Chapter 12 #2
“Probably,” Lee replied. “We’ve been invested for a long time.”
Well, that didn’t fucking help my nerves. I did not want to do this.
“I mean, we’re invested, too,” Sam said, his voice sharp, “but we’re not forcin’ her to talk about shit before she’s ready.”
I felt a swell of gratitude for him.
“You also haven’t spent the last ten years lookin’ for her,” Lee responded.
“I don’t think she asked you to do that,” Sam snapped.
“Most fugitives don’t.” Lee’s voice was still steady, but something flashed in his eyes.
Sam took a breath like he was about to go off, and I decided I’d had enough.
“Stop,” I blurted out. “Just…fine, everybody can come.” At least this way, I’d only have to say it once.
“You sure?” Griz asked.
“I gotta take care of some…stuff,” Raven said from behind me. “You can fill me in later.”
I suddenly noticed Jax was missing. “Where’s Jax? Is Clarity?—”
“Don’t worry about it,” Raven interrupted sharply.
“But what about?—”
“Don’t worry about it , ” Raven repeated louder.
“Ok,” I said quickly, not missing the warning look Mac gave Raven.
“Wolf’s gonna be pounding on the door soon,” Lee warned.
“C’mon, Shortcake.” Sam threw an arm around my shoulders and steered me toward the door. “How bad can it be?”
The energy inside the clinic was so tense it felt like walking into a physical wall.
Wolf glared at me from the middle of the room as though he’d been pacing.
The rest of his crew sat inside on wooden chairs or leaned against the wall.
I put the metal exam table between me and my brother, clutching the edge for support.
Wolf crossed his arms over his chest and planted his feet wide. I felt like I was looking at Pa.
“So once again, you didn’t tell me the truth. Gods, I guess I should’ve expected that at this point.”
My breath caught painfully.
“Ease up,” Mac snapped at him.
“No, I want to make it real clear,” Wolf spat, “this is the last fuckin’ time I’m asking you, Ember. So if you’re gonna tell me the truth, it better be now.”
My stomach churned, and I desperately sucked in a breath through my nose. This was my trial, wasn’t it? My mouth went dry, and the anxiety was making me lightheaded.
Wolf stalked forward until he was directly across the table from me, and I took an involuntary step backward, bumping into Sam. Wolf slammed his palms flat on the table and leaned forward, his green eyes hard and focused on me.
“What were you?—”
I knew I wouldn’t make it to the door, so I spun and heaved into the sink.
There was a slight commotion behind me, but I squeezed my eyes shut, my face hot with humiliation.
Someone moved beside me, resting a gentle hand on the small of my back, and I peered up to see Griz holding out a clean towel.
Fucking hell. I hated this so much. He hadn’t even gotten a whole question out.
I turned the water on and cleaned myself and the sink before scooping some water into my mouth and spitting it back out, trying to rinse the sour taste.
Griz stayed next to me, and I was so glad I had all of them come.
If it were just me facing down Wolf and his pack, I would never be able to do this.
“Was that from bein’ anxious? Mac asked carefully.
“Yeah,” I answered miserably.
“Tell him that.”
That brought a swell of fear, and I could almost hear Wolf’s voice snarling at me not to show any weakness.
“Who the hell was that?” Mac’s voice was sharp, startling me.
“The Wolf that lives in my head.”
“That didn’t sound ? —”
“Bones?” Griz asked, sounding worried. “You ok?”
I realized I’d been silently leaning over the sink for too long.
I forced myself to straighten and turn around.
I could feel sweat beading on my forehead, and I wrapped my arms tightly around my body.
Wolf’s entire pack was on their feet. Wolf was still by the metal exam table, possibly only because Mac and Sam were blocking him.
Like they’d formed a human fence to give me space.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I’m…I just…I just sometimes get sick when I’m… I’m anxious.”
Wolf stared at me, his face unreadable.
“What were you gonna ask?” My voice dropped to a whisper.
“What were you doing in the dungeon with Madame?” he asked in a slightly calmer voice.
“Madame was t-torturin’ people to try and find the leader of the rebellion,” I spoke quickly, trying to get it all out. “She would… hurt them, and I would heal them.” This time, I was relieved as the numbness started to creep over me. “Then she’d torture them again.”
The silence roared in my ears.
“Madame didn’t exactly give her a choice,” Mac said. “And neither did I.”
He stood straight with his arms loose at his sides, his body still between me and my brother like a shield.
“What does that mean?” Wolf growled.
I chewed on my lip, my eyes flicking between the two of them. What was Mac doing?
