Chapter 29 Lane #2
I take a deep breath in, rubbing at my eyes. I’ve been pushing back our work sessions, telling him I had too many assignments due, and he looks pissed.
“I’m a student, Cart. I have assignments.” I lean against the doorframe.
“That’s funny, because I haven’t seen you around campus much lately.
Don’t bullshit a bullshitter. I know you like I know my own dick—you can fool the others, but I’m not buying it.
” He shoves open the door. “You better start talking. Maybe start with the part where Lois has been staying at Becca’s for almost a month now, avoiding everyone—even her friend. ”
“What do you say we just grab a few beers?” I try.
“Hmm, let me think about that.” He pretends to consider. “No. Not when you look as shitty as you do right now.”
“Gee, thanks.”
“You look like you did when your brother died.”
I don’t like talking about Mike’s death with him—or anyone. I know he feels the loss as sharply as I do, but he’s so much more resilient than I am—every time we go there, I end up feeling small.
“You know me—what’s the big deal?”
“The big deal is you were solid for a while. Then shit started getting weird again when you met Lois.”
The sound of her name makes me wince.
“So that’s it!” he crows. “Listen, buddy—you can playact in front of the others, but that shit doesn’t work with me.”
“What are you even talking about?”
“You guys lived together for a few months. So it makes sense that your rela—”
“Dude, enough,” I snap. “There was no relationship. It was supposed to be temporary, remember? Now she’s gone, and it’s better that way.”
“You sure about that?”
“She was all up in my face…”
I start churning out the sentences, the same words I spat Lois’s way that fateful day. Hearing myself now, the excuses sound alien.
“Lane, come on.” He eyes me. “Tell me what really happened.”
My pulse is racing. And despite everything, the words come spilling out of me. I need Cart to understand why I reacted the way I did.
“Tell me you gave her a chance to explain what she was doing in Mike’s room, at least?” he interrupts.
I don’t answer.
“Lane?” he warns.
“She had no fucking right to be in that room!” I kick the chair between us. “I gave her a place to crash—I didn’t have to do that!”
“Is that what you told her? Because if you did, then you’re a bigger asshole than I thought. You might not see it this way, but she’s your friend.”
“I don’t give a fuck. She had no right.”
“And how is she supposed to know that, you ass? Of course she assumed she could move into that room.”
No way. I remember exactly what I told her—I mentioned my desk, and my closet.
“In all the time she stayed at my place, I never mentioned that room once. Not once.”
“I mean it’s not like the door was covered with police tape and a big red ‘NO ENTRY’ sign, right?” Carter snorts. “She spent months here—of course she fucking noticed it. And if you never mentioned it to her, you must have said something that made her think you meant that room.”
“No. I know I didn’t.”
“Did you guys sleep together?”
I stare at him in silence. What’s the point in denying it anymore?
“Fuck.” He stares up at the ceiling. “Laney, you guys need to talk. Enough with the bullshit. It’s like you’ve built it into this crazy-ass secret, and it’s fucking stupid. Your brother died, okay? It was a tragedy, and it wasn’t fair. But—”
“I lost my shit because she was all up in my space. Everywhere, Cart.” I fling my arms in the air. “She was all over my life. First, on the anniversary of Mike’s death. Then Christmas, and the final straw was his room. She was fucking everywhere.”
“Oh, what a heartless bitch!” He throws his hands up.
“She was the first person to drag you out of your shitty little life. She was a breath of fresh air when you needed it most—it must have been so, so hard for you!” He shakes his head, raking his hands through his hair.
“You’re such a loser, Lane. And stubborn as fuck, too. ”
I let it sink in, taken aback. I knew he’d go hard on me, but I wasn’t expecting this.
“You know what your problem is?” He glares at me. “Lois is the only girl who ever made you feel good. And you’re projecting all the shit you can’t handle onto her, so you don’t have to deal with your feelings.”
“I don’t have any feelings—”
“For her? I don’t believe that for a fucking second.
Look at you! But you know what? Whatever, man.
” He shrugs. “This is your problem—not mine. Once you get over yourself, maybe you can do a little soul-searching.” He takes a step toward me.
“But if you were an asshole to her—which I get the feeling you were—my advice is go find her, and tell her you’re sorry.
She’s a nice girl, Lane. And you know I’ve always got your back. But not this time.”
I stare at him.
“And honestly? The whole ‘sleeping on the couch’ thing? Yeah—that needs to stop. What were you thinking, making her live like that?”
I stand there, frozen in place. He seems to be saying the couch is like a punishment, but I just wanted her to keep on living here, and…
“Shit…”
“Yeah,” he drawls. “Shit.”
He claps a hand on my shoulder.
Once he leaves, I stand there for a second, stunned.
Before I know it, I’m pulling on my jacket and heading to my car, racing down the streets and all the way to campus, where I pull up outside the place I’ve forced Lois to call home now.
Carter is right. I need to apologize. I’m not sure I’ll be able to say everything I need to say in one go, but I should never have treated her that way. I know that now.
I knock on the door a few times. No answer.
If I leave now, I’m scared I won’t have the balls to come back and try again, and so I sit on the stairs and wait.
I’m like Lois, all those months back, when Kirk had just dumped her.
Except I’m not so patient. Two hours and a few failed calls later, I head back down to the parking lot, and just as I’m about to get back in my car, I spot her.
“Lois!”
She nearly trips when she hears me, and I stride over, taking in big gulps of air as I go.
“Can we get a coffee?”
She blinks a few times, raising her eyebrows, parting her lips to speak.
“I’ve been thinking, and I—”
“Nope.”
Sharp, decisive. One little word cuts the breath out of me. She didn’t even have to think twice.
“N-no?” I stammer.
“Nope.”
She turns on her heel and walks away. I was expecting a whole other situation, and I suddenly realize just how bad I’ve hurt her.
I rush back home and fling open my laptop as soon as I step through the front door.
The thing. That thing I couldn’t quite grasp, the idea hovering somewhere beyond my reach—now I get it.
Now I know what it is. It’s the part where I fucked everything up.
I rewrite the moment, piecing it back together.
In this version, there’s no yelling, no red mist—just me calmly telling her everything that room means to me.
Getting it all down on paper is freeing, but as I move on to the next scene, the blank page stares back at me.
How do I write the part where she reacts, now that Lois is gone for good?