23.
FARRAH
I opened my eyes when I heard someone knock on my door, but I kept them open this time instead of ignoring the knock like the last four times.
Unlike before when I got sick and ignored my door and text messages, I picked up my phone when it buzzed on the nightstand and looked at the screen.
“Well, shit.”
I stood up just as there was another round of knocking, and it began to sound oddly familiar since I’d heard cops beat on the front door of houses I’d been in many times.
But this time it wasn’t just any cop - it was my son.
I yanked the door open, and we stared at each other for a few seconds before he stepped inside and threw his arms around me.
That was the final straw. I lost it as I clutched at his T-shirt and let out all of the emotions I’d been trying so hard to tamp down. Colt didn’t say a word. He just held me tighter and let me get it all out, blubbering through my tears about how terrified I’d been.
“I was so scared, Colt! I thought for sure that something would go wrong and they’d take me away again and if they did that, then you’d never speak to me because I promised I’d be good. I have been good, but they don’t know that, and no matter how hard I try to be a regular person, I can’t just be your mom because anyone who sees my record is going to think I’m a monster, but I’m not anymore. I mean I was and I know that, but I’m not now, and I don’t want to ever see that look in your eyes again, but I almost did because I thought for sure they were going to lock me up. I can’t go back again, Colt. I can’t!”
“Take a breath and settle down, Mom. I’m not going anywhere, and neither are you. You’re here and you’re fine, but your friends are worried about you, so they called us.”
“Us?” I asked into his shirt.
I felt another hand on my back right before Lynn asked, “Would it be weird to make this a group hug, or should I just wait my turn?”
I lifted my head from Colt’s chest and turned to find Lynn standing beside me with a smile on his face. I let go with one arm and wrapped it around Lynn, happy to have both men that I loved so much here with me, even though I probably looked like a swamp creature with swollen eyes and makeup smeared everywhere.
Lynn kissed my cheek as Colt gave me one more squeeze and then let go. I turned so that I was wrapped in Lynn’s arms and then sobbed some more because while I’d been sitting in that patrol car, I had another worry besides how my son was going to react. I was terrified that Lynn was going to decide that being with me came with way too much drama, especially since he’d been dealing with the same thing for years because of his daughter.
“Seems like you’ve had an exciting day, sweetheart,” Lynn murmured before he kissed the top of the head. My watery laugh must have encouraged him, so he asked, “Any chance you may want to come out of your cave and spend some time with two of your favorite guys and little chatterbox girls?”
“I’m not sure I’m really fit for company right now.”
“That’s when you’re supposed to seek it out, right? Sitting in your house stewing over what could have happened isn’t exactly healthy, Mom.”
“I needed a little time to process.”
“Just so you know, Lynn, when she’s upset about something, she shuts herself away and processes it, which means she stews and considers all sorts of scenarios that could have happened until she works herself up into a tizzy that takes forever for her to get over.”
“A tizzy? Really?”
“What would you call it?” Colt asked.
“It sounds a lot better when you say that I’m spiraling into the abyss of what could have happened and then trying to figure out how I can avoid whatever it is in the future.”
“I’d say that going to a meeting and sharing your feelings may be more productive than tizzying like you do,” Colt offered sarcastically.
“And after that meeting, which I agree that you could probably benefit from, I suggest that you drive your stolen beater of a car to my house and join me and the girls and a bunch of our friends for dinner and game night so you can turn those tears into laughter.”
“I’m not sure I’ll be great company,” I hedged.
“You do realize that I’m big enough to get you there whether you want to go or not, right?” Colt asked.
“You’re going to come too?” I asked.
“There’s food that tastes good, doesn’t cost me anything, and that I don’t have to cook for myself. Of course I’m coming.”
Lynn burst out laughing and said, “Spoken like a true bachelor.”
Suddenly, I had a thought and felt selfish when I realized I hadn’t even considered what she was going through, so I asked, “Can Moe come too?”
“She’s coming whether she wants to or not,” Lynn replied.
“I’m not sure you understand just how stubborn she can be.”
“I already sent in the big guns, so I know she’ll cave.”
“The big guns?”
“Right now, she’s got both of the girls in her house, talking her ear off and begging her to come over so they can team up and kick all of our asses at whatever game we choose to play after dinner. Even a hardass like Moe can’t resist that.”
“I think you may be right.”
◆◆◆
LYNN
Even though we’d just had mind-blowing sex like it always seemed to be, I couldn’t close my eyes and fall asleep, probably because I could feel her tension even though she was trying to relax against my side.
“I know you were scared today, but there’s really no way I can change that. All I can do is reassure you that I’m in this for the long haul, Farrah. I’m not going to doubt you until you give me a reason to, and although I think that what happened today was bullshit, I know that it was a misunderstanding that’s probably gonna happen again.”
