CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
SEVENTEEN
Did I ever tell you that I’m destroying the world today? I was watered down so I fired up, the earth is gone and the air between us is all I can breathe …
– from ‘Elemental’, by These Exiles
‘PATRICK …’
God, I would do anything to keep Jessy moaning my name like that.
It was outrageous, really. Here we stood, in the middle of a pavement, kissing and being a general nuisance to those around us.
And I didn’t care.
‘We’re supposed to be – Derek said –’
‘Fuck Derek,’ I whispered, desire quickly setting everything in me alight.
God, if I didn’t let off steam soon –
‘Patrick!’ Jessy pulled back this time, cheeks pink, as some passer-by tutted at us. ‘We – we really should go. Otherwise we’re going to be late, right?’
‘Fine, fine. We’re not far, the venue is around here,’ I said, trying to pull myself together.
No woman had ever made me feel like this, made me cast all my cares to the wind and kiss like that. No one but Jessy.
But she was right. Derek and half the music industry were waiting for us.
We continued making our way down the street, though at a much slower pace than before. Every step that brought us closer to our latest outing would mean less time for just the two of us.
‘OK, so this is the main pre-awards show for the Songwriter Awards,’ I explained.
‘The actual ceremony is streamed live, that’s far more public, but this one – it’s more intimate, only for the nominated musical artists.
And their extremely hot dates, of course.
’ I winked. ‘It’s essentially another form of glorified networking. ’
Jessy made a face that spoke, in no uncertain terms, to what she thought of that.
‘Networking? I get enough of that at GSR Financials,’ she said darkly.
‘I know, it sounds lame – but it’s mostly about being seen,’ I said as we halted at a pair of traffic lights. ‘See and be seen, you know?’
‘It sounds exhausting,’ Jessy said with a shiver. ‘Do we have to go?’ The hesitation in her voice was clear.
Not go?
I’d always gone. I’d always done what Derek had said – he was our PR guy. He was the one who made sure that when These Exiles toured the world there were people there to play to.
Without Derek and his master manipulations, was there even a band?
We were making music long before we ever met Derek, I reminded myself. Still, Derek was behind a huge part of our success. I figured the least I owed him was doing as he asked.
‘I mean,’ Jessy added, smiling nervously, ‘I’m never going to say no to spending another evening with you at someplace fancy, but … but do I have to share you?’
Two more weeks.
That was all we had together.
Five weeks had seemed like such a long time when we’d sat down in that meeting room and gone over the contract.
Now I was beginning to realize that a month with Jessy Donovan was never going to be enough.
Just fake date the girl. Just pretend you’re into her.
How wrong I’d been.
When had the pretending stopped and real, red-hot emotions entered the chat?
I breathed in slowly, trying to find some equilibrium. It’d gone so far beyond that.
‘You don’t have to share me,’ I said, surprised at how level my voice sounded. ‘But I promise we’re going to have a fantastic time.’
Jessy rolled her eyes. ‘All right, come on then. I mean, how bad can it be?’
It was bad.
For a start, the place was packed. I’d forgotten just how many people had been shortlisted for awards, and of course each of them had brought a date, so as Jessy and I walked from room to room it was a struggle to push our way through.
Conversations bubbled up from all directions, snippets about investors and contracts and conversion rising above the hubbub.
A folky sort of group was playing music in one corner, making it almost impossible to hear anyone properly, the lights were low, the drinks were flowing –
‘This is insane.’
I shivered; Jessy’s breath on my neck could end me, and she didn’t even know it.
Well. As I looked at her and saw her grin, perhaps she did.
‘Is your whole life like this?’ she asked lightly, pulling me by the hand over to one of the photo booths that lined one wall of the room we’d just entered. Flashes of light under the curtain suggested it was already occupied. ‘Just going from one highbrow shindig to another?’
‘Only during awards season,’ I said darkly. ‘And, honestly, they’re not all that much fun.’
Not any more. It was all so fake and performative.
And then there was Jessy. Jessy – smiling as a trio of women left the booth, yanking me in –
‘Jessy, what –’
The photo booth was narrow, probably only a few feet wide. The low lighting barely made it in here, casting us in near darkness. Almost all I could do was feel her – not exactly a hardship – and hear her.
Hear her ragged breathing.
‘What are we doing in here, Jessy?’ I couldn’t help but ask, my hand still entwined with hers.
I could almost hear her grin. I could definitely hear her giggle.
