10. Jay #2
“Last time—” Iris began.
“Last time I don’t give a fuck, you’re staying here. For tonight. I am too drunk to have this argument. You’re staying.”
“Iris, let’s just stay here tonight and we can figure it out tomorrow, same as we always do,” Davis said gently. There was a pause when the trio realized they were not alone.
“Oh hey, friends,” Davis said, though it lacked the usual brightness.
“Hey, is everything okay?” Michaela said, moving over to the group.
“It’s fine,” Iris said quickly.
“It’s not fine,” Sasha began and Iris threw up her hands, which Sasha ignored.
“These two were thinking about sleeping on the street tonight, and I am not having it.”
“The street?” Jay said, confused.
There was a long pause before Michaela said, “Are you guys not in a dorm?”
More silence before Iris dropped her face into her hands. She resurfaced and said, “Fuck Sasha.” She moved to the sliding doors, opened them, and then stepped inside, Sasha hot on her heels.
The three remaining sat in silence, Jay trying to make sense of the situation.
“Look, Iris is proud, and wants to do everything just her and me. But the truth is, both of our parents kicked us out when we graduated high school. It’s complicated, but basically, I come from money, and had enough to pay for us to go to school, but not enough for us to board.”
“Oh, Davis,” Michaela said.
Davis gently raised a hand. “We don’t need your sympathy—”
“It’s empathy, I know, I had a similar situation, and I didn’t come from money,” Michaela said. Jay watched a silent exchange between Michaela and Davis before Davis let out a breath of air and continued.
“We met in high school, she’s my best friend, okay? She’s the only family I have left and I am the only family she’s got. I knew I could pay for both of us to go to school, but no board. So, Iris has been–we both have been–it’s complicated, but it’s sex work and stuff.”
Jay steeled her expression, not wanting Davis to sense any sympathy or shock, but inside she was reeling. How had she not suspected something was up? It brought into sharp relief how little they still knew about each other.
“Anyway, I do it too, but mainly with her to make sure she is okay. And don’t feel bad for us. The circumstances are shit but we aren’t in danger. We both have found a way to make it work for us, to actually really enjoy it,” Davis added quickly.
“Sex work is honest work,” Michaela said quietly, and Jay’s stomach flipped at the idea of Michaela having to do the same, but then again, she had dated Brian for all of those years.
“But the dining hall and—” Jay found herself saying out loud, her thoughts bleeding over into speech.
“We know the dining folks who work when we go to dinner, it’s why it’s the same time every time. They know Iris and my situation and let us in.”
Jay nodded, once again faced with the realities she was thankful to not have had to live. All because someone had given her and her family a chance. Even if she was still pretty convinced Mrs. Blake was happy to be rid of her, she didn’t have to push for her housing. Her and Michaela’s housing.
Jay set a hand on Michaela’s shoulder, and Michaela turned to look at her. Jay tried to put all she could in her stare. It took a moment, but finally, Michaela’s eyes widened slightly and she nodded.
Jay nodded back and then turned to Davis. “Why don’t you two come live with us?”
Jay’s Journal
August 31st, 1996
Mama would be so annoyed that I am still in bed.
It’s almost the afternoon! But I’m tired.
Still would do last night all over again.
Kevin and Callie are hilarious together, and I will always be thankful to have met both Davis and Iris, though I am sorry I am just now realizing their situation.
I mean, what kind of parents are okay with not knowing what’s going on with their kids?
Knowing what they might be doing to survive.
With everything out there that could hurt them?
My heart aches for everyone thrown out of their home.
It makes Kevin’s decision not to be out off campus make so much sense.
It also makes me feel so fucking lucky that I have a family that supported me.
I feel foolish for not holding onto what I had with Diana and Julia, seeing how rare it seems to be.
I’m glad we had the extra room. The only thing I hadn't fully considered was that it means that Mickey will be moving in here with me.
So, I think it is time to admit that I may have a little crush. It may have actually started the moment we met. But last night, watching her dance, it was magical. The smile on her face, one I feel like I want to help her have always. She is just so incredible and she doesn’t even know it.
But Mickey is dealing with a lot and is new to so much.
I don’t want to complicate her life at best and at worst be the scumbag who is lusting after someone who needs a friend right now.
Though when I made a joke last night about it being her last night of having her own room, and when she didn’t at all laugh or look relieved, I had the urge to lean in and kiss her on those pillowy full lips of hers. I didn't, of course. But I wanted to.
Does that make me a creep? I’m not sure, but the one thing it does make me is guilty.
I feel guilty for wanting Michaela and loving and leaving Diana.
I broke Diana’s heart because I said I needed to explore, and here I am lusting after someone so soon.
I can’t help but feel like there is room for both inside me.
It's hard to explain. Still, I won’t say anything.
Doing so now that we are roommates doesn’t seem fair, I don’t want her to feel pressured either.
Besides, Mickey needs to do the very thing I broke up with Diana to do: explore.
She needs to understand she is deserving of not only my heart but anyone else’s.
It’s funny, when I complained to my mother that I was so complicated, she would always say, “And what’s so bad about being complicated?” and I would never have an answer, until right now.
Well, I do have to face the day. As much as I’d love to lay here, we do need to move Mickey’s stuff in here as Iris and Davis will be by later this afternoon. And so I will have to get my act together. Which I know I can do. The most important thing to me is Mickey continuing to find her joy here.
I am nervous about classes and meeting more of the student body.
I’ll admit that. So I am glad that after my days I will get to come home and maybe bug Mickey a bit.
Knowing that I have an ally closer to me feels good too.
I can’t wait to see Mickey light up to her music in real time.
I also can’t wait to share mine with her, though I’ll probably save “Dreaming of You” for when I’m alone.
Dreaming endlessly,
Jay