Chapter Twenty-One #2
She slumps back and pulls her jacket on again. “Okay, well, I guess I can be an ear for you since you seem all out of sorts right now.”
I nod and start from the beginning…
I tell her how I met Indi, how she stood up for me that day at school, how we became best friends.
How her parents died and how she came to live with us.
I tell her about our first time, about Indi leaving, and about how lost I’ve been without her ever since.
Then I tell her how Indi came back into my life and turned everything upside down in the seconds after seeing her again.
All those emotions are still there.
The love.
The need.
The ache.
I tell Sasha how badly I want to make everything right with Indi, how last night was a monumental fuckup, and how I needed to vent after Indi hung up on me and ignored my calls today.
I don’t know how to fix any of this, and maybe Sasha, being a woman, can give me something useful.
A perspective… anything. Some secret inside information on how the hell I’m supposed to make this right.
“Wow,” Sasha says when I finally stop talking. “You really needed to vent.”
Leaning back into the couch, I exhale, feeling strangely lighter now that I’ve let it all out. “So do you see what I’m dealing with?”
“Look, from what I can tell, Indi is scared. For some reason, she’s worried about you going to other women, and because of me, that fear is technically valid.
Maybe she’s seen something or heard something before, Caleb, but either way, you need to prove to her that you’re capable of being a one-woman man.
” She tilts her head. “If you love her like you say you do, would you really call me up for sex after nearly having sex with her?”
I frown. “Whether I love Indi or not isn’t even a question. Of course, I love her. I know I can be trustworthy if she commits to me, but she won’t commit because she thinks we’ll both end up dead. She’s so fucked up in the head,” I murmur, more to myself than Sasha.
“I think Indi probably knows her way of thinking isn’t normal.
She needs help, that’s for sure. Seeing her parents die like that would damage anyone, but basing her whole life on what happened to them isn’t what she should be doing.
” Sasha pauses, studying me carefully. “But I also think you two might not be healthy for each other. There’s so much history there.
One thing I can tell, though, is that you love her. Or at least you think you do.”
“No.” I sit forward, and something sharp and certain clicks into place inside me. “I do love her, Sasha. With everything in me, I love her.”
And just like that, it’s like a light turns on in my head.
I have to fix this.
I have to make Indi see we can do this.
Losing her is not an option.
“Then you have to fight, Caleb,” Sasha says, standing.
“As much as I’d like to keep you to myself, because let’s be honest, you’re wild in bed, but if you love Indi and she loves you, then you need to tell her.
You need to fight for her and give it another go.
” She walks toward the front door, and I stand as she opens it, then turns back to look at me.
“Look after yourself, Caleb. I won’t lie and say I’m happy for you, because being used for sex and then used as a relationship counselor isn’t exactly my dream evening.
” Her mouth twists into a small smile. “But I hope you get what you’re looking for.
If it doesn’t work out, call me. I’ll see you around. ”
I frown and nod as she walks out, closing the door behind her with a huff.
I do feel bad for using Sasha like that.
She clearly came over hoping for a repeat of last night, and instead, she spent an hour listening to me moan about another woman.
I can see how that would annoy her, so I’ll send her a thank-you text later. Maybe flowers, too.
But right now, I need to make things right with Indi.
It’s late and probably another terrible idea, but I need her to see that I’m in this. She needs to give us a real chance. She came back into my life for a reason, and I’ll be damned if I let her slip away from me again.
I grab my jacket and keys before heading for the car.
On the drive to Indi’s, I practice everything I want to say, but none of it sounds right. I have no idea how I’m going to change her mind about me, but I’m not leaving her house until she gives us another try or calls the cops.
Either way, I’m sorting this out tonight.
When I pull up outside her house, I climb out and walk straight to her door.
My hand runs through my hair as I try to calm my erratic heartbeat, but it’s thumping so hard it’s making it difficult to breathe.
The crisp night air makes me shiver, though maybe I’m just shaking like a complete fucking idiot.
“Get a grip, Caleb,” I whisper to myself.
Taking a deep breath, I exhale slowly and force down the nervous energy before lifting my fist and knocking on her door. My heart races faster while I wait, but there’s nothing. No movement, no sound, so I knock again, wondering if she’s even home, but then a light flicks on inside.
