Chapter 7 Lane #2
I’m about to break into laughter when she bursts into tears, covering her face with her hands.
The way she was wallowing in self-pity pissed me off earlier, but now I actually feel sorry for her.
I think back to what Adam said, and I hate to admit it, but he’s right.
While she’s spent days in full-blown depression mode, her ex was already out banging someone else.
I feel myself soften, and I roll my eyes.
Since when do I give a shit about girls and their sob stories?
“I can’t compete,” she mumbles.
That throws me off, and I suddenly decide that though I might regret this, I need to spill some of the secrets Juliet made me swear I would always keep. I’ve known Carter’s sister since we were kids, and she’s definitely not leagues ahead of Lois.
“Are we talking about the same girl? She’s had a squishy nose ever since a girl in high school headbutted her; I’ve got a photo of her somewhere with bruises around her eyes and a shapeless potato in the middle of her face. I’ll show you some time.”
Lois sniffs, meeting my gaze in the mirror. “Really?”
“I even have a photo of her with puke in her hair. It’s at the back of a closet somewhere. Would it make you feel better to see it sometime?”
She rubs her eyes. “No, it’s okay.”
Not sure why, but I’m trying to coax a smile out of her. There’s still some way to go. She spends the next minute staring at herself in the mirror with her shoulders shaking, and just when it looks like she’s evened out, a fresh wave of tears come streaming down her cheeks. Shit!
I sigh and crouch beside her. “Lois.”
“Not now, Lane. Please. Save it for tomorrow.”
“I wasn’t going to tease you!”
“Sure you weren’t.”
“If it’s any comfort, Juliet has more of a one-night-only approach to relationships.”
“So what?” She sniffles, clamping her eyes shut. “What hurts is that I can’t kid myself anymore. She’s everything Kirk ever wanted, everything he said I wasn’t…”
I frown. “Meaning?”
“He said…”
She bites her lip, fiddles with her sleeve, like the words are too painful to say. I don’t know what comes over me, but I drop drown to sit behind her, propping my legs on either side of hers.
“Come on, Heartbreak. Spill.”
I rest an elbow on my knee and tilt my head for a better view of her in the mirror.
“I know you think I’m so lame right now—”
“Which means you have nothing to lose by carrying on.” I give her a gentle nudge. “You can only go up in my estimation.”
“He said there was too much new stuff to try at college, and he didn’t want to have any regrets. He thought I was too boring, too predictable, not skinny enough, and—”
“Are you for real? ‘Not skinny enough’?”
“He didn’t say it like that, exactly. But I put on a little weight over the past few months, and according to him, I was letting myself go…”
“Kirk is an absolute jerk.” I spit the last word out.
“See? It even rhymes. Even just his name is enough to make you barf. Kiiiirk.” I say it over and over, making it sound like I’m puking, and her eyes widen through the tears.
Suddenly, she bursts out giggling, and I practically jump out of my skin.
I realize this is the first time I’ve heard her laugh, and she must be thinking the same, because she stops as soon as she started.
“My brother Jeff said the exact same thing last year. He’ll be happy to hear I’ve been dumped, at least.”
It’s the first time she’s mentioned her family, and though I’m curious to hear more, I don’t ask. I don’t want her to throw the question back at me. That’s off-limits.
“It looks like he’s moved on,” I try. “That might help you do the same, don’t you think? What if you made the most of all the new stuff college has to offer, too?”
She lets out a raspy groan, something between a laugh and a growl.
“I miss him. I don’t know who I am without Kirk.” She stares at the ground. “We grew up together, I built everything I was around us, and now I’m lost. I want my life back.”
A veil of shame clouds her eyes, and I realize she’s just voiced a truth that’s hard to swallow.
It takes everything I have not to tell her what I really think—which is that this is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.
I’m way out of my comfort zone here. In fact, I’m probably the worst person for this situation.
“You’ll be back on your feet in no time. You just started college; you’re in your prime!”
Look at you, Mr. Guru!
“No, you’re not getting it.” She shakes her head furiously. “I want my life with him back. That’s what I want.” Her tone has shifted. “That’s what I’m going to do!”
