Chapter Twenty-One
Caleb
Sweat drips down the back of my neck as I finally start coming down from the high of performing. Playing live always lights me up from the inside out, but tonight the adrenaline was next level.
The band absolutely killed it.
Every song hit hard, the crowd was wild, and as I jump down from the stage after the final number, my heart still racing from the buzz of it all.
Annie and Aston were incredible. Hell, the whole band is finally starting to click properly. Everything just felt right up there.
Even with the chaos in my head.
Because through the entire performance, one person stayed in the back of my mind the whole damn time.
Indi.
She would have received the flowers by now.
The note too.
And I’m hoping like hell she’s messaged me while I’ve been onstage so I can finally call her back once I get into the green room. Despite the hangover clinging to me most of the day, I actually feel lighter after performing. Being onstage always burns the bullshit out of my system.
Not all of it, though.
Because this morning, after Sasha left, I changed my sheets straight away and stood beneath the shower for nearly an hour trying to scrub the guilt from my skin.
Didn’t fucking work.
I’ve never felt dirtier in my life than I did waking up beside her. Not because there’s anything wrong with Sasha, but because it should have been Indi in my bed.
Indi beneath me.
Indi in my arms.
And hopefully, she isn’t working tonight because all I want after this show is to go straight to her place and finish what we started. I want her in every possible way, and I need her to be mine.
Maybe the flowers and the note were too much, but after last night and the disaster with Sasha, I need Indi to understand how serious I am about her.
How much I love her.
Because whatever happened with Sasha can never happen again.
Ever.
That was a drunken mistake of epic proportions, and I’ll take that shit to my grave before I let it hurt Indi.
A crew member slaps me a high-five as I head down the hallway toward the green room, and I grin automatically, still buzzing from the performance while wiping sweat from my forehead with my arm.
Tonight’s going to be good.
I can feel it.
I push open the green room door and realize no one else is here yet. The others are probably still talking to family and friends outside.
Perfect.
Means I can call Indi privately. So I hurry over to my jacket, yank my cell from the pocket, and instantly spot a new message.
My chest lights up, and I unlock the screen, smiling like a complete idiot.
Then my entire world fucking implodes.
The smile drops from my face so fast it hurts.
My heart starts hammering violently against my ribs while nausea twists through my stomach.
Two simple words.
Indi: I can’t.
I stare at the screen in disbelief.
What the fuck does that mean?
My breathing starts picking up while panic claws through me. Looking around the empty room as if someone might explain this to me, I quickly hit call.
It rings…
And rings…
And every second feels like another knife twisting into my chest.
Maybe she found out about Sasha.
Oh God! But how?
How the hell could she possibly know?
Then suddenly she answers, “Hey.” Her voice sounds small and fragile, and my heart immediately jumps into my throat.
“Hey,” I say carefully. “You got my flowers?”
Silence lingers for a second.
“You know I did.”
I swallow hard. “What can’t you do, Indi?”
Might as well get straight to the point.
Another pause.
“What you asked for in the card.”
The blood drains straight from my face. “Why?”
“Because I can’t trust you.”
I freeze.
She knows.
Jesus Christ, she fucking knows.
“Why?” I ask cautiously, needing to hear exactly what she thinks happened.
“I’ve never been able to trust you, Caleb.” Her voice shakes slightly. “You can’t control yourself around women, and honestly, you shouldn’t have to. You’re at a concert right now. You should be celebrating and living your life, not sitting around waiting for me.”
“That’s bullshit!” I snap instantly. “You’re the only woman I’ve ever wanted, Indi. Nobody else means anything to me. They never have.” I’m pacing now, my heart slamming wildly while desperation rises higher and higher inside me. “They can’t compare to you. Indi, I love you.”
A sob breaks through the phone line.
Then the call disconnects.
I stop dead.
“Indi?”
Silence.
She hung up on me.
Panic explodes through my chest, and I call her straight back. It rings twice before disconnecting again.
I try once more—straight to voicemail.
Something inside me fucking snaps. Rage surges hot and violent beneath my skin until I can’t contain it anymore. With a roar of frustration, I hurl my cell phone across the room before driving my fist straight through the nearest drywall. Plaster explodes around my hand, but I barely feel it.
I punch the wall again.
And again.
I grunt through the fury and helplessness boiling inside me until exhaustion finally starts dragging me down.
“Feel better now?”
I stop instantly.
