Chapter 18 #2
The blacksmith studied my face for a moment longer, but then he nodded. “Good. Well, I’m glad I ran into you. Been meanin’ to get over to the clinic to say hello.”
I fiddled with my shirt collar and tried again to smile.
“Have a good one,” he added, nodding politely at Tuck before continuing down the path.
“He never would have, you know,” Tuck said, and I swung my gaze back to him, my brow furrowing. “Wolf. He never would’ve shot you. He was just tryin’ to call your bluff.”
“I wasn’t bluffing,” I retorted, my voice rising. “And do not fucking do that again. If I don’t want someone to touch me, I will fucking handle it.”
“Who tried to touch you?”
I gasped and lurched away, crashing into Tuck, who caught me. Pressing my hand against my pounding heart, I righted myself and glared at Lee. The asshole grinned back at me.
“Stop. Doing. That,” I hissed.
“Lee,” Tuck added, his voice stern. “For fuck’s sake.”
“Sorry,” Lee smirked, looking not at all apologetic. “It’s just too easy.”
I straightened my shirt and started walking again, wishing they’d both leave me alone. Instead, they fell in on either side of me.
“Why weren’t you bluffing?” Tuck asked after a blissful few seconds of silence.
“What?” I snapped at him.
“Why did you want Wolf to kill you?”
“I don’t want to talk about this.” I wrapped my arms around myself.
“Lemme guess, you think you’re a lost cause? Unworthy?” Tuck continued, ignoring me.
I opened my mouth and then snapped it shut again.
“You make mistakes, so you think you’re damned?” Tuck added, and I struggled to keep my face blank.
“You keep fallin’ off the narrow path that leads to righteousness?” Lee chipped in.
I stole glances at both of them, unnerved at how they knew these specific fears.
“How do you know where that path is, Ember? Whose map are you following?” Lee raised an eyebrow when I met his gaze.
I came to an abrupt stop. “What do you mean ‘whose map’?” I sputtered. “There’s only?—”
“Does that map have one path for good and one path for evil?” he interrupted me, his gaze so intense on me that it made me want to shrink. “One way to paradise and one way to torment?”
“What else?—”
“Why do you deserve to die, Ember? Did you kill Dune?” Tuck asked.
“No!” I blurted. Was this an interrogation?
“Then why?”
“Because I’m not good. ”
My fists clenched at my sides, my entire body feeling abruptly unsteady. They both stared at me, their faces solemn, and I wished I could take the words back. Why had I said that?
“Carth really fucked you and Wolf up, didn’t it?” Tuck’s voice gentled, and my fingernails bit into my palms. “All that religious bullshit about good and evil bein’ absolutes. Do you know anyone who is only good or only evil?”
Juck’s face sprang to mind, but so did my confession to Sam. Juck was evil, but he hadn’t only tortured me. He’d loved me, too, muddying the waters like Sam said. I bit my lip, staring at the ground.
After a moment, Tuck continued, “Your brother spent so much of his life strugglin’ to reach some unachievable level of perfect.
He thought the fact he struggled meant he was damned, but strugglin’ is just part of being human.
His obsession with rules and order didn’t make him a better person or the world around him better.
It just made him mistrust his own intuition.
It made him fuckin’ miserable. You want to know why he isn’t dragging you back to Carth right now?
It’s cause he started trusting his gut.”
“I’m not tryin’ to be perfect,” I said to my boots, “I’m just tryin’ to make up for…for everythin’.”
“Balance the scales?”
I glanced at Lee, but my feeling of relief that he understood died when I saw the amused and irritated look on his face.
“Yeah, we know all about the fuckin’ scales. Your brother wouldn’t shut up about them for years . So I’m gonna ask you the same thing I asked him. Who’s holding the scales? Is it you? Is it the Ministry back in Carth? Is it one of the gods?”
I stared at them, unsure of what to say. They both looked so damn serious.
The stray hairs escaping Lee’s top knot waved around his face in the breeze. “Look, this is just my opinion, but I think if you’re not the one holding the scales, it’s all just bullshit. Who are you lookin’ for approval from? Cause the only person who can give you that is you .”
I blew out a shaky breath, feeling suddenly exhausted, but before I could say anything, a shout interrupted us.
“Bones!”
We all turned to see Cloud running down the road toward us, his eyes wide. My heart lurched.
“What is it?” I asked sharply.
“It’s Nemo,” Cloud gasped as he reached us. “He just collapsed.”
The three of us ran the entire way to Nemo’s house. By the time we got there, I was panting and shaky, and, to my annoyance, Tuck and Lee had barely broken a sweat. Wolf and Kai stood outside Nemo’s house like they were waiting for us.
“Sable’s upstairs with him,” Wolf said immediately.
