CHAPTER FOURTEEN
FOURTEEN
Take me to the woodland where the fairies whisper, whisper all the secrets I never told them …
– from ‘Folktale’, by These Exiles
‘… AND AS PART OF our ecological initiative here at GSR Financials …’
I was trying to listen. I really was. But how long did a lecture about new printers actually have to take?
Sabbatical or not, I’d been called in for an important team meeting that, apparently, I absolutely had to be there for – at least, that’s what Karun’s curt voicemail had said.
As far as I could tell, it was a never-ending lecture about the planet and how we should take care of it.
Which was obviously a good thing. I liked the planet; I wanted it to continue.
But I really was not in the mood. I hadn’t been in the mood for anything recently.
I wonder why that is …
As carefully as I could, not wanting to draw Karun’s beady eyes to me, I glanced at my phone. The lock screen said 10:41a.m.
Seriously? Only forty minutes?
‘… and as you can see from this pie chart,’ Karun said smugly, as though he’d been the one to formulate the pivot table that had generated the data, ‘we’ll enjoy a full two point three per cent …’
You’d think after weeks off I’d be itching to get back to work, back to the routine of my own life, but it was all just so … so dull. My mind wandered, and this time there was little I could do to keep it on the topic of printers, even if I’d wanted to.
Not with the memories of my argument with Patrick still echoing between my ears.
‘You’re not my girlfriend. You don’t get to dictate who I do or do not talk to – we’re not actually in a relationship, remember?’
My stomach twisted: those words had hit me hard. I’d barely been able to hold my tears back as I fled the table. I was still reeling days later, the emotional bruise still twinging in my chest.
Patrick. The lack of him these last three days had been painful. His absence brought into stark relief just how much I’d got used to having him around. How much I’d let him into my life and I hadn’t really noticed it – until he wasn’t there.
‘… efforts companywide are conglomerating at this synergising point to elevate our initiative by a factor of …’
Why hadn’t he messaged me? Heck, why hadn’t Derek called me? Surely this radio silence wasn’t good for our image.
Ugh, I hated this – who was I, pining after a guy who couldn’t even answer a reasonable question?
I’d promised myself I would never be that girl. Not again.
And yet here I was, missing him.
Maybe I should have messaged him.
Glancing about the table at the twenty or so colleagues who were all focused on Karun and his technicolour dream presentation, I carefully placed my pen on my notebook and slid my phone out of my pocket again. It only took a few taps to open.
Paddy was last online two days ago.
My stomach twisted.
He hadn’t even been online to see if I’d been online.
Discomfort twisted in my chest as I tried not to think about it. Patrick didn’t owe me anything. Sure, we had both wanted more than just fake dating, but maybe he’d only meant casually dating until our contract ran out. He hadn’t made me any promises of exclusivity after that.
Even if I wanted us to be.
Exclusive.
I couldn’t believe I’d caught feelings for a playboy musician who didn’t even have the balls to message me.
A sudden rise in voices made me stuff my phone quickly in my pocket, and my heart skipped a beat as I picked up my pen – but the noise wasn’t coming from in here. The room hushed as the crowd of voices outside our doors got louder.
What on earth is happening out there?
Whispers blossomed as people turned away from Karun’s insomnia-inducing presentation.
‘I wonder what –’
‘Did you hear that?’
‘What do you think it is?’ Cathy whispered, eyes gleaming at the potential for office gossip.
I shrugged. Honestly, I didn’t care. Nothing that happened at GSR Financials was ever that interesting.
But still, it was hard to ignore the noise that was coming through the door, even with Karun doing his best attempt at getting people to return their attention to the front of the room. ‘Come on, team, focus! We still have forty-six slides to –’
The door opened and the floor fell away underneath me.
Patrick stepped into the room.
Patrick. In my office.
‘Hey, sorry to interrupt.’ He didn’t look that sorry, I noted. As his gaze landed on me, he gave a small smile. ‘I was just looking for Jessy.’
I wanted to curl up on the floor and die.
For a multitude of reasons.
This time the gasp was closer to me. Cathy grabbed my hand. ‘Is – is that –’
‘Patrick Tetlow,’ breathed some guy from HR across the table from us.
What the hell did he think he was doing, coming to my job? How the hell had he even known I was here?
‘Can you believe it?’ squeaked Cathy.
‘No,’ I replied in an undertone, completely truthfully.
‘Hey, Jessy,’ Patrick said with that public performance smile I knew so well. ‘Can we have a moment?’
The entire meeting room had gone silent and turned to stare at me.
