Chapter 7 #2
‘I know, but words and deeds…’ Zoe sipped at her tea. ‘One can become the other. I’m scared if I say it that will make it real. I want to be happy for Dad and Chantal – and I will be, once I get my head around their news. It’s all come so suddenly and it’s a shock, and that’s why I’m struggling.’
She wasn’t going to say that her dad being on the brink of having all that she’d lost the previous year was at the root of her resentment because it felt dangerously close to asking the universe for a dose of karma.
Yes, he was about to be happily married with a baby – where she was meant to have been by now, had she not lost her own.
Still, she had Alex now, and Billie, and while she still felt to some extent that rebuilding her life was a long work in progress, she didn’t want to tempt fate to take them away as punishment for being so mean-spirited about her dad.
Didn’t he deserve happiness too? Whatever had happened between him and Mum, he didn’t deserve her spite.
He only wanted to be loved, to be settled and content, just like everyone did.
He’d fallen for Chantal, and whatever the circumstances around it, Zoe believed he did truly love her.
She also, against the judgement of her darker moments, believed Chantal loved her dad.
‘Come on, Zo…’ As Brett put down his empty mug, Georgia motioned for him to take William from her. ‘I think he needs a nap. Could you put him down for me?’
‘But he just had…’ Brett’s confusion changed into a look of illumination. ‘Right, yeah. Of course…’
Zoe watched him as Georgia transferred their son to his arms. As soon as Brett had left the room with William, Georgia turned back to her. ‘So now Brett’s busy, take the opportunity to offload. No judgement. Safe space and all that.’
‘I know, and I appreciate it, but I think I’ve probably offloaded quite enough. More than I ought to have done. I ought to go home and process it all before I commit to a rant – I might find it becomes a rant I wish I hadn’t had.’
‘Well, you know where I am if you process it and still need to rant. Like I said, there’d be no judgement here, and I certainly wouldn’t share it with anyone.’
‘Thanks, George. I don’t know what I did all those years without you. Two months back in my life and already I can tell you anything, just like the old days.’
‘I feel the same. So while we’re on the subject of no judgement and dark secrets, can I tell you about my flatulence?’
Zoe blinked and then burst into laughter. There was defusing a situation, and then there was defusing a situation… and then there was Georgia.
Zoe had barely stepped outside before her phone began to ring.
She pulled it out, looked at the caller ID, paused as if to answer it, and then, letting it ring off, dropped it back into her bag.
Guilt, she decided, was going to be a regular feature of her life until her dad’s wedding was over.
Probably even beyond that, to when Chantal gave birth.
And it would creep back under her skin for every kiddie’s birthday party she attended, every anniversary she celebrated with them, every Christmas present she bought and every time she even spoke their names in front of her mum.
This would be her life now, pussyfooting around her mum every time they met, and so, perhaps, she could be forgiven for wanting one last hour of blissful freedom before that whole ghastly treadmill began.
And so she ignored her mum’s call. She’d get to it, of course, and she’d be glad to lend her support in any way she could, but just not now.
Instead, she started the engine of her car and headed up to Kestrel Cottage as a cold drizzle slapped the windscreen, trying to decide on the best way to tackle it when the moment came.
Her mum phoned twice more as Zoe showered, and then again as she got changed and ready to head over to Hilltop Farm to see Alex. Each time, Zoe hesitated, staring at the screen, knowing she’d have to take the call eventually. She’d talk to Alex first. He’d know what to do.
As she headed out of the door, the hillside swallowed by shadow and a slice of moon intermittently revealed by racing clouds, her phone interrupted her thoughts yet again. But this time it wasn’t a call from her mum but a text from her dad.
Chantal has had a great idea! She’s been looking at St Cuthbert’s as a venue, so we might end up having a Lake District wedding!
Zoe was unable to hold in the groan of desperation.
As if things weren’t bad enough! This couldn’t happen – Thimblebury was supposed to be her one place of sanctuary, where she could get peace, clarity and respite when she needed it, and now her dad wanted to have his wedding here!
Her mind was chaos as she ran through scenarios that might put him off, but nothing seemed to fit the bill.
She couldn’t even think of a reply that wouldn’t give away the horror she felt at his idea.
What the hell was Chantal thinking? Should Zoe perhaps go to her instead, explain discreetly how much trouble having the wedding in Thimblebury would cause?
But when Zoe thought about it properly, she couldn’t honestly say it would cause trouble for anyone but her, and once again she was forced to recognise she was being the unreasonable one.
