4. Jay
JAY
“Ah good choice, that meatloaf is gnarly,” Davis said as Jay and Michaela found their way to his table in the dining hall.
It was a long rectangular table, and Jay sat down at the next available seat across from Davis.
She didn’t miss the fact that Michaela sat next to her rather than taking the other open seat across from her.
There were a total of four others at the table.
At the furthest end from Jay and Michaela, on the same side, sat a thin and beautiful Asian man, who had turned to look at them.
His hair was short on the bottom, but the top reached his cheekbones and he’d pulled it over to one side of his face.
The grunge look was driven home by the flannel shirt he wore open over a Garbage t-shirt.
Jay caught the words “Queer” on the shirt, the name of their recent single, and she glimpsed a small silver hoop in the man’s ear.
“This is Kevin, also a freshman, who you may remember as my buddy helping me out earlier,” Davis said. Kevin waved warmly and Jay returned the wave.
“I’m Iris,” the white woman sitting next to Jay said, and as Jay looked at her, she realized she was a woman like Jay and Michaela.
“Hi Iris, I love your top,” Jay offered. She had on a fuchsia sequined t-shirt that was a little loud for dinner, but Jay thought that was the point. She also had deep blue eyeshadow that complemented her hazel eyes and expertly applied mascara.
“Thank you, I didn't get to wear a whole lot of sequins at home, so I’m making up for lost time,” she said, smiling and running a manicured hand through her long, straight, brown hair.
Jay looked at the top, and then around the dining hall.
This was certainly not Maplewood, Vermont, but it wasn’t a tapestry of diversity either.
She got the sense that this group of students was pretty used to fashion statements like the one Iris was making, but still, she could see a few glances and stares their way.
Looking back at Iris, she saw that the other white woman was now making a silly face at Davis across from her.
As for the stares, Iris didn’t seem to notice or at least, she didn’t seem to care. So, Jay decided she didn’t either.
“Hey, I am Sasha. I’m just visiting this table for a little bit,” a tall woman said from the other side of Davis, opposite Kevin.
She had jet black hair that Jay realized was a wig cut into a bob and large brown eyes.
She smiled her full lips at Jay and Jay felt her face flush slightly.
She was stunning and had an air about her that exuded confidence.
“I am a senior, but I like to come in to check on my baby queers,” she said.
Davis rolled his eyes. “Sasha is a senior and our wise gay Mother,” Davis said, looking at her.
“No way, I am more like your gay Madame. Ms. Cece is our Mother.”
“Fair,” Davis conceded and then looked over at Jay and Michaela. “Ms. Cece is a professor and runs the Queer Alliance Center. She also does, like, fun group sessions and stuff for some of the students.”
“Cool,” Jay said, nodding and turning to Michaela, who had her eyes determinedly focused on her dinner plate, which Jay also noticed was untouched.
“Yeah well, my pitch to all my girls is to check out the Center and to at least meet her. Berkeley is awesome, but it can be weird navigating life here on your own, and maybe as you for the first time. She is a dear friend of mine and saved my life, so I will always highlight the opportunity to freshies. She also works in the gender studies department and is an all around smarty-pants and bad ass.” Sasha smiled.
Jay smiled back, not sure how to respond.
“So, Sasha is leaving us this year for bigger and better things—” Davis began, but Sasha cut in.
“Yes, I am graduating, but if I don’t get into graduate school I will still be around and I expect to see all of you at some of the organized events, especially Pride if you’re still on campus.”
“I have never been,” Jay said, excited by the idea of finally being able to attend.
Diana had asked her if she wanted to go once, saying she could drive them down to Boston or New York, but Jay had still been finding her footing, and Vermont had felt like a safe little bubble.
A sacred space for her and Diana’s budding love, and her friendship with Julia, where they could all be themselves.
“Oh my god, you have to come, it’s settled!” Iris declared.
Jay started to say something else when Davis’ attention was clearly caught by someone. Jay turned in time to see a woman with deep olive-toned skin appear. She was short and curvy, her long black curls flowing behind her.
“Sorry I’m late,” she said as she reached the table with her tray. Sasha scooted in to let her pass, and she settled in across from Michaela.
“You’re okay, you’re just in time for intro—”
“Michaela, oh my god!” the young woman said, cutting Davis off. Jay whipped her head around to look from Michaela to the newcomer.
“Hey Callie, uh, wow, you’re here,” Michaela said sheepishly, and Jay warmed at finally hearing her roommate speak.
“Wow, don't sound so excited to see me! We spent like six hours together! We’re besties now,” Callie said, smiling.
“Oh?” Jay asked and at the same time the rest of the table leaned in, clearly also curious.
