10. Jay
JAY
Jay was hot, thirsty, and maybe a little tipsy, but she couldn’t stop smiling.
Not at the sight of Michaela dancing a few inches away from her with another party goer–Greg?
--while La Bouche’s Be My Lover played in the background.
It wasn’t super loud, as the party was definitely a mix of partiers and chill conversation vibes.
It was a perfect balance, in Jay’s opinion.
Jay peeped a clock on the wall and was shocked to find they’d already been at the party for over two hours, and it was approaching eleven.
They hadn’t really agreed to the time they’d leave, but Jay had prepared for Michaela wanting to go home by now.
She was happy to see her friend dancing out in the world and not just behind her bedroom door.
“She’s something, right?” Jay turned back to Kevin. They had been talking, but about what she couldn’t remember just then. Her mind was still on Michaela’s smiling face, her friend’s joy making her feel impossibly warm and fuzzy.
“I am just happy that she agreed to come out,” Jay said back, shouting slightly.
“Yeah she’s been quiet, hard to figure out. But that’s not a bad thing,” he reassured.
“No, not at all. I think we are all just figuring shit out, you know?”
“Absolutely,” Kevin said, nodding. “Like how am I going to come out to my parents?”
“Are you not out to your parents?”
“God no, when I am back home I am what I like to refer to as ‘boring Kevin’. All button-down shirts and khakis.”
Jay raised an eyebrow trying to picture it, especially when Kevin had a dusting of eyeshadow and had lined his top lashes.
He laughed and raised his hands. “I swear, my parents would freak if they saw the real me.”
Jay got it. She had been out and upfront with her parents, but Diana and Julia certainly were not.
Mrs. Blake was in some form of denial regarding Julia, who was way more outwardly gay than Diana, but it wasn’t like she hadn’t caught on to the fact something was going on between Jay and her daughter.
Still it all saddened her, the hiding. “I’m sorry,” she offered, knowing nothing she could say could really fix it.
“It’s okay, truly. They have their beliefs and needs and I have mine. But right now, they are paying my college tuition and so till then, I can fall in line. They sacrificed so much for me, you know? Child of immigrants. Feels like the least I can do.”
“I hear you on the child of immigrants,” Jay said and was surprised to see Kevin pause as if confused.
“Are you out to your parents? Do they know you’re a lesbian? Or sorry, into women?”
Jay smiled at that. She didn’t have any hangups about how other people saw her, but it did feel nice to have someone affirm her as a woman who was attracted to women. “Yes, my parents know I am trans and a lesbian.”
Kevin smiled at that. “Good for you.”
“Sorry, I got to talking to this cutie in the kitchen and then realized I was being way too easy and that I needed to bring everyone their drinks,” Callie said the whole sentence like it was one word.
Jay swore she was the fastest talker in the world.
She accepted the bottle of beer from Callie.
Kevin grabbed his, reaching into his back pocket and pulling out his keys complete with a bottle opener. He opened each one of their bottles.
“What did I miss?” Callie asked, the curly hair at her temples sticking to her skin.
“You are just in time, I would love to cheers,” Kevin said.
“What are we cheersing to?” Jay asked, but she raised her bottle.
“To parents who get it, or the ones who don’t get it and support their kids like us anyway,” Kevin said.
“Right on!” Callie said, and they all clinked their glasses.
“Oh, um,” she heard Kevin say as he wrapped an arm around Callie’s shoulders.
Jay could see he was looking behind her, and she turned to see that Greg or whomever had stepped away, and another man was sauntering over to her.
Jay watched Michaela freeze as he tried to dance with her.
Jay fought the urge to pull Michaela away; maybe she wanted to dance with the newcomer.
He was cute, tall, dark, and handsome and all that.
He moved closer, and Michaela stepped back but continued to dance with a smile on her face.
He seemed to understand and backed up, matching her movements.
Jay was relaxing when he grabbed Michaela's wrist and spun her so that her back was flush to his front. Michaela went to pull away, her eyes finding Jay’s.
“Hey, hi, Mickey, I don’t feel so well. I don’t think those uh, nachos agreed with me earlier, can you hold my hair?
” Jay said after she closed the short distance between her and Michaela.
“Like we need to go now or I may barf all over this man here,” Jay said, eyeing the man who was still holding tight to Michaela and looked like he was about to protest.
