Chapter 31
W hen I woke the next morning, Wolf was already out of bed and building up the fire.
My head throbbed with pain as I sat up, a reminder of how drunk I’d gotten yesterday with Mist. Most of Wolf’s crew was still asleep, but I glanced at Lee to see he was awake and looking up at me.
My face heated as we locked eyes, the memory of what we’d done last night sizzling in my mind—intensified by the fact I’d broken down in tears again.
The urge to drop my eyes, shrink back, and push him away felt like it was choking me, but I forced myself to tilt my chin up and hold his gaze.
A corner of his mouth lifted, and his eyes shone with approval.
I climbed out of my mattress, stepping carefully over sleeping bodies, squinting through my headache. I shoved my feet in my boots and headed outside to use the outhouse, but Wolf followed me outside.
“How you feelin’?” he asked.
“Headache,” I muttered, rubbing my arms covered in goosebumps. I hadn’t grabbed my coat as I’d planned to run to the outhouse and back, and the morning air was heavy with a chill that coated the ground in frost.
“Here,” Wolf shrugged out of his jacket and handed it to me with an exasperated glare.
“I’m just—” I tried to protest.
“Just take it, Em,” he said, but a smile lurked in the corners of his mouth.
I took it, eyeing him as I shrugged it on.
Things felt… different this morning, and I wasn’t sure why.
I tried to remember everything I’d said yesterday, and while some of it made me cringe, nothing stood out as particularly meaningful.
When I left the outhouse and returned to the clinic, he was still standing on the porch, watching and waiting.
“I don’t think someone’s gonna attack me in the outhouse,” I said, unsure if I was annoyed or amused.
He frowned. “That’s where I’d hide if I were tryin’ to get someone.”
I wrinkled my nose. “Please tell me you wouldn’t be in the hole.”
He huffed a laugh, “I’ve hid in worse places.”
“Gross.”
“Come inside. We’ll get you some medicine for your head.”
“It doesn’t work.”
He stopped and turned back to me, his brow furrowed. “What doesn’t work?”
“Pain relievers.” I grimaced. “They don’t do anything to me. The only thing that works are narcs, but I can’t take those, either.”
“Why?” he asked.
I hoped I concealed the surge of panic as I fumbled slightly. “They make me sick,” I lied, internally wincing. I hadn’t thought before bringing up the narcs. Hopefully, my old excuse would hold.
“Well, that sucks,” Wolf said, surprising me.
“Yeah, it does,” I agreed, relieved.
I followed him inside, my mind drifting back to Menace. What had he said? I’d shut him out? Is that why he could only reach me if I were drugged? Or if I was reaching for Trey?
You have no idea what I’ve done for you.
My stomach did a nauseating flip. What had he done? And how did I shut him out? Was I still doing it? I hated not knowing. I hated how that conversation had thrown me off kilter.
Who the fuck was he? What did he want?
“Ember!”
I jumped and looked up at my brother, who was standing by Sable, looking at me with raised eyebrows.
“What?”
“I just said your name about six times,” he grumbled. “I asked if you wanted to go to breakfast.”
“Oh, sure.”
“First, have someone put some salve on your back,” Sable said, his expression firm.
I swallowed hard. “It doesn’t?—”
“I can tell when it hurts,” he interrupted me. “You walk differently.”
I took a deep breath, unreasonably angry that he could tell, and lied, “It really doesn’t hurt.”
Sable’s eyes narrowed, his entire expression darkening. Wolf glanced at him, and a corner of his mouth lifted, which irritated me even further.
“Now you’ve done it,” Kai said, quietly sing-song, and Tuck snorted.
“You’ve been the only healer here, so the others have deferred to your judgment about your health.” Sable’s voice was so stern it reminded me of Pa. “But you’re not the only healer here now, and I can see through your bullshit.”
Everyone looked amused, as if this was entertaining, and I bristled. “I don’t?—”
“I’ve seen you put your own health at risk about two dozen times since I met you, and it’s clear you’ve been abusing your role as a healer to avoid being examined by anyone. I cannot, in good faith, let that continue.”
I gaped at him, at a loss for words. How dare he?—
“I’m not trying to antagonize you. I’m trying to do my job .” Sable crossed his arms over his chest, staring at me. “You should know that since you’re also a healer.”
I glanced at Wolf, but he shook his head. “I agree with Sable, Em. You can’t keep treating your body like it’s invulnerable.”
“I’m not!” I snapped.
“You are.”
