Chapter 4 – Sera
Chapter Four
SERA
Present
“Absolutely not. Have you lost your godsdamned mind?” I practically shriek at Rae when she corners me in her rooms.
She shrugs, looking almost penitent. “I can’t leave you here alone. Kian and Alex will be traveling to Maardune while I’m in Celestia, and I worry that something could happen to you here.”
I snort. “It’s not like you’re watching over me every night to see what I’m up to when the swan takes over.”
“Not that you know of,” Rae mutters.
“Excuse me?” I gape.
“Kian, Alex, and I have taken shifts watching out for you every night since we got back,” she says like it’s no big deal.
“You’ve been doing this for weeks?” I gasp. “Whatever in the realms for?”
Rae reaches for my hand and squeezes. “We’re worried about you, Sera.
If you left and never returned . . . Hells, it’s basically my fault you’re in this state to begin with.
What if some creature took off with you in the middle of the night?
You don’t exactly have the best track record with beasts, you know. ”
My skin prickles unpleasantly at the memory of the beautiful, treacherous lake down south, where a large sea creature almost drowned me while I bathed. “I don’t know if I should be angry or touched that you’re all spying on me every night.”
“Hopefully you can just accept that we care. Who do you think has been leaving you stashes of clothing and blankets throughout the garden?”
I tilt my head. “Uh, I assumed the gardeners found my discarded clothes and set them aside? Now I feel dumb.”
Rae lets out a chuckle. “You can thank Alex for the idea. He wanted to make sure you’d always have something nearby to put on when you transformed back.”
“Well that explains all the times I’ve woken wrapped in a blanket.” My face flushes at the thought of Alex seeing me naked . . . again. “I am grateful to you for looking out for me. Though occasionally I do wish some beast would carry me off and put me out of this misery.”
“Sera!” Rae exclaims. “Do you really feel that way?”
I shrug. “Sometimes. I’ve been here in this realm so long.
I miss Lunesai—my home realm. I miss the people I’ve lost, and as much as I love you, it hurts thinking about going through another cycle of loss.
Sure, you’re not going anywhere with your fresh immortality, but have you ever thought about what it will be like to watch everyone you love grow old and die while you essentially remain the same? ”
Rae frowns. “I suppose I haven’t truly contemplated all of that. Do you think I’ll be forever frozen in this state?”
“Well, you saw the gods Luna and Kyros. I imagine they didn’t appear much older than you do right now.”
Rae purses her lips. “Well, now I feel foolish for not really considering all the implications of my godhood.”
“I didn’t mean to be depressing,” I say. “I realize this is still new for you. Have you discussed with Kian what it means for the two of you?”
“Not really. We’ve been too busy enjoying each other.” She flushes beet red.
I grin. If the sounds I’ve heard are any indication, she’s one lucky goddess. “I don’t blame you. I’m sure he has skills where that’s concerned.”
“Sera!” Rae squeaks, throwing a pillow at me, which I easily duck away from.
“Well, regardless, I figured if anything, you would find a way to make him immortal.”
Rae shakes her head. “I guess that depends on whether he wants to spend forever with me.”
“Of course he does,” I chastise. “Anyone can see how devoted he is to you. I’m still surprised it took you so long to realize it. The poor fool has been lost for you since the day he set eyes on you.”
“Yeah, but can you really blame me for not noticing? I had quite a bit going on.” Rae gives me a tight smile.
I snort. “No kidding. But either way, it’s not like you can make the entire realm immortal. People will grow old and leave you behind.” My thoughts drift to Ginny and Rodger.
“Who have you lost?” Rae asks, as if reading my mind.
“How much time do you have?” I sigh.
“All the time in the realm.” Rae smiles, then the grumble of her stomach makes us laugh. “Well, maybe not all the time. I’m starving.”
“Should I go fetch some lunch for you?” I ask.
“I’ve got it,” Rae says, jumping to her feet to pull the bell. “Giles can bring food up.”
“Gods forbid he sees me sitting here idly with you,” I groan, thinking about Kian’s stern-faced valet.
“You’re assisting me,” Rae says. “Let him complain and watch how far he gets.”
I reach for the mending basket and grab a shirt out of it, needing to do something with my hands. “If you say so.”
I get to work stitching together one of Rae’s tunics.
I keep finding them sliced in two. Good for her.
My shoulders sag as the longing for companionship fills me, the longing to find a little release.
I don’t even need someone to be in love with, but I wouldn’t say no to some fun.
