Chapter 43
S am talked me into letting him tie a handkerchief around my eyes before we could see the clinic.
He took my hand to lead me, but after I stumbled several times over obstacles, he “didn’t notice,” Mac took my other hand, lacing his fingers through mine and making my heart skip.
His hand was warm and callused. Sam was still talking, but I wasn’t listening because all my focus was on Mac’s hand in mine.
As if he knew, he slowly stroked his thumb across the top of my hand, and my entire body erupted in goosebumps.
Sam stopped, and I was so distracted I nearly walked into him. “Ok, are you ready? Wait, Mac, can you take the blindfold off? I want to see her face.”
I had no idea what I was about to see, and it was making me more nervous. Mac moved around behind me and placed his hands on my shoulders.
“You ready?” he leaned in to ask low in my ear.
My body was ready for something . I felt like I might combust, and it confused the shit out of me, but I nodded, anyway. Mac began to untie the handkerchief, and then the blindfold fell away, and I stared at the scene in front of me, my lips parting in astonishment.
My crew, Wolf, and the Fangs all stood outside the clinic, grinning at me, and I didn’t know where to look first. The clinic was bigger.
They’d put a whole fucking addition on. It looked like at least one more room and easily doubled the size of the building.
On the other side, a cute little whitewashed wooden fence surrounded the garden plot, full of neatly raised garden beds.
Tucked in the corner was a small greenhouse with see-through walls and a tin roof.
I stared, and I stared, my mind refusing to acknowledge what I was looking at was real. Vaguely, I could hear Sam asking me something, but I couldn’t focus on the words.
“Em?” Large hands gripped my shoulders, and a face appeared before me, blocking my view.
I focused on Mac, noting how his brow was creased and his eyes were studying mine like he was worried. It was only then I realized tears were streaming down my face.
“Are these happy tears?” he asked softly.
I nodded, still too overwhelmed to speak. Sam gave a dramatic sigh on the other side of him and handed me a handkerchief.
“You want to come take a closer look?”
I nodded again, wiping my face, and he smiled.
“C’mon.” Mac laced his fingers in mine again and tugged me forward up the slight hill.
I wanted to keep holding his hand, but Wolf hugged me as soon as I reached them, pulling me away.
“Come look inside first,” Wolf said, grinning.
He led me inside, and still, all I could do was stare. They’d put in two more windows, and the warm sunlight beamed in from multiple directions.
“All the windows open so you can get some air in here in the summer,” Wolf explained. “And over here, we have the addition.”
He led me to where the hutch had previously resided, but they’d removed the wall, creating a large entryway to the addition.
I glanced back at the large empty space to the left of the front door to see the hutch in the corner with the stack of wooden chairs.
The new addition had a hallway that led to three different doors.
Wolf opened the first door and led me in.
My dresser stood against the wall, and my mattress sat on a new handmade bed frame.
There was another window in here. It smelled like fresh-cut wood.
“This is your room,” Wolf said. “We put a lock on the inside of the door so you can have some privacy when you need it.”
“We made you a new bedframe, too,” Mac added from where he leaned on the doorframe. “Since Madame took the last one after you left.”
“There’s a trundle underneath,” Wolf crouched to lift Trey’s quilt and show how another bed could roll out from under mine. “I wasn’t sure if Roe would be movin’ in with you permanently, but this gives you an extra bed if you need it.”
This was only the first of three rooms, and I was already struggling to process the amount of thoughtfulness they’d put into it.
Wolf led me out to the second door in the hallway. “This is an extra bedroom. We figured some of us could sleep in here.”
It was empty except for a few bedrolls, but there was a fourth window. All the natural light made my heart feel like it was about to explode out of my chest.
Wolf opened the last door. It was a smaller room with no windows, but two cots were inside.
“This can be whatever you want. Storage, a room for patients to sleep, a private exam room—anything. The only thing these new rooms don’t have is electric lights, but we can add those once we get the materials,” Mac said.
“We put the rest of the bedrolls up in the loft, so we’ll be out of the way in the main room,” Wolf added.
“Em, come see the garden now!” Apple chirped from the door.
