Chapter 43 Gather My Thoughts
GATHER MY THOUGHTS
“You bought a house?” Natalie asked two weeks later. Just when things were finally getting better.
She’d gotten her frustration under control. Those few days Arik was away reset for them both. They realized how much they missed and loved the other and knew not to let things build again.
For either of them.
They were talking about the future. Nothing set in stone, but options, choices, feelings.
This. This wasn’t talked about!
“This house,” he said.
They’d gone for a drive when she got out of work. She thought they were going to dinner and when he turned into a residential area, she’d asked what was going on.
The minute he said it was a surprise, she should have realized it wouldn’t be a good one.
She turned her head to see the large two-story home set back some behind gates.
“You’re joking, right?”
“Nope,” he said. “The realtor is in there now to let me show you inside.”
She took a deep breath to compose the little patience she had left.
“So you didn’t buy it, you just want to look at it?”
He pulled through the gates and down the driveway and parked in front of the two-car garage.
This wasn’t an older home that was remodeled with the charm of the island, but one that was built in the past two decades.
More modern and... stately.
Not really her style with the plaster and stone facade either.
“No, I put an offer in and it was accepted. Did it this morning. But I wanted you to see it. I just didn’t think it’d be this fast. Our child is going to love growing up here.”
Her jaw ached with the urge to yell at him.
Nope. Not yet.
It wasn’t how she operated. Though it seemed as if everything with Arik differed from how she normally behaved.
She got out of the SUV, slamming the door with more force than necessary.
His glance at her said he knew she was on the verge of something and it might not be pretty.
“Arik, so glad you’re back. And you must be Natalie. I’m Stella Burke. I helped Arik find his rental property. Have to say I was stunned when he said he was looking to buy.”
“Me too,” she said, her teeth clenched, her lips barely moving.
Her eyes rose to the high ceilings in the entryway, open right to the second floor, and a massive light hanging. Modern and interesting. Not horrible, something she could get used to.
“The house is four thousand square feet, five bedrooms, four and a half baths. There is a finished basement that will walk out onto a path toward the beach.”
Oh, lord. As if the house wasn’t bigger than any other in her immediate family, they were on the water! She hadn’t even realized that when they came up the street. She was too busy trying to wrap her head around this little adventure he was taking her on.
“Looks like it’s got it all,” she said.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
“Nothing.” Her wide eyes said more than she was willing to voice in front of company.
They moved through the first level. If she pushed her frustration and mounting anger aside, the house was much closer to her style inside.
Dark hardwood floors, light walls. Whoa, the kitchen was a dream opening into a family room. And those windows overlooking the bay in the distance. Not the Atlantic, but toward Plymouth.
It’d be a longer drive for her to get to work, but only ten minutes more. Not really the end of the world.
“The primary is on the first floor,” Stella said.
Not her preference with a baby coming. She couldn’t believe he didn’t ask her any of these things!
But when they walked in, she saw another room off to the side. A little sitting area that actually had a door to it. “This is perfect for the nursery, don’t you think?”
She let out a sigh, thankful Stella wasn’t that close when he whispered it.
“It would work.”
The rest of the primary suite was exactly what she’d expect of a house this grand. This costly.
It didn’t bear thinking of.
Nothing she’d ever be able to afford, and he was probably paying cash for it.
The upstairs had three more rooms, two more full baths and a large loft area for a hangout spot that could be a media room.
The basement was more space that wouldn’t get used. Not anytime soon.
A bar, a second room to hang out, a guest suite and even a tiny kitchen.
The walk down the slope to the beach wasn’t that horrible either. Being on this side of the island, they wouldn’t get hit with as large of waves and be shielded more from the storms.
“Well?” he asked her thirty minutes later. “It’s great, isn’t it?”
She put her head back in the car where they were sitting. Stella was locking the house back up.
“Let’s go home. We need to talk.”
There was no noise, the car not starting either.