Unbidden, my thoughts drift to Alex and his large hands, those hazel eyes that remind me of the forest back home.
“What in the realms are you thinking about?” Rae interrupts my thoughts, a knowing glint in her eyes.
It takes all of my self-control not to let a flush overtake my face. Stop thinking about Alex, I chide myself.
“Nothing in particular,” I say.
Rae waves a hand nonchalantly. “Okay, so please. I want to know more about you now that you can really tell me.”
I pause the mending, dropping the tunic onto my lap. “It’s hard to believe I’ve been here about a hundred years now.”
Rae’s eyes almost bug out of her face. “A hundred? How old are you?”
I laugh. “Not that old, but clearly older than you thought.”
“You don’t say,” Rae quips. “Wait, how did you hide your age? You looked so much younger when we met.”
“Glamours are a wonderful thing . . . or a not so wonderful thing, I suppose,” I reply. “I’ve been hiding myself for so long, I hardly even realize I’m doing it. Fae age much slower than humans.”
Rae nods with interest for me to continue.
“I looked younger when I first came to this realm, but because of the whole immortal thing, I’ve had to move around a little to keep my secret hidden.”
“So the family you live with now is not the family that took you in?” Rae asks.
“Yes and no.”
How do I tell Rae that this story hurts? But I suppose it ought to be told. They deserve to be remembered, even if it’s painful.
“Well? Explain!”
“Ginny and Rodger found me when I landed in your realm a century ago,” I answer. They were the sweetest couple and accepted me without question.”
“So they knew you were fae?”
“Yes. They also helped me learn the language. While I do speak the common tongue taught for trade, it’s evolved over the many years the realms have been closed and not something they were familiar with. It was quite comical learning to communicate at first,” I say with a fond smile.
“I can imagine!” Rae replies. “I bet it was scary not knowing if they’d accept you. I’m so glad they helped you.”
“Me too,” I nod. “I didn’t know where I was when I first got here or if fae were welcome.
I quickly learned my heritage was best kept under wraps for my own protection.
I didn’t want to be a curiosity or used.
Ginny and Rodger had a daughter, Felicity.
She was just a wee babe when I met her, but I cared for her like she was my little sister. ”
“Is she still alive?” Rae asks.
“She passed maybe twenty years ago,” I say sadly. “Her son is my current ‘father’ for all intents and purposes. He’s the one I’ve been caring for in my spare time.”
“Is that weird for you?” Rae asks.
“It’s definitely odd when you consider that I bathed him as a lad,” I chuckle before sobering. “I don’t know how much time he has left. He’s been struggling ever since he injured his leg and was unable to work. I feel responsible for him. I need to make sure he’s taken care of.”
“When do you even have time to care for him? I could swear you’re always working.”
“I don’t get out there nearly as much as I’d like. He has two sons, but I try to run into Elsmont a few times a week and on my days off. I do take breaks.” I nudge her knee with my own.
Rae laughs. “Well, I’m glad to hear that. You can always take more if you need it.”
“I appreciate that.”
“Now forgive me for prying, but I am so curious as to how your family keeps your secret. Do they just pass it down from generation to generation with no question?”
“It’s a little more complicated than that,” I admit.
“Felicity knew what I was, but her children do not. It got too risky. I moved away for almost forty years, and when I returned, her son Johnny thought me some distant orphaned cousin. His mother raised him with such kindness, he took me in as a daughter. He doesn’t remember me from his childhood, or if he does, he’s never said anything. ”
“Wow, that is so damned complicated,” Rae says. “And sounds so incredibly lonely.”
“You’re not wrong. It’s very difficult not knowing how long I can stay somewhere before people get suspicious. I’ve had to change my name over the years, though I was foolish enough to reveal my true name to Johnny. Perhaps I was tired of not being fully known.”
“Foolish because of what my father did?”
I nod.
“Is Sera your true name?”
“As you now know, true names have power over the fae here,” I admit. “But Sera is part of my true name.”
Rae nods. “It suits you. It’s hard to imagine you going by something else.”
“You’re not going to ask for my name?”
Rae drops her smile, looking solemn. “That is yours to give, only if and when you desire to. I would never ask that of you. You’ve given enough.”
“I need you to stop acting like I did some noble thing for you. I betrayed your trust, helped keep you weak, shared your location and plan with those who wished to harm you. Taking on the curse to free you was quite literally the least I could have done. I owe you far more.”
Tears glisten in Rae’s eyes. “Sera, at some point, you are going to have to forgive yourself. I already have.”