Chapter 21
C larity’s visions were jumbled, similar to what she said to me. She saw bits and pieces of imagery that made no sense—all of it wreathed in shadows. If Mac’s power felt like me, Clarity’s power felt like the opposite.
It felt like him.
I tried to force that thought down.
The clearest visions she’d had were the vision of Trey’s death and the vision of me running.
She saw mine when she touched my arm in the clinic a few days before I left.
Her vision showed me hiding supplies in my mattress and my plan—or lack thereof.
Then she kept getting little flashes the entire week leading up to it.
I remembered how I’d had that sensation of spiders crawling on my skin several times and fought the urge to shudder.
“Trey and Mac were about ready to confront you. They were so mad you didn’t have a solid plan,” Clarity said.
“Oh, they weren’t the only ones,” Sam muttered.
I ignored him. “Do you remember anything you said earlier?”
Clarity shook her head, frowning.
“Something about ember igniting pitch and a loom weaving…something.”
“Ember… that’s your name, isn’t it?” Clarity asked hesitantly.
I winced. “Uh, yeah. You can call me that or Em… if you want.”
Sky’s lips moved as she mouthed, “Em.”
“You also said something about bones…shadows hungering for bones?”
“So both of your names were in there?” Sam asked, and his tone was so intense I glanced at him. He was looking pointedly at me.
“What, you think it’s about me?” I asked.
Sam’s eyes narrowed. “Yeah, what a wild leap, thinkin’ a prophecy that mentions both names you go by could be about you.”
I elbowed him, and he grunted.
“What exactly did I say?” Clarity demanded, her eyes huge.
“Shadows hunger for marrow and bone. Um, the ember igniting the pitch and a loom weaving…” I tried to remember the word she’d said. It wasn’t one I recognized.
“Flux.”
We all jumped and looked at the ladder where Lee was casually lounging, his elbows resting on the loft floor again.
“Will you stop fuckin’ doin’ that?” I snapped… again .
“Doin’ what?” he asked, eyes widening with fake innocence. “Remembering things you forgot?”
“Fuckin’ sneaking up on me!”
He grinned in a way that made me want to throw something at him.
“What does that mean?” Clarity asked.
“Flux?” Lee asked, and she nodded, biting her lip. “I always knew it as meanin’ somethin’ flowing. Like a tide.” He fixed me with a pointed look. “Or an icy river current.”
I glared at him.
“That doesn’t make any sense,” Clarity murmured.
“No offense, but nothin’ you said made sense,” Lee replied, still grinning.
“I’ve been seein’ so many shadows lately,” Clarity continued, ignoring him.
My skin crawled. Shadows hungering for me? That was easy to interpret. I glanced at Sam and caught him giving me a questioning look. He didn’t know about the shadows part, but I wasn’t sure he needed to in order to put two and two together.
“What’s that look for?” Lee asked.
Why did it seem like Lee never missed a thing?
“Nothing,” I snapped. “Go away.”
Instead, he pulled himself fully up into the loft. I felt Sky tense beside me, and I gently touched her hand. She glanced up at me, and whatever she saw in my face seemed to make her relax a little. She shuffled closer and leaned into me, so I wrapped an arm around her shoulders.
“Clarity also said, ‘I see her path,’ and ‘she is the ember who ignites the pitch,’” Lee continued like he was a part of our little group. “You think she meant Freckles?”
Sam glanced at me but, to my dismay, nodded.
“Could this be tied to whoever vandalized the clinic?”
Sam’s eyes focused on him, and I could practically see the gears in his head turning. “Could be.”
“Any progress on that?”
“Wait,” Clarity interrupted, frowning, “someone vandalized the clinic?”
“Someone wrote ‘murderer’ on the wall in blood,” Lee answered.
They all looked at me expectantly, and I hated being the focus of everyone’s attention. “For the last time, I don’t know who did it. Stop askin’ me.”
“Not any progress, no,” Sam answered. “Mist was missing a few bottles of scent, but she’s not sure when they disappeared. And Sierra Crane was outside gardenin’ most of the evening and said she didn’t see anybody go in or out.”
“Who?” I asked.
Sam frowned at me. “The older lady who lives across from you.”
“Oh,” I mumbled. I had no idea who my neighbors were.
“She’s gettin’ up there, so I don’t know how reliable a witness she is,” Sam continued.
“I think it’s a good idea if you don’t go anywhere alone for a bit,” Lee told me.
“I don’t need a guard.”
Sam narrowed his eyes at Lee but sighed and said, “No, I think he’s right, Shortcake.”
“You don’t know for sure any of that stuff is about me,” I argued. “Sometimes I have to leave in the middle of the night or real sudden. I’m not gonna wait for someone to come with me.”
