40. Michaela
MICHAELA
Michaela looked around at the sight before her: the parade had started, and there was an uproar of celebration from the crowd around her.
The sight had her in a state of blissful disbelief.
Not the kind that had rode in on the back of orgasms with Jay, like the two she’d had that morning while Jay made love to her.
A birthday celebration, just for them. No, it was the kind of blissful disbelief that suspended her understanding of the world around her and made her reassess.
Three hundred thousand people had attended last year’s celebration, a number she couldn’t believe or even comprehend.
And then Iris said, We aren’t so alone, and those words had edged deep into her core.
For so long she had felt all wrong, like something was wrong with her.
And then little by little, Jay, Iris, Sasha, and others had begun chipping away at that.
Showing her there was no one path or right way to be anything really, gay, lesbian, woman, Black, queer, and that was okay and beautiful.
And it had been wonderful; Michaela had fallen into the space they’d created.
First within their suite, then slowly the space expanded to include both the Alliance and Sasha’s, and then Ms. Cece’s.
But this was on another scale. Here that space was all around them.
A crowd that was unapologetically and openly queer.
A crowd that didn’t shrink at the thought of police officers harassing them or family members shunning them. They were just here.
The sheer audacity of the space. From the chants of “Gay men” to “We’re here, we’re queer, so sue us” to the mothers who spoke out condemning the government regarding the AIDS epidemic. The sheer challenge had blown Michaela away. So sue us.
The streets were saturated with it, and she realized that the space was all of them.
The safe space, the community, it bled out from the confines of the physical and had traveled with them.
Lived inside of them and spread out all around her, brought to her attention by the sheer number of people who came out today to remind each other of that fact: they belonged, they had a space, even in the face of oppression.
And Michaela wanted to hold onto it even though she was reassured it would never let her go.
So she danced. There wasn’t even one set of music that they were dancing to. There was just celebration and joy and grief. The past, the present, and the promise of a future.
“Go Kayla, go Kayla,” Kevin’s voice cut through Michaela’s thoughts, and she hung onto the sound of his voice like a prayer as she danced with her family.
Bjorn was dancing with Jay, Ms. Edna and Callie were spinning with linked hands, Ms. Cece was showing Zac and Avery some form of line dance, Davis danced with Iris, and Kevin and Michaela danced circles around one another, laughing and smiling.
Michaela wanted it to go on and on and on.
But somehow she knew it couldn’t, and that would be okay because they’d had this. They had each other.
Michaela felt a pair of arms slip around her waist and she turned, knowing she’d find Jay there. Without even thinking, Michaela bent down and kissed her, a move that resulted in a lot of cheering and wolf whistles.
“I just did that on the street in the daytime,” Michaela said when they broke apart.
“I’m starting to think we need to be coming here more often,” Jay said. “Campus is fun and all, but I think we haven’t even begun to explore.”
Michaela nodded, looking down at her beautiful lover, the sun on her golden brown skin and her cheeks rosy enough to expose her faint freckles. “I think you’re right, let’s come out here more,” Michaela said.
Jay looked delightfully surprised. “Yeah?”
“Yeah,” Michaela said, and she kissed her girlfriend again. While they kissed for a second time, Michaela suddenly felt something drape around her shoulders. Pulling away and opening her eyes, she realized an older white woman with a buzzed haircut had wrapped a large pride flag around them.
“You two are so beautiful and it warms my old gay heart to see this, thank you!” she said as she ran off, rejoining a group of other, older friends. Jay looked back at Michaela and smiled.
“Okay?” Michaela said.
“I mean, this flag is awesome,” Jay replied, looking up at Michaela.
“Look, some of us older gays remember how all this started. You two kissing here in broad daylight means so much to people of our generation,” Ms. Edna’s voice came from beside Michaela, who didn’t know what to say.
“You mean the riots?” Callie said, coming up to them with the rest of the group.
“Yes, and the days when no one dared openly kiss their lover on the mouth in broad daylight,” Ms. Edna continued.
“I thought it would be okay during all of this,” Michaela said, raising her arms slightly to gesture to the celebration around them.
“Of course, but you have to know what it means for us to see it. And for other people to see it. I am not trying to add pressure to what you two do, and of course everyone deserves to just live, but just explaining her giddiness,” Ms. Edna finished with a smile, and Michaela smiled back.
“I can’t believe I’ve never been to a Pride celebration before, this is so fucking awesome,” Callie said, and there were murmurs of agreement.
“We have to go to more,” Michaela said, looking down at Jay and Jay smiled wide and nodded her head enthusiastically.
“You have plenty of time while you’re here and beyond,” Ms. Cece said.
And they did. Michaela couldn’t believe how much her life had changed since the start of the school year.
How much she had changed. All that she had discovered, all that she’d learned, all while having the space and guidance to do so.
She knew she was young, so were her friends, and that they’d likely continue to make mistakes, but for the first time in her life, she felt that it was okay to do so.
“Thank you, Ms. Cece, for all of this,” she said, suddenly overtaken with gratitude for the woman who had helped her put color to the black and white words of her library and textbooks.
“Of course! That’s what I am here for, and I am not going anywhere, neither. Besides, you were the one who did most of the work. I am just glad you found a path forward, Michaela. I would love for you to keep writing, by the way. Have you thought about a major yet?”
“Oh honey, she doesn’t want to talk about school now,” Edna chided playfully.
But Michaela really didn’t mind. Never did she think about her future and what she might want to do more than when she was having these types of experiences.
It made her want to give these same feelings of safety, community, and belonging to others, to all of the Jays, Michaelas, and other Collective members who didn’t make it to this point.
She knew she almost hadn’t, like she knew the likes of Brian hadn’t, trapped by his own internalized homophobia.
Writing was a way for her to reach and create community, but there was more she wanted to do.
“I think I want to go into education, like you Ms. Cece. I want to teach or create some kind of program that is based in tolerance and understanding,” Michaela finally said.
Beside her she felt Jay rest her head on her shoulder.
“Or you could create a school,” Ms. Cece said, smiling wide, and there was a little bit of something about making Ms. Cece proud of her that made Michaela flush with pride.
“Whatever you want to do, I will help you,” Jay said from next to her. “We can help each other. I want to make something too. Something big and safe for us. Who knows, maybe I’ll be rich enough to fund your project,” she said laughing.
“Okay enough of that, I wanna grab some grub and then dance more,” Iris said, and Kevin and Callie loudly and enthusiastically agreed.
“Yeah let’s get some food,” Ms. Cece agreed. “If we head that way I think we will find something.” She pointed in the direction of the shops.
“After you,” Davis said to Iris as he made an exaggerated bow.
“Exactly how a lady deserves to be treated,” Iris joked as she led the way. Everyone began to follow them.
“Do we walk with this flag wrapped around us?” Michaela asked.
“Hell yeah we do, that nice lady gave it to us and we owe it to her and to ourselves to do right by it,” Jay said.
“Oh and hey, I know things feel scary, and I am aware of what we are up against, but being here today...Look at us baby, all of us are beautiful and here. This whole space is ours.” She leaned her head on Michaela’s shoulder and said, “I love you Mickey, it’s me and you against the world. ”
Michaela looked down into Jay’s face as Jay turned to look up at her.
The buzzing of pure joy around them, surrounded by such rich emotions and history.
Michaela soaked it all in, taking a moment to look at her family walking determinedly for food and then back to Jay.
She wasn’t alone, she belonged, they had this space. Ours.