“Madame made it clear if I didn’t keep Em in line, she’d make me and my crew pay.
So I told Em she had to cooperate,” he spit the word out like it tasted sour.
“She never once wanted to be there, never once wanted to be a part of what Madame was doin’.
” He finally glanced at me, and a corner of his mouth lifted, but his eyes were full of pain and regret. “She cussed me out about it.”
“Mac.”
“I’m just tellin’ him the truth.”
“Why did Madame whip you, Ember?” Wolf crossed his arms.
Maybe it was Mac confessing his part or Raven’s voice echoing in my head, but I lifted my chin and held my brother’s gaze. This was one thing I didn’t feel ashamed about.
“I saved a girl she sentenced to death.”
“No,” Mac cut in, his voice sharp, “for that , Madame threw her in solitary confinement for six days with no food or water.”
“Mac—” I started, but he kept going.
“ I was supposed to be whipped, but your sister refused to let that happen and took it on herself.” He stepped toward Wolf, and everyone tensed, but Mac’s gaze remained locked on Wolf.
“That day at the cabin? When she shielded you from gunfire with her own body while she healed you? When she healed every single one of us at the expense of her own self? That is who your sister is. That is what she’s done for this hold again and again.
During the sickness, she went out every day and healed until she couldn’t even fuckin’ walk.
Not ?cause anybody told her she had to, but ’cause that’s who she is . ”
I had no idea what sort of expression was on my face. I clung to the metal table, my head spinning. I could feel Wolf’s crew staring at me, but I couldn’t look away from Mac and Wolf.
“The Ember you’ve been chasin’ all this time? She doesn’t exist,” Mac continued, his quiet voice commanding more attention than yelling. “I doubt she ever existed ’cause I’ve never met anyone so determined to protect everyone else.”
No one besides Trey had ever remembered me like that—like I was good— and a small part of me had worried Trey only saw me that way because he looked for the good in everyone. It was much harder to brush away Mac’s words. They felt heavier. They felt dangerously like truth.
Wolf and Mac studied each other silently for a few breaths before Wolf glanced over and met my eyes.
“Were you Juck’s Angel?” he asked, his voice clipped.
“Yes,” I whispered, and a muscle ticked in his jaw.
“When did you join the Reapers?”
The edge of the metal table pressed painfully into my palms as I gripped it. “Juck found me a week after I was exiled.”
Something flashed in his eyes at the word “exiled,” but he didn’t say anything. The silence built into something painful.
“Were you fucking him?” he abruptly asked, his face carefully expressionless.
I sucked in a desperate breath through my nose. The closer I spiraled to unraveling, the more my brother seemed to retreat behind a blank mask.
“Watch it, Wolf,” Griz growled, but Wolf didn’t look away from me.
“Tell him, Em.” Mac’s voice in my head was furious. “Don’t let him think you were there by choice.”
“I didn’t… didn’t want to be with him,” I choked out.
“That’s not what I heard,” Wolf replied, his voice maddeningly flat.
I knew the sort of rumors he’d probably heard. I’d had them sneered at me every damn day. The thought of him hearing them made helpless rage ignite deep in my stomach. No wonder he saw a twisted monster when he looked at me.
“You don’t know everythin’, Wolf.”
“Then tell me.” Everything about him was blank—his voice, his face. It was like he’d locked everything away.
“What, do you want all the horrible details?”
“If it’s the truth, then yes.”
A furious desperation to crack through his blank mask gripped me. He wanted to know? He wanted the truth? Fine. Let him drown in it.
“Which details do you want, Wolf? You want me to tell you about how lucky I was that he only beat me and starved me for the first few years because he thought my powers were tied to my virginity? You want to hear how he was so furious after I tried to run away with my only friend, so convinced we must’ve been secretly fucking, that he decided to risk it?
You want to know I was fourteen when he raped me for the first time?
Should I describe how he was still covered in my friend’s blood—my friend who was tortured for a whole fucking day before he died?
You want to know Juck panicked when he realized I was bleeding, that I’d been tellin’ the truth about still bein’ pure, ” I spat the word out with venom, “so he cut his arm and told me to heal him? And when I couldn’t stop hyperventilating enough to do it, he broke my nose and told me he’d let the Reapers have me as their whore if I’d lost my powers. ”
Wolf’s face had paled, and his nostrils flared, jaw flexing. His fists looked like they were clenched as tightly as mine, but I could see the cracks appearing in his mask, and I went after them with a vicious fixation.
“Is that enough detail for you, or do you want to hear about the thousands of other times it happened for the next eight years?”