Chapter 26 #3
I wondered if we were sitting near where I’d lain in the Pit in the freezing rain and waited to die. I rubbed my arms again.
“Here.”
I jumped. Wolf stood before me, offering a mug of steaming liquid. I took it, frowning.
“What’s this?”
“Peppermint tea.” Wolf returned to his seat beside me and gestured to where Neena and Neka were pouring steaming water into mugs for people. “You keep rubbin’ your arms, so I figured you were cold.”
I wasn’t really, and I hadn’t even noticed I’d been doing that. I forced a smile. “Thanks.”
He tilted his head and looked more closely at me, but to my relief, Scar plopped on the seat beside my brother and started talking.
I sipped my tea and scanned the area. Lee and Tuck were talking to a group of the remaining loggers; the kids were still running around shrieking and laughing, and Sable and Kai were snuggled together on a bench.
I meant to look away, but I watched, transfixed, as Sable tugged Kai closer by his jacket collar and kissed him.
Kai smiled against his lips and tilted his head, his hands tunneling into Sable’s long hair.
Kai broke their kiss to say something that made Sable laugh, and then Kai kissed him again even harder.
Grief swept over me like a wave.
I just wanted Trey. I wanted him here. Gods, I wanted him here so fiercely it was a physical ache in my chest. I didn’t care about the letter. I didn’t care about any of the things I’d been angry about.
I made myself finish my tea before I stood. “I think I’m gonna head out.”
Wolf’s lips pressed into a thin line.
“You sure?” Scar asked, her head tilting.
“Yeah, I’m tired.” I pasted a smile on my face.
“You want me to walk—” Wolf started in a low voice.
“No, it’s okay,” I interrupted, my fingers twitching. I hoped I didn’t sound as desperate as I felt. “I’ll be fine by myself. It’s a nice walk.”
He opened his mouth like he was about to argue, but Scar gently nudged his leg. He glanced at her and then back at me, and his expression shuttered. “Okay, well, we won’t stay out long.”
I ducked my head and hurried back down the path. I hated that I was proving Kai right. I hated the disappointment in Wolf’s eyes. I hated that I felt guilty for leaving without telling Lee. I hated that I couldn’t stop caring what they thought of me.
It was a long walk back to the clinic, and I wasn’t surprised when my feet veered off the path home and brought me to the cemetery.
It was quiet over here, but I could still hear the kids laughing and the faint sound of the music.
I stood next to Trey’s grave and wrapped my arms around myself, but my eyes remained painfully dry.
My memories of the Pit were impossible to separate from Trey—his rage interlaced with gentleness as he carried me home, the raw honesty cracking through his voice, the entire world falling away when the soft curve of his lips met mine.
When the world ended, humanity didn’t. I often longed for the Before I read about in books, but some people had to wake up the morning after the world’s end, get out of bed, and continue living. How did they find the strength to survive with the knowledge of precisely what they’d lost?
I tried again to feel something, any little bit of his spirit, but nothing came. My shoulders slumped, and my entire body felt so heavy. I wished I could sink into the dirt?—
A sound from behind me made me spin around just in time to see a person step out of the darkness. They strode toward me, and I froze, my eyes locked on the dark silhouette.
“It’s just me, Tuck,” a deep voice said.
Relief surged through me, making me dizzy, but on its heels came anger. I glared at him as he stopped at my side.
“You okay?” he asked.
“Did you follow me?” I snapped instead of answering.
“I was just gonna make sure you got back safe, but I started gettin’ worried.”
“Did Wolf tell you to follow me?” I demanded.
“He wants to keep you safe?—"
“If you’re going to be overbearing assholes, you could at least be honest about it,” I hissed, pushing past him and storming out of the cemetery.
I thought I heard him chuckle, which made me angrier.
He followed me back to the clinic but didn’t come inside.
I darkly hoped he got eaten alive by mosquitos, but the clinic’s quiet felt oppressive as I washed my face and teeth.
I flicked the light off, climbed the ladder, and mechanically changed into my sleep clothes before climbing into bed.
It wasn’t much longer before Wolf and the others got back.
Tuck greeted them from the porch, and Wolf asked if he was successful. My face heated as Tuck explained that I saw him in the cemetery.
“Was she okay?” Wolf asked.
“She wasn’t cryin’, just standin’ there. I probably should have left her alone, but she didn’t move for so long I got worried. Once she saw me, she got mad. Said we were ‘overbearing assholes.’”
Someone said something too quiet for me to hear.
“Kai, cut it out,” Wolf’s voice was sharp. “You’re not helpin’.”
“All bets were off as soon as she started treatin’ Sable like shit,” Kai shot back.
“Why don’t you yell a little louder? I’m not sure the entire hold can hear you.” Lee said dryly.
Their voices quieted to a low mumble where I couldn’t make out any words.
I stared at the ceiling, embarrassment and anger and hurt and pain all fighting for my attention.
When Wolf came up the ladder to check on me a few minutes later, I closed my eyes and pretended to be asleep.
He hovered over me for several seconds before going back downstairs.
My eyes opened, staring unseeing at the ceiling, alone once again.