Chapter 32 #2
His jaw clenched, but he fell quiet. We reached the bunkhouse a few seconds later.
“You want to lay down?” Mac asked. “You can take my bunk.”
“Will you sit on the couch with me?” I asked.
“Of course,” he replied.
He carried me over and sat me on the couch before sitting beside me.
I felt his surprise as I curled into his side, but it faded to a happy warmth.
He slid an arm around my shoulders and shifted closer so I could lay my head on his shoulder.
I felt awful, nauseous, shaky, weak, and exhausted.
I’d never felt sick any other times I healed people from the Shadowbane.
Tired? Yes, but not sick. I was grateful he was letting me lean on him.
“You sure you’re okay?” he asked softly.
“I’m really glad you’re home,” I whispered.
His arm tightened around me. “Me too.”
I wanted to keep talking to him, but I must have dozed off shortly after that because the next thing I knew, quiet voices were speaking around me. I kept my eyes closed, listening.
“—talk to Nemo soon,” Griz said.
“He can wait,” Mac replied, his arm tightening slightly around me.
“She okay?”
“I dunno,” Mac’s voice was so low I almost didn’t hear it. “She said she was tired.”
“You sure it didn’t hurt her to heal me?” Sam spoke up, his voice rough.
“It didn’t seem like it did,” Mac responded. “Last time, it was real fuckin’ clear it was hurting her.”
There was a brief silence.
“Nemo lit into Wolf,” Griz sounded darkly pleased.
“Good,” Mac growled.
“There was blood all over the floor,” Griz added. “Nemo said she probably should’ve had stitches.”
The door creaked open, and then a feminine voice gasped.
“It’s okay, Clare,” Mac said in his soft voice. “We’re all okay.”
“I saw something right before you got back,” she said, her voice trembling. “I don’t remember all of it, but…”
“Is Em okay?” Raven cut in as Clarity’s voice trailed off.
“Okay enough to eavesdrop, apparently,” Mac answered.
I huffed, prying my eyes open. “Not my fault you’re all bein’ so damn loud.”
Mac chuckled, but Clarity’s eyes were swimming with fear.
“Are you okay?” she asked.
“I’m just tired,” I tried to sound reassuring.
She moved through the crew to sit beside me. “Do you remember what I said?”
“Um, you said ‘beware the shadows,’?” I tried to remember what else she’d said, but I’d been so focused on the rovers.
Clarity worried her lip between her teeth.
“What’s wrong, Clarebear?” Mac asked.
“I don’t know. I just… I just keep feelin’ this sense of… of doom,” she admitted.
“Isn’t that kinda normal now?” Raven asked, and I’d never heard her speak so gently before.
Clarity frowned, and she looked so miserable that my heart ached. “Yeah, but this is worse than normal.”
The door opened again, and Jax popped inside. “Mac, Nemo wants a debrief.”
Mac sighed but removed his arm from around my shoulders and stood. Sam immediately took his place, and I turned to examine him more closely. Sam rolled his eyes and held out his wrist.
“Okay, fine, check me over.”
I smacked him in the shoulder. “Don’t pretend you didn’t just almost die, you dumbass.”
“For the record, I was not expecting chemical warfare.”
“Black fog came out of his body?” I asked as I took his pulse.
“Out of his mouth and nose and ears and eyes,” Griz answered. “Sam and your brother’s crew all dropped immediately. Except for Lee.”
“What’d the Voiceless do then?” I asked, my heart pounding.
“They left,” Mac answered from where he lingered by the door.
I met his gaze, my anxiety spiking at his grim expression.
“I’ll be back soon,” he added before slipping out the door.
I turned my attention back to Sam. His vitals and appearance were about the same as before he’d left.
He was still skinny and gaunt, nowhere near his regular, healthy self, but he didn’t look like he was seconds from death anymore.
I frowned. It was like I’d healed the weaponized Shadowbane, but only that.
I hadn’t healed any of the damage I had done to him when I healed myself through his body.
“Can I try something?” I asked him.
He narrowed his eyes, brow furrowing, but nodded, so I wrapped my hands around his forearm and let my healing power flow into him. Immediately my powers slammed into the wall, the pain making me suck in a breath through my teeth.
“Shortcake?”
I ignored him and kept pushing, my heart sinking.
Why was it different before? Why had I been able to heal the Shadowbane but nothing else?
The pain built, and tears gathered in my eyes, but I stubbornly kept going.
Until Sam jerked his arm away, and golden light poured out of my hands, filling the room with blinding light before vanishing.
I blinked and blinked, and as my vision slowly cleared, I saw the others doing the same. Raven was tearing a bandage off her arm, and Griz lifted his bloodied shirt to look at his side. Jax’s fingers searched his forehead.
“Well, that’s one way to heal all of us,” Raven muttered, showing the new scar on her bloody arm.
