name; her legs shake. How delicious… my tongue explores every fold, every part of this marvellous intimacy. Like everything else about her, Isabella is sweet. Perfect.
The sound of the water makes me aware of where I am, but I try to stay there, with her. My hand speeds up. I suck on her swollen clitoris, alternating between slow and rhythmic movements of my tongue. The fantasy is very real. I can smell her, taste her, feel her skin. My mouth is wet with her pussy, and I can only want more. I want to fuck her afterwards. Penetrate her to the core, feel every centimetre. And then I want to do it again.
I can feel that I’m cumming, just as Isabella is cumming too.
Ahhhh … damn, that’s so good.
“Benjamin, what…”
I open my eyes, my heart racing as I see Isabella staring at me close to the bathroom door. Her eyes go to my hand, still on my cock, and she blushes. Exactly as it was in my fantasy just now.
“I was…” I try to say, but I think it’s pretty obvious what I was doing.
“I’m sorry, I heard you moan and I thought…”
I finally manage to react and cringe. She turns around and runs away.
Shit, that’s embarrassing. It takes me two seconds to react. I finish washing, get out of the bath, and change. When I come out of the bathroom, Isabella is in the kitchen, leaning on the counter with a glass of Coke.
I approach, wrapped in embarrassment. “I feel like I should explain, but…”
“No, there’s no need.” Isabella puts the glass down. “I… understand. Forgive me, I heard the noise, and I didn’t realise… I should have realised.”
I nod, still not sure what to say. “I was on the edge.”
“Yes, I understand.”
“It was you, however, that I was im…” I’ve said too much. Isabella stares at me with wide eyes. It’s too late to back out. “I was thinking about you.”
Isabella lifts the corner of her mouth, blushing once again.
“Thank you for telling me.”
“It’s inelegant, I know, but…”
“It’s not rude. I’ve done it too.”
I was relaxed because of my recent enjoyment, but it seems that the sexual urgency has returned.
“Done what?” I can’t help asking.
“I also…” Isabella hesitates. It seems I’m not the only one who’s said too much. “I’ve touched myself and was also thinking about you.”
Calm down, Benjamin. Remember your purpose.
To hell with it. I can’t think of honour now. Not with the image of Isabella touching herself thinking about me .
I move closer, coming within centimetres of her. Bella lifts her face, meeting my gaze.
“What was I doing in your fantasy?”
She didn’t expect this question. Even I didn’t expect it, but I want to hear the answer.
“We shouldn’t talk about it.”
“Don’t be a prude now, Bella. It doesn’t suit you, a woman from 2022.”
Bella swallows dryly, without even blinking. “What were we doing in yours?”
“I asked first.”
“Well, I…”
If it’s possible, I move a little closer. I can feel the warmth she exudes, the soft perfume that haunts me.
“Tell me,” I whisper.
Bella moistens her lips, almost driving me to delirium.
“You were sucking me off and I came in your mouth.”
Yes, you did. I remember it well.
“Give me more details.”
“You asked me to lie down, and then to spread my legs,” Bella says slowly. “I obeyed. You moved closer and started slowly. We weren’t in a hurry. We just wanted to…” she swallows dryly, “enjoy it.”
I’m about to forget everything I said the other night, like a damn scoundrel. Of course I want to enjoy it. I want to take Isabella for myself and turn these fantasies into reality.
“Bella, I…”
An annoying ringtone takes us out of the moment. I don’t know whether to curse or be grateful. Isabella still looks dizzy as she checks her phone screen.
“My sister has arrived. She’s on her way up.”
I nod, watching Bella fix her hair and leave the kitchen. I’m hard again, so I take a deep breath and take my time, so I don’t embarrass myself in front of the LeBlancs. While I wait, my wits come back to me, and I remind myself that nothing happening is the best course of action for both of us.
But is it? I don’t know what to think anymore.
* * *
Laura and Pierre LeBlanc are exceptionally nice people.
Since they arrived two days ago, Bella and I have spent a lot of time with them. They’ve both treated me cordially, and they’re polite and a lot of fun.
I believe that fun must run in Bella’s family.
Tonight’s dinner is at the Hard Rock Cafe. When Bella mentioned the rock ’n’ roll-themed restaurant, I didn’t understand. I didn’t know what rock was, or roll, or anything like that. She, as always, explained it to me with musical examples provided by the kind Alexa.
I liked the songs, but I have my reservations about some of them. I don’t want to be rude and say that more of them sound like noise to me, so…. well, I won’t say anything more than that.
The restaurant, unsurprisingly, is a rather noisy place. And confusing, and dark, and bright. Full of people and strange objects on display, all belonging to some rock star. According to Bella, the reservation for tonight’s dinner was made a fortnight ago. It sounds like an exclusive place that today’s Londoners hold in high regard.
“What about your father, Bella?” Laura asks as we all settle down at a table. She’s holding hands with her husband, Pierre LeBlanc. They make a beautiful couple and exchange passionate glances without any fear. Bella had told me that they are, in her words, crazy about each other, so much so that they even work together.