“Indi,” I call.
Still nothing.
I knock again, frustration rising as she refuses to answer. “Indi, it’s me. Come on, please open the door,” I say loudly, and one of the neighbor’s lights flicks on.
Still nothing.
I knock harder this time. “Indi!”
The neighbor’s door opens, and an older woman glares out at me. “Do you know what time it is, young man?” she snaps.
“Yeah, time you mind your own damn business.” I turn back to Indi’s door. “Indi! Open the door.”
The neighbor pulls out her cell phone and starts dialing what I can only assume is the police.
Great.
“Indi, please. Your neighbor is going to have me arrested. Answer the damn door. Please!”
The door finally swings open, and Indi stands there, her nostrils flared, her face bright red, her eyes puffy from crying.
The sight cracks my chest wide open.
She looks miserable and furious.
“Shut the hell up, Caleb,” she hisses before stepping out to face her neighbor. “Sorry, Mrs. Latham. No need for the police.” Then she grabs my arm and drags me inside, and I try not to smile because she actually answered the door, and now I’m exactly where I need to be.
Caleb, one.
Mrs. Latham, zero.
“Caleb, what the actual fuck?” Indi snaps as she slams the door and glares at me.
My internal victory dance dies immediately as I take in her tired, broken expression. She looks so lost, and knowing I’m the reason for it guts me.
“Indi, I don’t know what happened to make you so angry with me, but we need to sort this out right now.”
She huffs and turns away, walking into the living room before dropping onto the couch. “It’s late, Caleb. I’ve had a big day.” Her voice sounds flat and empty.
“Indi, look, I know what I wrote on the card might have scared you. I know I pushed too much. I know you don’t want a relationship—”
“Then why ask for one, Caleb?” she yells, staring at me as I cautiously approach and sit beside her.
“Because I forgot,” I admit. “Being with you is so easy that I forgot how scared you are. I know your reasons, and I respect them. I know you hate the idea of us loving each other so much that it might break us if something happened to either one of us. I get that, I really do. But why can’t we take a step back and see how things go?
Why can’t we let this progress naturally?
” I study her tear-filled eyes. “I can tell by how upset you are that something doesn’t feel right, and I’m guessing that something is us being apart. Am I wrong?”
She huffs shakily, her dull blue eyes brimming with tears. “I don’t want to be like this, Caleb.”
“Like what, baby?” I ask, taking her hands in mine.
She stares down at our joined fingers. “I don’t want to be the one always saying no to us.
It breaks me every time. When I’m with you, it feels so right, but the moment you’re gone, I remember all the bad things, and I break a little more.
I have to remember my parents, and Maddie, and all the horrible things you’ve done—”
“Wait.” My brows pull together. “Maddie?”
She falls silent and looks away.
“Indi, what does Maddie have to do with anything?”
Her tears spill over as she exhales. “I saw you with her.”
I search my memory, trying to work out what the hell she’s talking about. “I’m not following.”
“The day I left,” she says, her voice breaking. “The day after we slept together. I saw you with Maddie by the back building after our exams. She was unbuckling your belt. The day after we had sex, Caleb. That’s why I can’t trust you. I couldn’t watch, so I ran off and packed my things.”
My head spins as I drag myself back to that day, then the memory finally clicks into place.
“No. Wait, Indi… Maddie. Shit.” I tighten my grip on her hands.
“No, it didn’t happen like that. She wanted to, but I pushed her away and came home to find you.
You were already gone. I swear nothing happened with Maddie. Not a damn thing.”
She searches my face, her tearful eyes locked on mine. “You’re not lying,” she whispers.
I shake my head and wipe the tears from her cheeks. “I’m not lying. Nothing happened, Indi. You’re the only woman I want. I swear on my life.”
She breaks. Full sobs tear out of her as she brings her hands to her face, and I immediately wrap my arms around her, pulling her against my chest.
All this time, she thought I let Maddie touch me the day after we made love.
Christ.
I remember being tempted for a second, but Indi already meant too much to me. I couldn’t do that to her. I wouldn’t.