25. Needed To Hear That
NEEDED TO HEAR THAT
He stared at the ringing phone in his hand the next day.
Susan. Zoe’s mom.
Did he answer or let it go to voicemail?
He hadn’t talked to her since he’d texted that he was moving. Months ago.
He’d been so close to them once. It felt like a sting to ignore them now.
His finger slid across the bar to answer. “Hi, Susan.”
“Luca,” Zoe’s mom said. Her voice was always so soft. Just like Zoe’s was. “Merry late Christmas. I wanted to call yesterday but didn’t know what you had going on. I think I assumed you might be off today.”
“I am.” No reason to go into his schedule. It didn’t matter. They didn’t need those details. Not anymore.
“Did you have a nice holiday?”
“I did,” he said. “And you?”
“As good as it could be,” Susan said. “I don’t know that it gets better as much as people say.”
He swallowed hard. “I know.”
“I hope you’re getting out again. Or trying. Zoe would want that. I think she’d be happy you took this step to get away.”
He wasn’t sure why he needed to hear that.
Maybe it was the guilt he’d been feeling lately.
This thing with Gabriela. Yeah, it was a relationship in his eyes for sure, but fear kept him from agreeing.
She’d thrown it out like a joke and sometimes he just wasn’t sure if she was testing the waters, or testing him, maybe testing herself.
“I hope so.” It was the best he could say. He wasn’t sure he was ready to admit that he was seeing someone.
That he was happy for the first time in years.
Maybe even happier than he was when Zoe was alive and that guilt was even worse.
They’d had a great marriage. He’d never say otherwise.
But the pressure of starting a family was getting to them. They had options, but Zoe hadn’t been open to anything other than a child the old-fashioned way.
And since it was her body, he didn’t feel right telling her to try something else.
“Is Chuck doing well?” he asked. “How about Tiffany and the kids?”
“Everyone is doing great,” Susan said. “Missing Zoe, but that will never stop.”
“No,” he said, his voice lower than it needed to be.
He had to stop doing that. It was why everyone was so afraid to bring her name up around him.
“I talked to your mother the other day,” Susan said. “She said you really love your new job and were adapting well to the island.”
“Both those things,” he said, more confidence in his tone now. “I wasn’t sure how I’d like it, but I’m glad it’s working out.”
“I’m glad too,” Susan said. There was silence, as if they were only holding on because of Zoe.
Maybe if he still lived close by it’d be different, but states away, that ease didn’t feel so comfortable now.
“I guess I’ll let you get back to your day.
I think of you all the time, Luca. I really hope that someday you find what you’re looking for. You deserve it.”
Which meant his mother said nothing. Not that he thought she would.
“Thanks. Tell everyone I said hi.”
He hung up after that and threw his phone down.
He’d been doing such a great job of not getting sucked back into his old ways, but calls like that made it hard.
Especially when he was sitting here trying to fill his day.
He’d already been to the gym, he did his laundry, and there wasn’t much on TV that he was interested in though football would be on this afternoon.
Maybe some video games would take his mind off of it. Got to keep up with the kids he saw and their lingo, likes and dislikes. They seemed to enjoy when he could talk the same language as them.
But an hour later, his phone was ringing again.
This time, his mother.
They’d texted yesterday but nothing else. She gave him space, but he wasn’t sure the exact reason.
“Hi, Mom.”
“Luca. I know you’re off today and Gabriela is working. I thought I’d try to reach out.”
“I am off. I’m playing games and relaxing some.”
“You don’t relax enough in my eyes.”
He laughed. “Not before. I’m getting enough of it now.”
“Tell me about yesterday. You said you were going to Gabriela’s parents’.”
His parents worried about him being alone for Christmas, but once he confessed he was dating Gabriela, they were the ones who relaxed and were thrilled he wouldn’t be alone.
Nope, not dating. In a relationship.
That was how he was thinking of it. Even if they didn’t say the words in an agreement, it was what he felt.
He filled them in on their brunch and that Gabriela was working, but had time to spend it with family and him for a few hours. “It worked out well.”
“Sounds like you had a great holiday.”
He looked down at his snowman socks, wiggled his toes and grinned.
“I did. It was nice. Not too chaotic, which I think some of her holidays could get, but not this year. There were too many people working.”
Both Hudson and Carson had to work; Ava was on call. He’d found out when more of Gabriela’s cousins were off, it was a bigger holiday celebration.
Just like New Year’s Eve. Her family would be gathering and he’d be working. Working in the ER without Hudson.
New Year’s Day, he’d go see Gabriela for a few hours, then head back to work. No reason he had to take the full day with her, but it’d be nice to not have to wait so long to see her again.
The ten days where her shift ended, and his started, was beginning to feel like a lifetime.
“You’re not used to big family gatherings anyway. It might be more than you can deal with.”
He held the growl back. Barely.
He got it. For a couple of years, many thought he couldn’t put one foot in front of the other if it didn’t pertain to his career.
And maybe they were right.
But now wasn’t like then.
“I can handle just about anything,” he argued. “Haven’t I proven that?”
“I’ve insulted you,” his mother said. “It wasn’t my intention.”
He sighed. “I know. I get it. But I’m moving on.”
“You are and we are happy. I’m sorry. I can see the change in you and I’m thrilled.”
He waited a beat. “Did you tell Susan about Gabriela?”
“No,” his mother rushed out. “Why would you ask that?”
“She called me earlier. Wanted to wish me happy holidays. I think she was checking in. She said she saw you not that long ago.”
“We still talk and have lunch now and again. You know how close our families were.”
“I do.”
“But I wouldn’t tell her without your permission. And the truth is, you’re just dating. It’s not serious, is it?”
He wasn’t so sure.
It felt a lot more serious in his mind, but maybe it was because he’d known nothing else.
Didn’t date often before he was married.
Was more hard-wired for relationships than flings.
“We get along well,” he said. “We are taking it slow, I think. It’s complicated when it shouldn’t be.”
This time there was silence on the other end. “What’s her background? Has she been married or engaged? Any long-term relationships? You said she’s in her early thirties, by then most would be, unless she’s got some issues or is hard to get along with.”
“Mom. Don’t go looking for problems. She’s got a busy career and that has come first. Not everyone can understand that for one. Second of all, she comes from a lot of money. It makes her and those in her family cautious.”
“I guess I didn’t realize that about her family. What am I missing?”
“She’s from the Bond family.”
“Oh,” his mother said. “The ones who founded the island? How is she related?”
He gave his mother a brief outline. “So you see, in this area, it’s well known. She wants to be in a relationship. She wants to be married and have kids. But it’s not been easy. Not through lack of trying.”
No reason to share more.
“Then I’m happy to hear that. I don’t suppose we’ll get to meet her at some point.”
He blew a breath out, his lips flapping with it. “Mom, it’s early, like I said. I like her and she likes me. We have a lot in common but not a lot of time together. We have five days off together, then ten days we don’t see each other.”
“Which can slow things down.”
“It’s pacing us. I’m good with it and I think she is too.”
“Did talking to Susan make you feel bad about Gabriela?”
He didn’t want to admit that, but it was hard to lie.
“Not bad. Just a reminder. Maybe some guilt. But she’d said Zoe would want me to move on and I know she would. It’s all good. Everyone moves at their own speed.”
“I’m just glad you’re hitting the gas,” his mother said.
“Me too.”