“I’ll always be the ex-druggie with a record, Lynn,” Farrah said sadly. I used the arm she was laying on to pull her closer and began to stroke her back to calm her while I figured out what to say. Before I could respond, she said, “I want to be so much more, and I will be, but at the root of it all, I’ll always be known for the life I lived and the choices I made.”
“You’re already so much more than that, babe,” I assured her. When she scoffed, I said, “You’re the woman who makes Brin and Berk happy just by showing up. You’re the woman who makes my grandson giggle like there’s no tomorrow and my granddaughter smile through all that drool while she does everything in her power to keep your eyes on her. You’re the woman who has missed out on so much with her own son that you feel guilty about loving my family even though he’s now part of it too.”
“You think Colt’s part of your family?”
“I want him to be.”
“What does that mean?”
“I love you, Farrah.” I felt her tense and smiled to myself, knowing I’d taken her by surprise.
It wasn’t a surprise to me, though, because I’d been feeling it for a while now. Even though we’d only known each other for a few months and we’d only been dating for about six weeks, I knew that Farrah Seaverson was the woman for me. And she wasn’t just going to make my future brighter, she was also going to make Brin and Berk’s future brighter too.
“I love you so much that I want to spend the rest of my life with you, but I’m willing to give it a little time before we get started on that path. As much as I want to wake up with you in my arms every morning, I know you’re not ready for that. You’ve got years to make up for, and one of the things you need to experience is living by yourself and being comfortable and proud in a place that’s just yours.”
“I’ve never lived alone before. I lived in a foster home, and then I was out on my own with Colt until I went to prison. When I got out, I didn’t have a place to go, so I crashed with some of my shitty friends who were making shitty decisions until I went back.”
“I understand. That’s why I think it’s important that you spend some time in your own place before you move in here with me and the girls and make this your permanent home.”
“I love you, too, Lynn.”
Trying to lighten the mood, I asked, “Just so I don’t make any mistakes, are we setting our anniversary date as the first time we went out or today, when we first said I love you?”
It worked, and Farrah chuckled before she said, “Why not both?”
“You’re just saying that because you know that I’m going to forget one or the other at some point and end up paying for it somehow.”
“Other than Colt’s birthday, I’ve never really had a lot of dates to celebrate,” Farrah admitted.
“Then it’s my job to make sure you have plenty of them.”
“Do you ever wonder if everything that has happened before has led you to something so good that it almost makes everything worth it?” Farrah asked.
“I’m not sure what you mean.”
“I’ve made so many fucked-up decisions in my life, but I’m at a point now where I can look back and wonder if going through all of that stupid shit was just a test to make sure I appreciate what I have now.” I felt Farrah gently shake her head before she said, “No. It wasn’t worth putting my son through everything I did just so I could get here.”
“I think he may disagree. Yes, he had some fucked-up times in his childhood, but he’s got Danielle to love now, too, and I know he wouldn’t give her up for the world.”
“You’re right. That doesn’t excuse my behavior, but I’m glad that he was able to find her and join their family. She’s a wonderful woman that I can never repay for stepping in and being the mom Colt needed rather than the one he got when I had him.”
“He loves you very much, Farrah. Sordid history or not, that boy thinks you hung the moon.”
“He’s my moon and stars, and Berk and Brin are just making the sky brighter because they are too.”
“I’m glad you love them so much. I know that they adore you. I’m thankful that I’ve found a woman who isn’t afraid to talk to them about the decisions she made that they need to avoid at all costs.” I felt Farrah’s body shake with a sob, and I squeezed her tighter before I said, “I didn’t mean to make you cry, sweetheart.”
“They’re happy tears, Lynn.”
“I want to spend the rest of my life making sure you never cry anything other than happy tears, Farrah, but I’m willing to wait until you’re ready to take the next step too.”
“I’m not going to live at The Flower Patch forever. I can’t because I could be taking up a spot that another deserving woman could use to better her life as she gets back on her feet.”
“Whenever you’re ready, you have a place here waiting for you.”
“I love you so much.”
“And I love you.”
◆◆◆
I heard the girls squealing excitedly and then Farrah’s calm voice out in the hall, so I rolled over to check the time on my phone. When I didn’t find it within easy reach, I leaned over the edge of the bed to see if it had fallen and found my charging cord laying there without my phone attached.
Not sure what that was about, I got out of bed and pulled on a pair of gym shorts before I walked out to see what was going on with the girls.
“Farrah is making us chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast, and then we’re going to the farmers market to get stuff to eat this week before we go see the new chicks at The Flower Patch.”
After Brin’s explanation of our schedule for the day, I heard a voice that still made my heart burst with love and smiled when I walked around the corner and found Berk and Brin huddled together on the couch holding my phone in their hand as they talked to my daughter through video chat.