In a daze, I followed her outside to the garden. The beds were formed from neat piles of dirt, ready for planting. The fence had a gate that shut and locked to keep the free-roaming animals out. Leda and baby Jet stood in the garden talking to a woman I didn’t initially recognize.
“Em, do you know Vale?” Leda asked, gesturing to the other woman.
Jet reached for me, so I took him from Leda and turned to Vale. She was older, probably in her fifties, with greying hair and fine wrinkles across her skin. She looked familiar, but I couldn’t place her. Her expression bordered on stern, but her face softened as I met her eyes.
“You saved my life during the rebellion,” she said quietly. “A merciful action since I was not one of the rebels.”
I remembered. She had been lying on the ground near the watchtower with a giant hole in her abdomen. Jet babbled at me and waved his chubby fingers.
“Vale has been working with Nemo, and they’ve come to an understanding,” Leda said firmly. “Let the past stay in the past.”
They both watched me as though waiting for me to speak, as though my opinion mattered, and I fumbled for what to say. “It’s behind us.”
Leda beamed, and Vale seemed to grow misty-eyed.
“I’m one of the heads of agriculture,” Vale continued after clearing her throat.
“So I was just discussing with Leda what things you could plant here. Herbs would be useful for the clinic. It’s a little late in the season, but we can plant a few things, and we have an abundance of wildflower seeds if you would like some of these to be flower gardens for summer.
And before winter, we can try planting some cold-hardy greens in the greenhouse. ”
I nodded, pretending all her words hadn’t blurred together.
“You should step in the greenhouse,” Leda said, grinning as she took Jet back from me.
Obediently, I stepped into the greenhouse. The door shut behind me, muffling the outside noise a little, and I took a deep, shaky breath of the warm air, which smelled like fresh dirt and cut lumber, earthy and sweet. Behind me, the door opened.
“Warm, isn’t it?” Mac said.
I turned to face him. He was leaning on the doorframe, watching me.
“This is…a lot.” My voice wobbled.
“You deserve it,” he said without hesitation.
“I don’t…no one’s ever…” I bit my trembling lip.
He pushed off the doorframe and approached to wrap an arm around my shoulders. “You deserve it,” he repeated firmly.
A lump rose in my throat as I realized picturing the future was no longer impossible.
It just looked different.
The grief rose up, and I fought the urge to stuff it back down, remembering what Mac said—that locking away the pain would also lock away all the good, the beauty of what Trey and I had.
I’d desperately wanted a future with Trey, but I would never get it.
I’d loved him—I would always love him—but he was taken from me, along with all of those hopes and dreams. I let that truth settle in me, heavy as a mountain.
Mac’s arm tightened around me, anchoring me, and I leaned into him and wrapped my arm around his waist. My heart ached, but I didn’t break.
“Em!” Apple burst into the greenhouse, her little face scrunched indignantly, “Roe said you healed him with a magic potion!”
“No, I didn’t!” Roe followed on her heels, equally indignant. “I said you made a magic potion and then healed me!”
“What if you each get a little bottle and make your own magic potion?” Mac suggested.
“Out of what?” Apple breathed, her eyes widening.
“Anything—dirt, plants, little pebbles, water. Everything has magic in it.”
They both stared at him with huge eyes for a second before taking off and shrieking ideas at each other. Mac grinned after them.
“That should keep ’em busy for at least five minutes.”
“Maybe three,” I said hoarsely, and he grinned so wide both dimples appeared.
The afternoon was a blur of re-organizing things, people coming in and out, and sunshine pouring into the clinic. Before I knew it, the dinner bell was ringing.
“Em, you ready to go to dinner?” Wolf yelled from outside.
“Give me a minute,” I yelled back, still trying to finish grinding up some dried bark.
It took me another five minutes to finish my task, and I quickly put everything away. I took a second to stop and look around the clinic—so bright and cheerful and home. I was happy.
As I washed my hands, looking out one of the brand-new windows, nausea suddenly flooded me. I braced myself on the edge of the sink and breathed deeply through my nose. I thought it was passing and began to turn, but it surged so violently I had to spin and vomit into the sink.