Chapter 39
T he dark, shadowy shapes of trees looked ominous in the flickering firelight, but above the trees, stars filled the night sky like a million shards of broken glass.
I lay there, admiring them, when everything suddenly came crashing back to me.
I bolted upright with a gasp that turned into a hiss as my muscles seized at the pain in my chest. I curled inward, trying to breathe. Fuck, I’d forgotten how much it hurt.
A hand landed on my shoulder, holding me in place as I tried to scramble away. Sucking in a breath to scream, I twisted and met Wolf’s wide eyes.
“It’s me! It’s just me, Em,” he was saying, quiet and urgent. “Sorry, it’s just me.”
It was dark, and I had been lying in a bedroll on the ground. I couldn’t see anyone else around the campfire, just me and my brother. I relaxed, trying to slow my breaths and pounding heart.
“The others are out lookin’ for Roe,” he said. “We’re workin’ in shifts.”
Both my hands were bandaged up past my wrists. I held them up, staring at the tips of my fingers sticking out.
“Sable had to pick a lot of gravel out of your palms,” Wolf explained.
“I fell,” I mumbled.
“That was our guess.” He paused. “Your wrists looked better, though.”
That moment he left me tied up in the clinic felt like it was years ago instead of days. I gingerly touched my chest and realized they’d bandaged that, too. I dropped my hand back to my lap.
“As soon as one of ’em picks up a trail, they’re gonna get me,” Wolf said after a few breaths. “I’ll find him, Em. I promise.”
“Don’t promise that,” I said. I couldn’t get my hopes up. I couldn’t.
“Emmy, we’re gonna find him,” Wolf repeated, his voice fierce.
I glanced up at his face and could feel hope digging its claws into my heart, but I tried to ignore it.
“Do you want some water?”
I nodded, and he fetched a bottle of water and opened it for me. I fumbled with my bandaged hands but managed. When I was done, I gave it back, and a heavy silence fell. I stared at the fire, knowing he was going to ask what had happened. I might as well get it over with.
“Did you know what the Voiceless wanted with me?” My voice sounded hollow.
“I knew they wanted you brought back to Sin City,” he said cautiously.
“I’m supposed to be the God of Death’s bride.”
His brow furrowed over his flashing eyes. “What?”
“There’s a prophecy. They were gonna bring me back to have his children.”
He stared at me, nostrils flaring and a muscle flexing in his jaw.
“The Voiceless think I’m the Goddess of Life.” I could tell that my flat, wooden tone was scaring him, but I couldn’t do anything about it.
“So what, they were gonna force you to…” His voice trailed off like he couldn’t bear to say it.
“Fuck him until I was pregnant over and over? Yeah.”
A strong gust of wind made the surrounding trees creak, breaking the silence with the eerie sound.
Wolf stood, and the abrupt movement made me flinch.
He didn’t move for a moment, staring at me, his trembling hands clenching and unclenching at his sides.
Then he paced away, running a hand through his hair.
I jumped when he let out a yell and lashed out, his knuckles smashing into a tree trunk over and over, making the entire tree shudder.
I huddled into a small ball and watched him—my eyes painfully dry.
When he finally stopped, he paced away again and stood with his back to me, swiping at his face with his sleeve.
The emotion pouring from him was its own kind of storm—a much more normal reaction than the nothing I felt.
It was several minutes before he returned, and I could tell by the way he was holding his arms that he’d hurt his hands again.
“Did you know about this?” he asked, his voice ragged.
“No.”
“Can I sit with you?”
When I nodded, he carefully stepped over the bedroll and lowered himself next to me. I tried to take his bloody hand, and he pulled away, frowning.
“You’re injured, Em.”
“Please?” I whispered.
He hesitated a moment longer but finally gave me his right hand. I healed his injuries, slow but steady, through my unbandaged fingertips.
“You just don’t seem very surprised,” he said, low.
I gestured for his left hand. He let out a heavy breath and gave it to me.
“I’m not surprised.”
“Why?” His voice cracked.
Part of me wanted to scream the words at him, but exhaustion pulled at my bones, and the words came out so empty. “Because this is my life.”
I finished healing his hand, and we sat side by side in silence for a while as he took deep breaths with shaky exhales. His emotions were wild again, raging around us, and if he was a storm, I was a hollow tree awaiting my fate.
“Mac said someone named Sax took you?” he asked once he calmed down again.