“Don’t make me sleep in front of the door,” Lee warned.
“Mac and everybody will be back tomorrow,” Sam quickly cut in as I sucked in a breath to go off on Lee.
“Oh, that reminds me, I gotta go finish somethin’,” Jax blurted out, scrambling to his feet and darting for the ladder.
I waited until I heard him leave before I turned to Sam. “What was that with Jax earlier?”
He let out a sigh, bringing up a hand to scrub through his short hair.
“Jax’s two older brothers were two of the kids who attacked Mac in training.
” He glanced at Lee, and I heard what Sam wasn’t saying—two of the kids Mac was forced to kill with his bare hands.
“At some point, his mom died, leaving Jax an orphan. We didn’t know he existed until after we finished training.
One night, Jax broke into the bunkhouse determined to kill Mac with nothin’ but a rusty wrench, but once he got inside, he couldn’t do it.
He went to leave and accidentally woke Mac up, and then he broke down and confessed everything.
Trey, of course, immediately petitioned to add him to our crew, and Mac agreed.
He’s been with us ever since, but he’s still afraid of getting kicked out. ”
My heart ached. Of course, Trey would take the kid who snuck in to kill someone under his wing. No wonder Jax had been Trey’s constant shadow. I took a deep, shaky breath.
“Are they seriously bringin’ Lana back?” Clarity asked, her eyes on me.
“Yeah,” I said, but Lee’s expression darkened, so I hastily changed the subject. “The brothel’s not still operating, is it?”
“Nemo left it up to us,” Clarity said, fiddling with a loose thread on her shirt.
“Some people are still workin’, but mostly ’cause they want to.
” She glanced at me and caught the question on my face.
“I think some just don’t know what else they could do.
That’s what the rest of us are tryin’ to figure out.
” Her mouth twisted in a bitter smile. “I couldn’t keep workin’ when I was havin’ fits from touchin’ people. ”
I remembered how she’d avoided touching me that day in the clinic, and I opened my mouth to ask another question, only to be interrupted by the breakfast bell. The day hadn’t even fucking started yet.
“Clare, you want to go to the canteen?” I asked.
Clarity shook her head, glancing at Sky. “We should get back.”
“I’ll walk you back,” Sam said. “I gotta check on Jax, anyway.”
“And I’ll walk Freckles to breakfast,” Lee volunteered far too cheerfully.
As Lee put it, Wolf and the rest of his crew left the clinic earlier to give us “privacy,” which made me roll my eyes.
I knew he reported everything he heard to my brother.
I walked silently, my brain turning the events of the morning over and over.
My skin seemed to buzz with a restless anxiety I couldn’t shake, and it put me on edge.
“Whatcha thinkin’ ’bout over there?” Lee asked.
“Nothin’,” I muttered.
“Oh, don’t give me that bullshit.”
I couldn’t get a good read on him. At first glance, Lee appeared to be an open book, but I was starting to realize how guarded he was. The jokes and the flirting were distractions—a sleight of hand.
“C’mon, Freckles,” he coaxed, slinging his arm around my shoulders again.
I cut my eyes sideways to glare at him, my temper immediately flaring. “Why do you care so godsdamned much?”
He stopped abruptly, his hand tightening on my shoulder to make sure I stopped, too.
“Why do I care?” he repeated, his eyebrows raising.
I pulled away from him and crossed my arms, waiting.
“You’re seriously askin’ me why I care?”
“Do you get this friendly with every bounty you catch?”
“Only the pretty ones.” A smirk lifted one corner of his mouth. “Why? Are you jealous?”
I sputtered angrily for a moment. “What? Why the fuck would I be jealous?”
“Seems like you’re always watchin’ me,” he grinned.
“Because if I don’t, you fuckin’ sneak up on me!”
“Uh-huh.” He winked.
“What I’m gettin’ at is, you can cut the act,” I seethed. “I know you’re just my brother’s spy, and you’re here to report everything I say and do so you can quit pretending.”
“You think I’m pretending?” His eyes narrowed.
“Just spy on me from a distance and quit talking to me.”
“Are you serious?” he asked with a hint of anger.
“Yes,” I snapped. “Leave me alone.”
“Sorry, Freckles, but I’m not gonna do that.” His eyes flashed.
“You’re not my brother!”
“No, and thank the fuckin’ gods for that,” he shot back.
That stung—stung enough that I struggled to keep my hurt from my face, which annoyed the shit out of me. I shouldn’t care what Lee thought of me. He blew out a frustrated breath, seized my arm, and dragged me into a narrow alleyway between two buildings.
“What—”
He moved so fast, and suddenly, my back was against the wall, and his palms were flat against it on either side of my head, caging me in. I gasped, and his pupils expanded.