“Don’t fucking do that again,” Sam snapped, and I winced as I met his furious expression. “For fuck’s sake, Emmy!”
“I don’t understand why it worked earlier,” I said, hating how helpless I felt.
“Fuckin’ hell,” Sam growled, but he dug a handkerchief out of his pocket and handed it to me. “Your nose is bleeding.”
I pressed the handkerchief to my nose and scanned their worried expressions with guilt.
“Did you heal a bunch this morning?” Griz asked.
I shook my head, but then I noticed Clarity wringing her hands together, her face tense. “Clare, it’s okay. I didn’t get a lot of sleep while you all were gone,” I hoped my face wasn’t turning red as last night’s escapade flashed through my mind, “so I might just be tired.”
“Did you tell them about the attack?” Clarity asked, then cringed as everyone started demanding answers.
I sighed but told them about the attack at the clinic. I glossed over the details of how I lost my shit, but even still, when I finished, there was a heavy, tense silence.
“They still haven’t found Hawk?” Griz asked, his voice dark.
“No.”
Raven abruptly turned and stormed out of the bunkhouse. I glanced back at Griz, alarmed, but he was following Raven, a grim look on his face.
“Where are they going?” I asked nervously.
“To kill Hawk, I’d guess,” Sam muttered.
“I don’t know for sure it was him!” I protested.
“I bet it was,” Sam said.
“Why?” I demanded.
“Because he was talking shit about you, and Mac already had a talk with him.”
“Why did no one tell me?” I snapped.
“Because we handled it.” Sam glared at me.
I leaned forward, my head in my hands and my elbows on my knees, letting my hair fall forward to shield my face.
“Anything else happen while we were gone?” Sam asked after a moment.
“Nemo turned the pit into a gathering space.” My stomach churned.
“Sky hates it,” Clarity said in a low voice.
I straightened, grimacing. “I didn’t love it, either.”
“How about you, Clarity?” Sam added. “What’ve you been up to?”
Her smile looked brittle, and she gave a half-hearted shrug. “Not much. Just hanging out with Sky and having nightmares about shadows.”
I took a closer look at her appearance. Clarity’s curly brown hair hung limp around her face, and her clothes were disheveled. I still didn’t know her that well, but it suddenly occurred to me she usually looked more put together.
“Clare, are you okay?” I asked her.
She gave a slight nod, but her eyes were dull. I caught her hand and squeezed, and she finally seemed to focus on me. I knew she wasn’t working at the brothel anymore, so why was she still living there?
“Why don’t you move into the bunkhouse?” I asked her.
“I’m already enough of a burden,” she mumbled.
“You’re not a burden,” I said, my voice firm. “Plus, if you stayed here, Raven would be around here more.”
Sam gave me a sharp look, but I ignored him. I had a feeling I knew what arguments to use on Clarity—the same ones I knew would work on me. Sure enough, her cheeks reddened, and she averted her gaze. “I’m not asking her to stay with me.”
“I know,” I assured her. “But I doubt she’d stop coming even if you told her to. So why not move in here? You know Trey…” My voice cracked. “Trey would be so happy if you did.”
Her eyes filled with tears, but she blinked them away, chewing on her lip for a moment. “Okay.”
Sam sat up straight, and his eyes were wide when I glanced at him. “Okay?”
Clarity gave him a small smile. “Okay.”
“Let’s go pack up your stuff!” Jax leapt to his feet, beaming.
Clarity’s smile grew slightly at his excitement. “Alright, let’s do it.”
The two of them left, Jax chattering happily, and Sam turned to me as soon as the door shut behind them.
“How the hell did you do that?” he demanded. “We’ve been tryin’ to get Clarity to move in here for years .”
I smirked. “Gotta know the right buttons to push.”
His eyes narrowed. “You would know. The two of you are both stubborn as fuck.”
I snorted, but my amusement swiftly died. “There’s somethin’ else that happened,” I said, and Sam’s face went serious at my tone. “You know how I told you I had a dream about Trey…a good dream?” He nodded. “I had another one… but it… it wasn’t actually Trey.”
“What do you mean?”
My voice grew progressively hoarser as I explained what had happened and how Trey had actually been Menace the entire time.
I told him how my powers washed away his disguise and described his appearance to Sam, but he didn’t recognize him.
By the time I finished explaining, his expression was furious, and I was crying.
“I wan—wanted it to be… to be him.”
“Of course you did,” he murmured, hugging me. “I would’ve, too.”
“I haven’t told Wolf anything about this,” I added. “I don’t even know if I should.”
“Me either,” he muttered, running a hand through his short hair. “I can’t believe he fuckin’ tied you up.”
“Yeah,” I agreed faintly, the hurt flooding back.
He laced his fingers with mine and squeezed. After a few seconds, I rested my head on his shoulder. As we sat in comfortable silence, it struck me that I would never be able to return to life before I had this crew—this family.
More importantly, I didn’t want to.