I didn’t hesitate, I ran up the wooden steps of his porch, feet pounding, and darting through the door. The fear seizing me was far more intense than I would have expected. If Nemo died, what would happen to the Vault? Would everything fall apart?
Nemo’s guards were standing inside the main room. As I approached, they all looked up at me, their faces a mix of relief and wariness.
“He’s upstairs,” said one.
I dashed up the stairs. Smith, the guard, stood outside a door at the far end of the hallway and beckoned me forward. When I entered the simple yet cozy bedroom, Sable looked up from where he leaned over the bed, checking Nemo’s pulse. Relief nearly choked me when I saw Nemo awake and alert.
“Howdy, Bones,” Nemo murmured. “Sorry if I gave you a scare.”
“He’s stable, but I think he may have some internal bleeding,” Sable said gravely. “He mentioned being tortured, and I think there might be some residual damage.”
I made my way to the opposite side of Nemo’s bed from Sable, but I hesitated, my hands hovering between hanging at my sides and reaching out toward him.
“Can I?” I asked hesitantly.
Nemo blinked, his brow furrowing slightly. “Go ahead, Bones.”
I gently wrapped my hands around his forearm, hoping no one noticed how they trembled, and let my healing power flow through me.
My powers surged to several places in his body, carefully healing many lingering injuries.
I remembered how battered he’d been that last time Madame had summoned me, and I’d refused to heal him.
I hadn’t even checked on him after that.
He must have been in so much pain for the past few months, but he hadn’t come to me for healing either.
“Suppose I shoulda come see you sooner,” Nemo said.
I kept my eyes down, shame eating away at my insides, as I double-checked to make sure I’d healed every injury. “I don’t blame you.”
“Whaddya mean?” Nemo asked.
“I just mean…I don’t—” I swallowed hard. “After…after what I did, I understand.”
“Bones—” Nemo began in a gentle voice, but I panicked.
“I don’t blame you,” I said again quickly, backing toward the door. “You’re healed, but you should rest.”
“Bones, wait,” Nemo called, but I darted through the door, startling Smith.
I didn’t run down the hallway but walked as fast as possible.
“Ember?” Sable called behind me, but I didn’t stop.
As I quickly descended the stairs, I internally cursed at all the people still standing in the main room. Wolf, Kai, and Lee stood just inside the front door. Everyone was staring at me expectantly, and I tried to paste a normal expression on my face.
“He’s okay,” I said, “but he needs to rest.”
I strode past my brother and his crew and out the door. I made it a couple steps before all three were at my side.
“What’s wrong?” Wolf asked.
“Nothing.”
“Em,” Wolf sounded irritated, “c’mon, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing!”
“This feels kinda familiar for some reason,” Kai mused.
“You know, I was thinkin’ the same thing,” Lee responded.
Wolf shot them a withering look. “Em, just tell us what happened.”
“Wolf, nothing happened. I’m just going back to the clinic,” I said in my best attempt at a normal tone of voice.
“Do you think they’re related?” Kai asked.
“The resemblance is uncanny,” Lee grinned.
“Both of you, shut up,” Wolf barked.
“Ember!”
We glanced back to see Sable jogging toward us, and I cursed under my breath. I sped up, but Wolf caught my wrist and jerked me to a halt.
“Wait,” he snapped at me.
“Let go,” I snapped back.
“Ember, Nemo would like to talk to you,” Sable said when he caught up to us.
“I’ll talk to him later,” I lied.
“I think it would be beneficial,” Sable pushed.
“I have shit to do,” I said through my teeth, trying to wrench free from Wolf’s grip.
“What happened?” Wolf asked Sable without releasing me.
“Nothing happened,” I snapped. “Wolf, let go of me! ”
“This remind you of that time Wolf had a bullet in his leg and kept insisting he was just a little sore?” Lee asked Kai.
“See, I was thinking about the time he concealed that stab wound, just about bled to death, and Sable almost murdered him,” Kai answered.
Wolf glared at them, but Sable’s lips were twitching upward, and the other two idiots were grinning widely.
“Ember, Nemo would—” Sable began.
I pulled the oldest trick in the book. I pointed behind them with a gasp, my eyes widening in terror. Wolf released my arm as they all spun around, hands going to their respective weapons, and I didn’t waste any time. I took off toward the clinic.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” I heard Wolf yell, and laughter erupted.
I glanced back to see Kai and Lee laughing hard as Lee gripped my brother’s arm. Wolf and Sable looked less amused.
“Let her go. She earned that one,” Lee said.
I kept running, but I couldn’t stop the manic grin that came over my face. As I approached the clinic, Scar and Tuck stood on the porch, eyes narrowing.
“What’s going on?” Tuck asked.
“Where’s everyone—” Scar started.