Chapter 10
T he knife slipped in my bloodied hand.
“Angel,” Juck wheezed. “I loved you.”
I jerked the knife free from his chest, nearly gagging at the awful squelching sound.
“Trust me, I’m keepin’ you safe. The gods gave you to me ? —”
“Stop,” I begged hoarsely, my hands clenching around the knife.
“I’m protectin’ you! You don’t know what they’d do to you!”
“You hurt me!” I spit out, shaking.
“I loved you,” he insisted, reaching out to touch my face with a bloody hand. “I only did what I had to to keep my Angel safe.”
I stabbed the knife into his chest again, but he caught my wrist and ripped it out with a sudden, horrifying strength. He sat up despite the bloody wounds in his chest and smiled. Pure terror froze me in place.
“You really think it’d be that easy to kill me?”
He jerked me forward by the wrist. My knife was abruptly gone, leaving me defenseless as he shoved me down, and I screamed ? —
“Em!”
I jolted awake, trembling and sweating. Mac was leaning over the bed, gripping my upper arm.
“It’s alright,” he murmured. “Just a dream. You’re safe.”
I sat up with his help. The room was full of dim light, as though the sun hadn’t yet peeked out from behind the mountains. I held up my shaky hands, half expecting to see them coated in blood, but there was nothing there.
“You want to talk about it?” he offered in a low voice, sitting on the edge of the bed.
I shook my head.
“You were?—”
The door burst open, interrupting Mac. He leapt to his feet and spun to face it, his pistol in his hand before I could even blink. Wolf stood in the doorway, his eyes flashing, and then Sam pushed past him, panting.
“Sorry, he got past—” Sam’s words cut off, and his eyes widened as he met mine.
He crossed the room quickly, practically shouldering Mac out of the way to pull me into a tight hug. I could feel his heart pounding in his thin chest. I squeezed him back, my eyes filling with tears again.
“Fuckin’ hell, Shortcake,” he murmured in my ear. “Are you tryin’ to kill me?”
“I swear, I’m not,” I choked out.
“Please don’t be out that long ever again.”
“—a nightmare. She’s fine.” I realized Mac was saying in a clipped voice to my brother.
I peeked over Sam’s shoulder to see Mac had put himself between me and Wolf. In the doorway, I saw Lee and Scar standing in the hallway, watching. Wolf glared at Mac, but his eyes flicked over to meet mine. I couldn’t read his expression and quickly hid my face in Sam’s shoulder again.
“Your brother might be even more stubborn than you,” Sam muttered.
That insane smile spread across my face, and I was glad no one could see it. “You have no idea.”
“I need to talk to my sister,” I heard Wolf growl, and all my amusement vanished.
“Not happening right now,” Mac responded.
“She’s my sister,” Wolf sounded furious.
“She doesn’t fuckin’ belong to you,” Mac snapped.
“She doesn’t belong to you, either.”
“ I know that.”
“I should be able to talk to her alone?—”
“You had a fuckin’ gun to her head, so no,” Mac growled in a voice that made chills run across my skin. “You’re lucky I’m lettin’ you in the building.”
“I was never gonna shoot her.”
“What’s goin’ on?”
I peered over Sam’s shoulder again and met Griz’s eyes. The relief that filled his face made me feel even shakier.
“You’re awake,” he said, striding into the room with a smile that made my eyes prickle.
Sam released me, and Griz immediately enveloped me in his arms.
“You scared me,” he murmured into my hair before turning his head and adding, “Mac, Nemo needs you.”
“I’ll walk Wolf back downstairs,” Mac said, his voice like quiet steel.
Wolf huffed an angry noise, but I heard his footsteps retreat from the room. Mac quietly promised to be back later, and then the door shut. I pulled back from Griz, my eyes scanning him carefully.
“I’m ok, Bones,” Griz said. “You healed me and everybody else.”
I inhaled a shaky breath and glared up at him. “I’m really fuckin’ sick of healin’ you.”
He grinned. “I love you, too.”
Gods, if that didn’t take all the air from my lungs. I barely managed to keep myself under control. That’s why they felt like family, why this place felt like home—because I loved them.
I seized the first distraction I could think of, desperate to avoid bursting into tears again. “Did I say shit when I was feverish?”
Both Griz and Sam grimaced, and my stomach dropped.
“What?” I demanded. “What did I say?”
Sam looked at Griz, and they seemed to be conversing silently.
“You sure you want to know?” Griz finally asked.
“Please just tell me.” I tried to brace myself.
Griz cleared his throat. “Mostly, you kept askin’ for Trey, and you got pretty upset about it. You thought other people were Trey a few times. We, uh, let you think Sam was Trey for a while ’cause you were practically hysterical, and holdin’ onto him was the only thing that calmed you down.”
