Chapter 18 #2
I heave in a burning breath, and it feels like my throat is closing over.
I can’t take this any longer. I can’t live for eternity without Noah.
I can’t watch another sunrise without him.
I can’t face another day. Pumpkin has Nyx; she’ll care for him.
Cassius can take this house or burn it; I couldn’t care less.
The thought of something far darker crosses my mind, and it’s a reprieve from the anguish that floods my soul. An escape. A route right back to Noah. In less than a second, I decide my fate.
Knowing I won’t be much longer without my mate by my side again, I find the strength to lift myself from the bedding. Right as Nyx jumps onto the bed and crawls on top of Noah's chest. I smile at my familiar. She’s the best familiar I could have ever wished for.
Her purr is like rolling thunder as she curls herself into a tight ball and sinks her head against Noah, shutting her eyes.
“Protect him for me. Protect them both.” I pull myself from the sheets and step into Noah’s bathroom.
It smells faintly of him, or at least of his body wash.
I pluck the shampoo from the edge of the tub and hold it to my chest. I bought this for him.
And the bottle isn’t even half empty. I knew my mate for less time than he could finish a bottle of shampoo.
Putting it back gently, I turn the tap on and wash my hands. They aren’t particularly dirty, with only the residue of the beast on my skin. I soap up my arms and shuck off my jacket, dropping it to the floor. I need to be clean.
Rinse after rinse, I scrape at my skin, washing away every layer of my pain, watching it fall down the sink. I keep scrubbing and scrubbing until my arms burn and my vision blurs. It’s all my fault. He’s dead. And it’s because of me.
Because I couldn't protect him. Because I couldn’t kill that thing when I first found it.
Because I’m a failure of a mate. No one deserves to be mated to me.
I’ve let my sweet, gorgeous mate die. I let him die alone.
Without me by his side. He trusted me! He trusted me to be there for him, and I wasn't.
I don't realize I'm groaning in agony until my knees hit the tiled floor of the bathroom. My wet hands lay across my lap and I shake uncontrollably. Every breath hurts because I'm breathing and he’s not. It’s unfair. I don’t deserve to keep breathing.
My head hangs to my chest and I grind my teeth. There’s no reason to go on. No reason to fight anymore, not when my Noah is gone.
“X-Xan…Xander?”
His voice is beautiful. It’s warm and soft. It takes away the sharp edges and cushions the world.
A scuffle of bedsheets has the cats purring louder, and I faintly draw in a breath. Noah’s scent still fills the room, but it’s faint. It’s colder.
“Xan?”
Every hair on my body stands on end, and my eyes widen.
Heart pounding so loudly in my chest, I can hear it echoing through the bathroom as I swivel my neck.
Time is frozen as Noah’s beautiful auburn locks glow in the fading sunlight.
His green eyes are gone, replaced with chrome, just like mine.
And his smile…God, his smile has me choking on a gasp.
Then he moves.
Before my very eyes, he lifts his head from his curled position and looks down at me from his throne on the bed. My sweet mate.
Noah smiles wider, his teeth no longer straight and short, as four fangs identical to mine flash at me. “It’s okay. I’m okay.”
Scrambling for purchase, I throw myself across the room, scooping up my little Noah and holding him with a vice grip against my chest. He’s so cold. His body is harder than I remember, like his bones are as strong as mine. And his scent…it’s perfect. He smells faintly of vanilla but of me too.
Noah grips me tightly, burying his head in my chest and sucking in a deep breath. Only to cough and sputter.
I release him and cup his face, pulling mine close to his, and I take in every movement he makes. The dilation of his eyes, the way his brows twitch. He’s alive! I’m not imagining it.
Tears stream from my cheeks, and Noah follows as he tearfully smiles, diving into me again and whimpering. “I was looking for you,” he cries. “I couldn’t find you, but then Nyx and Pumpkin were there. They showed me how to get back to you.”
“Oh, my sweet little mate.” I shove my nose into his hair and take a deep inhale of his wonderful smell, memorizing it like a hot iron to flesh.
“I love you,” Noah whimpers.
With the last of my strength, I pull him into the bedding, covering us with his blankets as Noah shivers.
Cupping his face and gently tipping his head back, I swipe my lips across his.
He’s just as cold as before, but he kisses me back.
His whimpers die along with his shakes as I pull him tightly against my chest and press my hips into his, molding myself against him.
Opening his mouth, I kiss Noah deeper. Desperate to feel him, to taste him. The thoughts of what I had planned slam into me, and I gasp, pulling away and tightening my hold on Noah.
Knowing exactly what I need, Noah hushes me, petting my hair and letting me scream out every drop of anguish. “I lost you! I lost you and you weren’t coming back!” I cry. “I couldn’t live another day without you. I wanted to die!”
Noah is quiet as we hold each other, my body slowly warming his. I breathe heavily while Noah doesn’t breathe at all. Just like Harlan, his body is still dead, but his soul is alive.
“I’m not going anywhere, old man.” His promise is sealed with a kiss.