Aston is standing in the doorway holding my cell phone.
Breathing hard, I stagger backward and collapse into the nearest chair while staring at my bruised, bleeding knuckles. “No,” I mutter roughly. Not even fucking close.
Because the worst part is… I deserve this.
Even if Indi doesn’t know about Sasha, she’s still right not to trust me after what I did.
“You okay?” Aston asks while sitting beside me.
I almost laugh.
He’s just a kid. How the hell would he understand this kind of mess?
“I honestly don’t know,” I admit quietly. “Feels like I’m losing my fucking mind.”
Aston huffs a small laugh. “Well… that part’s obvious.”
“Give me a break, yeah?” I mutter.
He hands me my cell before patting my shoulder. “Caleb, you’re basically a brother to all of us.” His voice softens. “Just because you’re older doesn’t mean you’ve gotta deal with everything alone.”
I stare down at my destroyed knuckles. “Thanks, mate. But I need to sort this one out myself.”
He nods quietly. “Whenever you’re ready, I’m here.”
Then Annie and Ella burst into the room, still hyped from the performance, and Aston heads over to them.
I barely notice.
My eyes stay locked on the bloody holes punched through the drywall while guilt eats straight through me.
I did this.
I ruined this.
And now I’ve probably lost Indi all over again.
Knowing her, she’ll disappear completely now. She always runs when things get too intense, and after tonight, I wouldn’t be surprised if I never saw her again.
The thought makes my chest ache so badly I can barely breathe. I drag my hands through my hair and lean back in the chair.
This is fucking bullshit.
I need to blow off steam before I lose it completely.
I need to kill this tension tearing through me.
My gaze drifts toward my cell, and before I can stop myself, one thought crashes through my head… I need to call Sasha.
***
While waiting impatiently for Sasha to show up, I pace the living room floor. She said she would come right over, so why the hell is she taking so damned long? I drag my hand through my hair as I continue pacing, my mind circling back to Indi and why she’s doing this to me.
She’s shutting me out again.
This is what she does. This is how she works. We get so far, so close, and then bam, she shuts down like none of it meant anything.
Every. Damn. Time.
I should have known this would happen. If I had any balls at all, I’d get in my car and go over to her house, but I don’t want to make things worse by pushing too hard when she’s already running scared.
I want to give Indi the time she needs to work through whatever’s going on inside her head, but before I go anywhere near her, I need to let off some steam.
That’s what Sasha is coming over for… if she ever bloody gets here.
A gentle knock finally sounds at the door, and my head snaps up. Relief floods through me as I stride over, desperate for the distraction I think I need. But the second I open the door, Sasha smirks, then immediately frowns as she takes me in.
“You okay?” she asks.
I nod and step back to let her inside, closing the door behind her as she walks through.
“I’m glad you called again,” she says, following me toward the living room. “I was hoping you would.”
We sit down on the couch, and she shrugs out of her jacket. When she leans in to kiss me, I pull back and shake my head.
She frowns, raising an eyebrow.
“Indi said she doesn’t trust me,” I blurt out.
Sasha smirks again and runs her hand slowly up my bicep. “Well, maybe Indi’s got her head screwed on.” She leans in and kisses my cheek, but I barely register it.
“But the thing is, I love her, you know? I want to be with her. So why does she think I’d go after other women?” I turn to face Sasha properly.
She looks at me like I’ve grown a second head.
“Caleb, if you love Indi, then why did you call me last night and again tonight? Can’t you see she’s right about not trusting you, especially when the first thing you do after things go wrong is call someone else?
” Her hand moves higher on my thigh, but I ignore it and drag my fingers through my hair.
“But can’t she see I only want her? Last night I was drunk and hurt and horny, and Indi had just walked out, so I lashed out in a drunken stupor.
That’s all it was. I was wasted, Sasha. I didn’t know what I was doing, and I’ve regretted it all day, especially after speaking to her.
She doesn’t even know about you coming over last night, so what the hell makes her think she can’t trust me? ”
Sasha’s hand keeps traveling up my thigh toward my cock, and it finally registers when she leans in to kiss me again.
I flinch back and shake my head. “Didn’t you just hear me?”
She sits back against the couch, her eyebrows pinching together. “You don’t want to fuck?”
I laugh because the idea is so ridiculous right now. “No, of course not, Sasha.”
“You just want to talk?”
Rolling my eyes, I nod. “Yes. I thought that was obvious?”