Chapter 20
Along with many other problems, Zoe had tussled over what to do about Fern for a few days.
She’d tried to phone, and had managed to speak to Fern herself, but wasn’t entirely convinced by the conversation they’d had.
Fern had told her all was well and she now didn’t need to see her after all.
Arwen was apparently a brilliant midwife, and Fern was excited to have the baby.
So when Zoe arrived at work on the following Monday morning to find Fern waiting outside for her, though she was surprised, she realised quickly she should have been expecting it.
‘Hello!’ she said brightly as she slipped her car keys into her bag. ‘What brings you into the village?’
‘I was hoping to catch you before you started work.’
Zoe glanced up and down the lane. ‘Do you want to come inside for a minute?’
‘Yes, please. I won’t be long.’
‘You can be as long as you need; I’m not due to see anyone until ten.’
Zoe led her inside, past the reception where Lavender looked up and raised her eyebrows in a silent question. ‘Fern and I will be having a quick chat in my room,’ Zoe told her. ‘No need for you to do anything – it’s not an official appointment.’
Lavender said nothing. She simply gave an idle shrug and went back to the computer she was logging into.
In her treatment room, Zoe offered Fern a seat and then closed the door. ‘How are you doing?’
‘I’m all right,’ Fern said carefully.
‘Everyone at the commune is well? I imagine there’s a lot to do all the time.’
‘Yes, but we all pitch in.’
Zoe sat down and waited. She wasn’t going to push Fern; she was going to let her speak in her own time.
‘You know you said I could ask you about anything, even though Arwen is looking after me?’ she said after a long, fraught pause.
‘I did. You wanted to ask me about something now?’
Fern nodded. ‘It’s just… well, I know Arwen has looked after some pregnant women before…’
Zoe tried not to frown. From what she recalled, Arwen was hardly what she’d call qualified.
‘And she’s really good and she’s nice,’ Fern continued. ‘But could I come to see you sometimes? Just to check because…’ Fern’s shoulders slumped.
‘You don’t even need to ask. It’s normal to be nervous about pregnancy and to want the advice of someone who is… How can I put it? I don’t mean to insult Arwen – I’m sure she’s capable, but she’s not trained.’
‘I’m still happy for her to look after me. It’s just sometimes I’d like to ask you about what she’s said.’
‘OK,’ Zoe said slowly. ‘How do you plan to do that? It’s hard for me to get hold of you when you’re at the commune. Are you intending to come here and see me?’
‘I don’t want to go on the books or anything. Can’t you just talk to me sometimes, like now?’
‘I suppose I could, but it’s difficult. Professionally, I mean.
I’d love nothing more than that, but suppose we did it like that, under the radar, and something went wrong.
Well, you could sue me. I’m sure you wouldn’t, but you could, and it would be your word against mine, and there’s no legal protection for you or for me.
But if I’m seeing you as a registered patient, then we have all sorts of safeguards for both of us.
I’m not trying to make it difficult for you, but that’s how it is. ’
‘You won’t see me then?’
‘I really want to, Fern, but you ought to think hard about how we’re going to do this. Will Arwen really be that upset if you tell her you’d like to be under the care of a qualified midwife?’
‘I think she would. I’d hate to hurt her feelings, but I need to make sure I’m doing the right thing.
Sometimes she says things and even I don’t think they sound right.
So then I go away and do it my way without telling her, but I don’t know if I’m right either.
That’s why I was hoping to be able to ask you. ’
Zoe was silent for a moment. She didn’t want to put Fern off, not now she’d plucked up the courage she’d so obviously needed to come.
But what she’d said was true; professionally, seeing a patient ‘under the radar’ was a murky area.
If anything went wrong, it could cause a whole heap of trouble for everyone.
‘Do you find it difficult at the commune to say what’s on your mind? I mean…’ Zoe paused. ‘Is there pressure?’
‘Pressure?’
‘Influence from others that you feel you can’t go against?’
‘No,’ Fern said. ‘Everyone is great!’
Zoe couldn’t decide whether Fern’s answer was a bit too enthusiastic, but she decided to let it drop for now.
‘All right,’ she said finally, knowing she’d regret the words before they were out but compelled to say them anyway.
‘Come to me when you feel you need the extra support and I’ll do what I can. ’
Fern’s face transformed into a beaming smile. ‘Thank you!’
