39. Jay
JAY
“Alright ladies, we really need to go!” Jay heard Davis yell from the front of the suite. “No way we will make it to see the Dykes on Bikes procession at this rate.”
“We’ll make it!” Iris called back as she gave Jay and then Michaela a once-over. “We feel good, right?” Iris asked, looking once again from Jay to Michaela.
“Yeah, so good,” Michaela said, and Jay felt relieved as she nodded her head. “Our full selves,” Michaela said to Iris. She grabbed Jay’s hand, and Jay squeezed hers back.
“Our full selves,” Iris said, and then added sweetly, “Happy birthday, Kayla, you fucking goddess.”
Michaela had been hesitant to leave and arrive in a sports bra and makeup, though she was happy to keep her earrings in, a fact that warmed Jay.
They had talked at length the night before about visibility and safety.
Jay offered reassurance, but she knew what the reality was.
She knew how many trans women went missing or were left for dead.
Iris had shared stories at length about her own experiences.
Jay had to remember that she had been living as her true self for years before even coming to college, while this was all the safety Michaela had known.
Jay, like Michaela, had also never been to a Pride event before and didn’t know what to expect.
Davis and Iris had, though, and they eased Michaela’s worries, especially since they would be with Ms. Cece, Callie, Kevin, Bjorn, and other members of the Alliance who were still around.
Besides, as Iris had pointed out, her birthday today was almost like a rebirth, and she wanted to arrive as her full self.
“Okay ladies, we really have to go!” Davis yelled again, and Jay took a step back to survey her look, a cropped tee and pants to complement Michaela’s sporty look.
Iris was in a sparkling champagne pink evening gown she’d found while thrifting.
Jay thought it was also perfect. With one last smile at her friends, they were off.
They were going to meet Ms. Cece and the rest of their crew there, since there was bound to be so much foot traffic.
Ms. Cece had given them a landmark to look for once they got off BART, which they’d be taking right into downtown.
The station was packed when they arrived, which moved Jay in a way she hadn’t expected. Michaela grabbed her hand. With her other hand, Jay grabbed Iris, who grabbed Davis.
“Don’t worry, keep holding hands,” Iris said to Jay as they made their way through the energetic crowd, people Jay had never seen before, certainly not at Alliance meetings or anywhere else on campus.
Jay looked over to Michaela; her face was contorted in nothing short of amazement.
Jay felt the same way. She hadn’t known what to expect, and if she were being truthful with herself, before college she had never truly thought about how many other people like her were out there.
It was one thing to be insulated by her relationship with the Blake sisters and her parents, and another to feel insulated by a crowd.
All around them, people were casually dressed but adorned with rainbow flags, colorful beaded necklaces, and signs that said things like Gay Rights and Out and Proud.
Suddenly Jay felt silly that they hadn’t brought signs or flags.
It seemed silly now to have worried about too much visibility.
When it was finally their turn to board, Jay took one last look around her and then up at the rare true blue morning sky and felt a buzz of excitement.
“So we are going to start at Market Street and then end up at the civic center by the end of things?” Jay asked, finally breaking their group's silence. The silence hadn’t been tense or bad; it had been the opposite really; the air was tense with excitement and anticipation.
The car was full of laughter and cheering and just pure joy.
Jay thought the four of them were just sitting there basking in it.
Michaela gave her hand a little squeeze, and Jay turned to smile at her. “We went over this last night, love,” she said smiling.
“I know, I guess I am a little—”
“Nervous?” Davis interjected with a knowing smile.
“More like nervously excited?” Jay responded.
Iris turned. Her gown had been prompting shouted compliments from the crowd, which Iris ate right up.
“It’s going to be amazing, trust me,” Iris said, and Jay smiled at her friend.
“When have I not?”
“Fair, I haven’t led you astray yet!” Iris said laughing, more to herself.
Jay saw Davis shake his head, smirking. She was so happy she and Iris could joke that their friendship hadn’t gotten weird or complicated once she and Michaela decided to sleep only with one another.
It was a reminder that they were friends, through and through.
She was with people she could trust with anything.
“Do a lot of people usually come out?” Michaela asked nervously.
Jay knew what she was wondering; they’d talked about it the night before.
Michaela had wondered out loud how many queer people there were in San Francisco and how many would support them openly.
Jay guessed her girlfriend was impressed by the crowd they’d already encountered.