“She was kind enough to give me a ride here from LA,” Michaela said, turning to Jay. She looked Jay in the eyes and then looked away, as if she were uncomfortable.
“It’s so nice to meet you Callie, are you a first year too?”
“Yeah, just moved in this morning, where are you living?”
“Michaela and I are roommates in Gracie Hall,” Jay said, hoping to do a slow pivot away from centering Michaela, who was obviously uncomfortable with the attention.
“Oh, wait, I’m in Hester, super close. So you’re the roommate Michaela mentioned,” Callie said. Her juicy gloss-covered red lips curved up into a mischievous smile.
“Oh yeah? What did she say?” Jay said slyly, and Callie’s grin widened.
“That you were some internet stranger who she was hoping to seduce—”
“What the fuck, I absolutely did not,” Michaela said with alarm.
Didn’t matter, Callie was laughing and shaking her head.
“Oh my god your face, I’m sorry, I was just playing around.
I’m sorry, I get a little overzealous when I am nervous.
Nasty habit.” Jay heard Michaela mumble something under her breath that she couldn’t make out.
“She just mentioned that you two had met online and were meeting in person for the first time.”
“Whoa, intriguing,” Kevin said from the end of the table, and Jay was reminded that right now all eyes were still on her and Michaela.
“Yeah well, we chatted online first because we just wanted to make sure everyone was comfortable or—”
“I get it,” Iris offered, and Jay was grateful. Iris winked and Jay smiled.
“This is a safe group, okay?” Davis began. “This isn’t paradise or some ideal world or whatever, but it is pretty cool, pretty open. But still, I just wanted to touch base and make sure you freshies know you have a village here.”
“Thank you,” Jay said, smiling. To be fair, the whole set up may have felt a little awkward, a little forced, but she was glad for it.
She knew what she had shared with Diana and Julia was special.
It was certainly nothing she could have shared with anyone else in high school, or in Maplewood for that matter.
She and Diana had been careful, not fully out in the open as a result.
And now she was here, miles away on the other side of the country, without that bubble, that sense of safety.
Or at least so she thought. She wasn’t sure if these would be her best friends for ever or even in the near future, but it was good to know she wasn’t alone.
Iris leaned over in her chair slightly and knocked her shoulder into Jay’s. Jay couldn’t help but smile. She turned to look at Michaela, but her roommate had her face turned down, as if studying something in her lap.
“Mickey, are you okay?” Jay tried to say as quietly as she could. When all Michaela did was give a weak nod, Jay whispered, “Do you want to go?”
Michaela shook her head. Jay mimicked the gesture Iris had made and bumped her shoulder slightly into Michaela’s to let her know she was there, with her, on her side.
The rest of dinner went on without incident.
The group traded information about where they were from, where they were living, and what they were looking forward to studying or checking out now that they were on campus, either for the first time or again.
When Sasha had to leave, she made another plug for them to meet Ms. Cece mentioned that she was available to talk and hang whenever.
Jay learned that Davis and Iris were childhood best friends and that Kevin was looking forward to maybe finding a boyfriend for the first time, and asked Iris how she’d done her eye make up.
Davis shared about his latest breakup, citing his boyfriend’s inability to deal with his job.
He didn’t say what his job was, but Iris gave him a knowing look as he spoke.
When dinner was over, they all agreed to meet up at the Center on Wednesday.
Callie announced she’d be hanging out near the student center the next day and asked if Jay and Michaela wanted to join her.
Jay wasn’t sure, considering Michaela had practically shut down since her arrival at the table, so she left it as a maybe.
They parted ways and began walking to their various destinations.
Jay realized they’d be walking partway back with Callie and spent the majority of that time chatting with Callie while Michaela walked quietly beside them.
When they finally made their way back to the suite, Jay was on fire with excitement.
She was here, at Berkeley, and she had just met people she never would have if she had stayed in Vermont.
People who understood her, some who were like her.
She even liked Callie, if she had to be honest. As a fellow raging extrovert, Jay could see her and Callie getting along.
But while she was buzzing with excitement, she was also worried.
Michaela hadn’t said anything at all and had barely looked up the entire time.
So once they closed the door to the suite, Jay pried a little.
“Mickey?”
“I’m going to take a shower and then go to bed,” Mickey said dismissively.
“Yeah, okay, I will shower in the morning. Um, look, the whole Callie—” Jay began.
“Callie is awesome, I just got a little overwhelmed. I felt like people were staring. I just need to rest.”
Jay nodded, not knowing Michaela well enough to know whether to push or not. She decided it was best to give her space. Michaela disappeared into her room. Jay sighed and did the same.