‘Well, I don’t know about you. But me?’ Jessy’s voice was light, playful. ‘I’m just proving that I can make this party far more fun.’
In the next moment, I had arms full of Jessy. This kind of thing did not happen in real life – but this wasn’t a dream. Jessy really was pinning me against the wall of the photo booth, and she really was kissing me, her hips pressing into mine.
A moment not kissing Jessy was a moment wasted.
We’d kissed before, but this was different. This was private, but still so public, risking interruption with every frantic second. The Jessy kissing me now was unrestrained, the heat in her pouring into me, as her hands made their way under my shirt.
‘Patrick,’ she whimpered, and fuck, I needed to hear more of that desperately.
And I knew exactly how.
‘Patrick!’ Jessy’s eyes were wide as my hand skimmed along her thigh and up under her sundress, my thumb brushing the fabric of her pants.
Gritting my jaw with aching self-control, I tried not to moan as we continued to kiss – the music pounding just on the other side of the curtain, Jessy nibbling my lip, my right hand stroking, slowly slipping past the fabric to –
Fuck. I wasn’t going to last long.
Jessy’s legs began to quiver either side of me. As she ground down on to my fingers, I realized I hadn’t been the only one holding back.
‘I’ve wanted to do this for weeks,’ I murmured as I trailed kisses down her neck, forcing myself not to lose it, all while my two fingers slowly slid into her. ‘God, Jessy, you feel amazing.’
She did. Trying not to think about just how fucking good it would be to sink myself into her, I carefully stroked and teased, trying to build a rhythm to give her pleasure.
And that was when I discovered that Jessy was a vocal girl.
‘Yes – yes, there,’ she moaned, tipping her head back and leaning almost all her weight on to my other arm, which had snaked around her waist. ‘Yeah – harder – harder – yes …’
It was exhilarating, hearing the effect I had on her as I kept stroking and I quickened my pace, my thumb circling intently as her whimpers increased.
‘Oh – oh – oh God I’m so close,’ she groaned, and it was all I could to do concentrate, to keep the rhythm. ‘Patrick – Patrick –’
Her moans of pleasure swiftly became a cry of ecstasy. I could feel her coming around my fingers and I captured her mouth with mine to keep anyone from hearing.
And then it was over.
Jessy leaned on me, collapsing with exhaustion.
‘That,’ she managed, ‘was … great. But now I really don’t want to go back into that party.’
She wasn’t the only one.
Giving a woman pleasure like that – seeing her lose herself …
There was nothing like it.
And after sharing that with Jessy, feeling her breathing quicken, sinking my fingers into her …
I needed more. Instead of ebbing, my hunger for her had only grown stronger – but as the music from outside the booth started to encroach back into our peaceful corner, I knew I would have to wait.
‘We can’t stay here,’ I muttered regretfully. ‘Even if I want to.’
As her breathing slowed, Jessy gently leaned away. ‘I’d rather stay here.’
I laughed at the sight of her pout. I knew how she felt. Here in this dark photo booth there were no expectations, no fame or fortune. We were just Jessy and Patrick, two people who wanted each other. Who liked each other.
When we finally stumbled out of the booth, I was almost certain everyone could see on our faces just what we’d been doing – but I didn’t care.
I glanced at Jessy and saw her flushed cheeks, mussed hair, that languid smile.
I wanted to do something else wild – something I could look back on, when Jessy had disappeared from my life, and know that what we had was special, even if it could never last.
And it can’t, can it?
Our lives were so totally different. I travelled the world making music – hell, after the Songwriter Awards, I’d be heading back out on tour, and God knew when I’d have the chance to fly back home. And Jessy? Jessy had friends here, a community, a job she would have to go back to eventually.
It wasn’t like I could ask her to give all that up just to follow me around the world like a groupie. While I was gone, she was going to move on with her life. I would be relegated to nothing more than a fun story told at future birthday dinners.
So that left me a choice.
As our impending end date loomed, I committed to making the most of the little time I had left with Jessy. Whatever the future held, she’d never forget me.
‘Let’s make sure to get a bunch of photos with some of these guys, keep Derek happy,’ I said, swinging a hand over her shoulders and trying not to think about just how close we’d been only minutes ago – how close I wanted to be again. ‘And then let’s escape.’
‘YOU KNOW,’ JESSY SAID as we slipped out of the back door, nodding our thanks to the security who’d seen to the mass of photographers out front. ‘The night doesn’t have to end here. We could go … there.’
‘There?’ I repeated vaguely, looking in the direction she was pointing. ‘Oh.’