Chapter 22
E ventually, I seemed to cry myself out, but I still didn’t move for a while. Lee’s arms were warm around me, and when did I start craving touch like this?
You sobbed in my arms and begged me not to leave you alone.
I had no memory of that, and I hated not knowing what else I’d said while I was feverish. The embarrassment lingered, but at the same time, I couldn’t help looking at Lee in a different light. I didn’t know what to do with any of these revelations.
I pulled away, fishing one of Sam’s handkerchiefs out of my pocket and trying to dry my wet face. Lee stayed leaning against the wall, waiting. He didn’t say anything, but he also didn’t seem impatient at all.
“Be honest,” I finally said, looking up at him. “Do I look like I’ve been crying?”
He studied my face. “Your eyes are kinda red and puffy, and you look sad.”
I grimaced.
“Still beautiful, though,” he added with a crooked smile.
I glared at him. “Quit.”
“Not my fault you’re so damn cute when you blush.”
“Lee,” I snapped, my face growing hot, but he just grinned at me, completely unrepentant.
“Bones?”
I peered around Lee to see Apple standing a few feet away, her eyes huge and worried.
“Hi, Apple,” I said, hoping I sounded close to normal. “Are you okay?”
She looked between me and Lee and didn’t answer.
I moved around Lee and approached her, concerned. When I knelt before her, she wrapped her arms around my neck again.
“Are you—” I started
“Are you okay?” she interrupted in a fierce whisper that Lee definitely could still hear. “Did he hurt you?”
“No,” I quickly assured her, pulling back to see her face.
Apple scrunched her nose in a fierce scowl aimed over my shoulder, and I fought the urge to smile.
“I was… feelin’ sad, and Lee was talkin’ to me. I’m okay, Apple.”
She looked back at my face, studying my expression solemnly. “Sad about Trey?”
I had to swallow hard before choking out, “Yeah.”
The well of pain and grief in her blue eyes was far too deep to exist in a child, and I felt a stab of guilt that I hadn’t checked on how the kids were handling Trey’s death.
“I miss him.” I forced myself to not hide the tears in my eyes. “All the time.”
“I miss him, too,” she whispered, then her little face crumpled.
I gathered her up in my arms and stood, holding her tightly as she sobbed into my shoulder. Lee moved silently to my side and put an arm around my waist, helping support me. It made me feel even shakier, tears sliding down my face. How many tears did I have to cry before they finally dried up?
After a while, Apple raised her head and noticed Lee, her body tensing.
“Hi,” Lee said, his voice gentle and playful. “I’m Lee, and you must be the Queen of the Vault.”
“I’m not the queen,” she said, her little voice hoarse.
Lee clutched his chest and gasped. “You’re not?”
She giggled a little, resting her cheek on my shoulder, one hand absentmindedly playing with my hair as Lee reenacted pulling out a pretend map and asking Apple silly questions about castles and dragons until she was giggling too hard to speak.
“You want to come to the clinic with me?” I asked Apple as Lee folded up his invisible map.
“Yes,” she chirped. “Wolverine has your broth.”
A startled laugh escaped me. “You mean Wolf?”
She grinned. “That’s what I said!”
Lee grinned wickedly. “Well, we don’t want to keep Wolverine waiting.”
When we arrived, Wolverine, Kai, and Sable were installing my new window.
Sam and Scar stood off to the side talking, and Sam’s entire face was lit up in a way I hadn’t seen for a long time.
I brought Apple inside the clinic and then stopped in my tracks.
The new window faced south, and the sun was beaming inside.
I didn’t think one window would make that much difference, but the clinic felt warmer and homier.
“Wow,” Apple breathed.
I stepped into the middle of the light pouring through the window. The sun warmed my face, and tears filled my eyes again. I’d never see Trey’s sunshine smile warm the clinic again, but I would think of him every time the rays shone inside like this.
Apple suddenly wrapped her arms tighter around my neck and pressed a sloppy kiss to my cheek. I turned to look at her, startled.
“What was that for?” I asked, trying to muster a smile.
She gazed back, solemn again. “Cause I love you, and you looked sad.”
My chest ached but with a surprising softness alongside the sharp pain. I set her on the counter to give my arms a break but stayed right there.
“I should’ve told you this months ago, but I’m so sorry I didn’t stop Zip from hittin’ you.
” The words tumbled from my mouth, and her eyes widened.
“I should’ve protected you from him better, and I never should’ve yelled at you like that.
I didn’t mean any of it. I was just… just so scared he was gonna hurt you even worse.
