6. Jay #2
Ms. Cece continued, “Look, I am not going to sugarcoat it. I can’t legally marry the love of my life.
Especially not with the recently passed DOMA mess.
There are other challenges, too. There is care we could get you if there wasn’t so much red tape.
I know there is a lot of hardship for our community, which is why it is so important for us to have a space to call our own.
I saw you look at Marsha’s and Sylvia’s photo–I sobbed like a baby when Marsha died.
” Ms. Cece shook her head. “But they fought so we could have this space. And we will keep up their momentum. That’s also what this space is about.
It’s a community and community is important.
Perhaps even more so, it is a reminder of all the love and joy, because my girl, you are not alone. ”
Michaela nodded and wiped at her eyes. Jay understood. Michaela had been alone, but now she wasn’t, not anymore, and if it were up to Jay, she never would be again.
“Michaela, baby, tell me what it is that you want, and I will do my best to help you find it. I can’t create miracles but I will always stand up for my community, and that includes you now,” Ms. Cece said.
Michaela straightened and looked at Ms. Cece, a determined glint in her eye. “I just want to explore life as Michaela, life as me.”
A thoughtful look crossed Ms. Cece’s face before she said, “Jay brought up writing. It isn’t for everyone, but it may not hurt to try.”
Michaela’s shoulders slumped slightly. “I always liked English, but it feels weird to write without a point.”
Jay furrowed her brows and said, “The point is you, to work out stuff when it gets to be too much in your mind.”
Michaela turned to her. Her face broke into a placating smile. “Sorry, that’s not what I meant, I mean I always do better when there is an assignment, a prompt or something.”
Jay relaxed. She understood that. When she had first started journaling she often had to give herself prompts or structure before it felt easier to just dump her thoughts on the page. She was about to say as much when Ms. Cece spoke up again.
“Well, how about writing for one of the student papers? I’ve had seniors graduate and I always save spots for first years to join the Alliance’s zine-style paper, Other Voices.
There are assignments, and it is a paid gig,” Ms. Cece added.
“Jay, since you already write, is that something you’d be interested in as well? ”
While Jay hated saying no to money, her writing was for no one else but her. “No thank you, my writing is too personal. But I am totally on the lookout for a job at some point.”
Michaela asked, “Zine?”
Ms. Cece beamed. “Yes, one second.” She got up and left the room, returning a second later.
Sitting back down, she handed a leaflet to Jay and then one to Michaela.
The cover read, The Transsexual News Telegraph.
Flipping through, Jay could see it was full of text, photos, and even collage style art.
Looking up, she saw Michaela studying the zine in her hands, TransSister: The Journal of Transsexual Feminism.
“Like a magazine,” Michaela said slowly, “only not on glossy paper and such.” Her eyes moved across the pages.
“Precisely,” Ms. Cece said. “Zines are a way we share. There are plenty of zines. GenderTrash from Hell was another one that ran for a couple of years, one of Iris’ favorites."
“Gender, trash?” Jay said slowly, questioning.
Ms. Cece laughed.“It is titled ironically,” she said.
Jay nodded, and heard Michaela whisper, “This is incredible.” Jay thought so, too. She felt like she was holding a bit of a world in her hands.
“So our Other Voices is meant to be kind of like a zine. Raw and unfiltered, deeply personal and thoughtful. Highlighting new ideas and experiences,” Ms. Cece said more seriously.
“And these can be found here? Like, these are around?” Jay asked curiously, wondering fleetingly what her old friend Julia would think if she got her hands on something like this, with the full array of different types of women inside.
“Well, you have to know where to get them, and I do,” Ms. Cece said proudly, “but yes, I think we all know there are certain voices that rarely make it into publishing. So, we find other ways, other means to do it ourselves.” Jay nodded along with Michaela, who was back to studying the zine she held.
“Other Voices,” Jay said, smiling.
“Exactly,” Ms. Cece said.
“Can I have this?” she finally said.
“I need to make more copies of them first, but once I do, I leave them here for people to take. Some are out of print like Iris’ favorite one here, but I still make copies because I think it's important.”
“Of course,” Jay said, eyeing Michaela and noting the serious look on her face. “So Mickey, could you see yourself writing for something like this?”
“One thing I will add is that you can use a pen name or you can use your first name. Most folks here in the Alliance know not to bother our contributors; I have that rule because I want everyone to be honest,” Ms. Cece added, and Michaela looked back up at her and nodded.
Jay felt relieved at the idea of Michaela being able to use a pen name. But then Michaela said, “I should have been Michaela my whole life. I don’t think I want to use another name ever again.”
Ms. Cece looked at Michaela in understanding. She smiled quickly and then said, “How about this, why don’t you practice, try it, and give me something as a writing sample? See if you like it and see if you’d be a good fit?”
Michaela seemed to weigh it over in her mind, then nodded and gave a small smile.
“Hot dog,” Ms. Cece said earnestly, and the bizarre exclamation made Jay laugh. She heard Michaela chuckle.
“You know, I had an uncle who used to say something similar,” Michaela said. “Thanks. What should I write about? I need some kind of prompt.”
“Oh right,” Ms. Cece said. “What do words mean to you? In the context of other voices?”
Jay stared at Ms. Cece and then at Michaela.
“Wait, that's it?” Michaela said.
“Well yes, it's a writing sample, not an actual assignment. You seem to be exploring, so think about words, and exploration, and how that translates into meaning for you. I’ll read whatever you write, however long it is.”
“Okay,” Michaela said slowly, sounding unsure. Jay made a mental note to possibly help her brainstorm when they got home.
“Exploration. Yeah, like I said, I want to explore things as me, as Michaela.”
Ms. Cece nodded and said, “Listen, baby, things are a mess politically and in other parts of the country. Berkeley certainly isn’t perfect, but the college is working with us to ensure the safety and dignity of our queer community.
You have a place here. Among the Alliance, among our community.
So please, I hope you see this as a sign, your permission, to let go and move forth as you, baby! ”