“Yeah. He brought me to Zana. They both worked for Madame. They gave me to the Voiceless because the God of Death promised to make them gods if they turned me in.”
“Is that… possible?” Wolf sounded hesitant.
I shrugged. “I dunno.”
A log popped in the fire, sending a spray of orange sparks, and I waited.
“What did the Voiceless do to you?” His voice was rough with emotion.
There it was. “Where do you want me to start?”
“At the beginning, I guess?”
So I told him, the words falling from my lips, rocks tumbling down a hill.
I told him about Roe, the rite of correction, and the ways the Voiceless had tried to break me and get me to submit.
He had to get up and pace for a while, but he didn’t punch any more trees.
Once he returned, I told him about Sax trying to help us and then about Zana and her powers.
That led to me backtracking to explain why Hawk went crazy, but then I faltered.
“Did you find Sky’s body?”
“Yeah,” Wolf answered, his tone softer than I expected. “I’m so sorry, Em.”
“She had fire powers,” I stared at the flickering flames of the fire, remembering how she’d become a living flame.
“That explains a few things.”
Explaining how Sky saved my life, and then I failed to save hers was harder to get out, but I did it. A stab of guilt and grief pierced through the numbness. I should’ve been able to heal her. I knew I could . I could make golden light explode out of me and heal everyone it touched. Why did I?—
“What happened after the Voiceless brought you back… after Sax?” Wolf prodded.
I took a shaky breath and told him about Roe getting away, Talmar’s rage, and my escape attempts, but then the words became more difficult to get out.
“They strapped me down and… and branded me again. I passed out… and then I woke up to… they… they were…” I tried to hide my shaking hands in my lap.
Wolf radiated pure fury the same way the fire radiated heat. “Did they rape you?”
I sucked in a breath through my nose and let it shakily out through my mouth.
“He said he was invoking the God of Death into his body so he could touch me. He said if I didn’t submit, he’d let all of them…
” I broke off, trembling. Beside me, Wolf was bristling with violence, and I struggled to finish.
“He was going to, but… I don’t think… I don’t know what happened.
I woke up and… the Voiceless… they were… ”
I hunched forward, curling inward, as the horrible realization dawned on me.
I killed the Voiceless with my healing powers.
I’d somehow twisted it into something dark and deadly—the one good thing about me that helped, healed, and brought life.
I thought hurting Sam while healing myself was the worst thing I could do, but this?
“Did you kill them with your powers?” Wolf asked, and he still felt coiled tight as a spring, but his voice was strangely calm.
Was he looking for the final evidence that I needed to be dragged back to Carth?
Everything Menace had told me suddenly flashed through my head.
I hadn’t killed Dune, but Wolf didn’t know about Menace, so how would I even explain?
I had no proof of Menace either, and Wolf would probably think I was lying… again.
“Emmy?”
“I… I don’t know…”
“I hope you did.”
I looked up at him, startled by his low, savage tone. He watched me with a mix of turbulent emotions, but he almost looked proud.
“What?”
“I hope you killed them with your powers,” he repeated, holding my gaze. “You defended yourself, and I’m fuckin’ glad those monsters are dead.”
I stared at him.
“What are you thinkin’, right now?” he finally asked.
I had no idea what to say. I had a million thoughts crashing through my head, but my mind was somehow empty at the same time.
“There’s no right or wrong answer, Em,” he added. “I genuinely want to know.”
“I don’t want to kill people.” The words tumbled out of my mouth. “I want to be good .”
I couldn’t read the emotion in his eyes, but he reached out and gently gripped my bandaged hand. “Emmy, I don’t think you murdered Dune.”
I stopped breathing, certain I’d heard him wrong.
“I don’t understand what happened, but I don’t think you murdered him.
” He paused, pain and regret filling his eyes.
“I’m sorry I thought you did for so long.
I’m sorry for all the horrible things I said to you.
I’m sorry I didn’t trust you or believe you.
” His voice grew rougher. “You’re right.
I promised to protect you, but I didn’t.
I turned my back on you, and you suffered…
suffered so fuckin’ much because of it.”
Emotion was pouring off him, and I felt nothing.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered.
He frowned. “Why are you apologizing?”
“I don’t know why I do this.”
“Do what?” His brow drew together.
“Go numb.” I gestured vaguely to my face.
“Numb?”
“It’s like my emotions just… just shut off. I know it makes it seem like… like I don’t care, but I do. I really do. I promise.”