The wedding would happen, and it would be lovely, and then her dad and Chantal would go off on their honeymoon and that would be that.
What was Zoe worrying about? Her mum, she supposed, and more specifically how hellishly awkward it would be to have both her parents here at his wedding, but realistically, would her mum even come?
Her dad would invite her because he was simply too obtuse to realise that he shouldn’t, but her mum would never sit in a church and watch him marry the girl she blamed for ending their marriage… would she?
Once again, uncertain and too tired to think of a suitable response, Zoe dropped the phone back into her bag and got into her car. She’d seen memes about kids divorcing parents, but never had she been so tempted to find out whether it was indeed possible.
‘Hello, love!’
Zoe followed Billie into the kitchen of Hilltop Farm to find their neighbour and Zoe’s landlord, Victor, at the table chatting to Alex. It seemed they’d had a busy afternoon because Maisie was also still there.
‘Hello, Victor!’ Zoe said, the sight of him banishing her terrible mood in an instant.
It was almost impossible to be fed up with Victor around.
Coupled with that was the sight of Alex looking handsome and relaxed as he greeted her with a warm smile, dressed in an Aran jumper with a hole in the sleeve that had always been one of Zoe’s favourites.
‘Hi, Maisie,’ she added, smiling at the young woman. ‘Billie said you’d be coming over, but I didn’t realise you’d still be here when I got here.’
‘That’s my fault,’ Victor said. ‘I offered to give her a lift home, but I’ve been a bit distracted. Don’t know when to shut up, that’s my problem.’
‘How’s your day been?’ Alex asked Zoe.
‘Oh, you know…’ Zoe had things to tell him, but they would have to wait. She wasn’t about to launch into an account of her current woes with Victor and Maisie there.
‘I hope you’re hungry,’ he added.
‘Famished. What’s on the menu?’
‘Leftovers.’
‘Billie cooked for me,’ Maisie put in. ‘There was loads.’
‘Well,’ Zoe said brightly, ‘if it’s as good as yesterday then it will be delicious.’
Alex turned to Victor. ‘You know you’re welcome to stay too. There’s enough to feed half of Cumbria.’
‘I can’t say I’m not tempted…’ Victor scratched his head. ‘It smells very nice. But Corrine will have cooked.’
‘Is it pie tonight?’ Zoe asked.
Victor grinned. ‘It is. Predictable pair, aren’t we?’
‘I don’t know about that, but I do know you love pie, and she usually makes one Monday or Tuesday because I sometimes get a spare one dropped on my doorstep around this point in the week.’
Victor nodded. ‘Come to think of it, she did mention sending one over for you tomorrow.’
‘I’ll look forward to it. How is Corrine?’
‘Busy as always. In fact, very busy…’ Victor’s expression was suddenly full of mystery and mischief – that naughty-boy look that often had Zoe able to picture him as a youngster. ‘We’ve got a new addition arriving in the next couple of days.’
Billie looked as animated as Zoe had ever seen her, and Maisie almost gasped. ‘An alpaca?’ she yelped.
‘A pregnant one.’ Victor folded his arms with a smug look of expectation. And he wasn’t to be disappointed. The kitchen erupted into coos and squeals of delight.
‘How?’ Zoe asked. ‘Where has she come from? Is she a rescue?’
‘She is. She’s coming from a long way too. Scotland, as a matter of fact.’
‘Oh my God, that’s so exciting!’ Maisie looked as if she might leap up and cheer. ‘Can I come and see her?’
‘Well…’ Victor said, and then aimed a silent question at Zoe, who immediately realised he was asking for her opinion.
‘I’m sorry to be the party pooper, but you shouldn’t get too close to the animals while you’re pregnant,’ she said. ‘I mean, you can look by all means, but I wouldn’t be happy about you going and fussing them.’
‘Yeah,’ Billie said with a droll note to her voice. ‘Tell me about it. If I so much as threaten to go up to Victor’s field, your voice is in my ear: “Don’t go near the livestock…”’
‘And it’s for your own good,’ Zoe said with a grin. ‘You’ll thank me one day. Besides, you don’t have long to go before your own baby arrives. After that, go up and ogle the alpaca as often as you like.’
‘Ugh,’ Billie said. ‘What a way to put it.’
‘I really want to see the new one,’ Maisie said.
‘I know.’ Victor smiled. ‘And you will. Alpaca are pregnant for almost a year, you know, so there’s plenty of time.’
‘Oh God, yes,’ Zoe said. ‘You’ll have had your baby way before hers arrives… How far along is your new one?’ she asked Victor. ‘Have you got a name for her yet?’