I glanced at Sam, my face and my eyes burning. He wrinkled his nose at my expression, shifting slightly on the bed.
“You just wanted to cuddle,” he reassured me. “And I’m always down for bein’ a body pillow.”
“I’m sorry,” I mumbled, anyway.
“It’s really ok, Shortcake.” His voice softened.
“You thought Nemo was Juck the one time he came in.”
My stomach flipped. “What’d I do?”
“You got real quiet and scared, but when he got close, you panicked and started sobbing and—” He broke off and took a breath as his hands clenched into tight fists. “It seemed like you were having a flashback about…something awful he did to you.”
Sam muttered something I couldn’t make out. I twisted the blanket in my hands, feeling nauseous. I could easily imagine what sort of awful moments my brain picked for me to re-live.
“Was Wolf in here for any of this?” I asked.
“He saw some of it. We let him come in for about half an hour once a day, supervised. You told him he looked like your brother a few times.” Griz seemed to hesitate, glancing sideways at Sam.
“What else?” I demanded.
“You asked him where Dune was a couple times.”
Oh. I had to work to make my voice come out normal. “What’d he say?”
“He always said Dune was at the market,” Griz’s voice was so gentle. “He didn’t talk to us much but always talked to you. He didn’t seem to care you weren’t making much sense, and he just went along with whatever you were saying.”
I didn’t know what to do with that.
“Most often, though, you thought you were under the watchtower.”
My stomach churned, but Griz grabbed my hand and squeezed. I met his eyes, startled.
Griz’s voice came out rough. “I knew you hated what Madame made you do, but it wasn’t until you were feverishly beggin’ me to get you out of there that I realized you never once asked for help all those months.”
The pain in his eyes threatened to undo me, and I dropped my gaze back to the blanket.
“If you wanted to ask us for help but didn’t feel like you could, I’m so sorry, Bones.”
I picked at the blanket with my free hand. “It’s not like you could’ve done anythin’ about it.”
“Maybe not, but I still wish you’d felt safe enough to ask.”
Trey’s words echoed. We’re not the Reapers. We’ve been tryin’ to show you that for the past, what, six months?
“I know you were tryin’,” I whispered, misery filling me. “It’s my fault I didn’t trust you.”
“What?”
His voice was sharp enough to startle me. Sam glanced at him, too, eyebrows raised.
“Trey said you’d all been tryin’ to show me you weren’t the Reapers.”
“Did he say it was your fault?”
I backpedaled, trying to remember the exact words Trey had used, “No, not…he didn’t say that. He was just frustrated I wasn’t lettin’ him in…lettin’ all of you in.”
“If he didn’t make it real clear, then let me,” Griz gentled his voice, but his eyes were still sharp.
“Trust is somethin’ that has to be earned, and it takes everybody different lengths of time to get there.
There’s no right or wrong amount of time, alright?
I don’t know everythin’ you went through with the Reapers, but it’s enough to know that you trusting us at all means you probably had to fight some fuckin’ battles up here.
” He leaned forward and tapped my forehead with one finger.
I stared at him, tears welling up.
“Trey was a good man. I loved him like a brother, and I miss him every fuckin’ day.” Griz’s voice grew rough with emotion. “When he loved, he loved hard, but he always struggled to understand people who were more guarded.”
I didn’t know what to say. I felt defensive but also strangely relieved. And that realization came with suffocating guilt. I should be defensive of Trey. All he ever did was love me, and he died for it.
“You should talk to Mac about this sometime,” Griz continued. “He and Trey butted heads a lot about this.”
I blinked, surprised. I’d assumed Trey and Mac knew everything about each other, but then I remembered those scars on Mac’s back. He didn’t know she was still doing it.
Griz released my hand, and the three of us sat in silence for a while. My thoughts tumbled over each other, and I struggled not to cry. After I swiped at my face with my sleeve, Sam shifted, pulled a handkerchief out of his pocket, and handed it to me.
“I’m takin’ all your kerchiefs,” I mumbled, but I took it.
“You took one kerchief almost a year ago , ” he said, rolling his eyes. “And you didn’t take it. I gave it to you.”
I barely heard him, my eyes focusing on the slight tremor in Sam’s hands. I reached for his hand, and he smiled at me but then frowned when I flipped his hand over and started taking his pulse.
“Are you feelin’ alright?” I asked him.
“Are you seriously givin’ me an examination right now?” he complained.
I studied his face, noting his gaunt appearance with growing worry. “Sam, I mean it. Have you been feelin’ alright?”
“Are you tryin’ to tell me I look like shit?” Sam demanded.
“You look sick,” I snapped.
“You’re one to talk,” he shot back.
“Children,” Griz reprimanded mildly.