Chapter 42 #3
“Why?” I was glad I was sitting. Otherwise, I might have retreated. “Just because you can’t hear his thoughts?”
“I don’t know,” he admitted, like not knowing made him angrier. “I just…have a feeling.”
I flattened my lips into a thin line, my eyes narrowing.
“I know,” he snapped, running a hand through his hair. “I just…I don’t know. There’s just something.”
“Mac—”
“I saw him climbing down from your window the other morning,” he interrupted.
My face felt like it was on fire. I stared at him, my mind spinning, but unable to think of a single thing to say. He stared back at me, emotion raging in his eyes.
“I don’t want you to get hurt,” he finally said in a low voice.
“Mac, you can’t keep me from ever getting hurt again,” I said, a little snappier than I meant to. The memory of him feverishly promising not to let anyone hurt me again ran through my head.
A muscle flexed in his jaw.
“Lee’s not going to hurt me. I trust him,” I tried, a little softer, but if anything, it seemed to make him angrier.
“Do you really think you’d be able to tell?” he snapped.
I reeled back, hurt filling my chest. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”
“Em, you went from Trey to Zip , for fuck’s sake. I can’t?—”
“I knew what Zip was. I’m not dumb!” I snarled, angry tears welling in my eyes.
“I know you’re not dumb! I’m saying sometimes I think good scares you, so you run away to what’s familiar, which is someone who’s gonna treat you like shit!”
A bitter laugh escaped my mouth. “Oh, so you think I’m broken.”
“Ember!” he growled. “That’s not what I meant.”
“Is that how you see me? As someone so damaged you have to step in and protect me from myself?”
“If you’re askin’ me to stop trying to protect you, that’s not somethin’ I can do.” He took a step closer, eyes glinting.
“I killed over a dozen Voiceless by myself,” I shot back. “I don’t need your protection.”
“And you’ve had fuckin’ nightmares about it every single night since then!”
I snapped my jaw shut, panic creeping over me. Did he see my dreams?
“Yes,” his voice lowered, and his dark tone made my skin prickle. “I am seein’ your dreams. I have them with you every damn night.”
I could only stare at him in horror.
“I know what kind of nightmares you’re having, Ember.
” He stepped closer and leaned down to brace his hand on the table by my plate.
His face was so close to mine, the golden specks in his eyes glowing.
“I see the things they do to you in your dreams. I see the Voiceless stalk you, hurt you, violate you, and I’m fuckin’ helpless to do a thing about it.
But I also know your worst nightmares aren’t about what they did to you . ”
“Stop,” I whispered.
“The ones that scare you the most, make you sick, and keep you awake at night? Those are the dreams about what you did to them. ”
I sucked in a ragged breath, my hands clenching in my lap.
“I know you can protect yourself,” he said quietly, his eyes searching mine.
“But I also know it kills you to have to hurt people. Even people who are fuckin’ monsters, who are torturing you.
So if I can be your sword, I’m gonna fuckin’ do it.
If I can kill the monsters for you so you don’t have to carry that burden, I will. ”
My fingernails dug into my palms, but my mouth didn’t move. Tears ached in my throat, but they weren’t from anger now.
“Trey made me swear to watch over you if something happened to him, and I will die before I break that oath.”
The pain in my chest made it hard to breathe. I wasn’t sure why those words hurt so badly, but I was speaking before I could think. “So that’s why you’ve done everything? Because you promised Trey?” My voice shook. “I’m just a job for you? A task that Trey saddled you with?”
“No!” His voice rang out angrily, and his hand moved toward me at the same time.
I flinched instinctively, and he recoiled, pain and horror washing over his face.
“Em,” he said with urgency, “it’s me. You know I’d never hit you, right?”
I stared hard at the floor. I hated feeling so off-balance with him. The ground I’d established as steady was shaking, and I didn’t know how to fix it.
“Ember,” his voice was fierce. “Look at me.”
I couldn’t. I couldn’t because I would fall apart if I looked at him.
Slowly, he lowered himself until he was on one knee by my chair. His hands moved toward me slowly, and he gently took my face and tilted it up to meet his eyes. I’d never seen the ocean, but I imagined it would look like his eyes—roiling and dangerous.
“I can’t promise that I will never hurt you because I’m a fuckin’ asshole, but I can promise that I will never hit you. It doesn’t matter how angry I am. I will never fuckin’ hit you.”
I pressed my trembling lips together.
“I don’t care if you never believe anything else I say, but please believe this.
” The pain in his eyes was deep. “I’ve done everything because you mean something to me.
I swore that oath to Trey because I would’ve fuckin’ done it anyway, even if he didn’t ask, and he knew that.
He wouldn’t have asked if he thought otherwise. ”
I stared at those stormy grey eyes, and it felt like my golden powers were filling that empty hole in my chest. His thumbs stroked my cheeks, and I shivered.
“I don’t think you understand, Em. I will do anything for you,” his voice was just above a whisper. “ Anything . Not because of Trey. Because it’s you.”
I squeezed my eyes shut, but a tear escaped. He brushed it gently away.
“If you want to be with Lee, I’m happy for you, but if he ever hurts you, I will kill him.”
I suddenly remembered what Mist had said about Mac and Zip getting into a fight. My watery eyes opened. “Did you beat the shit out of Zip when I was in solitary?”
He smiled, but the dark violence in it made my breath stutter. “Yes.”
“You didn't look hurt...under the watchtower.”
“I wasn't hurt. He barely got a few hits in.” He said it so casually. “But I should’ve killed him. Don’t think I’ll make that mistake again.”
I shivered and watched his pupils dilate as he tracked it. Then he abruptly tilted his head, his eyes going distant.
“Sam’s comin’ to see what’s taking so damn long.”
“What?” I whispered, my head still spinning.
“I’m supposed to be bringing you back to the clinic.” He stood and offered a hand.
I took it and let him pull me to my feet, but he didn’t release me.
My pulse quickened as he brought my hand up to his face and gently pressed his lips to my knuckles.
I could feel the raging sea in his eyes inside of my chest, emotion and magic crashing over each other.
His eyes abruptly widened, breath catching.
“Your eyes are glowing,” he murmured, something like awe in his voice.
I forgot how to breathe. “Are you sure?”
His lips twitched up. “Pretty damn sure. They look like liquid gold.”
Every thought seemed to empty out of my head, leaving only the pounding of my heart echoing in the empty chamber.
“That might be the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen,” he said, stepping closer and ducking his head to study them. “Has that ever happened before?”
His face was so close to mine my legs felt shaky. “A couple of times,” I managed to say, my voice hoarse.
His eyes narrowed on me, and I braced for more questions. Then, he straightened and released my hand, taking a step away. A second later, I heard boots approaching the door. Sam popped his head in and frowned at us.
“Mac, what the fuck? We’re all waitin’ for you two.”
Mac grinned, and it looked a little sheepish. It was an adorable expression on his usually serious face. “Sorry, got distracted talking.”
Sam rolled his eyes, “Well, c’mon.”
As we followed him out the door, I dropped my shield enough to ask Mac, “ Are my eyes still glowing?”
He glanced at me. “No, they’re green again.”
“I can’t wait to see your face, Shortcake,” Sam said, dropping back to wrap an arm around my shoulders.
“Why?” I asked, suspicious.
“You’ll see,” Sam grinned.