Chapter 39 #2
His eyes softened, but his shoulders sagged.
When he spoke, his voice sounded thick with emotion.
“It’s okay, Em.” He paused, taking a deep breath.
“As you know, sometimes my words just…shut off. It’s like I get trapped in my head and can’t speak.
Scar taught me sign language, which…gave me a voice when I lost mine, but sometimes I couldn’t even do that.
It’s gotten a lot better, but I’ve been workin’ on it for years with my crew. ”
For twelve years, I’d pictured Wolf as a terrifying, deadly force stalking me, trying to get close enough to sink his fangs into me and tear me apart.
Now I tried to picture the real Wolf, eighteen years old, grieving his brother and being sent out into the desert to search for his sister—entirely alone and knowing that if he didn’t find me, he’d lost the only family he’d ever get to have.
A fissure ran down the numb shell I was stuck inside.
“I’m glad you found them,” I whispered.
He smiled slightly. “I think it’s more they found me.”
A whistle echoed from the woods, and Wolf’s head snapped up. He whistled back, and then another whistle answered.
“They found a trail,” he said. “Lee’s comin’ to replace me.”
Lee .
My stomach did something I couldn’t interpret.
“Don’t hold it against him,” Wolf said, and I glanced back at him. He was grimacing. “All of ’em chewed me out about leavin’ you tied up in the clinic, but I’ve never seen Lee this angry. He’s barely spoken to me since.”
I didn’t know what to do with that. Wolf got up and started grabbing his gear. Even though I was watching for him, it still startled me when Lee silently materialized from the woods. He met my eyes, and the intensity there made my heart pick up speed.
Wolf crouched in front of me, blocking my view of Lee. “I’ll be back,” he promised. “I’m gonna find him, Emmy.”
He smiled, and it was a smile I must have seen hundreds of times. It was the smile I got when he would give me a dandelion or when I would successfully land a hit in training. It was all Wolf, all my brother, and the words bubbled out of me, shaky with emotion.
“I don’t hate you.”
He went still, his eyes locked on mine.
“I’m sorry I said it,” I whispered. “I don’t hate you. I’ve never hated you.”
He gently took my face and kissed my forehead, and a bittersweet emotion cracked that fissure wider. When he pulled back, his eyes were wet.
“I’ve never hated you, either,” he said, his voice rough. “I wanted to sometimes but could never quite manage it.”
My lip trembled, and I took a shaky breath.
“You should try to rest, okay?” he added. “I’ll be back.”
I managed a nod, and he released my face and stood.
He approached Lee, who was waiting with a closed expression.
Wolf clapped a hand on his shoulder, leaned in, and began speaking to him, too quiet for me to hear.
Lee sighed and replied, and the two of them conversed briefly.
Some of the tension between them seemed to ease.
Wolf disappeared into the woods as silently as Lee had appeared. Lee stayed on the other side of the campfire, but his eyes found me again, a muscle flexing in his jaw. Emotion started to trickle back into me, prickly and uncomfortable.
He slowly moved around the fire toward me and crouched at my side. His dark eyes glittered in the firelight. “I’m sorry,” he said, his voice low. “I fucked up.”
I didn’t answer, my head a mess of hurt.
“Please, Ember, tell me how to make it right.”
“You left me there,” the bitter words escaped.
“I know.” The two words were heavy with guilt and regret. “I’m so sorry. I’d do anythin’ to go back and do it all over.”
I pressed my lips together, sorting through my tangled emotions, but he shifted to his knees.
“I’ll grovel on my knees if that’s what it takes.” His low voice was rough. “I can’t lose you.”
The way my chest ached—not the brand, but my heart— it was almost like… like…
“I know you said you can’t offer me anythin’, but gods, Ember, I’ll take whatever you’re willing to give me.”
Fuck. I liked him. That’s why it hurt so much.
Whatever this was between us, it wasn’t just physical.
Maybe it’d never been just physical. He made me feel safe.
He coaxed me out of my head and away from the ledge every time I was in danger of falling apart.
He saved my life, kept me company, and made me laugh.
“Why are you calling me ‘Ember’?” I asked.
His throat bobbed as he swallowed. “Doesn’t feel like I deserve to call you a pet name.”
The emotion filling my chest scared me, but it was soft. It was nothing like how I’d felt about Trey. There was no deep well of emotion opening up in my chest to swallow me whole, and that knowledge was strangely reassuring. Maybe… maybe it was okay to like him.
“I like it when you call me ‘Freckles,’” I whispered, my eyes prickling.
He shifted closer, gently resting his hands on my knees, all of him intensely focused on me. A light flickered to life in his eyes, like hope. “Freckles, please forgive me.”