She and her sister are also very different physically, I believe because they have different fathers, but I can see the similarity in the way they talk and laugh and the amused looks they exchange with each other.
“Dad’s fine, but I feel he’s sadder some days.” Bella puts the straw in her mouth and takes a sip of her pink lemonade with basil. “He’s lonely. He’s dying for me to go to Tokyo and spend a few days with him.”
“Are you going to?”
“I’m thinking of going next year. It wasn’t in the plans, but… I can always find a way.”
I’m touched by the way Bella refers to her father. We have that in common. Mr Kato has only her in the world, just as Abigail has only me. Or had… I don’t know anymore. Whenever I think of her, it’s as if someone crushes my chest.
“I was in Tokyo last year. I liked it a lot; it’s a very modern city,” says Pierre. “Do you know it, Benjamin?”
“No, I’ve never been there.”
“But have you travelled far?”
Oh, my friend, you have no idea .
“Yes, but I end up staying in England most of the time. My tit… business demands it.”
“What do you really do?” Laura asks me.
I didn’t expect this question, so I take a moment to think about it.
“He’s an editor,” Isabella answers for me. “Of books. Benjamin has even given me some tips.”
Laura opens a wide, genuine smile. “Oh, you mean you’ve broken through the writer’s block? What a relief, I couldn’t bear to see you fretting about it any longer.”
“I’ve not really broken out of it completely, but I’ve had some ideas.”
“Like what?” Pierre asks, taking a sip of his drink.
I remain silent, sipping my Scotch.
“He’s a lord from the nineteenth century,” Bella begins, looking at me, “who travels through time and—”
“Oh dear,” the comment comes from Laura. “Like Kate and Leopold?”
I hold in my laughter. Apparently, Leopold is a reference on the subject among women.
“Yes, like that, but it’s not certain yet. Let’s change the subject.”
I realise how uncomfortable Bella is with the topic. It upsets me. I’ve never read any of her work, but I’ve seen the twinkle in her eye when we’re in the bookshop, or when she refers to books in general. I sincerely hope that she can overcome this block, even if it’s with my lame idea of writing about our situation.
Not to mention that it would be nice to give our story a happy ending, romantically speaking.
“What are you planning to do while you’re here?” Bella asks her sister.
“There’s the ball, of course. We’re going to the O2 to do some shopping, then I want to take a photo at Tower Bridge.”
I feel lost. “Tower Bridge?”
“Yes, near the Tower of London.” Laura takes a chip and puts it in her mouth.
“Ah, yes. I’m sorry,” I disguise it. “I guess I’m a bit tired.”
Isabella holds back her laughter. “That’s where we met,” she says and winks at me.
The corner of my lips lifts.
“But that’s it,” Laura continues. “I thought about going to Stonehenge, but we decided against it. We’ll come back in the summer, and I think it’s cooler to see the circle at the solstice.”
Bella seems immediately struck by something. She frowns, and her gaze meets mine. “Ben, could you come with me for a moment?” she asks.
No one at the table understands the question, but I don’t dare question her.
“Of course. Excuse me.” I nod before following Bella through the restaurant.
She stops at an inconspicuous corner. There’s a window next to it with a torn, silverish outfit of very questionable taste. The sign inside the glass reads “Lady Gaga”. This lady is definitely not inspired by the Regency period.
“Bella, what’s wrong?” I ask.
“My sister said something about Stonehenge that made me think.”
“What?”
We’ve discussed megalithic sites before; Stonehenge was even on the agenda. But I didn’t disappear near any giant stone.
“I think we forgot to take the solstice into account.” She picks up her mobile phone. “What day did you disappear?”
“The 21 st of June.”
She types something into her mobile phone and smiles. “It was solstice day, Ben! That’s why you disappeared. Let’s think about the elements: the stone, the possible sorceress, desire, and the solstice. Yes, that must be it.”
It makes sense. I mean, it doesn’t, but in my case, it does.
“Does that mean I have to wait until the next solstice to repeat what I did in Bath?”
“It’s possible. The next one is… on the 21 st of December. My God, it’s in eight days.”
I’m feeling so many things that I don’t even know what to think. Relief, yes, but also longing. Because I’m going to miss this brilliant woman who seems to have solved my life.
“Is that it?” I ask. “We wait eight days?”
Bella nods, but I can feel the twinge of sadness in her voice. “Yes, Ben. In eight days, we’ll go to Bath and try again. But this time, I think you’re really going back to the past.”
No sentence has ever sounded as bittersweet as this one.
* * *
“I wanted to talk to you alone.”
Sinking into an armchair with a glass of Scotch in my hand, I turned to my brother.
“I’m listening.”
I was annoyed with him. With his decision to buy a commission and head off onto a bloody battlefield, leaving us behind. We were born on the same day, but we had different personalities. I was irresponsible; I wanted to live like there was no tomorrow. Barney wasn’t. He was honourable. A perfect heir to a title like my father’s.
“I know you don’t agree with my decision.”
“I don’t agree.”
“But I need you to understand me, Benjamin.” His voice was low. “I need to do this.”