I snort. “Are you saying you plan on molding yourself to fit his totally unrealistic expectations in the hope you’ll get him back?”
“Yup.”
“That’s not how it works, Lois. You can’t be what you’re not, trust me!”
“What would you know?” She narrows her eyes.
“Easy there, Heartbreak! I might suck at relationship stuff, but you don’t need to be a genius to know your idea sucks.”
“I need to become the best version of myself.”
I can practically hear her brain fizzing.
Her hand slips off her leg and reaches for the bottle of vodka in front of us, and with each fresh gulp, she nods her head harder.
Whatever plan she is busy hatching, she seems to be in agreement with herself, at least. There’s a light shining in her eyes, and it’s almost kind of scary. I ease the bottle out of her hand.
“I think you’ve had enough.”
I give what little is left a shake and knock it back in a single shot.
Just as I’m about to swallow, I freeze, my arm hovering in midair, the bottle pressed to my lips.
Lois has fallen back against my chest, her hair tickling my chin.
The scent of her shampoo fills the space between us, and a fluttering makes its way to the pit of my stomach.
That’s what I get for having too much to drink.
I want to get up, but her back is heavy against my chest, and I don’t dare move. She’s still lost in thought, and I’m guessing she hasn’t realized just how close we are now. She’s not the type to be coming on to me, and so I wait for her to put some distance between us.
A few minutes later, and I’m getting impatient. When she finally staggers to her feet and slips out of the room in silence, I’m expecting to feel relieved, but as it turns out, I don’t. I blink, jumping to my feet way too fast. My head is spinning. I can’t seem to catch my breath.
I listen as the fridge opens and shuts, and head back to the living room, where Lois is knocking back a beer on her couch—What am I saying? On my couch!
“I’m wondering: Does Kirk have a soft spot for alcoholics, too?”
“Beer helps me think,” she replies hoarsely.
That’s the problem with booze. What seems like an amazing fucking idea when you’re drunk turns out to be a car crash the next day.
I swipe up the remote from the counter and fall back next to her with a sigh, channel surfing for a while until I find a baseball game, and though I try to focus on the play, my eyes keep drifting over to her.
“I know what you’re thinking.” She glares at me.
I lift an eyebrow. “Really?”
“Yeah.” She shifts in her seat. “I can feel your bad vibes from here, you party pooper! Happy birthday, by the way.”
What? I barely have time to register the subject change when suddenly she’s on her knees on the couch, jabbing a finger at me, eyes wild with defiance.
“I’m gonna show him I can be just the kind of girl he wants,” she crows. “I’m gonna change. Starting tomorrow. And you know what? Soon, you’ll be thanking me!”
“Oh, really?”
“Yes, sir! Once I’ve changed, you won’t have to deal with my fat ass on your couch.”
“Come on now, Lois—”
“Nope! Nuh-uh!” She cuts me off, pressing her index finger to my lips with all the gentleness of a girl who’s truly wasted.
“Is that really what you want?”
“Yes,” she breathes out, settling back into the cushions. “Yes,” she repeats, as if she’s just seen the light, and the revelation has drained every last drop of energy out of her. “There’s no point feeling sorry for myself. I need a goal, and this one’s perfect.”
I shrug. At the end of the day, she can do what she likes.
I couldn’t care less. And though I think the whole thing is a load of crap, at least she’s managed an entire ten minutes without crying.
That’s got to be a record. If a wild plan is what it takes to get her back on her feet, then so be it.
I’m sick and tired of hearing her sniffling away, and if this idea of hers gets her out of my apartment sooner than planned, then I’m all for it.
She sinks back into silence, and I do the same, absent-mindedly picking at the couch, smiling when I hear soft snores floating up from my right.
I have never seen anyone fall asleep that fast. I glance over at her, wondering how the hell I ever agreed to what’s turning out to be the weirdest roommate situation ever.
I want my apartment to myself again, but I have to admit that having her here takes my mind off things.
I whisk the beer out of her hand and turn back to the TV. I’ll wait until the end of the inning, and then head to bed. That’s the plan, anyway.