7. Michaela
MICHAELA
“Kayla!” a voice practically squeaked as Michaela and Jay exited the conference room into the wider main part from which they’d come. It was a simple lounge with more bookshelves and a few bean bags and a small loveseat. Michaela looked up to see Iris moving with purpose towards her.
Her brown hair was in waves and she wore a faded jean jacket, a white t-shirt she’d tied up in the front exposing her midriff, and a pair of bootcut faded jeans with the knees torn out. In essence, she looked like perfection.
When she reached them, she said, “Oh sorry, is it okay if I call you Kayla?”
“Yeah it’s fine,” Michaela said, a little daunted. She found herself attracted to Iris, in the same way she was attracted to Jay. But Michaela hadn’t always been comfortable in her attraction to women.
“Great, because we are going to be besties. I just know it,” Iris said, turning to catch Jay’s eye and smiling.
“Iris, love, you’re here today?” Ms. Cece said, coming up from behind them. She had stayed behind for a moment, saying she needed to rearrange something.
“Yes, Ms. Cece, Davis is on his way, too. We just wanted to stop by and check in with you, and I am so glad we did because we got to run into Jay and Kayla here.”
“Speak of the devil,” Ms. Cece said, and Michaela turned to see a smiling Davis approaching them in baggy jeans and a flannel top.
“Oh my, hi friends!” he said, and Michaela had just enough time to process his hug before he was letting her go and hugging Jay.
“Thank you both for letting me know you’re safe,” Ms. Cece said sternly and then more lovingly added, “You know we can always figure something else out, there is no judgement here I just worry for you two.”
Davis beamed back at Ms. Cece and said, “I know Ms. Cece, and when we need it, we will tell you. I promise.”
“Yes, we promise,” Iris added.
“Okay, well, I am going to let the four of you get up to whatever,” Ms. Cece said, and then she moved in the direction of the desk.
“So what’s up you two, came to check this place out before classes?” Davis said, smiling his Hollywood smile.
“Yeah, we thought it would be cool to check it out, and it’s been,” Michaela swallowed around a lump in her throat, “really nice.”
“Good, I am glad, we deserve nice,” Iris said.
“Are you both staying here for a while?” Jay asked.
“No, we just came to check in with Ms. Cece, she just likes to know we are okay after we work super late or pull an overnighter,” Iris replied, twirling a lock of her hair around a finger. Michaela saw that her nails were painted lilac.
“It’s how we are paying for school,” Davis added.
Michaela nodded, she got that. If she hadn't gotten several scholarships she'd likely be working multiple jobs to pay for school.
“That’s rough, I am sorry, hopefully it doesn’t involve too much manual labor or isn’t too boring,” Michaela offered, and she really meant it.
“Oh, I love it. It’s what I am studying for school and it's never boring, that’s for sure,” Iris said with a flirty glint in her eye, “and Davis keeps me safe.”
They’d stayed at the Alliance for about a half hour, exchanging laughs with both Iris and Davis.
Michaela had found herself way more relaxed in Iris’ presence, and they had agreed to meet up with the group again for dinner that night.
But now that they were back home, the late afternoon winding down and evening coming closer, Michaela’s stomach was in knots.
“Going to step out for a bit,” she heard Jay call out, and before she could respond to see if she wanted company, she heard the click of the front door.
For the first time in a while, Michaela was alone.
She sat at her desk where she could see the opened drawers of her dresser.
She again wasn’t sure what to wear and had been about to ask Jay for something other than the baggy clothes she was currently in.
They had plenty of time before dinner though, and so Michaela closed her drawers, resigned to ask Jay when she returned.
She stripped out of her heavier baggy clothes, till she was just in a t-shirt and a pair of briefs.
She had been surprised to see someone like Jay in briefs or boxers, though she wasn’t sure what she’d expected.
She still wore them because they were what she knew, and they felt better to her than boxers.
She stripped off her socks and shut the door to her room enough that she was fully visible in the full-length mirror that hung on the back of it.
She looked herself over with the same careful eye she had been using since meeting Jay, since learning more.
Michaela looked over her broad shoulders and slender frame.
She let her twists down and watched them fall around her shoulders.
She liked her hair down and wondered if she would have the nerve to wear it down for dinner.
She smiled at herself, at her reflection smiling back at her as if it were someone different, someone approving and encouraging.
She was okay so far. She had met Jay. Jay had painted her toes for her.
The sight of Jay on her knees below her caused a slight flutter in her chest. Looking down, her smile deepened at her red toenails.
She turned from the mirror and began pacing her room.
She went over to her radio and turned it up.
The opening notes of SWV’s “You’re the One” started, and Michaela squealed at her luck. She loved the song.
Moving her hips and staring down at her toes, the smile never left her face.
She knew she still had so much to work through, but already she felt like she had a foundation.
And while it scared her, because she had never had one before and the prospect of losing it was terrifying, she had promised herself she would try, and here she was a few days later with painted toenails and a grin like the Cheshire cat, dancing to her favorite song.