‘So,’ Zoe continued, ‘as you’re here now and I don’t have anyone to see for the next hour or so, is there anything you’d like to ask?
Or is there something you’d like me to take a look at?
I could do a quick examination now? Just to see how everything feels, make sure there are no red flags we might need to look into further. ’
‘Yes please…’ Fern was doubtful again. ‘It won’t take too long, will it? Only people will start to notice I’ve been missing for a while…’
‘I’ll try to be quick. I’ll just listen to baby’s heart, make sure you’re progressing well… It won’t take long. We could really do with a scan, you know, but it would mean going to the maternity unit in—’
‘I can’t do that,’ Fern said with an emphatic shake of her head. ‘The radiation…’
‘Ultrasound doesn’t actually use radiation,’ Zoe said. ‘It works on sound waves.’
‘Nothing should be looking inside you like that,’ Fern insisted. ‘I don’t mind you doing things here, but I won’t go to the maternity unit.’
‘Ah.’ Zoe wondered if this was more of Arwen’s wisdom. Baby steps, she reminded herself. Fern was here, and that was a start. They’d do the basics now, and she’d work on the other things as they went along.
‘Have you thought about the birth?’ she asked casually as she got out her blood pressure monitor.
‘Arwen says women’s bodies know what to do.’
‘And you’re happy with that?’
‘I don’t know. I mean, it must be true. Women had babies in caves.’
‘They did. They also used to eat their own relatives, so…’
Fern blinked, and Zoe could see the joke had gone right over her head.
She tried a different tack. ‘Women have also been giving birth with the help of other women for thousands of years, once they worked out that it was better to have help and that sometimes their bodies, though they knew what to do, didn’t always play ball. There’s no weakness in having help.’
‘Arwen says she’ll be there to see me through it.’
‘That’s good. Just Arwen?’
‘Do I need anyone else?’
‘I don’t know. Depends how good she is and how straightforward the birth is. I’m not trying to worry you. How you give birth is your choice – as long as you stay within the law. Like I said, legally I can’t force you to be under my care, but I have a duty to make you aware of where you stand.’
‘I know,’ Fern said.
Zoe thought she didn’t know, not really.
But if Zoe was asking the questions and prompting her to think about them, then that was good.
Maybe Fern would decide to inform herself, and maybe she’d change her mind.
Zoe had helped countless women who had wildly different ideas about how their pregnancy should progress and how they’d eventually give birth, but it was still crazy to her that a woman would choose to do it without the help of someone who knew what they were doing.
Perhaps that was simply a point of professional pride, or perhaps it was because she was trained to deal with any emergency that might arise and understood the risks involved in going it alone.
One thing at a time, Zoe decided as she took Fern’s blood pressure. At least she was here now, and it was a good start.
Zoe was nervous. She and Alex had discussed more than once whether it was right to go behind Billie’s back like this, staging a social call that wasn’t just a social call.
It almost felt as if they were trying to catch her out, and if she twigged, that might be the way she viewed it.
Eventually, however, Alex had persuaded her that she wasn’t doing anything wrong, and that she only had Billie’s interests at heart.
Besides, it was still a social call, even if it led to something more.
She was at the kitchen sink, half watching through the window as she washed some carrots for crudités, when Emilia and Georgia arrived.
‘They’re here!’ she called but got no answer from anyone else in the house.
She dried her hands and went to the door, waiting as Georgia got baby William from the car.
Emilia came striding towards the house, content to leave her to it.
Zoe would have made far more fuss trying to help, but she wasn’t sure that was a good thing.
Emilia gave the impression she wasn’t interested, but she cared – Zoe knew this because she’d gone to such lengths to make sure Georgia was looked after when she and Brett had first arrived in Thimblebury.
What she was doing was trusting Georgia to do things by herself and making sure she did because Georgia wouldn’t always have help.
Billie had been saying as much to Zoe, that she needed to figure out how to care for Louisa by herself because sometimes she’d only have herself to rely on, but Zoe had found it hard to step back.
The worries about Billie’s mental health hardly helped, but Zoe had been forced to ask herself more than once whether her interference was in fact making that worse too.
Then the house seemed to go from dusty silence to everything at once. From the living room, Grizzle started to bark, Alex was trying to shout over the noise to make him stop, and then William started to cry as Georgia carried him in, and from somewhere upstairs suddenly Louisa was wailing too.