Chapter Seventeen #2
“Wait.” I shake my head with a small laugh. “That’s not what I meant at all. I’m saying you deserve more than some meaningless hookup. You deserve to be loved properly. You deserve someone who makes love to you, not someone who treats you like a quick fuck.”
The defensive tension leaves her face instantly. “Oh…”
I lift my hand and tilt her chin toward me gently.
“Indi, I’ve wanted you every single night since the first time we were together.
I still remember exactly how it felt having you in my arms, being inside you, hearing those little noises you make.
” My voice drops lower. “I want that again. I want it with you.”
She swallows hard before pulling her chin from my grip. “That can’t happen, Caleb. All we’re doing is kissing.” Then quieter, almost like the words hurt her to say, “I can’t love you.”
My confusion spikes all over again.
Now we’re talking about love?
“You know I love you, Indi.”
She exhales sharply and turns away from me. “You can’t love someone you don’t know anymore, Caleb. You love the version of me from six years ago.”
“You were the one who said you haven’t changed.” I shift closer. “I loved you six years ago, and I love you now. I love the girl you were and the woman sitting beside me tonight. I love you, Indi—”
“Caleb, don’t.” She squeezes her eyes shut. “Please don’t ruin this. I can’t love you the way you want me to.”
“Why not?” I ask quietly, even though I already know she probably won’t answer.
“Because it will destroy both of us. Love is chaos.” Her voice cracks slightly. “Don’t you remember?”
“I remember everything, Indi.”
She stands abruptly and wraps her arms around herself protectively while staring out across the river. “Just a kiss, Caleb,” she whispers.
Exhaling heavily, I push myself to my feet beside her and stare out over the calm river, which feels like the complete opposite of the storm tearing through me right now.
My stomach is twisted into knots.
My heart is hammering.
And I feel like I’m one wrong move away from losing her all over again.
“Just a kiss, Indi,” I repeat quietly. “That’s all this is.”
She turns toward me, studying my face carefully. “You mean that? Because I can’t do this any other way. It’s this… or nothing.”
I glance up at the full moon hanging high above us and swear it’s making her completely insane tonight. But if this is the only way I can have her in my life, then I’ll take it because no version of my future exists where I willingly lose this woman again.
“Just a kiss,” I say again.
For now, I’ll give her what she needs. And maybe, eventually, she’ll realize we don’t have to end up in chaos like her parents. We could be different. We could be good together if she’d just let herself believe it.
“It’s getting late,” she says softly.
I lick my lips, still tasting her there. “I’ll take you home.”
She nods and starts walking back toward the car while I trail after her, occasionally glancing at her ass because apparently I have absolutely no self-control where she’s concerned.
When we reach the Lexus, I step forward and open the passenger door for her.
“I’m sorry I snapped at you,” she says quietly. “It’s important we understand the rules before this turns into something that is not sustainable for me.”
I nod slowly.
She lifts her hand and strokes my cheek gently. Instinctively, I lean into her touch, and the look she gives me nearly kills me.
She knows this is hard for me.
She knows, and she’s still asking it of me anyway.
Leaning forward, she presses a quick kiss to my lips before sliding into the car.
I close the door softly, then glance back up at the full moon overhead. “Fuck you, you crazy-arse moon,” I mutter before climbing into the driver’s seat. I start the engine and pull out onto the road.
A few minutes later, her voice breaks the silence. “I’m sorry.”
I glance across at her. “Why are you sorry?”
She’s staring down at her hands. “Because I can tell you want more than this. And while I’m around, you’re never going to find happiness with someone else.” She hesitates. “Maybe we should just end this tonight.”
My heart slams violently against my ribs, and I turn toward her, nostrils flaring. “No.”
She stiffens immediately.
“Eyes on the road, Caleb,” she mutters.
I huff and force myself to look forward again. “Indi, don’t do this. Please. I can handle just kissing, I swear. Just… don’t disappear on me again.”