I sputtered for a moment. “I don’t have to listen to any of you. This is my clinic?—”
“You do, actually,” Kai cut in from where he was leaning against one of the wooden braces holding the loft up. When I met his gaze, he smirked like he was enjoying this, which made my blood boil. “You’re Wolf’s ward for these two months,” he said.
“I am not a child!” I seethed.
“Then stop acting like one,” Kai shot back.
Well, fuck my good morning. I thought we were on better terms now. Why were they pulling this bullshit now?
“Is this just because of the fucking bruises?” I asked Wolf, my voice sharp with irritation.
“Em, this isn’t a punishment,” he said, and I hated that the gentle tone of his voice made my eyes prickle.
“This is not a punishment,” Sable agreed, his voice softening slightly.
“You said you’re used to hurting, and I believe you.
I believe you didn’t notice the pain in your arm because you were forced to learn how to ignore pain, but now you need to re-learn how to recognize your body’s limits. We’re going to help you do that.”
“I don’t want your help,” I ground out, hating how exposed I felt.
“I know,” Sable replied, “but it’s not up to you.”
I turned to Wolf again, trying to calm myself down. “Wolf, I really don’t?—”
“Emmy, all we’re asking is that you get some salve on your back,” he cut me off. “Do you want me to help you? Or maybe Scar? When your crew returns, you can have one of them do it if you want.”
My eyes found Lee. He was hovering near the sink in the kitchen, his face grave. He was the only one who didn’t seem amused by this. When he met my gaze, he grimaced.
“Lee can help me,” I said, pretending not to see the shock and suspicion in my brother’s face.
Wolf’s eyes narrowed as he turned toward Lee, but I stormed up the ladder and waited. There was a whispered argument downstairs, but after a couple of minutes, Lee appeared, frowning at me. He pulled himself into the loft and crossed the barren floor to stand before me.
“Not a fan of bein’ used as a pawn to get back at your brother,” he said in a low voice.
“I’m not,” I muttered.
He raised an eyebrow, and I realized he was partly right. I knew it would bug Wolf the most if Lee helped me, but the primary reason was genuine.
“Okay, it’s not just that,” I sighed and lowered my voice, “You’re just… I get least anxious about you…” my face felt hot “… touching me.”
His expression lightened as he pretended to be shocked. “You don’t say?” he teased, but I couldn’t muster the energy to be playful.
“What do you think?” he asked after a few moments. “Is it okay if I put that salve on?”
I took a deep breath and turned around, holding my shirt against my chest, my heart rate increasing despite my best efforts.
I waited for him to lift the hem of my shirt, but instead, he leaned down and gently kissed my shoulder.
I sucked in a startled breath, but his lips touched my neck next, and my knees felt suddenly weak.
He slid a hand into my hair, gathering the thick waves into one hand and using his hold to turn my head so he could kiss my neck again.
My eyes fluttered closed as he explored my skin with his lips and tongue.
“I don’t think… this is how you… do the salve,” I managed to whisper.
“Maybe not the way Sable does it,” he murmured against my neck. “I like doing things my own way.”
He kissed my neck again, just under my ear, before releasing my hair.
I heard him open the tin, and then he lifted my shirt and spread salve over my scars, his fingers gentle.
Every so often, he leaned forward to kiss my shoulders or neck, and I eventually realized he was doing so whenever I started to tense up—he was trying to soothe me.
“I want to kiss every freckle you have,” he said low in my ear.
“I have freckles everywhere,” I whispered, curling my lips into a smile.
His hands slid from my back to trail across the bare skin of my stomach. “And I’m gonna find ’em all.”
I let my head fall back to rest on his shoulder, a shiver running through me at the heated promise in his words. You’re just starved for touch. I told myself as my entire body felt alive under his fingers. It doesn’t mean anything.
“We better go back downstairs before somebody comes up here to check on us,” I said.
“I’ll go down. You should get dressed,” he said, releasing me, but when I turned around, he stepped into my space, seizing my face with both hands and kissing me until I was breathless. Then he pulled away, a smug smile on his face.
I stared at him, trying to catch my breath, and he winked before disappearing down the ladder. It’s just physical. I reminded myself sternly, turning to pull my clothes out of my dresser. It means nothing.
Breakfast was quiet at our table. I refused to acknowledge Sable and Kai, gave Wolf and Scar one-word answers, and tried to pretend I wasn’t acting like a sullen child.
The quiet continued at the clinic. I had no patients to distract me, so I threw myself into cleaning.
It felt like the first day with Wolf and his crew in the clinic all over again—me cleaning and all six of them watching me like hawks watching a mouse.
I ran out of things to clean and started re-organizing the tincture bottles for the hundredth time… this week.