Chapter 36
W e rode until the sun began to set in the sky.
I was exhausted, my entire body aching from sitting in the saddle for so long. Roe and I huddled together under guard as the Voiceless set up the camp. I was looking forward to food and sleep, but when Talmar approached, something in his expression made dread fill my stomach.
“I’m sure you must be exhausted,” he said, “but before we rest for the evening, we must begin the rite.”
“What?” I snapped, instinctively pulling Roe tighter against me.
“The rite of correction,” he explained patiently. “Do not fear for the child, Ember. This is just about you.”
That was weirdly relieving, but fear still made my hands tremble.
“Follow me, please,” Talmar instructed.
I forced myself to let go of Roe, but he clung to me.
“No!” he cried, panicked. “No, don’t take her!”
“She will return soon, my child,” Talmar said, motioning to one of the Voiceless who had been guarding us.
The Voiceless grabbed Roe with a familiar-looking metal hand. How many of these assholes had cybernetic parts?
“It’s ok, Roe,” I said, hoping I sounded confident. “I’ll be back, ok?”
He simply sobbed, weakly fighting against the hold.
I followed Talmar into the trees, trying to breathe evenly.
Soon, I heard running water, and we went down a steep embankment toward a wide river.
As we reached the shore, I realized five of the Voiceless stood up to their waist in the water, watching us.
Thank the gods, they still wore their white rags.
Talmar stopped at the bank and turned to me.
“You may undress or remain clothed; the choice is yours.”
“Clothed,” I bit out.
He took my elbow without commenting and began pulling me into the river.
It was cold. Not as cold as the half-frozen river, but still cold enough to make me gasp.
My boots slipped on the rocks, but Talmar’s grip tightened on my elbow.
The five Voiceless watched as Talmar led me to the middle of their half-circle and then stopped. The current tugged at my legs.
“God of Death, we invoke you as humble vessels awaiting your will,” Talmar began. “May your shadows guide us and bear witness.”
I pressed a trembling hand against my breastbone, trying to steady myself.
“Ember, Goddess of Life,” Talmar turned and stared at me, his eyes like two black holes in his face. “You stand before us with a heart hardened by pride and defiance. You have turned from your divine path and rejected the sacred union with your God.”
The other Voiceless stepped forward, closing the circle around me.
“Wait,” I gasped, holding out a hand. “What are you… what are you?—”
“Only by accepting death can one truly honor life,” Talmar intoned over me.
Hands grabbed my upper arms and head and shoved me underwater.
I fought them instinctively, but there were too many of them, and they held me firmly in place.
I opened my eyes, squinting in the dim, murky light.
I could see the light reflecting on the surface above me, but so many hands restrained me.
My lungs began to scream for air, and my struggle grew more desperate as I panicked.
Just as I thought for sure my body would give in and try to breathe, they hauled me up out of the water.
I gasped in a lungful of air.
“Pain is but a fleeting moment in the eternal expanse of existence. Through suffering, we are cleansed, and through trials, we are purified.”
They shoved me underwater again. This time, I forced myself not to fight and let my body go limp.
I half hoped they would pull me up if it appeared that I’d lost consciousness, but they continued to hold me under.
I waited, panic building despite my best efforts, and soon, instinct seized control.
There was no reaction as I kicked and scratched, and they still didn’t pull me up.
Hard as I tried, I couldn't stop my body from attempting to gasp in a breath.
Water rushed into my lungs, and it hurt .
I was drowning. I was fucking drowning?—
They pulled me back up, holding me upright as I retched up water from my lungs, my eyes and nose streaming as I sobbed and tried to breathe.
“Embrace this pain, Ember, as the shadows lead you back to the light of humility.”
I went under again.
I lost track of how many times they half-drowned me, but it seemed to last hours.
The sun set lower and lower until the surface was just as dark as the blackness underwater.
My throat felt raw, my chest ached, and I thought if the water didn’t kill me, the panic might.
I fought them the whole time, but I stayed silent every time they hauled me back up, simply puking up water and gasping in air. I knew better than to beg them to stop.
“You cannot escape this destiny, Ember. You must find the peace that comes from submission, the power that comes from surrender to the will of the Divine.”
When they dragged me to shore, I couldn’t even manage to stand because my legs trembled so badly. I stayed on my hands and knees where they left me, gagging up water and shivering, my wet hair plastered to my face.
“Ember, do you renounce your defiance and embrace your sacred duty as the Goddess of Life, destined to become the God of Death’s bride?” Talmar asked.