“There is no ‘this’ to end, Caleb,” she says softly. “That’s what scares me. I’m worried you’ll start believing ‘this’ means more than it does. This is friendship. Nothing else. I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Losing you would hurt me. This doesn’t.”I glance sideways at her.
“If all you want is kissing and friendship, then fine. We’ll be friends who kiss. I can do that.”
She looks close to tears, and without thinking, I reach over and take her hand in mine. “Just friends, Indi,” I say again.
She takes a shaky breath. “Okay… but the second this turns into something more—”
“It won’t,” I interrupt quickly.
That’s a lie.
And we both know it.
Still, she nods.
I intertwine our fingers and stare back at the road. Her hand fits perfectly inside mine, and Christ, this is going to be torture.
But I’ll take any version of her I can get.
Any-damn-thing.
She directs me through town until we pull up outside a tiny, weathered house sitting in a rough part of the city. My stomach sinks immediately. The street is full of litter and overturned rubbish bins, the whole place looking run-down and unsafe.
I don’t hesitate before getting out of the car to walk her to the door.
We move up the path together in silence.
“So… thanks for tonight,” she says eventually before glancing at me with a laugh. “It was… interesting.”
“When can I see you again?”
“What do you want to do?”
I shrug. “I don’t care. I could come over, and we could watch a movie and eat dinner, or do nothing. Whatever you want.”
“Dinner and a movie sounds nice.”
“So when are you free? Is tomorrow too soon?” The second the words leave my mouth, I mentally kick myself for sounding so fucking desperate.
She giggles and steps into me, wrapping her arms around my waist before cuddling against my chest. I close my eyes instantly, soaking in the feeling of having her close again.
“Tomorrow sounds good,” she murmurs. “I’ll message you when I get home from work, and you can come over if you want?”
“Sounds perfect.”
She tilts onto her toes, but she’s still too short to reach me properly, so I lean down and meet her halfway, pressing a soft kiss to her lips.
Because if I kiss her any harder than that, I won’t leave.
And if I don’t leave, I’m absolutely following her inside.
She pulls back slowly with a smile. “Until tomorrow.”
“Sleep well, sweet Indi.”
Stepping back, I let her reach into her oversized bag for her keys.
“You too, Caleb.” Then she looks at me again.
And time fucking stops.
We stand there staring at each other like the rest of the world has disappeared. I can feel everything she refuses to say flowing through those beautiful blue eyes, because it’s the exact same thing I’m feeling.
Love.
Need.
Longing.
It pulses between us so intensely, I swear I can almost feel her breath against my skin even though we aren’t close enough for that to be possible.
I lean toward her slightly.
Just one more kiss.
Please.
She leans toward me too, matching the movement instinctively.
Then suddenly, a garbage bin crashes loudly onto the street, and a cat screeches while tearing across the road beside us, shattering the moment completely.
Indi jumps violently.
I spin around immediately, making sure no one’s about to mug us.
She gasps. “Jesus, that scared the shit out of me.”
Turning back toward her, I find her clutching her chest while trying to steady her breathing.
“Me too.” I exhale shakily. “Better get inside before you freeze to death. Thanks for tonight, Indi. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Goodnight, Rockstar.”
“Goodnight, my sweet Indi.”
Those perfect dimples appear one last time before she unlocks the door and disappears inside, leaving me cold the second her presence vanishes. I swallow hard and lean against the doorframe, dragging in several deep breaths.
That moment between us had been intense enough to consume me whole. If that cat hadn’t interrupted us, I would have followed her inside without hesitation, and I know damn well I would’ve ended up in her bed.
Because I felt it.
That connection.
That irresistible pull.
And I know she felt it too.
She just has to stop fighting it long enough to let me in.
Taking one final breath, I push away from the doorway and head back toward my car, already knowing I’m going to spend the entire night dreaming about my sweet Indi.