” My voice wobbled. “I knew Zip wasn’t a good person, and I never should’ve stayed with him.
But that’s on me. You’re not responsible for me, okay?
I’d never forgive myself if somethin’ happened to you ’cause I… I love you, too.”
She watched me with those huge, serious eyes, but when I reached the last part, her entire face lit up, and she threw her arms around me again.
“I forgive you,” she said, so sweet and innocent, which only made me cry harder.
After a few seconds, I forcefully choked my tears back as she released me and took a shaky breath. I needed a mindless distraction. I ran my hand over the counter and frowned at the layer of sawdust from the window installation coating my palm.
“I’ll get the broom!” Apple said with a grin.
As the day progressed, I became more nervous about seeing Lana again. Wolf and his pack prowled restlessly around the clinic, muttering to each other. Apple stayed for most of the day, chattering at me or Sam. It was late afternoon when we finally heard the rovers approaching.
“You ready?” Sam asked in a low voice.
I nodded, chewing on my cheek, and we walked toward the main gate.
Unsurprisingly, Wolf and his entire crew followed along.
When we neared, a single rover was just pulling in.
Mac was driving, and his eyes immediately found me.
He parked but didn’t get out. Nemo approached and spoke to him.
Sam and I started moving closer, and fear gripped my lungs. Where were the others?
Nemo met my eyes and beckoned to me. I picked up my pace.
“Lana and the others are outside the hold. They didn’t want to bring her in here while she was still ill just in case she’s contagious,” Nemo said, and the relief made me shaky. “Mac can bring you to her to heal, and then you can all come back in.”
I nodded, already climbing into the rover, but as I sat, I glimpsed Wolf and Lee striding forward, their faces dark.
“Sam, can you?—”
He glanced behind him and made a face. “Yeah, I got it.”
He intercepted my brother and Lee. Thankfully, they stopped, but both of them glared at me.
“Ready?” Mac asked, and I nodded.
The rover peeled out again, swinging in a loop and heading for the open gate. Riding in the front felt strange, but I was grateful I didn’t have to sit in the back and think about Trey.
Once we hit the trees, Mac suddenly pulled over and stopped. I looked for the other rover, but it was just us. I turned to Mac, confused, but he was getting out of the rover.
“Mac, what?—”
He came around to my side and opened my door. “I just…I gotta talk to you,” he said, his voice tight.
I fumbled to unbuckle and climbed out, my heart rate picking up again. He paced away and then back to stand in front of me, running his hand through his messy hair. For several seconds, we just stared at each other.
“Em, I’m so sorry,” he said, his voice low and hoarse and full of pain.
My mind began to run through horrible possible scenarios. Raven was hurt. Griz was dead. What else?—
“You’re not a pawn or a prize or a thing, ” he continued fiercely, and my stomach lurched as I realized he was talking about the fight we’d had before he left.
“I should’ve told you right away that I knew about the other powered person.
I didn’t think about how it might look to you—like we were tryin’ to trick you—and I’m so fuckin’ sorry. ”
I could feel the warmth curling in my chest. “Mac?—”
“Sam radioed and told me what you’d said to him, and I wanted to come right home to make sure you knew I’d never let anyone use you like that. I know I fucked up by draggin’ you here, and I’m so sorry, but I swear, Em, I will never let anyone ?—”
I interrupted him by stepping forward and catching his hands.
He gripped mine back tightly. His emotion felt like a tangible thing that swirled around us, and it was so apparent he’d been working himself up about this the entire time he’d been gone.
For the first time, I felt I was comforting him instead of the other way around.
“It’s okay. It’s okay, Mac,” I said softly. “I’m sorry I freaked out?—”
“Don’t apologize, please.” His voice in my head was rough.
“No, I shouldn’t have assumed the worst about you like that. You’ve done nothin’ to make me think that about you. ”
His eyes narrowed into a glare. “That’s not true.”
“Mac,” I glared back, exasperated. “You’ve apologized enough.”
“I don’t think I’ll ever be able to apologize enough,” he said, and the raw honesty in his voice made my eyes well up.
“I forgive you for all of it,” I held his gaze, hoping he saw and felt my sincerity. “I don’t hate you, remember?” I tried to smile.
He let out a heavy sigh, squeezing my hands. “I thought I’d fucked everything up,” he admitted.
“That was on me, not you,” I found myself saying, the urge to explain surprising me. “Once I stopped and thought about it, I realized how stupid it was. I just got scared and panicked…and I hate feeling scared, so that made me mad. I promise I know you’d never do that.”