Talmar and the other five stood before me, staring with grave expressions. Their wet robes clung to their bodies, and I counted two metal legs and three metal arms. I spit a mouthful of river water and bile in his direction.
Talmar sighed like I was a rebellious child. “The sacred rite of correction shall resume tomorrow.”
Two of the Voiceless stepped forward and grabbed my arms, half carrying and half dragging me back up the embankment. Roe was waiting inside our tent, his face pale, and he gasped when the Voiceless dragged me inside. They dropped me to the ground and left, and Roe crashed to his knees next to me.
“Em! Em, what happened? Are you ok?” he cried.
“I’m ok,” I said through chattering teeth. My voice was hoarse. “I’m ok, Roe.”
“Why are you all wet?”
“Went for a swim,” I said, my lips twitching up in an insane smile.
Roe stared at me, his little brow furrowed with confusion.
“I’m ok,” I tried to reassure him. “Just cold and wet.”
He looked frantically around the tent, which looked the same as last night. “I don’t think there’s any spare clothes besides that jacket.” He pointed to where Sax’s jacket lay on our bed of furs.
“It’s ok,” I mumbled. “I’m just gonna rest a bit and then figure it out.”
Roe hovered anxiously over me. “I think you should get up, Em.”
“I will.” My eyes closed. “Just gimme a second.”
“Em.” His voice sounded like it was coming from far away. “Em!”
I wasn’t sure if I was half asleep or in a state of shock.
I couldn’t stop shivering, and my body felt completely drained, reminding me again of when I was healing the Shadowbane the first time.
I could hear Roe calling my name every so often, and I tried to reply, but I couldn’t tell if any words made it past my lips.
Someone hauled me up to sit, and my body felt weirdly boneless. I couldn’t get my eyes open.
“Don’t…you doing? You……that!” Roe's frantic cries faded in and out of my head.
A thread of panic trickled in, but my body refused to move. It felt like I was spinning endlessly, and everything faded away again.
“Ember? Can you hear me?”
I cracked my eyes open to see the blurry face of a Voiceless. I gasped, attempting to scramble away only to realize he was firmly holding my arm and Roe was sitting on the other side of me.
“It’s alright, Ember,” the Voiceless said, and I realized it was Talmar. “You’re safe.”
I stared at him, my heart in my throat. I was lying in the bed of furs, and Roe was clinging to my shirt—my dry shirt.
“Can you sit up?” Talmar asked.
I sat up with his help. I felt shaky and weak, and the room spun for a moment. I was wearing dry clothes that I didn’t recognize. Bile burned in the back of my throat as vague memories returned. Had Talmar undressed me?
“I have some stew for you.” Talmar picked up a bowl from the floor and scooped up a spoonful, holding it out to my lips as though I were a child.
I was so taken aback that I opened my mouth and let him feed me a spoonful of stew. It was warm and flavorful and awoke my intense hunger. He tried to feed me another, but I turned my head away.
“I can do it,” I said, my voice hoarse.
“Let me care for you, Goddess,” he said softly, making all the hair on the back of my neck stand up.
“I can do it,” I repeated fiercely through my teeth.
He looked disappointed but handed me the bowl. I took it, noticing that my wrists and burned hand had been neatly bandaged again. I glanced at Roe and noted that he didn’t have any food.
“Did you eat?” I asked him.
He shook his head, his eyes darting to Talmar.
“He may eat after you, Goddess.”
“He eats now,” I said as authoritatively as possible with my raspy voice.
Talmar’s eyes narrowed, but he dipped his head after a breath. “As you wish.”
I waited until he stood and left the tent before I set the bowl down and turned to Roe. “Are you ok?”
Roe looked up at me, his lip trembling. “I’m ok.”
“What happened?”
“I couldn’t get you to wake up,” he whispered. “He came in and took your clothes off, but he put dry ones on. He was angry about the scars on your back.”
The tiny bit of stew I’d eaten threatened to come back up.
“He bandaged your arms and carried you to the bed, then he told me to watch you while he got food.”
Roe’s face was pale, his dark eyes wide. He looked like he was a second away from bursting into tears. I reached out and took his hands, squeezing. “I’m ok, buddy.”
“I don’t like them,” he whispered, tears welling up.
“Me either,” I muttered.
Talmar reappeared with another bowl of stew. He handed it to Roe, picked mine up from the floor, and held it out to me again.
“You must eat, Goddess.”
“Don’t call me that,” I snapped, but I took the bowl.