She didn’t move much, just turned her head on the seat to face him. Her eyes opened, steady and searching, catching the tension in his furrowed brow. “What’s wrong?”
“You’re going to find out, but not now. Just drive. I need to gather my thoughts.”
He didn’t move. Didn’t flinch at her tone. Didn’t even say a word.
After five seconds with the air crackling around them, he started his SUV and pulled away, going back to his rented home where her car was.
Good thing because she’d be leaving soon.
After she got it all off her chest.
“Are you going to talk to me now?” he asked.
Her purse was hanging on the railing, her feet pacing the floor.
“Arik. I’m really trying. Trying hard. Did you just spend millions on a house without even talking to me about it?”
“I bought it, not you.”
Which told her what he really thought of everything.
“Yep. You did. You say you want me to live with you. That you want us to be a family. Well, families talk about where they are going to plant their asses.”
“Did you just swear?”
“Yep. I might do it again. I can not believe you not only looked at a house without me, but bought one. One that I would never, ever be able to afford.”
“I can. And if I told you I was going to do it, you’d tell me no. You’d find every reason to talk me out of it.”
“That’s right. Because decisions like this have to be taken together and you didn’t do that.
You took it upon yourself to do it on your own.
That isn’t showing me how much you want us to be a couple.
That you want me to be part of your life.
That’s showing me you think you can control it all and decide on your own. ”
He threw his hands up. “Seriously? Any other woman would be jumping for joy over this. You can do whatever you want in the house. I saw the way you were looking at everything. I’ll make changes.
We can make changes. It’s perfect. I’ll have an office away from you.
We’ll have plenty of space for ourselves and not get on the other’s nerves.
The baby can be close by for as long as we want. ”
He’d put a lot of thought into this, she could admit. Too bad he had shared none of it with her.
“How long have you been considering buying a house?”
She got it. There were just over three months left at his rental. Property wasn’t easy to come by on the island. Unless you had a big budget.
Which he did.
“Not long. I’ve been keeping my eyes open but only reached out to Stella when I saw that listing last night.”
“Why didn’t you tell me last night?”
“Because it never hurts to look and you would have found reasons for me not to. Or told me to wait. I got it under asking. I’m good at negotiating.”
“I don’t even want to know those details.”
It’d only stress her out more.
“You’re really upset over this?” he asked.
How could he not understand any of this?
“Yes!” she shouted, her fists clenched. “Arik. Buying a house is a big step for a couple. You say you want us to be one, but you’re acting like you’re single. Don’t you see that?”
It was as if it finally dawned on him what she was saying. “I guess. I didn’t think. I thought you’d be happy that I was taking care of this. That it was another step showing I wasn’t going anywhere. Putting down roots with you.”
“I know you’re not going anywhere,” she said. “Because of the baby alone.”
“Don’t go there again,” he said. He walked away from her, was slamming around in his bedroom and came out with a ring box in his hand. “If you’re going to give me shit over the house, I might as well ride the anger and give this to you now.”
Her eyes dropped to the opened lid, a massive diamond sitting in a band covered by more.
“Are you kidding me?” she asked.
He grabbed her hand and jammed the ring on her finger. “No. I told you I love you. That I wanted to marry you.”
“And I said I needed time.”
“A ring on the finger isn’t marriage. It’s another sign of commitment and when you’re ready, I’ll ask you, but for now, take the symbol.” He all but threw her hand down, not even giving her a chance to look at it on.
Not really romantic of him but oddly, understandable. She was hitting him with a lot of stuff.
He was doing the same to her.
Still didn’t make her feel any better about any of what was going on.
“I need to leave,” she said. “I’m too worked up to talk about this anymore.”
She grabbed her purse and marched out the door, driving to her mother’s rather than home.
She needed a shoulder to cry on and this was the one person who understood her the best.
“What’s wrong, Natalie?” her mother asked when she walked in the back door. “You’re crying.”
“I just want to scream. I even swore.”
“Arik?”