“I forgive you.”
He blinked, his lips slightly parting before he recovered. “Are you sure?”
“Sorry, did you want to grovel some more?”
He blinked, then gave me a devilish smile that made my blood heat. “I’m more than willin’ to stay on my knees in front of you.”
“Smooth,” I said dryly, but the wave of relief made me feel almost drunk.
“Don’t blame me,” he murmured, gently taking my face in his hands, “I’m addicted to you.”
I arched an eyebrow, “Addicted?”
“Helplessly.” He leaned in closer, and my heart went into overdrive. “Addicted.”
His lips brushed gently across mine, and I wrapped my arms around his neck, pressing us closer.
Moving hurt like hell, but I tried to ignore it.
I wanted this moment. I wanted him. After everything that had just happened with the Voiceless, it felt fucking powerful to make a choice—to have a choice.
The pain couldn’t control me, just like the Voiceless couldn’t control me.
Then I shifted, and pain made stars fill my vision. My entire body locked up. Maybe the pain was stronger than I thought.
“Freckles? Hey, you okay?”
“Yeah,” I panted, trying to hold my body still. “Just moved the wrong way.”
“Oh fuck,” he pulled back to glare at me. “You should not be moving.”
“I want to move,” I protested.
“No. I’m a fuckin’ asshole.”
“Lee, it’s okay?—”
“There’s no rush, Freckles. I’m not goin’ anywhere.”
I tried to protest, but he got up and put more wood on the campfire, brought me some food and water, and then, after I ate, tucked both of us into the bedroll, gently wrapping me in his arms. I lay on my side, facing the campfire, and he curled up behind me, one arm cushioning my head.
“I’m sorry I was so difficult in that cave,” I murmured.
“Don’t apologize. I understand why,” he said low in my ear.
“I should’ve said this sooner but thank you for saving my life.”
His free hand lazily traced the freckles on my cheek. “You’re welcome.”
My eyes fluttered close as his fingers moved across my skin. He murmured the names and stories of constellations he found until I drifted away again.
“Em?”
I opened my eyes and blinked at the face hovering over me. Then it registered who it was.
“Roe!” I sat up, my breath catching from the pain of the movement, but it didn’t stop me from throwing my arms around him. “Oh my gods, Roe!”
He clung to me, and I could feel his tears dripping onto my neck. “Are you okay?” he choked out. “Did they hurt you ’cause I ran away?”
“I’m okay,” I said, relief making me shaky. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah.” He sounded as shaky as I did. “I had to climb a tree to get away from a bear, though.”
My arms tightened around him as fear shot through me. I glanced up to see Wolf watching us, a soft emotion on his face.
“Thank you,” I said, tears filling my eyes.
“You’re welcome, Em,” he murmured. “He’s okay, just tired and hungry and a little scraped up.”
I held him tightly, taking his hand to send my healing power through him, healing every little scrape before pulling away. “Let’s get you some food,” I said.
“I got it,” Lee said, crouching beside me, his hand gently brushing against mine. “Hi Roe, I’m Lee. You hungry?”
Roe glanced at me, wide-eyed.
“It’s okay,” I said softly.
“This is your brother?” he asked, glancing up at Wolf.
“Yeah, he’s my big brother,” I smiled a little. “He’s a pain in the ass, but you can trust him.”
Lee snorted, and Wolf rolled his eyes when I glanced at him, but his lips twitched upward. Roe flashed a nervous grin and finally released me, following Lee. Sable appeared at my other side and crouched, scanning me.
“Time to change those bandages,” he said. His tone was calm and professional, but he watched me warily.
I swallowed my pride and fear. “Okay.”
The flash of surprise that went through his eyes was gone as quickly as it came. “You can stay sitting up,” was all he said.
My hands were healing quickly, and Sable didn’t take long to re-wrap them.
However, changing the bandage on my chest was a slow, painful process.
I thought I might faint at one point, but Wolf crouched behind me and steadied me.
Finally, Sable got the bandage off and frowned as he examined the brand.
“There’s no sign of infection,” he said, but his expression remained dark.
“What is it?” I asked, trying to breathe through the nausea.
“It’s the symbol of the Voiceless,” he said, his voice clipped.
I wasn’t sure what that looked like, but my skin crawled, knowing I’d been marked as their property.
“I’m gonna clean it out as best I can and re-bandage it, but I’ll have to do some more work on it when we get back to the Vault.”
I sucked in a deep breath. “Okay.”
“It’s gonna hurt,” he warned.
“I know.”
I kept my jaw clenched so tight it ached by the time he was done. Wolf held my hand, not complaining as I nearly crushed it. I didn’t make any noise, but tears of pain poured down my face.