I downed my drink, feeling my chest tighten. Squeezing.
I understood his motives. I didn’t agree, but I understood. It was part of who he was. And I loved him as he was.
We all loved him. It was always like that.
“What if you don’t come back?” I got up and walked over to him, my identical reflection. “What if you die there? What will become of us?”
“You’ll carry on without me.”
I shook my head. “How, Barney? How can you talk about your death so naturally?”
“Death is inevitable, Benjamin. I’d rather die out there, fighting for what I believe in, than live a life of disappointment knowing that I could have done more and didn’t.”
Honour. Always honour. Never the parties and the drinks. Never the women who wanted him. Never the trips with friends, the nights of gambling and betting.
Always honour.
“Brother, I can’t leave if you resent me.” He met my gaze. “It’s you, Benjamin. I need you to support me. I realise that this also means a lot to you, that if anything happens to me, you’ll be the heir.”
“I don’t want any of that.”
I wanted him alive.
“I know you don’t, but it’s a possibility. To leave, I need you to confirm that you can do it. If I don’t come back, I need you to look after our family. After Abigail, after our father. I need you to look after them and be their support while I fight for our country.”
I looked away. What he was asking of me was a lot.
“Please…” Barney said again. “Forgive me, but I have to do this.”
I pulled him into a tight hug. It felt like a final goodbye, but I refused to accept it. Barney had always done everything for us. Everything. Supporting him was the least I could do.
“Come back,” I ordered.
“I’ll do my best.” He stared at me once more. “Take care of them for me.”
I nodded. I would do it. For Barney, for my brother, I’d take care of them.
I stare at the ceiling, lying on the sofa, feeling…
I don’t know what I feel. I hoped that when I found out how to get home, I would be happy. That’s what I wanted, wasn’t it? To go back to my century, my duties, my sister. To the place where I could fulfil the promise I made to my brother.
In fact, it’s the only thing that awakens something good in me at the moment. With my return, Abigail will be safe, and whatever has happened to her will change. Gustave won’t be a duke, and our bloodline will probably continue. Everything as it should have been from the beginning. As for me… I too will remain the same. The man who prioritises the world around him. The man who doesn’t recognise himself when he looks in the mirror because he doesn’t know himself, nor does he have the time to do so.
Apart from that, there’s Bella. Her and the two centuries that separate us.
“Ben?”
Isabella’s voice startles me. She looks beautiful, with her hair down and wearing pyjamas – trousers and long sleeves – a print of what looks like a princess on her T-shirt.
“Bella? Are you OK? What time is it?”
“Two in the morning. I couldn’t sleep.”
I sit down and gesture with my head for her to come closer. “Come here.”
Bella smiles slightly and settles down next to me.
“Why do you think you can’t sleep?” I ask. We lay our heads on the back of the sofa, facing each other.
“Thinking of you. Eight days… it seems too soon.”
I swallow. Yes, eight days is really soon. It’s even insulting. It’s not long enough, but I suspect it never would be.
“I feel the same way. Our farewell isn’t something I’m looking forward to.”
Bella nods, moving a little. “What happened earlier, before Laura arrived, was…”
“Repressed desires, as you say.”
She laughs. “Yes. But are we just horny?”
“You know better than that.”
It’s never been just lust. There’s always been more between Bella and me.
She gently strokes my cheek. “What if—”
“Bella…” I mutter, just before she finishes.
Bella doesn’t stop touching me. “What if we took advantage of these last days? What if we lived through it, at least to have a sweet memory?”
I understand why she’s asking me that. I think about it every second. But I also realise that Bella has already suffered, that I don’t want to be another man who made her cry. If I could, I’d be the opposite of that. By my side, I’d make sure she only smiled. What a difficult situation.
“I want it, but I worry about your feelings. About you.”
“But I also want you. I’m the one proposing this madness.”
“I don’t want to break your heart, Bella.”
She sighs. “I don’t think there’s any way out of this, Ben. We’ve gone too far, even if we tried to avoid it.”
I think of all the words hidden behind that sentence. I think we’ve gone too far too.
Bella brings her face close to mine, gluing our foreheads together. I close my eyes, feeling our breath mingle. There is peace and torment inside me. Wonderfully disturbing.
“I can’t stop thinking that we’ll soon be separated,” Bella says, and I open my eyes, meeting hers. “But I also wonder why you came to me at what was perhaps the worst moment for my heart.”
I take her hand and bring it to my lips, kissing the soft palm.
She continues: “I don’t mind suffering later. I’m already suffering now. But if you want us to have something besides a broken heart, good memories, if you can overcome your sense of honour, I want that too.” She lifts the corner of her mouth. “Think about it, OK?”
I agree and watch her leave me alone again in the dark room. I want to follow her, to take her in my arms, to feel her, and worship her as I have never done with anyone. But I suspect that if I do, I won’t be able to let go of her. And I need to do that.
For my sister’s sake, I have to leave.
I’ve never felt such conflict between desire, duty, heart, and honour. I have no idea what to do.
Worst of all, I’m running out of time.