Farrah looked up from the stove and smiled when she saw me before she explained, “Your phone rang and I grabbed it before you woke up. Leanne and the girls have been talking for about twenty minutes already, but I made sure to tell her to watch the time so I could take the phone to you before she has to hang up.”
“I never even heard the phone ring,” I said with a chuckle before I pulled Farrah into my arms. “You’re making breakfast?”
“One of the few things I know I won’t fuck up - pancakes and bacon.”
“Your cooking skills may be rusty, but they’re improving,” I assured her.
“Pop, can you call Uncle Kyle? He keeps calling over and over, but we don’t want to swap over and miss time with Mom,” Berklee called out over the back of the couch before she turned back to look at my phone.
“That’s not like him,” I said worriedly. “Mind if I use your phone?”
“It’s on the bar over there. I hope everything’s okay.”
The phone rang just as I picked it up, and when I saw that Kyle was calling Farrah, I got even more concerned. I picked it up and asked, “What’s wrong?”
“Lanna’s been having contractions since about midnight, and her water broke just a few minutes ago!” Kyle said with a mixture of terror and excitement.
“I’ll come get the kids.”
“We’re on our way to your place with them now. Lanna swears we have time before we have to go to the hospital, but I refuse to be one of those men who delivers his own baby on the side of the road!” I heard Lanna in the background laughing and knew that she was okay, but I worried about Kyle driving because he was so excited. He must have had the same thought because he said, “She’s pissed that I’m not even going the speed limit, but my mind is going at warp speed, so I don’t think I can handle anything more than thirty in the car right now.”
“Calm down, and get them here safely. Lynn can drive you to the hospital while I watch the kids.”
“No!” Lanna yelled. “I want you to come with me! Will you do that? Can you stay with me, Farrah? Please?”
Farrah looked at me in shock, and I nodded before I said, “She’ll be ready.”
“We’ll be there in ten minutes,” Kyle said before he ended the call.
“She wants me to stay with her during labor?” Farrah asked in shock. “I only went to that one Lamaze class with her when Kyle had to work late. I don’t know what I’m doing! What if I . . .”
“Honey, Lanna has fallen just as in love with you as the rest of us, and she wants you to be there when the baby is born.” I pulled Farrah into my arms and said, “And you do know what you’re doing because you’ve experienced it yourself.”
“But that was years ago.”
“Remember what we talked about last night? You’ve got a place in this family, and not just by my side, but with everyone else too. Lanna wasn’t joking when she said you needed to come up with a good grandma name because she fully intends for you to hold that role for all of her kids, not just the new one.”
“She really does, huh?” Farrah asked as her eyes filled with tears.
Brinlee and Berklee had heard our conversation and were excitedly talking over each other as Leanne cried. I let go of Farrah and took the phone out of Brin’s hand before I smiled at my daughter and said, “Hey, sweetie! Did you hear the news? Lanna’s baby is on its way!”
“Oh, Dad! That’s so exciting. Tell her I love her and I’ll be thinking about her!”
“We’ll get pictures to you as soon as we can, and the next time you call your sister, you’ll be able to see your newest niece!”
“I’ve got to take a shower!” Farrah said as she ran toward the bathroom.
“She doesn’t have time for that!” Berklee said as she started to get up off the couch and follow Farrah into the bedroom.
“Farrah can take a shower in five minutes, honey. She’s got this!” I looked back down at the screen when I heard Leanne laughing and said, “I remember when you used to take forever in the shower, but I bet you’ve learned to pare that down to a few minutes, huh?”
“Five or less!” Leanne said through her laughter. “I always hoped you’d find someone to love that we would all love too. I just never imagined that I’d have so much in common with her!”
“Why do you only have five minutes?” Berklee asked.
“Can you wash your hair and body that quickly?” Brin chimed in.
“Is there a timer?”
“Does the water shut off?”
“As usual, the girls have questions, so I’m going to leave you to it and take over breakfast prep,” I said before I blew my daughter a kiss. “Love you, baby!”
“Love you, too, Dad!”
I checked to make sure Farrah had turned off the burner and then walked toward the front of the house to turn off the alarm and open the bay doors for when Kyle and Lanna arrived before I went into the bedroom to check on Farrah.
“You okay, sweetheart?” I called out over the sound of the shower.
The water shut off, and Farrah stepped out to reach for a towel. I drank in my fill of her naked body, flushed from the hot water and excitement of the morning. As soon as she wrapped the towel around her, she pulled her hair down and started brushing it before she pulled it up into a messy bun.
“Lolly! They call you Pop so I want to be Lolly.”
“Lolly and Pop. I like that.”
“I love you, Lynn. Thanks for sharing your family with me.”
“They’re not just my family anymore, sweetheart. They’re yours now too.”