“Don’t you dare do that,” he said in a low, angry voice.
“Do what? ” I snarled, my heart pounding.
“Take that to mean I don’t care about you!”
I hated that he saw that emotion on my face, so I went on the offensive. “Don’t act like you know me.”
“I know you,” he growled.
I scoffed.
“I’ve spent the last ten years hearin’ all about you. I know you.”
“No, you fuckin’ don’t ’cause that girl in all of Wolf’s stories? She’s fuckin’ dead.”
He stared into my eyes as I tried to shove all the emotion welling up back down.
“Then who are you?”
The bitter words escaped my lips. “I’m just Juck’s whore.”
His eyes flashed so angrily I couldn’t help flinching when he moved. He froze and then continued moving his hand to grip my chin gently.
“I never want to hear you call yourself that again,” his voice was dangerous. “Do you hear me, Ember?”
“Did you tell my brother that?” I couldn’t resist snapping.
“Yes,” he replied immediately. “I told him if I ever heard him say it again, I would kick his ass.”
I tried to swallow past the lump of emotion in my throat. I hadn’t expected that.
“You were a victim. A fuckin’ child.”
I tried to turn my head, unable to hold his heated gaze, but his fingers tightened on my chin.
“You are not the things that were done to you, Ember.”
His voice was unbearably gentle. I jerked my chin away, and this time he let go.
“Well, I don’t need you hoverin’ over my shoulder all the godsdamn time. Go do somethin’ else.”
The muscles in his jaw flexed while he stared at me. “I can’t.”
“I don’t care what Wolf ordered you?—”
“It’s not just for Wolf. It’s for you .” I scoffed, but he cut me off by leaning in even closer. “When you were burning up with a fever in that cave, you sobbed in my arms and begged me not to leave you alone because you were always alone, and you hated it.”
I stared up at him, eyes widening.
“And I’m glad I’m not your brother,” he added even lower, “’cause I think about kissin’ that smartass mouth of yours far too often.”
My eyes flicked to his mouth before I could help myself, my stomach swooping with something I tried to convince myself was horror. His lips curled into a smug smile, and my eyes shot back to his.
“I don’t hate bein’ alone,” I blurted out the lie nervously.
“No offense, Freckles, but I’m more inclined to believe you when you’re delirious.”
“I don’t,” I tried to insist.
“There’s nothin’ wrong with not wanting to be alone,” he murmured, his eyes searching mine. “From what I know, you’ve been alone for a real long time.”
My stupid eyes were filling with stupid tears. “I’m not?—”
“Available?” he finished with a smirk. “For anything?”
“I’m b-broken,” I whispered, my voice shaking. “I can’t… I’m not… I tried to tell him—Trey. I knew he’d end up d-dead ’cause every… everyone ? —”
I pressed my lips together, trying to get control over myself.
“Freckles,” he murmured, shifting to lean on one hand so he could brush my wild hair out of my face with the other. “You don’t have to do that. You’re not gonna scare me off if you cry.”
“Madame shot him right in front of me,” the words tumbled out of my mouth. “She put a gun to his head and told me it was my fault and p-pulled the trigger.”
He stayed still, watching me with those dark eyes, waiting.
“I tried to heal him, but I c-couldn’t. It was t-too late, and he…he was gone, and I can’t… I don’t—” I dissolved into sobs, and Lee pushed off the wall to pull me into his arms.
“I’m sorry,” he said.
I wrapped my arms around his waist and tried to muffle my sobs against his chest. He rested his chin on top of my head and held me.
I lost track of time as we stood there, but eventually, we started hearing people leaving the canteen and heading to work or home.
I lifted my head, alarmed, but he just shuffled us farther into the little alley, turning so his body hid me from view.
If anyone looked between the buildings, he would look like a dark shadow leaning against the wall.
“We can—” I started to whisper, frantically swiping at my eyes, but he slid a hand against my wet cheek and into my hair, tilting my head up to look at him. His dark eyes glittered in the dim light.
“No. You don’t have to pull yourself together. If anybody comes down here, I’ll tell ’em to get lost.” My lips parted slightly in surprise, and I saw his teeth flash as he smiled. “I told you you’re not alone,” he reminded me. “Not anymore.”
I stared up at him, desperate to ask but terrified to know his answer. “Do you believe me?” I finally got the words out. “About Dune?”
He smiled a soft, sad smile, “Freckles, I always knew you were innocent.”
My eyes overflowed, and he pulled me close again. A tiny glimmer of light that felt dangerously like hope flickered. If Lee never believed I was a murderer, maybe I had a chance. Maybe I could find some way to convince my brother I wasn’t a bad person.
I just had to convince myself first.