Chapter 20 #2
‘Well, there’s a welcome,’ Emilia said drily as she stopped to take her boots off at the door.
Georgia didn’t seem too concerned about the noise William was making.
She started to swing the car seat a little, shushing him gently, but stopped long enough to greet Zoe with a kiss on the cheek.
Her skin was soft, her eyes bright and her hair shiny, and she looked better than Zoe had ever recalled her looking.
‘Wow,’ Zoe said. ‘Motherhood seems to be suiting you. Not that I would have said so, but could you at least have the decency to arrive looking as if you’ve only had two hours’ sleep? You’ll give people the impression having a newborn is easy.’
‘Not so newborn anymore,’ Georgia said. ‘He’s pretty much sleeping through now, and Brett’s doing this new online tour booking job where he has to be available through the early hours, so as he’s awake anyway, he takes the first morning feed and lets me sleep in.
But thanks for the compliment – I’ll happily take it. ’
‘Well, you look gorgeous. It’ll be encouraging for Billie to see,’ she added, lowering her voice, even though she now knew Billie was upstairs out of earshot. ‘I think she’s feeling a bit dowdy.’
‘Poor thing,’ Georgia said. ‘Doesn’t seem all that long ago for me – the four-times-a-night feeding and feeling exhausted all the time.’
‘It isn’t,’ Emilia said. ‘He’s not even three months old yet.’
‘I think what she’s trying to say is it’s amazing how quickly it gets easier,’ Zoe said.
‘Not necessarily easier,’ Georgia replied, ‘but you find what works and that makes things go more smoothly so you have a minute to devote to a bit of self-care. Where’s Billie? I’m dying to see Louisa.’
‘I’ll get her.’ Zoe waved a vague hand at the table. ‘Take a seat. Alex is about to take Grizzle on a long and hopefully very tiring walk, so when he’s gone, we’ll be able to get comfy in the living room.’
Zoe hurried up to Billie’s room and knocked softly on the door. By now, she’d managed to quieten Louisa.
‘Yeah?’ Billie’s voice was heavy.
‘It’s me,’ Zoe said. ‘Just wanted to let you know Emilia and Georgia are here.’
‘Oh, right. I’m feeding at the moment.’
‘Can I come in? It’s a pain talking through the door.’
‘Dad’s not with you?’
‘No, he’s with Grizzle, about to take him for a walk.’
‘Right…’
Zoe pushed open the door. Billie was on the bed, propped up against a bank of pillows, with Louisa at her breast. She looked as if she hadn’t brushed her hair since that morning.
It certainly hadn’t been washed – that much was obvious.
Her eyes were circled by dark shadows, and her skin looked grey and dull.
Zoe would have said it was exhaustion, and that perhaps Louisa was demanding so much care that Billie simply hadn’t had time to step into the shower.
But though that was partly true, Billie wasn’t short of help.
Alex would have been more than happy to take Louisa for an hour while she took care of herself – in fact, he was desperate to – but she wouldn’t let him.
She’d been able to release her to Zoe for half an hour here and there after the birth, but even then she’d hovered most of the time, watching hawkishly over everything that Zoe did – and not, Zoe suspected, to learn from it but because she was scared.
A week or so on, she’d stopped handing Louisa to Zoe too.
Now she’d barely let anyone near her. Zoe couldn’t help but wonder if it was something to do with the losses she’d been forced to endure over the previous few years – first her mum and then Louisa’s dad, Luis.
Perhaps there was some deep-seated fear she couldn’t shake that something would happen to take Louisa from her too, that she always had to be there, watching over her, to keep her safe.
It was an understandable instinct, but Billie seemed to be taking it to an unhealthy level.
‘No rush,’ Zoe said. ‘But when you’re ready to come down, we’ll likely be in the living room. Georgia’s excited to see Louisa. And you should see how William has grown!’
‘Yeah, I’ll be down in a minute,’ Billie replied, barely taking her eyes off Louisa as she did.
Zoe hesitated but then closed the door and left her to it.
‘Everything all right?’ Emilia asked as Zoe arrived back in the kitchen.
‘Oh, yes. She’s just feeding Louisa, so she’ll come down when she’s done.’
‘How’s she doing with that?’ Georgia asked. ‘It takes some patience.’
‘I don’t think she minds,’ Zoe said. ‘I think she quite likes the excuse to sit with her for a while.’
Alex popped his head around the kitchen door. ‘I need to get Griz’s lead… Hello, ladies.’
‘Hello!’ Georgia said brightly, while Emilia simply nodded in acknowledgement.
‘So is it all right if I come through with him? He’s soft enough, but he gets a bit excitable… thought it was fair to warn you in case you didn’t want him lumbering around where William is.’
