Chapter Thirty-Seven #2
A wave of exhaustion hits me out of nowhere, heavy and draining. My head feels fuzzy, my body slower, like everything is catching up with me all at once.
“You okay, Annie?” Aston asks softly.
I look up at him, tears already blurring my vision, and nod.
“I think Annie’s had enough for today,” he says, his tone calm but firm. “You’re okay with us heading off?”
Loretta nods quickly, reaching her hands across the table again. I hesitate, every instinct telling me not to, but… she’s trying.
So I try too.
I place my hand in hers.
Her grip tightens immediately, almost desperate, while my other hand curls tighter around Aston’s.
“I’ve missed you so much, A-Annie,” she says, her voice breaking. “I really want to make up for the last twenty years.”
I nod, a tear slipping down my cheek.
Her fingers tighten around mine as her eyes fill. “I love you, Annie. I always have. Just remember that, okay?”
The words hit like a punch to the chest.
Everything inside me fractures.
My heart clenches so tightly it hurts, and then it breaks wide open as a sob rips from my throat. The words I’ve needed my entire life, words I convinced myself I would never hear, spill over me all at once, too much, too fast.
I can’t breathe.
I yank my hand back, and Aston is already pulling me into his chest, holding me as I fall apart against him.
“I’m sorry,” Loretta says, her voice panicked as she stands. “Did I say something wrong?”
“What did you do?” Mum demands, rushing over and pulling me from Aston into her arms.
I cling to her, shaking.
“I… I don’t know,” Loretta says helplessly.
Aston looks over at Mum, his expression soft. “She told Annie she loves her.”
That only makes me cry harder.
Because it’s real.
Because it wasn’t in my head.
Mum looks at Loretta, and for the briefest moment, I swear I see something soften in her expression. “Thank you,” Mum says quietly. “She needed to hear that.” She pulls back just enough to wipe the tears from my face. “See, sweetheart? You are worthy of love.”
I nod, my sobs slowly easing.
“I think we should get you home,” Mum says gently.
I nod again, turning back to Loretta. “Thank you,” I manage. “And… sorry. I just freaked out.”
“I’m not sure what I did…” she says softly, “… but you’re welcome.”
“I thought you didn’t love me,” I admit, my voice shaking. “I thought that’s why you gave me up. Because I wasn’t worth loving.”
Her face crumples. “No, honey. I loved you too much. That’s why I let you go. You deserved a better life than I could give you.”
“Let’s get you home, Annie,” Aston says, pulling me back against him.
I nod, exhausted.
“It was good seeing you,” Loretta says carefully. “Maybe… we can do this again?”
“After the test results,” Mum replies, her tone firm.
I glance at her, then nod.
“Well… you have my number,” Loretta says, looking at me. “If you have questions, or you want to talk… just call me.”
I nod, unable to speak.
Everything inside me is too loud.
“Thanks again for seeing me, Annie,” she says, stepping forward as if to hug me.
I instinctively step back.
She pauses, then nods. “Next time,” she says softly.
I nod. She gives a small tilt of her head to Mum and Dad before turning and walking away. We all stand there, watching as she reaches her car. She turns once and gives a small wave.
I don’t wave back.
I just hold onto Aston tighter. “I’m so proud of you, baby,” he says quietly as she drives off.
“Me too, sweetheart,” Mum adds, pulling me into another hug. “And see? We’ve been telling you all this time that you’re worthy of love. Now you’ve heard it from her too.”
I pull back slightly, wiping my face. “I think… I can believe it now.”
They all laugh softly.
“You think?” Aston teases.
I manage a small smile. “Okay, fine. I am worthy of love. You’ve made that pretty clear.”
“Damn right we have,” he says, pulling me into his side.
“I am worthy of love!” I call out, louder this time, and something in my chest loosens as I say it.
Everyone pulls me into a group hug, arms tight around me.
And then I realize…
… Ella isn’t there.
I pull back and look over to where she still stands by the tree, turned slightly away from us.
“Is she okay, Mum?” I ask quietly.
Mum follows my gaze. “She will be. She just needs a little time.”
We start walking over to her.
“Elle’s Bells, you coming?” I call gently.
She turns, forcing a small smile, and I slip my arm around her shoulders, pulling her close.
“You know I love you, right?”
“I know,” she says softly.
And together, we walk back to the car.
***
We get home, and I can’t stop thinking about Ella.
I know she’s struggling with this. Of course she is. Seeing my birth mother show up after all this time has to hurt, especially when it makes her think about her own birth parents and why they’ve never come looking for her.
Part of me wishes I could help her find them.
But another part of me wonders if not knowing might be easier.
Because if they turned out to be anything like Loretta, maybe Ella is better off without the answers.
Then again, I’m not sure how I feel about any of this either.
We make our way inside, and Mum and Dad head straight for the kitchen, probably for a coffee, or maybe something stronger.
Mum’s nerves are clearly as unsettled as mine.
Ella disappears upstairs to her room, and I sink onto the couch with Aston, curling into his side while the two dogs climb onto our laps like they’ve decided emotional support is their full-time job.
“So,” Aston says, stroking his hand gently along my arm. “How are you really? It’s just us. You can be honest with me, baby.”
I rest my head against him. “I’m okay… I think.
Hearing her say she loves me, even though she gave me up, was something I really needed to hear.
” I pause, trying to find the right words.
“I know you love me. I believe you. But I guess there was always this niggling feeling that if she didn’t love me enough to keep me, then how could anyone else? ”
Aston exhales softly, pressing his lips to my hair. “I know. You’ve been carrying that your entire life, and it was part of the reason we fell apart. But maybe now you’ll finally start listening to us when we tell you what you mean to us.”
I tilt my face up, and he leans in, kissing me softly.
Time passes, and Aston and I stay curled up in the living room, watching trash on television while the dogs snore across our legs. We’ve been here for hours, and I have no idea where Mum and Dad are. Maybe they’re giving me space with Aston, but eventually I decide to check on Mum.
I stand, telling Aston I’m going to get us something to eat, then head toward the kitchen.
As I get closer, I hear Mum crying, so I stop before reaching the doorway, pressing myself against the wall in my usual hiding spot.
“So what did they say?” Dad asks, his voice low.