The song changed to an LL Cool J song that Michaela knew, but it really wouldn’t have mattered, she couldn’t have stopped dancing if she tried.
Spinning herself, she stretched out her arms like she’d do sometimes when Brian wasn’t around, but now she had all the time and room to completely let loose, and Michaela planned on taking advantage of it.
She continued to move to the beat of the music, letting the joy brewing in her run through her entire body, fighting the urge to worry about how long she could do so.
Finally, after a slower song by Whitney Houston, Michaela heard the opening to “Sitting Up in My Room,” by Brandy. Michaela loved the song, much to the admonishment of Brian. But Brian wasn’t here.
She threw her head back and closed her eyes, moving to the beat of the song, Brandy crooning about having time to think of her crush. The image of Jay, kneeling before her and painting her right big toe, blowing on it before another swipe of the brush, slipped into her mind.
Michaela slowed her dancing. Jay’s soft hands on her foot and the way her full lips pursed to blow and then curved to smile while her warm brown eyes looked up at Michaela–
There was a swooping motion in Michaela’s belly that made her feel like she’d just dropped unexpectedly, and a small tingle moved through her groin.
Feeling guilty, she was just shaking the image from her mind when the song ended and the commercial break started.
Moving to turn down the radio, she heard the unmistakable sound of a door closing inside the suite.
“Hello?” Michaela said cautiously.
“Hey!” Jay’s voice called from beyond her door.
“Oh! Hey!” Michaela called back and moved to open the door.
Thinking better of it in her current dress, she started to backtrack to pull on a pair of sweats, but, too late, Jay had already opened and entered her room.
Jay did this so naturally that Michaela made a mental note to prepare for it being a normal occurrence.
Then again, Michaela had long suspected that Jay just had one of those personalities where she worked her way into your space, and those involved didn’t mind.
Michaela certainly didn’t, at least. There was something refreshing about it. Jay didn’t let Michaela hide.
“Cool, wasn’t sure if your door was like ‘open’ but closed or ‘closed’ but open,” Jay said, smiling up at Michaela, who took a beat to put together Jay’s meaning.
“Oh, well I am not used to my own space, so I have been into it, but it also feels kinda weird, too? So I guess it was a closed open door,” Michaela returned.
Jay nodded and looked down, and for a second, Michaela’s heart skipped at the thought of Jay giving her the once over, but then Jay nodded and said, “That red would look good on anyone, but it is killer on you.”
“Thank you again for painting them for me,” Michaela said sheepishly. She needed to get her head on straight. Jay was her roommate and was trying to be her friend. But Jay likes women, right? a small voice said at the back of Michaela’s mind. And you kinda do too, you’ve just never—
“Anyway I wanted to run out and get you this,” Jay said, handing over a small forest green, leatherbound notebook. Opening it, Michaela found completely blank pages inside.
“I know most people like to pick out their own journals, and I don’t want to overstep, but I figured since it was my suggestion, I should foot the bill.”
Michaela was still looking at the book in her hand.
When she flipped to the first page, she smiled, finding that while the outside of the book was forest green, the inside flaps were a shocking red.
“Yeah, I thought of you when I saw it. Stoically beautiful on the outside, with a little hidden flare waiting to be seen,” Jay said.
Michaela looked up. Her breath caught in her throat at the sight of Jay’s earnest look, her brown skin blushing and exposing those freckles Michaela was beginning to love so much.
This was the first present someone had given her since she had been kicked out of her family home. Where her breath caught, a small lump formed, and she found herself teetering between awe and gratitude.
“It’s beautiful,” Michaela finally said, and she could hear the emotion in her voice.
“Oh good, I was afraid, well, look, I don’t like lined journals, and they were all boring colors anyway. This way you can write whatever you want however you want.”
“Thank you, so much Jay, seriously. I have never been one to really journal, but I am up for exploring tons of new things these days. Besides, I think I have some ideas for my writing sample. I just finished Stone Butch Blues by Leslie Feinberg. It has my mind reeling.”
“Oh yeah? Can I borrow it?” Jay asked.
“Yeah sure, I would love to have someone to talk to about it.”
“Sweet, can’t wait to read it and to hopefully read your articles,” Jay said, and Michaela felt her face flush. There was something inexplicably terrifying about Jay reading her articles.
“Ah, well, if I end up writing for Other Voices, and you read the articles and hate them, don’t tell me?” Michaela said pleadingly, and then, seeing Jay’s face fall, Michaela quickly added, “I am going to tell Iris, Davis, and the others, too. It’s just too close.” She hoped Jay understood.
Jay seemed to consider this for a while. And then she nodded her head in agreement and said, “Ok, I think I understand where you are coming from. I wouldn’t want strangers to read my journal, but I think it would be so much worse if it were someone I have to talk to and see often, like every day.”
Michaela was relieved that she understood. “Thanks, but yeah, I think it might be a good way to process, like you said, and to explore like Ms. Cece said. I wanna experience so much.”
Jay smiled, and Michaela caught a bit of wickedness in her eye. “I hope you let me hitch along for the ride.”