Michaela shrugged away from him and allowed Jay to pull her back through the living room, past the middle room which was Sasha’s off limits bedroom, and to the kitchen. Off the kitchen was a small deck, and while it was chilly and foggy outside, the cool air would be refreshing for a while.
“Thank you,” Michaela said once they were on the deck.
It was dark, but you could still make out the fog in the air, and a cold dampness immediately clung to their skin.
But with the heat of the party, it was welcome for now.
On the deck with them were a group of smokers, but they were able to carve out a little corner for themselves.
“Of course, he just kinda grabbed you. He was good looking, so I wasn’t sure.”
Michaela shook her head, “No, I really didn’t want to dance with him, so thank you. I wasn’t interested.”
Jay couldn’t help but push to know more. “You weren’t interested in general, or you were afraid to be interested?”
Michaela looked right at her. It was dark, but Jay could see her friend in the glow of the small porch light that hung outside the sliding doors of the kitchen and bounced off the fog. Without hesitation Michaela said, “I wasn’t interested in general.”
Jay fought off a smile. She was so happy that Michaela hadn’t been afraid to give someone a chance. “Okay good, because you do still look amazing, and it’s so hot in there! We are all sweaty messes and you look like you just stepped out of your illustrious lair.”
Michaela laughed and playful shoved Jay. “Illustrious lair, come on!”
They both laughed and Jay allowed herself to gently fall back against the side of the house. Another lamp flickered on suddenly and caused the smoking crowd to turn, as both Jay and Michaela did, to look at the new light.
Jay looked across to the smokers who all shrugged and smiled at her.
She smiled back and then turned to Michaela and froze.
There in the glow of the light, fog all around them, Jay had to catch her breath.
Michaela truly was stunning. Her big brown eyes always looked at the world around her like she was really seeing it, taking it all in and processing it through that big beautiful brain that intrigued Jay so much.
Michaela caught her staring and smiled self-consciously. “What?”
“You know, you have super long eyelashes,” Jay said, finding her voice and happy that it came out steady.
And it was true, Jay wasn’t sure she had really noticed how long they were; they hadn’t explored mascara or eyeliner earlier because Michaela had mentioned not liking things close to her eyes.
“I never noticed I guess, because I never really see you from this angle.” Then she added, injecting humor into the moment, “I guess because you are never looking up around me, you’re always having to look down. ”
“Oh,” Michaela said, and she brought her hand to her throat, her long and slender fingers wrapping around her throat. “I don’t usually raise my head too high because of my—I don’t always like my neck.”
Jay reached her hand up and touched the back of Michaela’s hand, and she was happy Michela let her pull it away.
“I’m sorry Mickey, that you feel so uncertain in your body. I really am. But if it helps, I think your neck is hot as hell.”
Michaela laughed and shook her head. “ You think everyone is hot.”
Jay made a noise of indignation. “I do not, how dare you suggest I have no taste!” Jay said, and Michaela laughed again.
Jay loved her laugh. She wanted to hear more of it.
Michaela had the type of laugh that when you got it, it felt like you’d gained something, earned something precious.
She thought too that Michaela was the type of person who if you made her cry, you lost something equally as precious.
The music changed inside, and Jay could just make out Brandy’s “Sitting Up in My Room.”
“Oh I love this song!” Michaela exclaimed, loud enough that a few of the smokers turned. “Sorry,” she said shyly and those who’d turned around gave her smiles and nods.
“Wanna go back in and dance? I’ll keep that guy away, promise,” Jay said, turning to head back inside.
“No, it’s hot as hell in there, can we stay out here a little longer?” Michaela said, though she did sound torn. Jay turned back to her friend and saw a look of longing on her face.
“I tell you what, Mickey, let’s just dance out here,” Jay said, turning back to face Michaela, who looked surprised.
“You want to what?” Michaela said, looking over Jay to where the smokers were.
“Let’s dance here, it's one song—or maybe two if the next one’s good.” She began to move her body to the beat.
“Or two if the next one is good,” Michaela said as she fell into step.
They had danced for more than two songs, and Jay was telling herself it was because they had to keep themselves warm, when the sliding doors opened and loud voices filled the space.
She and Michaela stopped and turned to see Davis and Iris stumbling onto the porch with a clearly worried Sasha in tow.
“Just stay here tonight, please, it's too late for the shelter and come on, don’t be stubborn.”