Well, shit.
‘Jessy, I wasn’t sure whether to believe the gossip online,’ said Karun brightly as he strode forward, hand outstretched. ‘Karun Gupta, lovely to meet you – if there is anything I can help –’
‘Right, you want a moment, come on then,’ I interrupted Karun, desperate to escape the room, and rose to my feet. ‘Meeting room three is probably –’
‘Why not take the boardroom? I assume this is a business matter,’ my boss suggested with a gleam in his eye.
Oh, crap. ‘Erm –’
‘Yes, of course. I would like to speak to Jessy about a small matter of business,’ Patrick said lightly, as though there was nothing unusual about one of the world’s biggest artists showing up to an office, unannounced and uninvited, and asking to speak to a low-level employee. ‘Shouldn’t take long.’
God, I was never going to hear the end of this when I came back. And what was all this about ‘business’?
Is he here to call the contract off? Is that why he’s found me at work, so I can’t make a scene when he inevitably breaks up with me?
Is this even a break-up if we aren’t dating?
I shuddered. ‘We’re going to want somewhere a little more private.’ I looked at Karun, thinking about the boardroom’s tall glass walls and the uninterrupted views they afforded. It would guarantee us being gawked at like animals in a zoo.
Karun nodded. ‘How about the director’s office? He’s out with a client all morning.’
‘That’s very kind of you, thank you,’ Patrick said with a warm smile.
It was hard to believe. The guy was guarded, he’d told me that – and I’d seen plenty of evidence to support his statement … and yet here he was, charming the literal pants off my boss.
And he was Karun’s type, according to the photo of his husband on his desk.
‘Patrick,’ I said quickly. ‘Come on.’
‘Just a second, Jessica,’ Karun interjected. He stepped between us. ‘I didn’t know you ran in these kinds of circles. You really should have told me.’ He kept his voice low, and I could see Patrick raising his eyebrows in interest.
I focused my attention back on Karun. ‘Right, sorry –’
‘We’ve got a few celebrity clients that I’d like you to meet,’ my boss continued quietly. ‘I’ll brief you on them soon.’ Karun leaned away and turned back to Patrick. ‘She’s all yours.’
Flushing furiously, my cheeks so hot you could roast a marshmallow on them, I grabbed Patrick’s arm and dragged him out of the room.
In stony silence, I led us around the corner and down a corridor, heading straight to the director’s office – a place I’d only been once.
And it was nice. Large, with a wide window, a desk and three chairs – but, most importantly, thick walls. Made of bricks.
I shut the door hastily and whirled around.
Patrick’s smile had faded somewhat, but it was still there. ‘Hey, Jessy –’
‘What the hell are you doing?’ I hissed. ‘Everyone in my office is talking about this,’ I continued, pointing at the door. ‘Right now! God knows how many photos and videos could be being uploaded this very –’
‘Good.’ Patrick’s smile was only a flicker, but it had definitely been there. ‘I want them to talk. I want them to know that you’re important enough for me to come and see you.’
I swallowed hard, my righteous anger disappearing with his soft words.
Was this the grand apology that Laura had said I was owed? Was it really an apology if he hadn’t said sorry?
I wasn’t even sure I knew what I was owed. We weren’t actually dating – I had to keep remembering that. Patrick didn’t owe me any sort of exclusivity … and he didn’t owe me his life story.
I’d replayed our argument at dinner over and over again.
I couldn’t fault him for keeping the details of his past to himself.
It was clear this Cassie was a sensitive topic for him.
But I’d shared all kinds of things with him.
I’d told him about Ross, about my mum. Clearly I had mistaken our physical attraction for a deeper connection.
Whoever this Cassie woman was, she was his business.
Not mine.
I took a deep breath. ‘Look –’
‘Cassie is my mum,’ Patrick said quietly. ‘She’s my mum, Jessy.’
Oh. I had not expected that.
I hated to think how I must’ve looked. Shocked. Confused. Dumbstruck.
Perhaps that was why Patrick breathed a laugh, turning away from me to look out the window.
‘Look, my childhood wasn’t great. My mum wasn’t great.
Always a different guy, disappearing off for days at a time when she was convinced she could start a new life with him …
sobbing and needing me to comfort her whenever it went to shit. ’
I could tell by the look in his eye and the tension in his voice that it cost Patrick to reveal this part of himself, yet he went on speaking. ‘Part of why These Exiles was so great was because … well, the music was an escape. I think I told you, once, that it was supposed to be about the music.’
When I spoke, my throat was inexplicably dry. ‘Yeah.’