‘I’ve got him.’ Georgia scooped her son from the car seat and into her arms. ‘It’s fine.’
‘I won’t be a minute anyway,’ Alex said, opening the door with a thumb hooked firmly in Grizzle’s collar, doing his best to keep him in check.
Grizzle sniffed the air, tail going like mad, straining to nosy at the newcomers.
There was a moment where he looked as if he’d get free, but then Alex fastened the lead to his collar and opened the door.
‘Do your worst! I’ll be an hour or so, maybe longer if Victor is in the mood to chat. ’
‘Don’t hassle him about the thing…’ Zoe said, her tone firm. ‘Remember what we said about giving it time.’
‘I won’t!’ Alex said. But then added as the door closed behind him, ‘Not unless he mentions it first!’
Zoe let out a sigh.
‘What’s that about?’ Georgia asked.
‘Problems with the neighbours.’
Georgia stared at her. ‘Not Victor and Corrine?’
‘No… never mind – it’s not really important right now.’
‘Oh…’ Georgia smiled. ‘Don’t tell me you’ve had enough of your dad already!’
‘Not Dad, but he’s got a house guest and…
Well, Alex isn’t exactly happy about some aspects of…
He’s got a dog, and it’s not a very nice dog and…
you know…’ Zoe’s complaint faded into nothing because as she said it out loud, it sounded petty, and she didn’t want to sound petty.
But she and Alex had both agreed that they didn’t like the idea of Lennon’s dog being allowed to raise holy hell all over the hills and dales around their home.
However, when he’d mooted the idea of speaking to Victor with a view to have him do something about it, Zoe had said it didn’t seem right to bother him and Corrine, nor had she wanted to potentially upset her dad and Chantal, and so she’d asked him to let it go for now.
‘Not really,’ Emilia said. ‘But I’m sure you’ll tell us when it’s necessary.’
‘Shall we move into the other room?’ Zoe asked. ‘It’ll be comfier. I’ve got some nibbles – wasn’t sure if you would be hungry. I mean, we’ve eaten too, but there’s always room for dips, right?’
‘I can’t stop eating,’ Georgia said. ‘It’s worse than when I was expecting. Probably got something to do with all the milk William’s guzzling. I’m starting to feel like a dairy farm – and I mean the entire farm, not just one cow.’
Zoe laughed.
‘Best invention ever, the breast pump,’ she continued as they got up to decamp to the living room. ‘If I can get it all out of the way once or twice a day, I’m on a winner.’
‘Being on hand to witness it has told me one thing,’ Emilia began with a sincerity that stopped Zoe in her tracks.
‘I don’t think I’m cut out for motherhood.
I’ve never had a maternal instinct, but I used to wonder whether I simply hadn’t run into the right catalyst to get it started.
Now, even though I’m very fond of William, I’m certain nothing has changed in that department.
I didn’t want a child before, and I still don’t want one now.
And the thought of sitting with a pump on my breast…
no thank you. I’m happy for the responsibility of replenishing the population to fall to the many more capable women around me. I’ll stick to doing what I’m good at.’
‘Which is looking after us,’ Georgia said with a fond look. ‘And you do it brilliantly.’
They settled on the sofa. Zoe went to get the snacks and some drinks.
It took about fifteen minutes to set everything up, and as she did, she expected Billie to come down.
But when it was finished, there was still no sign of her.
She wondered whether to go up and see if everything was all right, but she remembered that she’d promised not to crowd Billie all the time.
So she went back to sit with the others, though she wasn’t altogether happy about it.
Predictably, the chat centred mostly around William – his habits, the little milestones he’d reached, how Georgia was already thinking about schooling and how he’d started to resemble Brett when he’d looked more like Georgia at first. And as another half hour passed this way, Zoe’s thoughts kept straying to Billie, who was still missing.
‘Do you need to go and check on her again?’ Emilia asked shrewdly.
Zoe got up. ‘I think I will, just in case…’
‘Just in case she needs you?’ Emilia finished. ‘I’m sure she would have called if she did.’
‘That’s the thing, I’m not sure she would.
She’s determined to do things herself, which is great, except I can’t decide if that’s because she needs to be independent or because she thinks asking for help makes her a nuisance.
Or she just doesn’t have the bandwidth to express whatever is going on in her head. I won’t be a minute.’
She opened the living room door to the sound of claws tapping and scuffing on the kitchen floor, and Alex’s exasperated voice as he tried to get Grizzle to hold still while he took off his lead. So she took a detour to the kitchen.
‘Hey…’ He looked up from his task. ‘Everything going well?’