“The one and only,” she said. “He bought a house today. Didn’t even tell me he was looking, or give me a chance to talk about it, just hit me with it after he pulled in front of it to have me walk through it.”
“Oh,” her mother said. “I’m not sure I’d like that, but I’m positive the house is stunning.”
“Not the point.”
“It is the point. You’re still out of sorts over what is being said about your relationship with him and the fact you’re not married. Did you tell Arik what Melody said to you last week?”
“No. It’s not a big deal.”
But it was to her.
At least when Melody dropped her snide remark about her finding the oldest, most secure way to elevate herself in life.
“Best way to be one of the rich Bonds is to find another man with money and give him a kid. Eighteen years of support.”
Something like that.
Made her feel cheap and dirty.
As if everything she did in her life was a game to get ahead.
It’d never been her.
Never would be either.
“Don’t lie to me or yourself. People like Melody have always gotten under your skin. You never let them see the real you. You never defend yourself.”
“I did with Melody. Wasn’t rude, but I handled it my way.”
“By jokingly saying that Melody could only wish to find a man like Arik. That she was jealous. All those things are true. What Melody wanted was a reaction out of you.”
“And she won’t get it. She isn’t worth it. She never was. That’s how I live my life. If someone doesn’t like it, it’s on them.”
She brushed her hair out of her face.
“Oh my God, you got engaged?” her mother asked, reaching for the rock that was weighing her hand down.
“Nope. It’s a symbol,” she said sarcastically.
“Alright, I’m lost. Back up,” her mother said. “Come sit and talk to me.”
Her mother walked away to get the tissue box and handed it over.
Natalie hadn’t even realized she was still crying.
Nothing had been going right in her life in the past few months.
Not really true.
She found love. That was right. Even if it infuriated her.
“We were fighting over the house. That he just took it upon himself to do it without discussing any of it with me. Then he said he might as well do this too since I was pissed. He slid the ring onto my finger. He didn’t ask me to marry him, just said it’s another sign of commitment.
When I was ready for the proposal to let him know. ”
“Do you want me to answer you honestly?”
“Always.”
“It might have been the best way he could have done it. You say you’re not ready to be engaged even though I know you’re embarrassed to be pregnant and single. That symbol right there will take off some of the pressure you’re putting on yourself.”
Her mother had a point, but Arik didn’t know that.
“There was no good way to do any of this. I never thought I’d be in this situation.”
“Because you can’t plan it all out.” Her mother was still holding her hand. “It’s a gorgeous ring.”
“I’m sure it costs more than my car. I don’t even know if I want to wear it.”
“Don’t be that way,” her mother said. “He’s trying. You’re both doing the best you can. You said he’s been getting better. That he’s not as clingy or over the top protective as he was, right?”
“Yes. It’s better.”
“Give him some credit. As upset and as frustrated as you are, he’s got to be feeling the same thing. That nothing he does is right. He’s worried he’s pushing you away and he’s worried nothing he does makes you happy.”
“It’s not that bad.”
“Maybe you should tell him that.”
“I feel as if I should sleep my frustration off.”
“All you’re going to do is stress that he’s stressed. Am I right? Because deep down you don’t want him feeling the same way you are.”
She blew her nose and stood up to discard the tissue.
“No. Why do I feel guilty now? I’ve got a right to tell him how I feel.”
“You do. And you should. But that won’t remove the pain you feel.
It’s one of those things you’ll have to work out.
But to do that, you need to talk. Letting it fester isn’t good for anyone.
Remember what I told you when you asked me years ago?
One piece of advice on how Dad and I have stayed so strong for so many years? ”
“Never go to bed mad. Or at least don’t go to bed without talking it out.”
“That’s right. Don’t start your fights on the wrong foot. Fighting the right way is also the key to a strong marriage too.”
“Guess I owe him an apology.”
“That’s up to you. But you owe it to yourself to hear him out, just like he has to do the same for you.”