“Oh yes, so many,” Davis said confidently. “Ms. Cece told us that last year over three hundred thousand people were there. And this year, with One Community, Many Faces as the theme, she thinks it's going to be even bigger. Inclusivity and all that.”
Jay tried to wrap her head around the number.
“Three hundred thousand,” Michaela said in a shocked voice, one that mirrored Jay’s sentiments. Jay hadn’t really given much thought about the wider community. Finding folks in college had been amazing, but it had also felt like they were in a bubble, cut off from the rest of the world.
“Yep,” Iris said, grinning. “You’ll see, we aren’t that alone.”
They could hear the music and noise before the doors to the train opened.When the doors slid open, they were hit with the swell of it: the crowd, noisemakers, music.
Once into the throng, they made their way to 2362 Market St, the place Ms. Cece had asked to meet them and, Jay knew, the initial home of the AIDS quilt.
They spotted Ms. Cece easily. She had a pink umbrella open and wore a pink boa.
Her hair was in two pigtails.Next to her, Ms. Edna wore her hair the same way but had a yellow boa.
They stood with Bjorn, Callie, and Kevin, and two students Jay recognized as Zac and Avery from the Alliance.
Unlike Ms. Cece and Ms. Edna, they did not have boas, but they did have small Pride flags in addition to their everyday casual wear.
Kevin had also gone very dramatic with his usual casual application of makeup, a look that complemented his sharp and hard lines.
“Oh good, you all made it,” Ms. Cece said to them as they bounded over to her. “The Dykes on Bikes should begin their inaugural ride soon,” she said, smiling. Turning to Michaela she said, “Happy birthday beautiful,” and Michaela beamed back.
“I knew you all would be late,” Bjorn said with a smile on his face, and Callie and Kevin both wrapped their arms around Jay and then Michaela. Avery and Zac nodded and waved, and Jay smiled back.
As they all stood taking in the crowd, a Cher look-alike walked down the street arm in arm with a man in a gold tank top and black hot pants. As they passed they said “Happy Pride lovelies,” and then kept on moving.
“Isn’t this amazing?” Callie said from beside Jay. Jay looked at her and nodded. It was– overwhelmingly so. Jay felt the buzz of energy from the tip of her scalp to the balls of her feet inside her sneakers.
“Now, I always think it is important for us to remember how far we have come, to not forget the thousands of people who should be here celebrating with us, but who were failed by our society,” Ms. Cece said gloomily, and Ms. Edna rested her head on her wife’s shoulder.
Jay had listened to Ms. Cece talk extensively about her many friends who had died.
How many people had died, how they hadn’t been able to say goodbye to loved ones, and how society and the government hadn’t acted when they should have.
This was the reason Iris and Davis were so careful, and why Iris had made Jay and especially Michaela get tested.
They were so close to such a dark point in history.
Society had perhaps turned its back on those who died during the epidemic, but here they were being remembered. Here they were holding space for them. They still matter here, Jay thought to herself, in a space we carved out just for them.
Callie walked up to Ms. Cece and put her arms around the older woman. They sat for a moment in silence, as the celebrations whirled around them, making space for both. For all.
Before long there was a roar of cheers followed by the sound of engines.
“Okay, it’s officially starting!” Ms. Edna said cheerily, cutting through the heavy silence they’d been holding.
The energy between everyone turned warm and excited, and they all watched as the parade space filled with women on motorcycles, some smiling and waving.
Jay noticed so many of them were in pairs.
There were all types of women, all types of lesbians proudly on display.
Some were butch, somewhat masculine, and some femme.
They wore all different clothing, from full-on biker gear to bikini bottoms and tank tops.
Jay saw a couple of women go by in nothing but underwear and nipple tassels.
She turned to look up at Michaela, who was watching the full range of women with great interest. She felt Michaela shake her hand in hers.
Jay turned to see what Michaela was looking at and saw a Black woman on one of the motorcycles.
Since the parade and the crowd consisted mostly of white queer people, Jay knew Michaela was calling out that woman–yet another sign that they did belong here too.
With a jolt, Jay wondered if she, Michaela, and most of her friends were signs for someone else that they belonged.
The cheering grew louder and louder as the parade kicked off, and Jay couldn’t wait to see more of it.
They had arrived. They were here amongst so much love and pride in the face of oppression, shining like a beacon of light, and Jay couldn’t wait to soak it all up and be a part of it.
This space, this community, belonged to them.
Jay thought, this light is ours.